Better sex for 2021

2021 sex

Welcome to a sexy 2021 my friends!

 

After swiping left on 2020, most of us are ready for a new chapter, a new story or a new beginning to be found in the year 2021. Although New Years may have been quiet, and that Resolutions are more often than not bothersome to say the least, why not invest your new lease on life on Sex and Intimacy!

 

Here are some sure fire ways to kick this year into the sexiest yet. These are for everyone to enjoy, whether you are single, in a relationship, celebrating love or lust from afar or experimenting.

 

  1. Work on Intimacy in and out of the bedroom.

Intimacy is not simply touch and does not simply occur in the bedroom during sexual acts. One of the biggest roots of Intimacy is simply being kind to yourself and our partners. Especially after the year we have just had. Be kind. Share in compliments. Share in treats or little gifts. Small non sexual touching can also improve and heighten intimacy as well. Learn your own, and your partner’s love languages to improve, spark and deepen intimacy.

 

The deeper your connection is, the more intense your sexual bond will be.

 

Try these Intimacy tips

  • Take the Love Languages Quiz https://www.5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/ to see how you best express and accept love/intimacy

  • Write or say an intimate gratitude daily to yourself and/or a loved one “I love my smile” “I am grateful for your kisses each morning”

  • Be intentional in your touch when you say hello.

  • Bring your loved one a coffee

  • Invite them on a netflix date

 

  1. Figure out what feels good to you and do more of that.

Sex and intimacy is not always about shared pleasure. Sometimes it is important to know what you like first, either solo or together. Take this opportunity for self sexploration and lots of it. Learn how your own pleasure works, your own body. Encourage your partner to do the same. Do it alone. Do it together. Mutual masturbation can be lots of fun and very informative. Use your fingers, try some toys, experiment with lubricants and stimulants as you play.

 

Try these Feel good Tips

  • Try warming or chilling lubricants

  • Experiment with arousal oils or lubricants

  • Visit us in store for recommendations of sex toys to use.

  • Try mutual masturbation.

 

  1. Talk more with your partner or yourself regarding sexual yes’ nos and maybes.

When was the last time you thought about what you liked during sex? Have you ever done a quiz? Or written them down? How about talking them through with your partner? It can be quite a turn on not to mention an eye opener and can lead to some wondrous and arousing sexual exploits you may have never thought possible. You can easily make your own or find simple or very comprehensive ones online that can range from everyday exploits to BDSM

 

  1. Be open to teaching and learning

There is a lot that we may not know or understand in the world and the same can be said for sex and pleasure. What better way to find out than to learn. In a world with technology at our fingertips there is a lot of advice, blogs, podcasts and tutorials to explore for the open minded. Studios such as Studio Kink in Sydney offer classes both in person and online for Shibari (rope tying), impact, submissive training and events. Podcasts such as Missionary to Madame offer wonderful advice and insight into relationships sex. Books are also in the form of hard copy, e books and audio books that come with inspiring how to’s such as the The Ultimate Guide to Fellatio and the Ultimate Guide to Cunnulingus by Violet Blue which combines phenomenal how to’s with scantilising short stories.

 

  1. Stop Focusing on ORGASMS and focus on PLEASURE and what feels good. Orgasms will come. (Pun well intended)

 

SOmething I believe in and can’t promote more is Mindful Sex or Mindfu Masturbation. I like to envision it as the art of being present in the moment of pleasure, of what feels good rather than judging sex as the moment orgasm is achieved. There is too much pressure these days on achieving orgasm and as such, a dramatic decrease in people being able to have them.

All of these points 1-4 aid in realising your pleasure and assist in bettering your sex life. In being in the moment and experiencing pleasure rather trying to rush to the end and only defining sex by whether or not a orgasm happened you will experience a much more vibrant sex life that will be unrivaled to the years before hand.

 

So this year, in 2021, sit back, relax, connect, and indulge in feeling good and feeling pleasure, the connection and the orgasms will follow, and when they do, they will bring in a new year worth talking about.

 

At Your Service,

Tiffany

 

AdultlifestyleCentre Adult Shop Sales Consultant, Educator and Pleasure Defender.

Dealing with an unusual sex drive

crazy sex

Now, I know there are other women out there who, like myself, who have no idea what they want or desire sexually. Sometimes its crazy and you can’t even look at your significant other without mentally undressing them and jumping their bones as soon as the opportunity arises. But also, at other times when the opportunity presents itself, its just shrugged off like meh. But then other times you might really want it but then you also kind of don’t at the same time. Well, I’m here to tell you, you’re not alone.

To some, yes this may sound crazy, but it can be really frustrating.

I have been dealing with these kinds of issues through my entire sexually active life. It’s almost like there’s a little gremlin in your head pushing all the wrong buttons at the most inconvenient of times. And this can sometimes really ruin the mood, especially if you have made all the moves to hint that you are up for it but then all of a sudden, it’s gone and your partner is left extremely confused.

I’ve had partners in the past who I had never confided in about these feelings as they where never willing to talk or communicate about much sexual stuff. To them it was “sex is sex”. So, let me tell you, COMMUNICATION IS KEY! If they don’t know how you feel or what you want, then you’ll never be satisfied or content with the sex you have with them and it may even be the other way around, how will you know what they want if they don’t communicate it with you.

When I first met my current partner, of course like any relationship at the start, every time you’re with them you want to go at it like rabbits but that doesn’t last forever and if you’re like me, that period is even shorter again. So naturally, we grew out of that stage, but we still went at it a fair amount, it never just stopped and for some reason that amazed me, especially because I was very rarely up for sex as it was. Surely enough we moved in together, my sex drive went back to its normal wacky self, but he naturally has a high sex drive. This is where the communication started where I had never had it before. All he wanted was to please me, that’s what got him off, he wanted to know exactly what I wanted, where I wanted it and how long I wanted it for! I was absolutely blown away (no pun intended).

I’d never experienced a man, so hell bent on pleasing me. At this point I somewhat started to open to him about what I wanted but was still too shy to completely lay out what I thought was wrong with me as I though it may affect our relationship and how he saw me.

Turns out I should have told him straight up, like I said communication is key 100%. We got further into our relationship and he would occasionally ask questions like “You don’t seem like you want it, what’s wrong?” or “Are you still into me?”. When these questions started becoming more frequent and concerning, it made me realise that not only was this affecting me, but he was slowly noticing more and more that something wasn’t quite right, and it was starting to affect him too. So, we sat down and spoke about it all and I mean ALL, there was emotions, tears and feelings being released like nothing else. He comforted me and made me feel okay with who I am and these feelings I had that made me feel not normal.

The fact that I had finally spoken to him and opened up about how I felt helped not only our sex life but also helped our relationship. He now knows that if I seem a bit off chances are, I’m not up for it and he will realise that rather than going just ahead with it.

 

  • COMMUNICATION!   Always remember that this should be your first thought. Like I said earlier, how will either of you know how you feel or what you want if you don’t discuss and understand each other.
  • I found that sex toys really helped me cope with what I was dealing with. For example, if I really didn’t feel like doing anything but he was raring to go. Pull out the toy and go to town! I enjoyed and was more than happy to help him because I knew he was enjoying it and I was still helping him. At other times I wouldn’t have felt like physically doing the deed but for some reason I felt comfortable using toys. Let me tell you, men are more than happy to watch that! You can still enjoy each other’s company in a different and possibly more personal way.
  • Watching porn together.  Now I know this one may be a bit of a grey area as some couples don’t agree on watching porn at all. But if you’re open to it and they want to get down and dirty but you’re just not sure, ask them to watch porn with you beforehand. You may find you where in the mood for it you just didn’t know yet.
  • Physical foreplay. If you know what turns you on and you know what might get you in the mood, hell even if you don’t know but you want to do the deed, try some foreplay, go with the flow, and see where it goes. Tell him where to go, guide him and tell him what feels good.
  • Being relaxed. Always be sure that you are comfortable and relaxed with your significant other and environment when getting freaky. At the end of the day, its your body. They may be your partner but if you’re not comfortable, NO MEANS NO and they need to respect that and vice versa.

Kaylah and Oh Zone Adult Store consultant.

Kissable, Blow Job proof lipstick

lip service

Let’s talk about lipsticks for a little bit.

 

There is something infallible and sexy about 1950s pinup red lipstick, or dark gothic pout anything really on soft plump lips as they press up against yours, bite down against your skin or seal tightly around your…

 

Sorry, imagination got away from me there.

 

My point is, lipstick is an amazing accessory on anyone who wants to wear it. Many of our wonderful customers have been asking about my lipstick lately and if it comes off during kissing and other more lucrative activities

 

What isn’t necessarily as sexy, is the smudge left over. Sure a perfect kiss mark left on your play partner’s skin in the shape of your lips is pretty hot. Smears of red up and down their body, across their face and across your own somewhat can look a little more like a crime scene or  scene from Twilight or Vampire Diaries.

 

It can be a sad and harsh reality that because of this, some people tend to forgo their hot and sexy lips to avoid the hassle. So In my travels I have found some very very promising lipsticks that stay on during the steamy make out, the sloppy kisses and leave no trace during an oral ordeal.

 

Websites often demonstrate lipsticks durability using the paper towel method, the tissue kiss or the collar transfer. We are going deeper than this. These lipsticks have been tried and tested on meals, and night outs, drinks and dinners, parties and partners and for the good of research, many kisses and extra curricular activities to ensure that you have the best advice when it comes to stay proof, smudge proof and kiss proof activities. These lipsticks, what I adore about them, is that they apply once and leave at home kind of products. No need to touch up. They last on any good girl.

 

Maybelline Super Stay Matte Ink

 

My number one all time favourite! It is accessible, it isn’t costly and it stays and stays and stays! There are so many amazing colours to choose from and this baby stays with you all through the day and the night and if you fall asleep chances are it won’t come off on your pillow while you sleep as well. Say goodbye to the awkward smears and rings on the body when you play. The trick is two layers of this bright colour but make sure each layer is dry before you apply the next.

 

Stila Stay All Day Liquid Lipstick

 

Found at Sephora this beauty comes in the most beautiful fiery red that is sure to dazzle any retro lover. Long wearing and very kissable, this beautiful shade will get you through nearly every single kiss and scene. Unfortunately Stila is not Oral proof, but will definitely last a steamy make out.

 

LipSense -Sene Gence

 

The ultimate in stay proof everything proof lipstick. This lipstick is on another lipstick to anything I have ever tried. There is a reason this sheek and sleek addition always has a display at Sexpo and comes highly recommended. It is so “stay proof” that you need a special remove to take it off. Does that make it worth it? If you’re like me and hate Lipstick getting all over each other during scenes then yes, yes it is.

 

Mac Lip Pencil

 

Though not a lipstick, this gives a much more defined look and stays on and on and on. Because it is a pencil it is not as easy to apply in the sweeping fashion but the results are worth it as again, you will not need to retouch, so that means this stays at home when you go out. Amazing shades and choices.

 

Nyx Professional Liquid Suede Cream Lipstick

 

Another super accessible good one to know about that is relatively cheap and found everywhere in so many different colours. My biggest tip is let this one set. Thin layers and if you’re really unsure, use a hair dryer to help it set. The oils keep your lips unbelievably supple and smells amazing.

 

Tips to keep lipsticks on for longer:

  • Exfoliate lips once a week using a lip scrub to remove dead flaky skin and give a smooth even surface to work with.
  • Moisturise your lips at night with a melting lip balm or carmex to seal in nutrients and replenish your lips.
  • Don’t bite or chew on your lips.
  • Avoid using lip balms over your lipsticks, this will cause the super stay ingredients to separate their bond and run.
  • Place a thin 1ply tissue over your lipstick and dust with translucent powder to keep your lippy in place for an extra matte hold.

 

What are your favourites? Drop us your suggestions or tips to keep your lipstick on.

 

At your service.

 

Tiffany

OhZone Caringbah Adult Shop Sales Assistant, Educator and Lip Stick Fanatic.

How Stress impacts our sex life.

more sex less stress

It comes as no surprise that Australians and our world in general are experiencing an increase in stress which as a symptom can lead to many health and wellness issues.

 

Prior to COVID-19 a survey performed by the Australian Psychological Service recorded that approximately 85% of Australians reported to be affected or had felt the effects of Stress.

 

With so much uncertainty in our current world it only makes sense that our stress levels are growing even further. Stress can impact our health in many ways, physically, mentally, it can affect our concentration, our focus, our ability to produce certain neurochemicals and the list goes on.

 

But did you know that it can affect the libido and sex?

 

During COVID-19 it has been recorded through online surveys that several groups of people have noticed in either themselves or their partners that a) they have a decreased libido  or enjoyment of sex or b) have noted an increase.

 

Neurochemicals

Stress releases a hormone known as Cortisol and Epinephrine. Cortisol and epinephrine are best known for their fight and flight response, pumping adrenalin through the body and using up the neurochemicals usually for sex, to fuel this stress response. This will lead to being in a state of “on edge” and not in the good way.

 

Mind Racing

With many things happening in our minds, it can often be hard to remain present and in the moment during sex. Being present during sex assists in reaching orgasm but also with connecting with your partner. While sex has been known to relieve stress and frustration, it may not be the most intimate of experiences for all partners involved. If using sex as a way to diffuse and release frustration or pent up tension, your partner may begin to feel used, or a lack of connection.

 

Stress in men, or the stress-sex connection is common in a something you may have heard as erectile dysfunction. When a man is aroused, nerve impulses send signals that cause the blood vessels to dilate and allow a healthy and steady stream of blood to pump into the penis, causing the organ to become erect and maintain erect throughout interourse. However when the body is stressed, those nerve impulses are disrupted and the signals aren’t communicated as well causing the blood vessels to only partially dilate or sometimes not dilate at all which results in a lack of blood supply. A lack of blood supply sadly will mean either a shorter lasting erection, an erection that cannot be sustained, or a lack of an erection. This can then put pressure on the person known as performance anxiety “last time I was unable to _____” “what if this time is the same” and it becomes a vicious cycle which leads to more stress.

 

Similarly women also suffer the stress sex connection. Without the necessary arousal it will come as no surprise that most women are unable to reach orgasm when in a space of extreme stress. Without the necessary arousal, certain neurotransmitters and signals will not be activated and without those the “pleasure” centres will not be stimulated and there can be no sense of release. Without proper arousal, a cis woman’s vaginal canal will not properly elongate will could also mean that sex could be quite uncomfortable which I’m sure you could only imagine would provide yet another stress source rather than a stress release.

 

SO WHAT CAN YOU DO?

During these high stress times there a few things that you can do if you are in a sex oriented relationship and you have found that your libido is suffering due to stress. (note: I am not strictly referring to whether or not you are married or in a romantic relationship, you may be open, be friends with benefits, release friends- any relationship where your libido is affecting communication or mindset)

 

Talk about it: it seems simple enough, but also super scary but talking about your stress and saying that it’s really affecting you sexually can go a long way to taking some of the pressure off you and getting your partner on the same page. When they are aware that you are feeling stressed and what are some of the triggers that are causing you stress you can work towards maintaining better boundaries and being respectful around those for eg if one of your stressors is work and you explain this to your partner, then in a week when you have a big meeting, your partner may instinctively know that you will be stressed and give you some more space. Understanding and compassion and very important when it comes to dealing with stress and sex and will make a big difference .

 

Focus on other intimacies: This will mean different things for different people. Some partnerships may enjoy touch, so kiss for 20 seconds longer, hug for just that little bit extra. Acts of service may include doing the dishes, or getting them a cup of tea of coffee when they look more stressed than normal. Focusing your compassion in other ways will bring your bond closer in other ways that may ignite that spark in ways that might not start off sexual but don’t necessarily mean they won’t lead there.

 

Self love: a broad broad umbrella term for looking after yourself, make sure that you are getting some form of exercise, eating well, drinking more water and less alcohol, getting enough sunshine and taking time out for yourself. These are all extremely important in regulating stress and bringing yourself back to the present to be able to function well sexually.

 

Try masturbating: it can seem all too easy when we are stressed or depressed to get into habits of not doing things such as not cooking dinner or stopping by that fast food place on the way home. Sometimes it is important to remember that not having sex, or not masturbating can also become a habit. I am not suggesting scheduling in sexy time, just keep it on the radar. You don’t even need to masturbate until you reach orgasm, view it as a self exploration exercise, touch, explore, caress and stimulate to keep in mind that yes, my body is beautiful and hell yes, this feels good to be touched, even if just for a moment.

 

At your Service

Tiffany

Oh Zone Adult Stores Sales assistant, educator and fellow stress head.

Anorgasmia

female sexual health

Say it with me now.

An-or-gaz-mia

 

What is it? It is the inability to reach orgasm. Whether this is vaginally, clitorally, penally or at all. Anorgasmia.

 

Today we will be talking about female Anorgasmia because I have been talking more and more to ciswomen who not only feel the pressure to have an orgasm during intercourse but feel that there is something inherently wrong with them that they can’t or haven’t had an orgasm either at all, or during intercourse with their partner.

 

And it causes them considerable mental stress and significant emotional turmoil.

 

I am not yet an expert but I do have a lot of experience. I am well read in this and I have conversed with many people about this and through research both academic and of my own volition there is nothing wrong with not being able to achieve orgasm.

 

A study in both America and the UK showed that over 70% of women volunteered that they either had very infrequent orgasms or none at all. Out of those 70% many explained that occasionally they could achieve orgasm during penetrative intercourse if they stimulated their clitoras during play. Others reported that they waited and masturbated after penetrative intercourse was finished. Others reported that they “faked” an orgasm to cover up not being able to achieve one.

 

Upon further academic and article research I found that there is quite the stigma around cis women “faking” orgasms because they feel that they are expected to, or that they don’t want to disappoint their partner. As instagram @froeticsexology says “orgasms don’t define good sex” and highlights that we should be aiminf for pleasure instead of orgasms.

 

Anorgasmia can occur because of many factors and can be resolved, if it causes you concern or distress. Anorgasmia can stem from:

  • psychological reasons,

  • PTSD,

  • stress,

  • medication,

  • physicality or

  • barriers to stimulation

  • to name a few.

 

Different methods can be used and explored to resolve Anorgasmia. Your doctor may be able to assist with anorgasmia, other health professionals can also prove to be beneficial, such as a psychologist, or counsellor or even selecting and speaking to a Sexologist or Sex therapist. Sexologists are growin in number and awareness within our community, providing accredited information to our communication and helping in educating, breaking the stigma around sex and assisting us in feeling comfortable in discussing all things sex. Head over to https://societyaustraliansexologists.org.au/practitioner-directory/ to find an accredited sex therapist near you.

 

Another method which is highly effective with Anorgasmia is relaxation and self exploration. Solo.

 

These days there is much pressure on us, sexually and in everyday life. Both of these can sometimes be linked to anorgasmia.  Relaxation and getting in touch with your own body, in your own time, no pressure, no expectations can be a great way to connect and engage with your body and your feelings and your pleasure. Self exploration and masturbation is the next key. Take it slow. Explore your body, your skin, lips, nipples, clitoras, labia and vagina. Slowly. Use toys to help you explore the senses. Try vibrations and heat, rotations and thrusting.

 

Using insertables, try finding your g-spot. Release the notion that the vagina is full of nerves and hold in your mind that the pleasure of the vagina is pressure. The nerves are mainly felt through the clitoral root that wraps around the vagina, lending its sensation to the G spot. Use a g spot vibe or your fingers to curl against this spot half a finger length up into your vgainal entrance.

 

Some cis women may not orgasm from the G pot, remember this isn’t just about orgasm, its about pleasure. But let’s delve a little deeper. Some women need their A spot stimulated to climax.

 

The A spot is so aptly named for the anterior fornix which is located towards the rear of your vaginal cavity just before your cervix. The A spot focuses the most on pressure. So stimulating the spot with a broad head of a toy and rubbing or massaging this spot will focus the greatest amount of pleasure. Utilising a massage wand that  is able to be inserted will provide a large/broad head and powerful and concentrated point of vibration that will stimulate both the A-spot and the G-spot simultaneously.

 

If attempting to explore the A-spot and it is a tad uncomfortable it is very possible that you are not aroused enough and that you’re hitting the cervix or “bottoming out” take a breath. When cis-women are aroused the vaginal canal extends up into the abdomen, tucking the cervix out of harm’s way. The A-spot is on the tummy side of the cervix. The P-spot (aptly named for the Posterior Fornix- did you guess?) is on the opposite side of the cervical opening, towards the spine.

 

Both these spots can feel amazing to most women but they come with patience and exploration. Rubbing up against these spots will increase moisture and slickness within the canal, the blood rushing from arousal heightening these delicate pressure plates. Bending your legs upwards towards your stomach, or supporting your lower back with a pillow will bring this wondrous spot closer to the touch.

 

Again, and I cannot stress this enough, take this slow. If there is discomfort, stop. But don’t give up. This is why self exploration is so much fun, you try again and again, with no agenda, no time sensitivity. relax , breathe deep, add some more lubrication and stimulate your clitoras to bring more blood flow and arousal and try again.

 

Try different gels and oils to assist with arousal. “On Ultra” is a topical ciltoris oil utilising cinnamon, sweet almond and ginger to spur arousal and provide a tingling, vibration on the nerves found there. This assists in arousal, by stimulating blood flow, and inducing the production of a wetter canal. Try some and sit with the feel, become aware with the vibrations you feel and the warmth as it spreads to your Labia and throughout your pelvic area. Now try your insertables again. Being mindful throughout this process also proves in increasing attention, feeling and relaxation within the moment. All of these are essential to that good feeling and good place to help encourage an orgasm.

Using a bullet, a wand or a clitoral specific massager can be used to stimulate the nerves on the clitoral root. When the body is aroused, the clitoras will retract a little underneath the protective hood, to lessen the sensitive nerve endings. With your toy of choice, or your fingers, apply slight pressure and massage for pleasure. As the heat and feelings build, don’t be afraid and pull back, gently lean yourself into the feeling. Try and release the tension that you begin to feel throughout your body and surrender. As the pleasure mounts you may feel it give way. And what a feeling. Different different clitoral toys will depend on how sensitive you are, how steady handed you are, and how much power you would like to assist you. If you find yourself getting frustrated, that’s ok too. Take a break. Remember what we said about the pressure on ourselves? If you’re wondering when it will happen? Or why it’s taking so long? Chances are that you are willing yourself into a mindset where you will be unable to achieve an orgasm, and significantly affect the pleasure you are feeling within the moment.

 

Getting in touch with your own body and your own pleasure is empowering. It helps you to relax, it helps you to learn. And the more you learn overtime, the more you may feel more confident to invite a second player in to share in the secrets that you have found. Practice definitely helps to train your body to relax, surrender and invites a safe space for pleasure.

 

But most importantly, have fun. Delight in the surrender of your body and the touch. Focus on feeling good, and doing things that feel good. Don’t view the orgasm as the finish line. View self pleasuring or masturbating as the goal, and the orgasm, whether you have it or not, as a happy addition.

Anorgasmia is not something to feel shame about. It is a learning curve. And it is more common than we are led to believe. By talking about it, more people will be aware of it, its commonality, the reasons behind it, and how masturbation and self exploration can help.

 

At your service;

Tiffany

Oh Zone Sales assistant, educator and avid explorer.