My First Gay Experience

It seems strange to talk about it now — to take something so private and place it in such a public forum — particularly since I have lived my life as a straight man.  Keeping it secret is so important, but when I was younger I did have a Novice Gay Experience!!!  I imagine I must have been about sixteen, and had worked out that I was gay. Dwayne was nearly fifteen — we went to school together, although he was in a different year. We met at a at a school function.

He was everything that I didn’t feel I could me: confident, athletic, attractive and openly gay. I had been introverted, shy and in complete denial to my sexual preferences as I still am now … it was an upper class all-boys’ school and being gay was not really an option for me. I tried to keep out of everyone’s way, that way now would notice me and no-one would question what I was about. No one knew, but my reticence and retiring nature were apparently as worthy of derision.

Dwayne, I guess because he was younger than I was, didn’t have any of these preconceptions, hang-ups or false pretenses.  When he was around I felt more confident. He treated me like a human being and it was fun and completely liberating to be around him.  I was vulnerable and desperate for some form of affirmation that my true feeling were not bad. It was inevitable that I should fall for him.

The next year there was a school trip to Holland, and we both went.  There I developed a major crush on him and he showed me by his actions that he was interested in me. I still see him in my mind now and feel an astonishing fondness for him.  I didn’t really think it would happen but — even as I have become entirely comfortable with him on the holiday and our form of ‘gay dating’ that was soon to become more.  First we started exploring Amsterdam, walking along the lovely canals – we even took a boat trip in one of the glass roofed boats.  It was fun, invigorating – a new way of life was opening up.

Photo: Gay Men

At first we continued with the pretense that we were just two guy exploring a lovely Dutch city but it was obvious that a closeness and bond was developing between us.  The accidental brush each others hands that seemed to linger a few more seconds than normal.  The electricity that we felt when we were near each other.  The sun seemed to shine brighter on those spring mornings, the birds sang more clearly.  It was obvious to us both that we were not just good friend but we were falling in love.

I was a shy gay man wanting to pick up. I wasn’t sociable, and I found meeting people difficult. Yet, I was still young and very horny. What did I have to lose, and I was still horny. In a relationship, I had no idea what to expect, what were the rules or what would happen. We hired a hotel room together. I sat on a couch next to him. Then a hand rubbed my crotch, and before I could blink there was fumbling at my jeans and my raging hard on was in his mouth. Exhilarating. For a few seconds I couldn’t care about my hang ups. His mouth was so soft, warm and wet and he flicked his tongue around with practiced ease. I wanted this guy. My cock wanted this guy.

Sensing my discomfort, he grabbed my hand and led me away from the bench We both lied down and I began to stroker his hard on from his shorts. I couldn’t drop to my knees fast enough. My hands started caressing a surprisingly thick cock before I wrapped my hungry mouth around it. A slight moan escaped both of us and he lent against the tree as I went to town, leaving no skin dry and UN-licked. Hands sliding up against firm muscles and I tweaked his nipples for some nipple play. He turned on the TV and turned it to a channel to watch some hot gay porn movies. I was really enjoying my first time at the beat, and all I could think at the time was satisfying my urge and why I was so naive as to have not done this sooner but now I am a mature gay.

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