The BIG Deal With Bodily Fluids?!

Cameron Diaz With Mens Ejaculation

Does anybody remember the Sex & the City episode where Samantha is sleeping with a man who has, as she so eloquently puts it, “the funkiest tasting spunk?” Or the scene in There’s Something About Mary where Ben Stiller’s character has his semen dangling from his ear when met to go on a date with Cameron Diaz – who then uses it as hair gel? I also recall a scene in Superbad where one of the characters is dancing with a girl who is menstruating and is completely disgusted when he gets her blood on his pants. There seems to be a bit of a fascination present in popular culture with bodily fluids, and it’s mostly portrayed in a comedic way that sees semen, blood or vaginal fluids as something to be repulsed by.

Without trying to sound too dramatic or serious, I feel that showing bodily fluids as something unnatural to be avoided doesn’t do much good for people when it comes to their sex lives. I feel this because, quite simply, there’s no avoiding some form of bodily fluids in one way or another when being sexual with someone. If having sex is accompanied with something that we have been taught to be grossed out by then whether we are conscious of it or not, there’s a part of us that is grossed out during sex. The same thing can be said for smell as this is something that many people go to extreme measures to attempt to cover up and conceal.

Many of us carry so much shame when it comes to the way we smell and taste. We are sold products that promise to eradicate all our smells and keep us “clean”. From deodorants and perfumes to scented feminine hygiene products & genital cleansers, we are constantly inundated with the message that something about our bodily functions is wrong and to be avoided.

Woman With Bodily Fluids And Sweat
Photo: Woman Who Is Sweating

Talking with lots of people over the years all from a range of different backgrounds, I have come to see that many people carry some very negative feelings when it comes to their own or another’s fluids and smells. Many women are disgusted to kiss their partner after he goes down on them, many men claim to avoid kissing their partner if she has taken his cum in her mouth, and almost no one enjoys performing cunnilingus on a menstruating woman. I understand that this aversion may be for legitimate reasons when risk is involved (i.e. sexual health reasons) however with our most intimate partners when safety is guaranteed, I believe that it can be healthy to overcome this aversion.

When it comes down to it, we humans are animals and have instinctual primal tendencies that dictate our sexual behaviours and attractions. Pheromones are chemical messengers that are emitted into the environment from the body where they can then activate specific physiological or behavioural responses in other individuals. Whether we are aware of it or not, these pheromones can be what innately attracts us to our partner so for this reason, I say enjoy the tastes & smells as it can be an incredibly sexy bonding experience.

Just like I would encourage people to become familiar with solo self-pleasuring to get to know their own body before being intimate with someone else, I suggest that people give their own bodily fluids a try. Tasting your cum does not make you “gay” gentlemen (as I have heard many times from many men) and you are not going to be harmed from kissing your partner after he performs cunnilingus on you ladies.

It is an interesting thing to notice how people are often ok for their partners to swallow their cum or lick their pussies yet are not ok with the taste themselves. I recommend looking deeper into these aversions and questioning whether it may be something you wish to overcome because nothing compares to having a partner who loves the way you taste & smell!

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I would not be a responsible sexual health educator, sexologist and sex blogger if I didn’t discuss safety & sexual health in the same article as discussing getting comfortable with bodily fluids so here goes. Sexual health screening is vital to ensure effective treatment and/or reduced rates of transmission of sexually transmitted infections (STI’s) & blood borne viruses (BBV’s). Certain contact with bodily fluids such as semen, vaginal secretions and blood can lead to transmission of some STI’s and BBV’s. Fluid bonding (i.e. sharing bodily fluids) in relationships between people who are known to be STI & BBV free means risks are significantly reduced however it is important to remember that exchanging bodily fluids with someone who’s sexual health status is not known carries risks. Exercise caution and use safe sex prevention such as dams and condoms when sexual health status is unknown. (See below for link to sexual health services).

It is so interesting to see how conditioned us humans have become believing that something about our natural state is dirty.  When safety and health are prioritised above all else, I say abandon the belief that our bodily fluids are something to be ashamed of and embrace the magnificence of all that our body does!

Author: Stephanie Curtis- BA Nursing

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Meet the newest member to our team of experts. Stephanie Curtis is a sexologist with a huge capacity to care. Involved in spirituality and tantra her articles are professional, articulate and interesting. Enjoy Steph's writings at the adultsmart sexual wellness and health blog.

#MeToo Fighting Sexual Harassment & Assault!

Hashtag for sexual assault and harrassment

In solidarity with the internet world I am joining the #metoo movement currently happening. Now if you haven’t been online over this past weekend, you might be wondering what the #metoo movement is or what I am talking about? A little over a week ago a major movement began in the Hollywood circle with sexual assault and harassment charges were brought forth by one of the industry’s most notable. These allegations are nothing new, countless incidents have been brought forth against countless people for years and years. What makes this instance so unique is the backing support it has received from women and men around the world who have had enough, in particular Alyssa Milano (Who’s the Boss, Charmed) started a tweet:

Twitter Facebook And Instagram Trending Hashtag
Image: Alyssa Milano’s #MeToo Tweet

 “If all the people who have been sexually harassed or assaulted wrote “Metoo.” as a status, we might give people a sense of the magnitude of the problem. #MeToo”

Hollywood Actress Alyssa Milano
Photo: Alyssa Milano

This tweet has sparked a viral online movement and one that is causing a number of debates amongst its own supporters. I first started seeing this post specifically calling for “Women” who’ve experienced these forms of harassment and assault to come together in solidarity, soon after I started seeing men, women and non-binary identifiers also posting their stories, or simply indicating a #metoo.  For many this is a movement to bring awareness to the harassment and mistreatment of WOMEN that has been swept under the rug for too long. Others are proclaiming this is the opportunity to show that sexual harassment, assault and rape are not just a Women’s issue, but rather everyone’s issue.  1 in 4 girls will be sexually mistreated in some way before they are 18, that same statistic applies to 1 in 6 boys. I’d say this is everyone’s issue and in 2017 when the movement for equality has made more stride than ever before, there’s no better cause to come together for.

Now that you have a little more information about the #metoo trend happening around you, I’d like to take this time to share my experience.

As a man, and for one who grew up in rural Canada surrounded by every hegemonic masculine stereotype you can imagine, I endured physical and mental harassment from peers in school for being different. I personally never gave much thought to sexual harassment and how it would, could and did eventually affect me.

When I was 19 or 20 I had been casually “seeing” a guy for some time, we went to movies, shared dinners etc. On this particular night which happened to be his birthday, he had people over to his condo for drink and celebrations, nothing unusual here. I turned up later than the rest of the guests as I had prior commitments. When I arrived everyone was well into the celebrations, him included. Everyone was full of love and laughter, the night was just like any small birthdays you’ve been to. As the guests levels of intoxication grew the party dwindled down, having arrived later I was leagues behind where this guy was on the drunk meter. As the last guests were leaving, I decided I would head home as well, but first to put this guy to bed. We had been seeing each other for a while and known each other longer; I thought the nice thing to do would be to make sure he was comfortable in bed.  After leading him from a half passed out position on his recliner to his bedroom, his energy level picked right up. The whispers of seduction were pouring from his lips, I playfully laughed it off and told him I was putting him to bed and I would see him the following day (I’m not one for drunk sex). He began kissing me and soon we were horizontal on the bed. I played it off with laughter and repeatedly telling him I was tucking him in and walking home… alone! The seductive moves began to get more forceful with one hand on my wrist and soon followed by the second. Even at this point, pinned to a bed, a man much larger than myself on top, I still didn’t feel like I was in a situation of assault. In my mind he was drunk. I began repeating for him to let me go, admittedly I was laughing and smiling through this. I continued to repeat myself, when his knees began pushing against my legs, still pinned at the wrists and the full weight of this man atop me I began to feel for lack of a better word claustrophobic. It was this feeling at the time that prompted me to use my head. Literally, when he leaned in to kiss my face or neck or wherever he was aiming I threw my forehead into his face. It was like lightning, his grip released my hands and I rolled off the bed in one movement.

I didn’t say a word, I don’t even remember leaving his apartment. I remember walking down the nearly deserted city street walking with as much “unf” as I could muster, it was about a 30 minute walk from his place to mine. To be honest I don’t remember getting home, or what I did with myself. I don’t remember being scared or upset at what had happened. As I said before, in my mind it was the alcohol. I chalked up what had taken place to the results of alcohol.

It wasn’t until the next morning that I found my t shirt with blood splatters across the front.

Perhaps putting the blame on something intangible, kept me and my brain from re living and mentally playing over the events to determine his actual motives.  I didn’t “date” this guy again, I just lost interest.  I never acknowledged within myself that I might have ill feelings towards him or in fact I didn’t think about it again for years.

The effects of that night did dawn on me years later, while dating another person who suffered from alcoholism (I’ve dated some winners). During this relationship after his countless benders he would always end up apologising for this and that, he would always blame it on the alcohol. After a few repeat offences and repeat apologies from this guy I knew it wasn’t the alcohol that lead to this behaviour. The alcohol just lowered the inhibitions that would tell someone “it’s not a good idea”. Alcohol doesn’t make you do things out of nowhere, it just lowers your sense of judgment and inhibitions.

After the later relationship ended I was out at an event in Vancouver and I bumped into “the guy”. All was well until he approached me outside the venue. He began the conversation as if his birthday night was the other day and not years prior. He was apologetic, he was afraid, he was ashamed. I didn’t know how to react, the emotions I was feeling in that moment were too overwhelming and came out of left field. I hadn’t acknowledged my own hurt and here he was exploding his. I did the only thing I knew how to do, and that was to accept his apology as cordially as I could and smiled then answered a fake phone call, told him I needed to take it and proceeded back inside the venue to my friends.

Now years later since all of this has happened and as i reflect on the situation as a whole i am left with more questions. What I should have said to him? Did he deserve that platform to express himself? Did his words bring up more trauma than healing?

No two situations are the same, no two people go through the same emotional process. That is what is so tricky with situations like these, not every matter is black and white. The one thing that is for sure is that your body is yours alone, no one has dominion over it but you.

I have shared my #metoo story along with many others. And I question what good will it do? I might be able to sit here and recount this story, countless others who’ve gone through their own situations may not and that doesn’t make their story any less important or imperative to this movement. No one is entitled to another’s story, nor is anyone obligated to share their story. These are personal offenses and take a personal journey to deal with.

For a personal story about recovering from sexual assault read Morgan’s article “Deciding to Touch”. Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Centre’s are LGBTQI safe spots for people who may be in distress.

Author: Patrick Kriz- BA, Psych (HON)- Human Sexuality

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Patrick Kriz has a Bachelor Degree (Honours) in Psychology - Human Sexuality. Patrick is a wonderful man that has a wealth of knowledge and is happy to share this with those around him. He is articulate, educated and the provider or interesting and educational writings. Having been a regular contributor to this blog for the past couple of months he has consented to add his profile to our ever expanding list of bloggers that provide us with the great content provided to you. We thank all our contributors and authors and a special thanks to Patrick whom we deem to be an expert on all things relating to sexual wellness and adult lifestyle with quality writings. Be sure to follow Patrick on Instagram.

Deciding To Touch – A Personal Story

Sexual Assault Teal Ribbon

*Disclaimer- assault may trigger some readers please be advised*

Here we go, my personal story of how the me of today came to light. Not all of us come into this world of sexual excitement and enticement with a “bang”. A one in which magical arousing confetti erupts into the air as the “to be” most enchanted moment arrives. Some start off with fear, caution, and betrayal, that “thing” that everyone says won’t happen to them happens.

You don’t have to be drunk at a party or be put in a dodgy situation for this to happen, sometimes just walking your dog in a friendly neighbourhood can become a crime scene. We all utter the words “I won’t put myself in that situation for that to happen” but it’s not always our choice.

Choice is my most used word in my vocabulary, choice is the motto of my life. My choices are what got me to where I am today, although that road was a rough ride with many mistakes I am proud to say they were all because I chose.

Not all those who are assaulted go out into the big bad wide world and to put it bluntly “sleep with everything that moves” to fill that void and numb the pain. Don’t get me wrong it works for some but for me, this wasn’t an option I was willing to take. I chose to choose my emotions over my body, and it’s a choice I’ll never regret. The body never forgets and it’s the fault of the mind, simple touches that should be arousing and intimate become triggers for pain and emotion. Flinching is normal, flinching at the most normal touches almost become unbearable. Hugging is a huge one for me, a simple hug is not easy because you are allowing someone into your personal space and your body.

Quote by imom.com
Image: Good Sex Starts With Good Conversation

The body recalls a touch that was once sensual and arousing and turns it into a trigger to shut off and become numb. I chose to handle myself the best way I knew possible, I chose to choose. My first time was taken with scares as a memory every single day. I had to teach myself to feel again, I had to learn to not block out my emotions and to become myself again. I had to learn not to shower five times a day because I constantly felt “dirty” and I had to choose to stop getting embarrassed about a huge scar that runs up an intimate part of my body and warning people to stop them from being shocked by it.

For me, this was a long journey in which I have lost and found myself many many times, but finally, sex became meaningful, intense and powerful. For me, I became more open and willing to try things that before this happened I would have never even considered. I explored myself first, I learnt what I liked about myself and how my body reacted, I learnt to love myself first not in the sense that I liked the way I looked but in the sense that I listened to my body and emotions. My self-discovery is where I learnt to trust my gut feeling and to never let what I went through dictate the rest of my life. I chose to not hate all men but to trust my own instincts, which might I add didn’t have a 100% strike rate! But I learnt and that’s the main thing!

Trust exercises, goals, boundaries these are all the things in therapy you are told to write down and think about. These don’t mean just with a partner these also relate to yourself, and how you build your journey into intimacy. Sexual healing takes patience and don’t ever do something until you are ready for it emotionally and physically. For a very long time my mind and my body were disconnected, every time I chose to have sex I did not enjoy it because my body and mind would constantly disassociate. This was my greatest hurdle because feeling meant triggering “that feeling” and I can’t tell you how many times I burst into tears during and after sex. But each time I did I grew and I evolved and I became stronger!

Loving Couple Hugging
Photo: Couple Touching Each Other Passionately

There are plenty of supportive, understanding partners out there, but there are also people who are going to make you feel like their sexual needs are more important than your safety needs. Being able to address your history on your own timeline, without having to even consider anyone else, is a wonderful benefit. It may take you some time to fully process this experience, and it may continue to surface in surprising and frustrating ways. But don’t let this person steal your chance for joy and intimacy. If you have the desire to learn how to enjoy sex (and again, you don’t have to), you can get there.

My most favourite quote which I tattooed onto my body is “you never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have”.

Learn, grow, feel, and most importantly discover yourself first!

About the author: Morgan is a consultant from Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Centres

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Sexpert is our resident full time sex blogger. Having successfully owned and managed a number of blogs relating to women's lifestyle, she easily blended into her role as chief blogger of the Adultsmart Blog. She is in a long term relationship with her boyfriend. She also runs Good Girl Guide, a sexual lifestyle blog.

Going Commando Changed My Life

Actor Jon Hamm With Visible Penis

Tossing off your underwear can be a really liberating feeling; your “man bits” can finally breathe, they have absolute freedom. It’s easy to see why so many guys want to feel that freedom all the time. (I always picture a man doing the helicopter motion with his penis. I know every lady reading this knows exactly the motion I’m talking about, the one he does when he gets out of the shower.)  No one wants to feel restricted and confined.  There isn’t any medical reason that states you need underwear for support, allowing your testicles and penis bounce around is as natural as anything.

So Why Not Go Ahead And Strip Off Those Undergarments?

Release yourself from the confines of your cotton poly blends!—But you might want to first read the following and consider all the information:

Without that soft layer of underwear, you are left without any protection between the outer layer of your soft skin, the delicacy that is your manhood and the harsh raw fabrics of your outerwear. This raw and rough material can cause some real uncomfortable skin irritations and even rashes. Not to mention if you have just done some “man-scaping”, the chafing can be a real pain with rough scratchy materials rubbing against it!

If going commando is a must for you, a few simple suggestions would be, try applying a thin layer of baby powder or petroleum jelly to your groin area. An even better choice is SuperSlyde which is a Silicone-based Personal Lubricant that’s available from an Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Centre near you! It’ll help to minimise the friction from the outer layer of clothes on your most delicate body parts.

Skinny Jeans and tapered pants like the ones from Calvin Klein, particularly those made from heavier fabrics like denim, may cut into your crotch when you sit down. To make matters worse (or better, depending on how you like it), if your fabric isn’t thick enough or if you’re wearing too light a colour, you will be giving everyone an eyeful of VPL (Visible Penis Lines). To mask these outlines or bulges, wearing wool or heavier cotton pants will mask these visible outlines or VPL.

Famous Actor Jon Hamm Photo
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If you are like most people who normally wear your pants a few or more times between washing them, going commando will mean a wash is almost necessary after each wear. When fabric sits directly next to your skin it makes your pants dirtier obviously, they also get smellier, faster. All the skin cells and body fluids attach themselves to the material they touch. You could wear dry-clean-only fabrics like wool. Pants that are made from heavier, thicker fabrics can usually last longer between washes than lighter, thinner pants due to the make and construction. This, however, will get very pricey!

When you don’t have that extra layer of fabric to absorb moisture around your crotch as underwear does, you will end up with nasty sweat stains; these stains are more visible on lighter fabrics and colours. Trust, you don’t want to be walking down the street with these stains, no matter how much you like attention, not this kind.

Jock itch

I personally think this would be the worst of the outcomes from not wearing underwear. Jock Itch can be a very real and serious skin condition that presents as an itchy, red, ring-shaped rash. This is a rash that occurs when you’re exposed to the fungus. The particular fungi that cause “Jock Itch” live in warm, humid environments just like the inside of your pants after your testicles have been sweating all over them. To fight off this fungus, try to keep your boys dry with just a sprinkle of baby powder or talc in the morning and regularly wash your pants with a chafing or jock itch prevention, you’ll want to sprinkle a dash of baby powder or straight talc on your privates. This will absorb moisture so stains won’t form.

If you do see a stain begin to form on your pants, a great trick to take it out is to, rub a teaspoon of dish detergent mixed with two teaspoons of hydrogen peroxide into the stained area; then wash the garment as you normally do in cool water with your regular detergent.

So this might be obvious, perhaps not? Don’t try on new pants while you are going commando. Some of the faecal bacteria or even the fungi that we have just mentioned you could be carrying can transfer onto the fabrics. In turn, you would be passing these onto anyone else trying on these pants.

So What’s My Advice?

Go Commando at home in comfy soft breathable materials and enjoy, come home in the evening and put your favourite jogging pants on and relax. When it comes to going out during everyday life, throw on a pair of your favourite underwear and remember safety first. I just can’t see any real benefits to going commando, even though I might enjoy the sight of those who do. There are just too many situations that can be avoided by wearing a pair of underwear.

About The Author: Patrick Kriz- BA, Psych (HON)- Human Sexuality

Patrick Kriz has a Bachelor Degree (Honours) in Psychology - Human Sexuality. Patrick is a wonderful man that has a wealth of knowledge and is happy to share this with those around him. He is articulate, educated and the provider or interesting and educational writings. Having been a regular contributor to this blog for the past couple of months he has consented to add his profile to our ever expanding list of bloggers that provide us with the great content provided to you. We thank all our contributors and authors and a special thanks to Patrick whom we deem to be an expert on all things relating to sexual wellness and adult lifestyle with quality writings. Be sure to follow Patrick on Instagram.

Reddit’s Pregnancy Test For Men

3 Men Covering Their Genitals In An Office

I’m sure like everyone who’s on the internet these days has, at one point or another, seen the article floating about. “Man took a pregnancy test as a joke” or something like that. This was a Reddit article that began making its rounds in 2012 if I remember correctly? The point of the article was that after taking a pregnancy test and the results being positive, this bloke went to his Dr to find out he had testicular cancer! I remember talking about it with a professor of mine from Uni when the article came out, surprisingly he had experimented with this theory himself. This particular professor had just found out he had Germ Cell Tumors, so already knowing he had cancer, he was curious if the test results would also indicate pregnancy. After peeing on a test stick, he also had positive results.

I saw the article floating around one of my social media platforms last night and got to thinking what others might be thinking of this article? If it worked for this guy, why not for everyone? This story seems very straight forward, but giving it a deeper look, a vast number of variables come into play with what cancers can be found through these pregnancy tests.

Funny Meme Of Man's Pregnancy Test
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So What Is It That Causes This Positive Result On Pregnancy Tests?

First, you have to identify what chemical marker the pregnancy test is looking for. The answer Beta Human Chronic Gonadotrophin or HCG for short. HCG is a hormone that is rarely present in the body man or woman. HCG makes its appearance as rapidly growing cells begin to attach themselves somewhere they weren’t before. (Generally when an Embryo attaches itself to a uterus.)

These same rapidly growing cells are present in a number of cancers, but certainly not all or even the majority of cancers. The Cancers that produce identifiable HCG markers are all part of a grouping called Gestational Trophoblastic Disease or GTD. This cancer grouping is a type of cancer identified by its Tumor groupings and is most commonly found on Germ Cells. Germ Cells are the primary building block cells and are primarily found in the Ovaries and Testicles, but not limited to. Interestingly these same cells are found in cancers in the chest. Not all ovarian and testicular cancers fit into the GTD grouping either. Meaning some cancers in the ovaries and testicles may not produce any HCG or very low levels of HCG, and would not register on a urine pregnancy test.

There are specific blood tests that examine HCG levels and can identify these much easier through blood samples rather than urine. There are many many things that can affect the detectability of HCG in urine such as, prescription medications. There have also been a number of studies done where certain people (no identifiable marker for these people) whose Hepatic or liver systems produce antibodies that cover up the HCG markers making them undetectable through urine and make it harder to identify even through blood tests. So many variables have an effect on these specific tests, hard to rely on just one system.

It’s Probably Best Not To Rely On These Home Pregnancy Tests

With so many types and varying cancers out there, I think it’s probably best not to rely on these home pregnancy tests to rule out your fear of having cancer. There’s nothing wrong with trying to detect cancer at home with a pregnancy test kit, but please do not rely on this test alone. Even women can get false alarms with positive pregnancy test results. Even if these pregnancy tests could successfully test for Cancer every time it is only testing for a very small number of potential cancers. It would be like correctly answering the first page of a test and just not answering the rest.

The best strategy is to see a specialist. Have yourself examined for Testicular/Ovarian cancer or any kind of cancer, especially if it runs in your genes. It is also important to note that, prostate cancer can cause erection problems.

About the author: KrizPatrick BA(Hon) Psychology Human Sexuality

Patrick Kriz has a Bachelor Degree (Honours) in Psychology - Human Sexuality. Patrick is a wonderful man that has a wealth of knowledge and is happy to share this with those around him. He is articulate, educated and the provider or interesting and educational writings. Having been a regular contributor to this blog for the past couple of months he has consented to add his profile to our ever expanding list of bloggers that provide us with the great content provided to you. We thank all our contributors and authors and a special thanks to Patrick whom we deem to be an expert on all things relating to sexual wellness and adult lifestyle with quality writings. Be sure to follow Patrick on Instagram.
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