Sex Education – Male Refractory Period Review!

I love sex. It’s great, it’s fun, it’s intimate, there’s touching, there’s dick, there are mouths and i can go on and on and on about the joys of sex. But – there’s a little secret about sex that unknowingly places a lot of pressure on guys. In university – there was a dude i took home. We’ll call him Dave. Dave wasn’t going to be a forever boy, we both knew that Dave was a fuck boy and there was just some physical sexual attraction that we needed to sweat out. And so we did. Once. Twice. Three times. By the third time, i was almost shooting dry and it was taking a bit of the edge off, but five minutes later – Dave was hard again. And. . . again. Five ejaculations over the course of the afternoon, i don’t even know if i came the last time – but Dave did. He came every single time, and five minutes later he was fucking hard again. Don’t get me wrong, Dave was fun, he was hot, and i enjoyed it. The first time. The second time. Maybe even a little the third time – but then i was done. I was dusted. My dick, my body had had enough. Dave – hadn’t.

Porn might have convinced you at some stage that men are like the little energizer bunnies, they keep going and going and going – but realistically, scientifically, everyone is different. What I’m talking about is the male refractory period – or in layman’s terms, the time between orgasms. After ejaculation, your brain floods your body with hormones and neural signals that tells your body you need to relax, especially the penis – this is why (for the most part) a lot of men will begin to lose their erection shortly after ejaculation. It happens, it’s natural, biologically the body understands that he’s shot his load and that he might have had a chance to achieve reproduction. That’s it. It’s science as to why some guys can keep going, and some just can’t. After ejaculation the males dopamine and testosterone levels drop, while the body is flooded with serotonin and prolactin. The more prolactin produced, the longer it will take for his refractory period to expire. Some guys, like Dave, don’t produce a lot of prolactin, or maybe i just made him extremely horny and aroused – we’ll never know. But what we do know is that there was a difference between our refractory periods and though i was quite stressed at the time for the failing of my body, now i know that it’s all pretty normal.
Aside from our bodies, the Refractory Period is also affected by other factors such as stress, energy levels, drug and alcohol use, and even arousal levels.  Young men in their late teens and early twenties may only need a few minutes, while 30-40 year olds may need an hour or so. So how does this cause stress? Well, it comes to the old adage of when mates are sitting around the table telling each other how much sex they’ve had this week, how many times they banged their partner the night before. The truth is remarkably simple – if you’re happy then that’s all that matters. You shouldn’t try keeping up with the Jones’s (or Dave. Goddamn Dave) you should be going at your own pace. Sure, if you’re experiencing confidence issues, or if you are having problems – here are two changes that you can help you to decrease your male refractory period.

1. Diet

Diet goes a long way to looking after your body. I’m not talking about being athletic, or built, or going to the gym 12 times a day to check out that trainer you’re lusting after. I’m talking about taking care of what you’re putting into your body. If you’re putting in a lot of sugar, high fat/fried/fast food items, then your body is not going to be performing as well, you’ll be stressing it out, and it’ll be working overdrive. This can ultimately affect your energy levels – all of which can affect your refractory period. Alcohol and drug use (recreational and prescription) can also affect your body – so make sure you’re checking these out and making considerations or seeking the advice of a medical professional as to what you’re using.
Sexual Responce Time

2. Arousal

Arousal goes a long way to directly affecting the refractory period. When you’re banging away for a quick fuck and orgasm within a few minutes – you’ve essentially given the body a quick fix. It has no need to be aroused again. But spend an afternoon away frolicking in the bedroom, foreplay – to the point that your dick is dripping and you’re not sure whether you can take anymore and you just desperately need that release – well that high level of arousal is continually pumping hormones into your body which can wash out everything else. Ultimately, a long session of foreplay, teasing, edging, or period of play where you’re not getting release can drastically reduce your refractory period. Plus – it feels great!

Education of Sexual Health for Young Gay Men!

Sexual Health Gay

I’ve spoken before on the failures of the current sexual health education system when it comes to the sexual education of young people. The current system is failing young people that identify as straight, let alone individuals that identify as any other sexual orientation or sexuality. The current system is flawed in that it assumes that the people digesting the content are straight. It assumes that they have sexual relations for biological purposes, and it doesn’t mention or acknowledge the idea of sex for pleasure. This quick guide is not meant to replace that information – but it’s created to facilitate the sexual education of young non-heterosexual men.

Consent

Consent is the most important thing to remember when it comes to being intimate and you should get consent before any type of sexual encounter with everyone involved. Yes, that includes group sex and making sure each individual that will be involved understands what’s about to happen. Consent is more than just yes, or no and it’s extremely important to understand that just because they didn’t say no, doesn’t mean consent was given.

STIs

An STI is a sexually transmitted infection that is passed on from one sexual partner to the other through sexual activity and sexual contact. If you’ve had/have an STI, you’re not dirty – contracting an STI is actually extremely common. The important thing is that you get tested regularly so that it may be treated. STI’s can be shared by:
Skin to skin contact
Vaginal Sex
Anal Sex
Oral Sex
Needles
Contact with body fluids such as blood and semen
While many STI’s have visible symptoms, there are a lot of STI’s that don’t have any symptoms and you may not even be aware that you are carrying it. As such, getting tested is a simple and extremely effective way to make sure that you are STI Free.
What kind of sex is there, and how can you do this safely?
STD
Sexually Transmitted Infections

Oral and Penetrative Sex

You should not engage, or have oral sex if you or your partner has cuts, bumps, or sores around their genitals or their mouth. This could be a sign of infection and can increase the risk of transmitting an STI. When it comes to penetrative sex – defined as the insertion of a body part or toy – inside someone’s vagina, anus, or hole it’s important to note that whilst all involved share some risk, typically, the greater risk applies to the person being inserted – known as the bottom. With the introduction of PrEP, a daily pill taken to prevent HIV there has been a marked increase of other STI’s including chlamydia. It’s important to consider the risk – Yes, PrEP will prevent you from contracting HIV, but it will not prevent the transmission of other STI’s and for a complete spectrum of protection a range of preventative measures can be considered which include the use of Prep and the use of a barrier such as a condom.

Male Condoms (Also outside condoms)

Many young men will be surprised to find that there are a range of diferent sized condoms. That’s certainly not something that they discuss at school. So many young men experience their first condom and they’ll find that it might simply fall off, or be so tight that they can’t feel anything. We have other guides here that will tell you how to correctly fit a condom, but suffice to say if it doesn’t fit right – rest assured that they will make a condom for you. On that note – only wear a single condom at a time, and change it with each sexual activity. If you’re wearing it from oral, to insertion and back to oral – you’ll be wanting to change the condom. You can even use condoms over toys! Say for example you’re both into bottoming and you have the perfect dildo – wrap the dildo shaft in a condom, and then before you use it in someone else, change the condom! Simple. It should be noted that in an ideal situation – you’ll want to be cleaning it as well, just in case.
An important thing to note – it doesn’t matter whether your straight, gay, bisexual (or any other sexuality) nor does it matter if you are male, female, transgender (or any other gender) – there is no sexuality or gender that places you more at risk for STI and other infections. It is the activities that you do, and how risky the sexual behaviour is. There is a very big difference betwen giving someone a handjob, to having regular sex with a monogamous sexual partner, to engaging with bareback sex in the park with recently met men. At the end of the day, you are in control of your body and you choose how much risk to place yourself in. The best preventative care that you can take is understanding your self and your body and to make sure that you and your sexual partners are getting tested. But how do you check in with your sexual partners current health status?
You’re hot, you’re horny and you’ve got a dick as hard as a rock – do you realy need to ask them about their tests? Ideally yes. It can be a quick check in before you meet up with them where you say along the lines of – i was tested two weeks and i came back negative for STI’s, when was your last check? If it’s a regular partner and you’d like to check in with them it can be a little trickier to bring up without making it awkward, but you could approach it like this. Hey, i noticed it’s been a while since i was tested – was wondering if you’d like to come down with me and get tested together? This enforces the idea that you are being responsible and allows them to reveal they were recently tested, or that they’d love to go get tested together.

Every person regardless of sexual identity or orientation deserves the best information that they can get and whilst this doesn’t cover everything it certainly gives you the tool set to begin practicing self-care and taking responsibility for your body.

Up Your Sex Game with Frequent Masturbation

Masturbating Man

Modern-day Australian men are masturbating more than ever before according to a survey conducted by popular online sex toy brand, Lovehoney. It was also established that as many as 21% of men masturbate with a sex toy at least once a week.  Being called a wanker is hardly the insult it used to be especially considering the numerous benefits regular masturbation has, especially as far as boosting your sex life is concerned. By becoming more familiar with the nitty-gritty details of wanking, you will not only be more inclined to polish your pole more regularly but you will also be privy to a whole host of interesting and exciting benefits.

Benefits of masturbation

If you have ever felt even remotely guilty about cranking your shank, don’t.  Frequent masturbation is far more beneficial than anyone has ever imagined. Not only is yanking on the old chain a great stress reliever but it has also been revealed by sex toy brand Tenga that men who masturbate weekly are 10% more confident in their own sexual abilities.  Research further found that men who masturbate more than twice a week are also as much as 12% happier with the intensity of their orgasms.  If these statistics don’t impress you, maybe the fact that no one can fall pregnant or contract a STD from masturbation will. You also don’t need to make awkward late-night trips to the pharmacy or department store for a packet of condoms if the only action you are getting is from your own hand.  Masturbation will always help you relax, make you sleep better and encourage you to be more experimental in the bedroom.

How much masturbation is too much?

If you see yourself as just a ‘regular guy’ chances are you have asked yourself more than once whether you masturbate too much. While pulling wire for 8 hours a day can leave you in severe physical discomfort and may also be severely frowned upon (and illegal) if engaged in publicly, there is no rulebook that determines how often you are allowed to masturbate. As long as your frequent spanking of the monkey does not affect your life adversely in any way, you should be good to go. If you do, however, start noticing that you are staying away from work and withdrawing from your family and friends because of your new-found hobby it is probably best that you put the lube and porn videos away and try to find a real-life sex partner instead.

How to make the most of your masturbation

Masturbation has evolved tremendously over the last few decades.  Long gone are the days where a quick early-morning session in your room or bathroom with a crumpled up Playboy magazine was the norm.  Today, thanks to a plethora of sex movies, books, toys and general loss of inhibitions, men are masturbating more often (and more vigorously) than ever before. Fleshlights, lubes, shower strokers and ball suckers are all the rage right now and can turn any mediocre wanking session into a mind-blowing, self-sexing session.  What you think about while masturbating can also contribute greatly to the overall intensity of your orgasm. According to an article published in Cosmopolitan magazine, 69% of Aussie blokes fantasize about their current partner. A whopping 58% of men also admitted to periodically thinking about an ex while masturbating. In third place, with 57% of men listing it as a wanking inspiration, is good old porn.

Masturbation Facts
Wanking Benefits

What to avoid during masturbation

It comes highly recommended that you refrain from engaging in any dubious masturbation practices that involve toothpaste, heat rub, superglue or freshly-baked apple pie as you will more than likely end up in the ER with very hard-to-explain injuries. It is generally also not a good idea to masturbate in public, at work and at home with other people in the same room. If you still live with your parents you should also avoid wanking on their marital bed as being caught in the act might cause you to be disowned, regardless of how old you are. If you are suddenly overcome with a bout of horneyniss while in an unsuitable domicile, you should try imagining yourself in a rather unfortunate sexual position with a very undesirable partner. Nothing kills the urge to orgasm quite as fast as picturing your best friend’s grandmother in full BDSM kit.

Whether you are a frequent wanker or an occasional one, chances are you could benefit from a few extra masturbating sessions a week. Next time you are online searching for some quality porn order a few sex toys while you add it, put your lube in the fridge and prepare yourself for more frequent self-sexing that will lower your blood pressure, improve your sleep and boost your sex game significantly.

Reconnecting With Your Lover – 7 Experts Share Advice!

Experts Advice

Claudia Six, PhD, Clinical Sexologist & Relationship Coach, www.drsix.net and author of Erotic Integrity.

Claudia Six Phd
Photo: Claudia Six

When sex fades in a relationship, happens less and less frequently to not at all, there’s a very good reason why. When things get gummed up in bed, there’s always a way that it makes perfect sense. You can try tricks and toys, but you also need to open your mouth, and talk – to each other, not your best friend.

Talk about what sex represents for you (connection, release, a way to get to sleep, a spiritual event…). It’s ok if you have different answers – you’re different people.

Ask each other what you haven’t been saying, the stuff you’ve been afraid to tell your partner because you didn’t want to hurt their feelings. This is the time to be candid. Having difficult conversations actually has the most potential to boost intimacy and eroticism in a relationship.

Cassie Wolfe, PhD, Licensed Clinical Social Worker & Sex Therapist

Photo: Cassie Wolfe

Communicate. Communicate. Communicate.  Your needs are important and valued.  It is common for life, work, stress, anxiety, having children, differing work schedules, etc. to get in the way.  Make having a connection with your partner/s/ a priority, even if that means actually scheduling a specific time on your calendar.  It’s also normal to have variation in one’s sex drive.  Just remember that some partners experience responsive arousal – meaning they get more excited in the midst of foreplay (which reminds me – FOREPLAY!! Stop rushing and don’t forget FOREPLAY), while some can be more spontaneous.  Focus on the quality over quantity.

Cassie’s Facebook Page

Michelle Roberton

Tantric Counselor
Michelle Roberton
Body Love
Love Activist

Sexual Trauma and Intimacy Expert

Often in our fast pace world we can loose connection with ourselves and our own bodies, let alone our Lovers. Stuck in our heads and goals, our body looses it’s mojo and so too do our relationships.  I feel there are three major keys that firstly support us to be more connected to our self and then those same three keys support us to reconnect with our lover.  We cannot give what we have not got, so it is essential I feel, to connect firstly to self so our connection with our lover has substance and authenticity behind it.

These three keys are:

The breath … immersing into the rhythm of your own breath, not changing it.  Just feeling the rise and fall of your own breath.  If we can intimately know our own breath, we can then intimately breathe with another.  This brings us into the our body, slows us down and brings the second key ; Presence ~ being here and now with our lover and full in our body.   And finally the third key, as we breath we open, we surrender and we become more aware of our senses… the smell of our lover, the touch of their skin, the sound of their breath … the taste of them on our lips.
Simple keys I know … breathe, presence and the senses.  But who ever said sex has to be a performing art or complicated?

Darren Michaels  Flipside

       
Erotic Literature
Erotic Author
2010 IPPY Award Winning Author
Featured guest/contributor on:
Cosmo.com                    AskMen.com
Playboy Radio                Foxnews.com
Match.com                     Galtime.com
Women’s Health   
As the old saying goes “Familiarity breeds contempt”; human beings needs variety and novelty, it is our nature.  When you fall into a routine with someone, these things go away.  One of the best thing about having an intimate partner it just that…intimate knowledge of one another.  You both are already past the awkward beginning stage of a relationship where you are trying to figure out each other’s boundaries.  This is likely well established by now.  Use it to your advantage.  
 
Plan a nice dinner and an adult conversation about this topic.  Men are too ego-fragile to try something for fear of getting shot down, and many women are far more sexually adventurous than their partner will ever know, but don’t outwardly express this.  If you are going to do adult things, you need to have adult conversations as well.
Find out what has been done before and enjoyed, find out what has never done but always wanted to.  Be adults and have the conversation in advance, this will set the stage for a rekindling,and hopefully infusing some new adventure into the mix as well!

Amory Jane

Comedian
Sex Educator
Comedian, variety host, podcaster, producer…

I think touch is extremely important and many people are touch-deprived and out in the world feeling lonely. I don’t think technology is the enemy though – I think it can be used for good to help connect people. However, I do believe that intimacy is something tons of people struggle with, and always being on our phones and computers can make it even harder to be present when we’re face to face. I would advise people to make time every week where they tuck away technology and turn in toward each other. Focus on open and vulnerable communication or interesting intellectual conversations. If you don’t know what to discuss, search online beforehand and print off or write down prompts, and then really listen to each other. I also highly encourage non-sexual touch while talking, like holding hands or cuddling. If you’re with someone where sex is an option and you’re feeling connected in that way, sensually exploring each other’s bodies (without a goal of orgasm) can be wonderful for building and maintaining intimacy.

Walker Thornton

Self Care Consultant
Author And Sex Educator

Public speaker, relationship consultant and author

It’s an experience I’ve had just enough to know it is our most desired way of experiencing sexual intimacy. My best sexual experiences are those where I connect with my partner and we’re both aware of our mutual desire for pleasure. A dance has to have 2 active partners—it’s a give and take. Sex is no different. We learn by listening or sensing another’s body, we adjust accordingly and we flow together. There are plenty of men out there, of all ages, who consider sex as “sticking it in” and getting off. They don’t understand the importance of mutuality, nor do they understand the power of two people equally engaged and actively participating.

Dr. Stacy Friedman

Certified Sex Coach
Clinical Sexologist

Sexpert, Sex Coach, Intimacy Consultant

Want to reconnect sexually with your lover? Get out of your routine and try something different! Many times finding ways to reconnect can be something as easy as bringing in some variety. Have a night filled with learning your partners body, something that I like to call “Exploration Nights”! Our bodies are filled with erogenous zones that are never touched, kissed, licked or loved.  Your body is not just lips, breasts, and genitals as it starts from the head and ends at the toes. Take advantage of slowly touching, massaging, and appreciating the little nooks and crannies that your partner has.  The crease of the elbow, the bend of the knee, the inner arm or the curves of the ankle…these can stimulate nerves and sensations that you never knew you had.  Focus on the idea of feeling pleasure verse the idea of performance where you can enjoy the actual act of connection and intimacy rather than having the experience be all about the ins and outs of intercourse. What exactly does that mean? Being intimate is about being vulnerable and being in the moment.  Take the time to see how your lover reacts to your touch, how they move, the softness of their skin and talk about what you enjoyed the best. When you take the opportunity to just spend time enjoying each other and building the connection, it makes all the difference in your relationship and your sexual connection.  You feel more in tune to your partner, how they feel and react to your touch as well as different things that they may enjoy, now that you took the time to explore. To read more about how to truly build your intimacy on your “Exploration Night”, download your free digital copy of my new Amazon best selling book, “Confessions & Lessons of a Sexpert”, found on www.DrStacyBook.com or for a paperback and Kindle version, you can find it on Amazon.

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Ask Dr. Stacy Friedman – What Is A Chastity Device?

dr. stacy friedman

Every month Dr. Stacy Friedman acclaimed clinical sexologist and certified sex coach answers questions posed by adultsmart readers.  With the ever-growing popularity of forced chastity in relationships this month she has chosen to answer two questions, with the one all encompassing answer.

Brett

Is it becoming more common for women requiring their male to wear chastity devices? Are there studies about males being kept locked in chastity or women requiring it?

 

Maria

Is it safe for a penis to be in the cage for 7 days? How do I start with his orgasm denial? Weekly denial or less?

Chastity Gear
Chastity Devices

I have been receiving quite a few questions regarding chastity devices and cages so I decided to but these two questions together.  Chastity devices or cages for the penis are gaining popularity more so in the kink or BDSM communities. They wear these devices as part of role playing, dom/sub relationships or to intensify their sexual experiences. I do have to say that there aren’t too many studies regarding this subject so it isn’t always easy to find or learn information about it.  It is something that both partners have to agree and that is right for the couple involved.

 

As far as safety of keeping the penis in a cage for 7 days, I highly suggest you start slow and at a minimum and build up to the length of time you are looking for.  Men may have 4-5 erections during the night and you need to be careful the cage isn’t restricted the blood flow or too tight so you don’t cause any nerve damage or discourage blood flow because the skin is getting pinched or the vessels are restricted.  From what I have heard from urologists, it isn’t often that people come to them complaining of problems due to these devices so either people keep quiet or there aren’t many problems that arise from using them.

 

According to Dr. King, a urologist, it is cautioned against any long-term or continuous use of such a device, anything more than four to six hours, if it places any significant compression on the tissue directly. Dr. King states, “Overnight use may still be problematic. Nocturnal/spontaneous erections are hypothesized to exist to encourage blood flow and stretching of the vascular and erectile tissue to keep it healthy and prevent atrophy. Like any other tendon, ligament, or muscle in the body—use it or lose it. I can’t see how preventing these spontaneous nocturnal erections can be healthy. But I can’t prove any long-term damage.”

 

I recommend taking things slow, then build it up to make sure you are safe, experiment and don’t fear this form of foreplay as many find it very intense and stimulating.

 Doctor Stacy’s Contacts –

Facebook: drstacyfriedman

Twitter: @drstacyfriedman

LinkedIn: drstacy

Skype: creatingintimacycoach

Pinterest: drstacyfriedman

As always we look forward to next months answers.  Keep your questions rolling in – unfortunately due to the Doctors hectic work schedule she is only answering a question each month at the moment, so if your is not answered immediately and have patience, it may be in the future…