Ask Dr. Stacy – How Can I Last Longer In Bed?

Dr Stacy Sexologist

Dr. Stacy is a clinical Sexologist and Certified Sex Coach who monthly answers questions posted by our adultsmart community blog readers.  If you have a question relating to sex that you want answered or further information on please do not hesitate to post your question here!  Please be aware that Dr. Stacy is extremely busy and will choose which questions to answer.  As we now receive more than 1.4 million unique views from readers each year some questions may not be answered.

Stephan

I don’t last  more than 2 minutes in bed.  How can I last longer?

 Premature or early ejaculation is when you are either letting it all out 1-2 minutes or less after the start of intercourse or that you ejaculate faster than you would like. What is normal?  How long are you supposed to last? These are commons questions and concerns that many men have.  Studies have shown that most men ejaculate 3-5 minutes after penetration. There are a couple of ways you can work at improving the ability to last longer.  One is the squeeze technique by Masters & Johnson.

When you are erect, squeeze the tip of the penis where the skin joins with the tip of the penis (frenulum). Use your thumb to squeeze the frenulum against your index finger. The squeeze should last about 10-15 seconds but make sure not to squeeze too hard where it becomes painful. For this technique to work, you need to be able to feel that you are approaching the point of no return, the point beyond which you can’t control ejaculation. When you are about to reach that point, you or your partner can squeeze and then start again.

The next technique is the stop-start method.  You can do this one alone if you want to practice without your partner but it is something that is also helpful to do with your partner once you can perfect it on your own.  Once you become stimulated, before you hit the point of no return, stop what you are doing, rest for 30-60 seconds and then start stimulating again but don’t allow yourself to get to that point of inevitability. Repeat this cycle 5-6 times before allowing yourself to ejaculate.  If you are by yourself, you can finish by masturbating or if with a partner you can have penetrative intercourse and allow yourself to finish.  There are a few ways you can masturbate to practice on your own by going from using a dry hand (being gentle), then a wet hand with some sort of lotion or lube and then work your way to intercourse.

These are a couple ideas to help with early ejaculation but you can also look up Kegel exercises online which help strengthen the muscles in the pelvis to be able to control the urge to ejaculate easier. There may be more to your situation if you have a partner that is not helpful, rushing you to finish or is not open sexually so if these ideas don’t work and you need some coaching to look deeper into your situation as to what is going on, please contact me at www.DrStacy.org

Premature ejaculation device competition 2
Image: Prolong Climax Control Training Program Pinterest Competition 2 – Click on image for details

 

Len

Are urethral sounds safe to use?

First thing to know…what exactly is a urethral sound? It is a device made to enter the urethra for medical purposes or for sexual play. They can be hard or soft and usually inserted halfway into the opening of the penis so they can be easily retrieved. Some items, such as catheters, can be put in deeper to penetrate the bladder so depending on what the person is looking for, there is something for both. There are two reasons someone may want to use a urethral sound. One is for physical benefits and one is for the physiological turn on.  The urethra has sensitive nerve endings inside which can be stimulated when the sound is used and if you go deep enough with the sound in the penis you may have the ability to do a prostate massage.

Urethral sounding does come with risks.  If using toys specifically for that purpose and used correctly it can be safe since they are designed specifically for the purpose of sexual play and to not hurt but if using something not made for sounding you risk infection, bleeding and pain.  Get something high quality, use a sterile lube and go slow.  If you don’t have patience you can cause damage so it is important that if you want to try urethral sounding that you take your time and get the right products.

Readers please comment on this segment or contact Dr. Stacy Direct and let her know that her professional advice segment is on that is valued by our adult community.

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Would you like free professional advice from a Clinical Sexologist & Certified Sex Coach? Dr. Stacy Friedman may answer your question for FREE in a featured article on Adultsmart’s Blog! If you would like to send in a question please email askasexologist@gmail.com.

5 Self Loving Ways To Warm Up This Winter

Cuddling with a winter lover

Winter is somewhat of a difficult time of year for me. I feel almost selfish discussing this topic knowing that friends in parts of the world such as Sweden and Germany would scoff hearing me complain about 12 degree Celsius days. Nonetheless, once the mercury drops below 20 degrees, I cannot help but turn into a winey, whingey, depressed shadow of a human. So, before I go into a deep dark hole of despair brought on by the cold weather, I feel it is a healthy step to take to focus on the positives of this time of year. Here’s my list of winter pros that I searched high and low to come up with:

Sleep and more specifically sleep next to someone

Sleeping and sleeping next to someone is much more enjoyable in these cold dreary months. Gone are the days of my single life and never have I been more grateful to go to bed with a beautiful man every night as I do now. As you could imagine, sharing your bed with a man in those hot summer months is only good for one thing. Attempting to snuggle and sleep close to one another is a sticky, sweaty nightmare! With the arrival of these cold days, I can’t wait to get close to him if only so my frozen feet defrost. Provided he doesn’t steal the blankets in the middle of the night, winter nights are blissful these days.

Couples sex during winter
Image: Couples sex

More opportunities for sex and intimacy

Times otherwise spent going to the beach and having a beer at the pub are now occupied by snuggling up next to the fire with a glass of red. Romantic right? When the cold draws you away from outdoor activities, see it as an opportunity to get cuddled up in bed, warm up with your favourite sex toys that you haven’t used in a while or whip out the rope with your partner for some bondage next to the fire. Try out some bondage roleplay ideas for the bedroom to. It is sure to heat things up inside and is a sexy way to keep yourself entertained for an afternoon.

Talking about sex and winter
Image: Sex and intimacy

Self-love and inquiry

Winter is a great time to be getting to know yourself by retreating inward. Withdrawing from the world is necessary every once and a while, with quiet time on our own a way of coming back to ourselves. Our busy lifestyles mean that we rarely take an opportunity to check in with ourselves and what matters to us. Winter time is a great time to go inward and give ourselves some much needed tender loving care. Having a bath, getting a massage, journaling, reflecting on our dreams and desires or even just being still are perfect experiences to give ourselves this time of the year.

Better sex with winter food
Image: Winter food

Eating delicious foods

My appetite seems to sky rocket in winter so nourishing myself with warm and scrumptious meals in winter is the ultimate in self-care. My justification of eating a whole heap more in the cold months of the year is that the amount of shivering I do has to burn some extra calories. Am I right?! Some people may see having a larger appetite as a bad thing but I see it as an excuse to stay in and cook myself something incredible to eat. Treat yo’self I say!

Using yoga for better sex
Image: Slowing down with yoga

Slowing the f**k down

Slowing down for me in winter means saying no to social engagements I’m not a hell yes to. It means doing some light stretching or yoga instead of climbing a mountain. Finding a healthy balance for yin and yang energy in my life is important, with winter a very yin time for me. Yin energy is all about the feminine and diving into this can be very healing for the feminine parts of me that I may have neglected in my faster paced, doing masculine energy. We need healthy balance in our lives otherwise our overall health and wellbeing can be affected.

As you may or may not notice, I’m really beginning to dig the bottom of the barrel now for some pros of winter-especially because I’m shivering from the draft and my chocolate has run out. For this reason, the best thing I can come up with for these cold months is to escape!! Winter is a perfect time of year for a tropical getaway to a location where swimming at the beach isn’t a near-death sentence. For years, I did what I could to get myself to Asia or Europe for a holiday just to avoid waking up in a place where my breath can’t be seen fogging out of my mouth and it was fantastic.

Sex in the cold winter seasons
Image: Worldwide winter sex

I’ve almost forgotten what it is like to be in such weather hence my attempts at consoling myself by writing this article. With nothing to do but stick it out, I think I’ll just spend the remainder of winter time snuggled up inside next to the fire, drinking wine, getting tied up and journaling. Doesn’t sound like the worst way to spend two months if you think about it? See you on the other side… who knows you might even buy naughty bondage restraints and ropes this winter!

Author: Stephanie Curtis, Sexologist

Meet the newest member to our team of experts. Stephanie Curtis is a sexologist with a huge capacity to care. Involved in spirituality and tantra her articles are professional, articulate and interesting. Enjoy Steph’s writings at the adultsmart sexual wellness and health blog.

Lighting Up My Lagging Libido With Keto

Eggplants having sex

The past few years I have gone through a few emotional and confidence rollercoasters, and this year has also come with its own challenges. I have never been a big girl, more along to the lines of curvy/chubby, and confidence tends to be a struggle of mine, as I see myself and am worried that I am bigger than I actually am. As well as this I also recently withheld from sex for almost a year which was cleansing at first but nearing the end it actually reduced my sex drive considerably.

I am unsure of when I crossed the line that sex became scary again, like it was something I had never done before, but I feel as though I am in fact doing things and experiencing things for the very first time again. This could be due to my confidence and a new partner or the fact it’s been such a long time. I decided to look at both aspects and how they work with each other and if diet does affect libido, I have never eaten badly although working shift work has had me consuming more carbs than I normally would. I have always struggled with my sleep, it takes me hours to actually fall asleep and when I do I constantly wake up, sleeping tablets for me are not an option I don’t want to fall back into the cycle of prescription medication if I can help it. Another hurdle is my depression and anxiety constantly rearing its ugly and consuming head, I thought there has to be a better option than just medication that makes you numb.

So, after some research I have come up with a plan of attack to knock out all my worries with one solution I plan to lose weight, sleep better, have a happier mind, and increase my sex drive! I have decided to look at my health, lifestyle, body and mind, and so I am discovering the world of ketosis!

Eating healthy for better sex
Image: Food for better sex

Transitioning your diet from carbs to fat is a game changer if all the reviews are true to their word, but will a ketogenic diet cause my sex drive to plummet or is it the ultimate secret to a better sex life? I want to focus on how life choices with diet, exercise, sleep and confidence impact libido. For me this will be the start of a 30-day journey

First things first I want to explain how dietary fat and sex hormones are connected, it’s surprising to learn that there is even a connection between the two, now here’s something to rock your world, high fat diets lead to an increase in estrogen! A small study found a significant difference in the estrogen levels in women who ate a low-fat diet compared to women who had higher fat diets.  Low levels of estrogen can lead to a lower sex drive and some symptoms such as vaginal dryness and interferences in both your sleep and your mood.

Already I am excited for the next 30 days and I haven’t even started yet!

A little background into the world of hormones and just how they work particularly estradiol and testosterone. The main job of estradiol is to develop the female sex hormone but it’s also has a key role in fat distribution and sexual desire. Who would have guessed that the hormone in charge of our sexual desires was also the one that helps us move fat around our body? As for testosterone although typically seen as a male hormone it is just as important in females, as it helps to produce estrogen, it also impacts the libido. As we females age our hormones have a natural decrease so the last thing we want to do is add to that decrease with the diets we put our bodies through by going low fat instead of low carb!

Did you know that high fat diets can improve testosterone in men! Drops in testosterone can lead to low sex drive and erectile dysfunction as well as a drop-in energy, muscles and hair loss! Some men can also gain weight specifically in the chest area which leads to gynecomastia commonly known as “man boobs”.

All this proves that the fat you eat actually makes a difference in your sex hormones and libido. However, I’m not saying to pick up your closest donut or deep-fried treats those are trans fats and they too can reduce sex drive in both men and women. Trans fats can cause abnormal sperm production in men and women may have trouble with gestation.

Its monounsaturated and polyunsaturated fats that you want to focus on that can improve your sex drive, help you to lose weight and also make your mind happier.

My aim in this journey is to concentrate on my confidence and sex drive. The extra weight I will lose will be a bonus! When you look good you feel good!

When you’re a close fit and a little snugger, this not only causes insecurities on the inside but also affects your sexual confidence in the bedroom and you’re less likely to be in the mood especially when you have to bare it all.

Keto is a high healthy fat, moderate protein and low carb diet that tackles all the issues in one go. Losing weight is only the start of the journey. Keto will help improve your hormone’s natural balance and increase your sex drive which your partner will be thanking their lucky stars for because your confidence in the bedroom will sky rocket!

Food for a better sex drive

Food is your best friend with the keto diet and these 11 health foods will help boost your sex drive for men and women!

Keto diet for sexual arousal
Image: Keto diet
  • Blackberries
  • Blueberries
  • Broccoli
  • Dark chocolate (as close to 100% cacao to be low carb)
  • Eggs
  • Pumpkin seeds
  • Salmon
  • Sardines
  • Spinach
  • Steak
  • Tuna

Food that negatively impacts the sex drive

If you’re wondering about the foods that cause your sex drive to decline, then these are the foods to avoid or limit.

  • Dairy
  • Processed foods
  • Sugary drinks
  • High carb food especially food that has been fried

Do you want to improve your sex drive?

Well, what are you waiting for! Come on this journey with me! If you’re new to the keto way of life you will need to give your sex drive some time. But by reducing your alcohol consumption, increasing your healthy fat intake by adding those 11 libido-boosting foods that I mentioned before into your meals and also lowing your carb intake you will be on the path for orgasmic results! The initial stages are always the hardest but keep in your mind the advantages of the end goal to push you through, so don’t kiss your sex drive and confidence goodbye put a little kick in your step and start your keto journey! I’ll be back soon with my results! There is also a wide range of adult products for better sex to help in the mean time!

Morgan x

Author: Morgan is a consultant from Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Centres

Although relatively young Morgan has lived a life filled with experiences that have made her grow as a person. She has completed and is a product and interior designer who is a strong believer in equality between sexes and speaks out against violence. Working in the adult industry has allowed her to grow as a person and come out of her emotional and sexual shell.

InnovaDerma A Leader In The Manufacturing And Marketing Of Clinically Proven Products!

InnovaDerma Haris Chaudhry

InnovaDerma came into being from the founding brainchild of Haris Chaudhry (Executive Chairman) in 2013 a Melbourne born Australian entrepreneur who made its headquarters in London.   It became a Public Limited Company on the London Stock Exchange in 2016 and the French Stock Exchange. Registered as public companies and with offices in France and Australia they are a market leader in evidence based products in the health care category.

Being a serial business developer over his career spanning some 17 years he has worked in various high profile companies until branching out on his own to take advantage of business opportunities and develop existing ones across the world.  His acquisitions commenced with Skinny Tan and now include the brands Charles + Lee, Stevie K Cosmetics, Leimo, Roots and now PROLONG the only FDA approved medical device used as a solution to treat premature ejaculation with a six week training program designed to control a man’s sexual climax.

Prolong’s clinical trials and studies

With proven results backed up by independent clinical trials the Prolong Device is the only PROVEN method that is FDA approved for treatment of premature ejaculation in men.  The clinical trials and studies brought forward the following results (Courtesy of Smiling Dick):

 

  • Prolong was trialed on lifelong sufferers of premature ejaculation (who failed to respond to selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor – antidepressants used to treat P.E.). 73% of men who failed on antidepressants and dapoxetine improved with Prolong, and improved even further six months down the line.
  • The first trial indicated a median increase in time to ejaculation of three minutes.
  • The second trial indicated a median increase in time to ejaculation from 48 seconds (0.8 minutes) to 8 minutes and 48 seconds (8.8 minutes) on average in 61% of men.
  • Compared to delayed time to ejaculation from 48 seconds (0.8 minutes) to 2 minutes and 36 seconds (2.6 minutes) in 40% of men having the Gold Standard treatment (CBT).
  • Benefits of using Prolong began at week 1, reaching their max at week 6 of the program.
  • Benefits in those who improved continued for at least 3 months after stopping the program.
  • The Prolong Climax Control Training Program was found to improve all aspects of sexual satisfaction. From initiating sex, to frequency, enjoyment of intercourse and even communication between the couple. This was measured by the GRISS questionnaire (Cambridge University) with a high (8.5 out of 10) user satisfaction and no side effects in a recent independent study.
  • The study even showed an overall improvement for distress like anxiety, depression, and parameters of sexual satisfaction such as sexual function and sexual relationship. This was found by comparing pre-treatment and end-of-treatment scores for completed BAI, BDI-II and GRISS questionnaires.

Studies undertaken by:

  • Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy (2013): Evaluation of a behavioral treatment intervention for premature ejaculation using a hand-held stimulating device, Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy.
  • Independent clinical trial, 2013, UK: Conducted on 33 males where the Prolong prototype was used in conjunction with the “Start-Stop Technique” at least three times per week for a total of six weeks. The data was evaluated using descriptive statistics including mean, median, 95% confidence interval (CI) and change from pre-treatment (baseline) to end of treatment.
  • Independent study, 2013, Department of Psychology and Logopedics, Abo Akademi University, Finland: Conducted on eleven Finnish men (33-65yrs) previously diagnosed with lifelong PE. All subjects had stopped using SSRI’s at least six months prior to enrolling in study due to poor results or side effects. Results were collected on a five-point Likert scale.

The Prolong device is available and licensed in the United States, United Kingdom, Canada, Australia, Europe and in total 32 countries globally.  The training program was developed by Dr. Andy Zama a medical director and psychiatrist at the London Psychiatry Centre and Tessa Fane A Harley Street psychotherapist.

The prolong device is regsitered both with the FDA and TGA as an approved medical device the TGA listing its purpose as:

“The PROLONG™ device is used as part of a climax control program for males who suffer from premature ejaculation. It is designed to increase the time between arousal and ejaculation through the use of the training sessions using the stimulating vibratory effects of the device on the penis as part of the “Start-Stop” technique. PROLONG™ is intended to be available as an over the-counter device as part of and in a procedure pack which includes the PROLONG™ lubricant. The PROLONG™ device could also be used standalone, without the PROLONG™ lubricant.”

Win 1 of 3 Prolong Climax Control Training Program valued $299!

Adultsmart is proud to be able to offer three Prolong Climax Control Systems in conjunction with InnovaDerm and Smiling Dick valued at AUD $299 each. Anyone can enter by simply commenting on, or liking the giveaway offers that will be drawn:

Adultsmart has completed an in depth review of the Prolong Climax Control System.

Prolong is the answer to premature ejaculation problems – It’s an FDA and TGA approved Prolong Medical Device!

Get 10% off the Prolong Climax Control Training Program today!

If you don’t want to wait for the Prolong Climax Control Training Program competition to end. Be sure to check out the Smiling Dick website and use the coupon code “ADULTSMART” to get a 10% discount!!

Website: Smiling Dick

Discount code: ADULTSMART

Is it time to enjoy better sex, greater control and more confidence? Then you should definitely give Prolong a try.  You can get some, with Prolong!

Shop for premature ejaculation products

Andrew is right into the Fet Lifestyle and enjoys BDSM. He has written about these subjects in many arena’s and is an expert at Shibari. He shares his knowledge by working with Adultsmart a sex toy store. Enjoy the descriptive and educational articles he has written.

4 Ways To Fight Old School Sex Views

Sex and anger management

I recently came across a YouTube video of a woman discussing gender fluidity and the controversy of a subgroup of people wearing a different bracelet every day to indicate which gender they identify with that day. The intention behind wearing the bracelet was to let the people in their lives know what gender they should refer to that person and she was debating why this was a bad idea.

Now I honestly couldn’t get into the video as I was distracted by the thought that there are so many people out there quick to make comment on why someone does something they don’t agree with or why a certain way is good or bad. Our culture has become so analytical about the way others live their lives which I believe takes away from the daunting and sometimes painful task of looking at ourselves and why we harbour judgements towards others in the first place. I believe that the amount of negative energy we invest into other people-either in the form of blame, anger, shaming, being jealous of or just being cruel towards-could at times be an attempt at offloading the negativity we put onto ourselves.

Difficult sexual lifestyle discussions
Image: Confrontational discussions

I am realistic enough to know that we cannot make our judgements of others disappear. In fact, being judgmental is a trait that once served humans – It was our ability to judge a situation that kept us alive (e.g. Is that lion walking 100 metres away going to run over and kill me?!).  I do however believe if we are to become more loving and compassionate human beings, it’s important to be aware of the judgements we have in regard to how other people choose to express themselves and know how we can ourselves live in integrity without condemning others for their ways.

How to navigate difficult conversations

I completed a Sexual Attitudes Reassessment intensive week for my Sexology degree which was a process of observing and assessing the judgements, opinions and biases we hold towards ourselves and others in a sexological context. Our lecturer told me something so simple yet so profound that changed my approach to all my interactions with others, especially when discussing controversial topics that trigger emotions. He said instead of telling or lecturing, instead of trying hard to make someone see something another way, instead of condemning them for their beliefs and judgements, approach the interaction with a genuine sense of curiosity. Ask them questions about why they feel a certain way about something. Be curious about getting to know the deeper reason behind their opinions.

Sexual attitudes reassessment
Image: Angry confrontation

It seems so easy but to put this into practice takes a great deal of self-awareness and a commitment to avoid emotional reaction. It’s so easy to project your emotions onto someone when they say something that makes us angry, confused or upset because it’s often the only way we know how to behave. To step away from reacting from that place and to dig deep into where they are coming from makes way for greater connection and greater understanding of others in the world. From this place, we practice empathy and compassion for others.

I want to put this into an example so you can understand this more clearly in context. Imagine you are in a conversation with a new friend about legalising gay marriage in Australia and they say something along the lines of “I don’t think they should be allowed. I just don’t understand gays, it’s not natural.” (I have heard this).

Showing empathy and compassion
Image: Practicing empathy and compassion

Depending on your own beliefs and values, reading this alone is likely to trigger an emotional response. It is easy to get angry or upset with that person if you believe in the right to marry for all people regardless of their sexuality and that any sexual preference is acceptable. Yet how you approach this conversation can mean the difference between that person retreating further into their opinion or changing it to a more accepting and less judgmental opinion. With a sense of curiosity, it may involve asking that person why they think that homosexuality is “not natural” or what it is about homosexual people getting married that they don’t like the idea of.

Often people carry outdated ways of thinking throughout their lives from the conditioning of parents, teachers and governments without giving much thought into what is true for them. (Believe it or not, there used to be ads on television warning young people of homosexuals as they were a danger to young children). Just by asking these questions you may be a catalyst for that person expanding their awareness and changing their opinions.

Integrity and courage quote
Image: Integrity quote

There are some points I feel are important to consider when having a conversation with someone whose opinion you do not agree with:

Ask questions

Questions lead to exploration of oneself and just by asking them, you trigger a curiosity and greater self-awareness for that person

See it as an opportunity to grow not a confrontation

A conversation with someone that has a different opinion than you is a perfect chance to practice compassion, open mindedness and acceptance for others. It doesn’t need to turn into a s**tfight!

Be kind. Understand that you are in no way perfect

Uphold your boundaries and avoid conforming to their way of thinking in order to people please yet be sure to maintain an open mind.

Don’t waste energy trying to change people

People are going to live their lives exactly how they desire, all you can do is stay true to yourself and practise love and compassion for others.

Author: Stephanie Curtis, Sexologist

Meet the newest member to our team of experts. Stephanie Curtis is a sexologist with a huge capacity to care. Involved in spirituality and tantra her articles are professional, articulate and interesting. Enjoy Steph’s writings at the adultsmart sexual wellness and health blog.