How To Have Satisfying Sex

satisfied sex

For many people out there, there’s probably no activity more satisfying than to have sexual intercourse with their significant others or even someone they just met a while ago. In fact, we enjoy sex because our brains had been pre-programmed that way and even produce chemicals that encourage us to have lots of sexual activities, which leads to a more intense desire for carnal pleasures once you get your first taste of it. However, just like with any other activities, there will come a time when sex can no longer give you that initial amount of pleasure that it once gave you. At that point, you might even think that sex is not giving you enough satisfaction anymore, leading you to do it lesser than usual. Hence, in this article, we will be exploring why satisfying sex becomes rarer as well as some of the ways you can do to improve you and your partner’s sex drive.

Why do we tire of sex?

First of all, it is completely normal for your sex drive to tone down and wane as you grow older, which is also true for any biological functions within our body. Aging sucks and could even affect your performance as a male in the form of erectile dysfunction. Women, on the other hand, according to a national survey conducted on Britain, are more prone to losing interest with sex more than twice as likely as their male counterparts. However, there is no clear evidence that it is due to menopause and actually leans more towards emotional reasons.

It is also possible that you are not tired of sex as a whole but bored with your sexual partner instead due to their inability to realise your desires and fantasies which could be attributed to your porn-watching habits, making you display a behavior that is known as the Coolidge Effect. You might have also suffered a traumatic experience that had to do with sexual activities, leading to the activation of a defense mechanism preventing you from feeling the pleasure of having sex. Either which, you need to find the root cause or get help from a professional in order to know what your next actions should be.

How to have satisfying sex?

We have listed general tips that may help in your quest to have a satisfying sex life. However, these are just general ideas and should not be treated as a substitute for professional advice.

1. Aim for equity

As stated in the Equity Theory, relational partners should aim to have a fair distribution of resources. This not only applies to the workplace but to your sex life as well. If your partner starts to feel that you are the only one enjoying your sexual activities, inequity starts to happen and the more your partner feels the said inequity, the more they will lose interest in having sex with you or having sex as a whole. Hence, it is very important to be sensitive to you and your partner’s sexual needs. Once the both of you figure this one out and finally reached compromise, equity will be re-established and sex will become rewarding instead of demanding.

2. Strengthen your relationship

If your relationship with your partner is already shaky, to begin with, it is only natural that both of your desire for sex would be minimized a lot. That’s why both of you need to sit down and have a serious talk about whether you still want your relationship to continue or not. Talk about your grievances with each other and discuss what the two of you need to do in order to overcome them. Once you solidifying your shaky foundations, intimacy in the form of sexual activities will obviously follow.

3. Stop having unrealistic expectations

The fulfillment of expectations greatly correlates with your satisfaction but once it gets out of hand, you’ll end up no longer enjoying the things you used to enjoy, which brings us again to sex. Pornography is quite notorious in unconsciously altering your expectations, making the line between fantasy and reality blurry to a certain extent which often puts a heavy burden to your partner mentally since they might feel inadequate once they could not perform those acts you see in movies and pornographic material. Pornography could also distort your image of yourself when you compare your body parts to those of porn actors, leading to a lesser sex drive. If this is the case, it might be better to call a professional therapist to help you as compared to dealing with it yourself.

4. Just say what you both want

Unfortunately, we have yet to discover a way to directly communicate our thoughts to one another using telepathy. Hence, a direct approach in communication is oftentimes the most effective and that is to just ask your partner, in a way that will not offend them as well as stating what you want without sounding demanding. Once you and your partner reach an understanding of your wants and desires, you could make it into your goal once you start doing the deed. This will lead to an increase in the production of pleasure hormones in your brain since it will feel like it was rewarded, and the more you do what both of you like, the more you will have much more satisfying sex.

How I turned my sex life from vanilla to a caramel swirl with sprinkles

Caramel Sex

For the last 4 years of my life since I lost my virginity at 17, my sex life has been pretty average. I mean, I never really have had any wild stories, or crazy threesomes or orgies or really we just hit it off at the club and I ended up back at her house type of tails. It was always like, missionary, then cowgirl then most likely doggy. I never really explored with my ex girlfriend (we were together for 3 years from 18 – 21, she was my first and ended up cheating on me). When she broke up with me, I went into a downward spiral. I lost all my confidence, I was a 5’10, tubby guy who slouches his shoulders, heart broken and not really much sexual drive for life. I stopped trying to talk to girls after the first 5 I tried to talk to rejected me. I would masturbate about 2 times per day. I was a mess. Just existing through this vortex called life.

 

For some reason I was drawn to this adult store in Caringbah. I walked in because I was looking up masturbators and this young guy was there. He was pretty cool, looked very presentable, smelt good, had a bubbly smile, shoulders pulled back. He was confident in himself. For a second I thought I was ready to swing to the other side. We started talking and he was asking me questions if I’ve had a masturbator before, what I’m into and then all of a sudden we got onto the topic of my ex girlfriend and I literally blurted out all my life problems to him. He just sat there extremely attentive and listened, absorbed, gave me a response here or there but really just sat and absorbed and took in everything I was saying.

 

He said “What’s your name man?”,“Chris” I replied. “Chris, Nice to meet you. My name Sunny and I know it might freak you out because you’re in an adult store but I’m going to give you some practical advice that is going to change your life forever if you apply it.” I think this was my Great Gatsby moment. When he gets to travel around the world and gets called “old sport”. “I’ve been around the world, I’ve seen it all, been through it all and have had my fair share of experience with women. I’ve fucked, made love, and been fucked. I’ve had orgies and passionate love making sessions for 5 hours. I’ve had times where I cummed in 15 seconds. I’ve had times where I didn’t cum at all.” I was just in aw. I didn’t know what to say. “You seem like you could use my advice. What do you think?” “I definitely do” I shot back eagerly.  OK “I’m going to give you 10 tips about life, sex and women, that will change your life forever. Here they are”

 

  1. Firstly, stop the masturbation. The masturbation takes away your hunger to hunt. All the testosterone and hormones you are getting rid of when you ejaculate. You can use that and turn that into power and drive to hunt. Stop masturbating!

  2. Start exercising and weight training. Confidence within self gives confidence out to the world. Cleaning your body and ensuring that you feel the strength that your body truly has to offer will give you a total boost of confidence.

  3. Stop talking to women to just have sex with them. That isn’t what life is about. Focus on being you. Have fun. Enjoy your time out and watch them come to you. If you put on a fake confidence and try to speak to them, it won’t go so well.

  4. Sex is supposed to be fun. Don’t sit there and think that it’s just missionary the whole time. When you finally find a partner to have fun with, have exactly that… FUN! Communicate with her, ask her what she likes, what she doesn’t like, what she’d be interested in trying, what is a turn off. Tell her your answers to these questions also. Women love a man who can communicate openly.

  5. Pull your shoulders back to speak with and show assertiveness.

  6. Set some goals and be relentless about chasing them.

  7. Always look to work on yourself. Working on yourself is one of the greatest tasks and journey’s you will ever go on.

  8. When you do have a partner, sex toys are a must. Come in and see me and I will show you around what you have to do!

 

For some reason, my whole life seemed to change after I had my encounter with Sunny. I listened to everything that he said and applied it like it was gospel. 6 months later my body is the best it has ever looked, my shoulders are constantly pulled back. I’ve got goals so big that If I looked at them I would of thought I was crazy. I now have a stunning girlfriend who is fun, confident and knows my love language. Our sex life is insane. And yes I went back and saw Sunny for some toys. We bought a WeVibe Chorus and Womanizer Premium, all I have to say is wow. Who knew that a minor encounter could lead to major life re adjustment. Thank You Sunny.

Visit an Oh Zone adult store near you.

Self Care – Masturbation

Masturbator

Self care is often brought up in the world today. Are we taking care of ourselves? Eating properly? Sleeping? Meditating, being mindful, stressing less.

Would it surprise you to hear that Masturbating is another important aspect of our self care! There are many benefits to masturbating that I intend to outline below.

Masturbating and sex releases a range of neuro chemicals into our brains and our bodies, making us happier.

Dopamine is a chemical that is released to give a “feel good” boost.  Dopamine is also great for blood flow, digestion, executive functioning, heart and kidney function, memory and focus, mood and emotions, motor control, pain processing, pancreatic function and insulin regulation, pleasure and reward seeking behavior, sleep, stress response
Endorphins– endorphins are a chemical released that assists with stress relief and combating pain.
Prolactin is a chemical that allows us to feel satisfaction.
Oxytocin-  this amazing chemical helps balance out cortisol which is a stress hormone.
Serotonin – This wonderful chemical also plays a part in leaving you happy, calm and helps to regulate mood.
 
Essentially, by boosting your orgasms and neurochemicals as an effect of masturbation- you boost your mood. That is some very important self care.

Due to the effect that the neuro-chemicals have on us it is no wonder that masturbating and experiencing an orgasm help to reduce stress and frustration. Even without orgasm, drawing attention to your body during masturbation can be known to push any external stressors in your mind out so that you can simply focus on the sensations of your pleasure.
Masturbation can also help with focus. The chemicals released can help create a calm and focused state of being and has been known to improve productivity in real life.Struggling to sleep? Masturbating is a  form of exercise, utilizing muscles, focus and brain power. After an orgasm the parasympathetic nerves begin to relax and calms the body, assisting in restlessness and sleep and some studies have shown that it can improve sleep quality as well.During masturbation our blood pumps fasting, traveling the body and heating us up. Increase in blood flow has been shown to have many benefits for the body and also for our immunity. This doesn’t mean that Masturbating can kick the common cold in the butt, but ongoing masturbation can help positively promote good immune health. Increased blood flow is good for your heart health and taking steps to keeping your heart healthy. good blood flow has also been shown to have an affect on our skin, the more blood pumping, the better the benefits for our skin health.For CIS men; masturbation assists in many ways. Regular masturbation has been shown to have a positive effect on the prostate and in some cases, decrease the likelihood of prostate cancer. Masturbating and orgasm flushes out the internal tubing, keeping the tubes cleaner and in better working order. Masturbating has also shown to assist in building harder erections over time and also prolonging orgasm. To prolong orgasms, experiment with “edging” a technique where you bring yourself close to orgasm before slowing down, or backing off, before edging again. Over time, this edging effect will build the ability to last longer.For Cis women masturbation can assist with preventing urinary tract infections and cervical infections. Because of the wonderful endorphins that are released as well as the overall effect orgasm have on the pelvic floor, masturbation can assist with both preventing and helping reduce period pain and cramping.For everyone, masturbation is great exercise for your pelvic floor.  This is helpful for all kinds of things, it means that your anatomy will keep shape, be stronger and age better as you grow.The last but certainly not least benefit is knowing your own body. Knowing your own pleasure, your turn ons and what you don’t like. This can be used alone or with a partner but it helps you to be more aware of your own body, and really isn’t that what self care is all about?

(Note: Cis refers to people who at birth are categorized as male or female in relation to their anatomy)

Couples Sex Toys

Having worked in an Adult store for some time now, we get asked numerous “interesting questions” on a daily basis. One of the most frequent questions wold possibly be what is out there for couples?

Well let me tell you the possibilities are endless, with a huge range of toys that include the use or remotes, WiFi, downloading an AP to VR. We-vibe has a full range of toys that make use of a remote and the AP, these toys allow the couple to share in the pleasure from anywhere in the world, from vibrators (the Rave and Nova), to smaller couples toys like the sync and chorus (these toys can actually be used during sex as well). The we-Vibe range also include but plugs for both sexes and a wide range of small vibes for use on the clitoris.
Other brands like NU Sensuelle and Frederic’s of Hollywood also make internal eggs as well as panty vibes that can be controlled remotely. The NU range of toys have a great strong vibrating and as apposed to most other brands out there , most of their toys are completely submersible, and this makes for great couples play in the shower or bath.
Some other options are the more expensive but very much worth it Kiiroo range of couples toys. The most populat would be the couples set that includes a g-spot vibrator for her and a masturbator or stroker for him, these toys can be paired using Bluetooth or by downloading the AP, this way the toys are able to control each other (again from anywhere in the world).
Don’t forget about the Fleshlight stroker, this seemingly singles only toy has a great spot in the bedroom for couples, it is great for use during foreplay or even if you guys were thinking about a threesome (but the other party is not really up for it as yet).
To be honest with you, I cant think of a toy or a range of toys that are not suitable for couples play, from the entry level to the more extreme (like sex machines), there is a place for all toys in the couples bedroom.
All toys mentioned above are available online at www.adultsmart.com.au or in store at all 3 OH Zone sites in Kogarah, Caringbah or Penrith.

Honeymoon Cystitis

urinary tract infection

Cystitis is a Urinary Tract Infection (UTI) that can last for a few days, with the most common symptoms including the constant urge to urinate and a burning sensation when peeing. There are numerous causes for Cystitis, including falling estrogen levels during menopause, using a birth control diaphragm, and even from changing tampons (if susceptible to UTIs, perhaps look at changing from tampons to menstrual cups).

However Honeymoon Cystitis is caused by sexual intercourse and almost only ever in women. This is for two reasons, firstly that a woman’s urethra is much shorter than a mans, and secondly because of the close proximity of the vaginal opening and anus to the urethral entrance.

Honeymoon Cystitis is typically caused when the bacteria E. Coli is spread to the urethral opening either from the anus or the vagina, from there it moves up into the bladder where the trouble starts. Despite originating from penetrative sex, Honeymoon Cystisis is not a STI. As such, and while safe sex is always recommended, condoms do not prevent Honeymoon Cystisis, and some studies even indicate a higher chance of getting a UTI with the use of condoms (perhaps try a non-latex condom if you have reactions to your current choice of protection).

Symptoms

Some of the typical symptoms of Honeymoon Cystitis are:

  • A strong and persistent desire to pass urine
  • A sensation of burning while passing urine
  • Passing a small quantity of urine frequently
  • Hematuria (presence of blood in your urine)
  • Foamy urine, sometimes with a strong smell
  • Low-grade fever
  • Feeling discomfort in the pelvis or lower abdominal region

While the spread of the E. Coli bacteria is the cause of this UTI, there are two completely different ideas as to what makes someone more susceptible. Some say it is the first time of penetrative sex after a long spell of abstinence. The other end of the spectrum says that it can happen after intensive or frequent penetrative sex.

Prevention

However both sides of this agree on ways to prevent Honeymoon Cystitis:

  • Urinate immediately after intercourse to ensure you eject any bacteria that could have entered the urethra
  • Drink plenty of water every day
  • Always wipe front to back to avoid bacterial spread
  • Using a good water based lubricant, even if there are no issues with vaginal dryness, will help provide a good glide and prevent micro tears, especially around the vulva and vaginal opening.

Treatment

It is recommended to see your GP should you experience any of those above symptoms, as some of these also overlap with symptoms of a few Sexually Transmitted Infections that only a blood test will be able to reveal. If it is Honeymoon Cystitis, your GP will probably suggest the following:

  • Prescribe a short course of antibiotics
  • Maintain fluids
  • Avoid alcohol
  • Avoid more penetrative sex
  • Cranberries (as in the actual fruit) may help with an active ingredient that prevents bacteria from sticking to the bladder wall. However, cranberry juice or capsules may not be potent enough for this to happen. In fact, despite popular belief, cranberry juice adds hippuric acid to urine, and Vitamin C in the form of ascorbic acid, and actually feeds the bacteria that cause UTIs.

 

On a final note, while you can indeed have penetrative sex while suffering Honeymoon Cystitis, as it isn’t an infection that can be passed on to the other partner, you will feel extra discomfort and even exacerbate the problem even further.

 

How to make masturbation even better

masturbating male

Let’s not even try to pretend that we aren’t all sitting at home and masturbating our quarantine loneliness away. Admittedly, this is a great way to pass the time, especially if you’re single and alone at home right now, but what if you could make self-pleasure even better? Here we have collected a few ways on how to increase your pleasure through various means, from getting virtually realistic with VRporn to improving your techniques with online sex courses.

 

Try some new toys

 

When you masturbate, do you keep doing the same movements over and over because you know they work and you never bother to experiment? That’s a common theme, but you never know what you might like until you actually try it! 

 

Sex toys have been a blessing in the modern world, but there are so many to choose from that it can get a little overwhelming so we just stick to that one vibrator we’ve had for the last 10 years and never try anything new. 

 

If that’s the case, you’ve really been missing out! Maybe you’re the type of person who can only orgasm vaginally but never actually used a dildo, or what if you can feel 10x more if you combine anal play with your clitoral vibrator but you’ve never even thought of trying that? So why not browse for some new toys and have a little fun, it won’t hurt to try (unless you want it to, of course!). 

 

Get realistic with VR porn

 

Porn is a great way to get yourself in the mood for masturbation and now during lockdown, visits to porn websites have increased substantially! Now we’re sure you’ve seen it all before, but have you ever tried virtual reality porn

 

Yes, you do need a gadget in order to watch VR porn, but you can get really cheap ones like the Google Cardboard and trust us, it’s really worth the investment! Have you ever been on a virtual reality roller coaster ride? Even though you know you’re not actually moving, you still feel like you are and it really gives you an adrenaline rush because your brain can’t tell the difference. Same with VR porn, it will feel like you’re actually there and with the help of some sex toys, this is as close to real sex as it gets right now and it’s highly interactive. 

 

Explore your sexuality and improve your skills

 

You certainly don’t need a partner to experience sexual pleasure, so don’t hold back! Explore your own sexuality in any way you like, without fear or judgement. If you don’t know what you like and don’t like, then how is your partner supposed to know? Often we just expect the other person to do all the work, but it’s time to take your sexuality into your own hands (literally!). 

 

Not sure where to start? There are lots of amazing sex classes that can help you, whether online or in-person. Many people live a life disconnected from their sex organs. This disconnect results in numbness, which is one of the main reasons why people don’t feel pleasure and don’t feel satisfied with their sex life. The majority of people simply don’t know how to change their situation, and so they end up giving up on their pleasure altogether. By getting some guidance, you can reconnect with yourself as well as discover some new techniques that you may not have considered before. What you discover may also help you in your future relationships too, and not just in solo-play.

 

Change the mood

 

Why not treat yourself? Set aside 1-2 hours of self-pleasure time one evening and become present with yourself. Turn off your phone and just dedicate this time to self-pleasure. If you’ve never done this before, it can really be a game-changer. Dim the lights, light some candles, put on your favourite music and dive deep into slow and sensual pleasure. 

 

Not in a romantic mood? Then take out your black light, throw on some neon colours and do a sexy striptease for yourself in the mirror! Don’t forget to turn your camera on…

 

Or get some rope and tie yourself up to the bed. Why keep all the good stuff for when you’re having sex with your partner when you can do it all on your own too?

 

Involve other people

 

Masturbation doesn’t mean you have to be alone. If you have a partner, try involving them. You may both get a lot of pleasure either from participating in the action or just observing from a distance. 

 

Are you in a long-distance relationship? Try guiding each other over the phone or via video chat. Give them something to look forward to when you next see them!