Honeymoon Cystitis

urinary tract infection

Cystitis is a Urinary Tract Infection (UTI) that can last for a few days, with the most common symptoms including the constant urge to urinate and a burning sensation when peeing. There are numerous causes for Cystitis, including falling estrogen levels during menopause, using a birth control diaphragm, and even from changing tampons (if susceptible to UTIs, perhaps look at changing from tampons to menstrual cups).

However Honeymoon Cystitis is caused by sexual intercourse and almost only ever in women. This is for two reasons, firstly that a woman’s urethra is much shorter than a mans, and secondly because of the close proximity of the vaginal opening and anus to the urethral entrance.

Honeymoon Cystitis is typically caused when the bacteria E. Coli is spread to the urethral opening either from the anus or the vagina, from there it moves up into the bladder where the trouble starts. Despite originating from penetrative sex, Honeymoon Cystisis is not a STI. As such, and while safe sex is always recommended, condoms do not prevent Honeymoon Cystisis, and some studies even indicate a higher chance of getting a UTI with the use of condoms (perhaps try a non-latex condom if you have reactions to your current choice of protection).

Symptoms

Some of the typical symptoms of Honeymoon Cystitis are:

  • A strong and persistent desire to pass urine
  • A sensation of burning while passing urine
  • Passing a small quantity of urine frequently
  • Hematuria (presence of blood in your urine)
  • Foamy urine, sometimes with a strong smell
  • Low-grade fever
  • Feeling discomfort in the pelvis or lower abdominal region

While the spread of the E. Coli bacteria is the cause of this UTI, there are two completely different ideas as to what makes someone more susceptible. Some say it is the first time of penetrative sex after a long spell of abstinence. The other end of the spectrum says that it can happen after intensive or frequent penetrative sex.

Prevention

However both sides of this agree on ways to prevent Honeymoon Cystitis:

  • Urinate immediately after intercourse to ensure you eject any bacteria that could have entered the urethra
  • Drink plenty of water every day
  • Always wipe front to back to avoid bacterial spread
  • Using a good water based lubricant, even if there are no issues with vaginal dryness, will help provide a good glide and prevent micro tears, especially around the vulva and vaginal opening.

Treatment

It is recommended to see your GP should you experience any of those above symptoms, as some of these also overlap with symptoms of a few Sexually Transmitted Infections that only a blood test will be able to reveal. If it is Honeymoon Cystitis, your GP will probably suggest the following:

  • Prescribe a short course of antibiotics
  • Maintain fluids
  • Avoid alcohol
  • Avoid more penetrative sex
  • Cranberries (as in the actual fruit) may help with an active ingredient that prevents bacteria from sticking to the bladder wall. However, cranberry juice or capsules may not be potent enough for this to happen. In fact, despite popular belief, cranberry juice adds hippuric acid to urine, and Vitamin C in the form of ascorbic acid, and actually feeds the bacteria that cause UTIs.

 

On a final note, while you can indeed have penetrative sex while suffering Honeymoon Cystitis, as it isn’t an infection that can be passed on to the other partner, you will feel extra discomfort and even exacerbate the problem even further.

 

A Matter of Consent!

Consent for Sex

Sexual consent has been discussed widely in recent years. In fact it is important enough that it is one of the few new ideas to be added to curriculum in high school sex education classes beyond the old safe sex conversation. But how do we define consent, and how do we go about asking for it?

What is consent?

In the University of Michigan’s Code of Conduct, they succintly sum consent up as;

“Consent is a clear and unambiguous agreement, expressed outwardly through mutually understandable words or actions, to engage in a particular activity. Consent must be voluntarily given and cannot be obtained through coercion or force. A person who initiates a specific sexual activity is responsible for obtaining consent for that activity.”

As with lawful terms, their Code also continues to describe what isn’t consent. It isn’t consent if one refuses to acknowledge the ‘no’ said to them. It is not consent should a person be very drunk or high, regardless of their answer. Consenting to a sexual activity doesn’t automatically give consent to the same activity at a later date.

One of the most ignored ideals of giving consent is how someone dresses, or flirting with them, or even kissing them. None of these things are indications of consent. It doesn’t matter what they’re wearing, they can even be naked, but that isn’t consent to anything.

The age of giving sexual consent in Australia varies from state to state, and even then comes with a few caveats that can be read about in the earlier link. Essentially, the consenting age is 16 in all states and territories, except for SA and Tasmania where it is 17 years of age.

What isn’t consent?

Not saying ‘no’ doesn’t mean yes. If they seem unsure, or remain silent, or say ‘maybe’, this is not consent. It must be a clear and enthusiastic ‘yes’.

If someone accepts a ride, or a free drink, is also not consenting to anything beyond those things.

Consent to engage in one sexual activity is not consent to others. For example, consenting to anal play does not consent to anal penetration.

So consent needs to be provided every step of the way?

Absolutely. Even in a marriage, consent for sexual relations need to be given. If that sounds ridiculous to you, maybe understand that data from the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV) estimates that between 10-14% of married women experience marital rape.

How do I ask for consent?

There are so many different ways to ask for consent. Verbal communication is the most straight forward option, though longer relationships may have developed other shorthand ways of expressing consent.

Wouldn’t it feel weird, or kill the mood, stopping to ask for consent? No, in fact, asking can make things a whole lot smoother, and opens up a greater level of communication between partners. Asking someone ‘Can I kiss you?’ or saying ‘I’d really like to give you a kiss’ and their affirmative response is not going to squash any of that first kiss magic.

Just as if you’re together in bed fooling around, and perhaps you motion to take their top off, along with a little ‘Is this ok?’ won’t dampen the mood. It will help to relieve tension in fact, as your partner will know that you understand about consent, and about how they are feeling, and it’s also a cue to them that you’d like to move forward, because perhaps they were nervous to ask.

Beyond verbal consent, also pay attention to body language cues. If they’ve said yes to the current activity, but seem anxious or nervous, take a step back and ask ‘Is this too fast?’ Remember consent can be given at all stages, but it can also be taken back at any time. If someone changes their mind about consent, that’s perfectly fine and is to be acknowledged immediately.

If consent is refused, or revoked, it is not acceptable to ever try methods of persuasion to get them to change their mind. Consent given under persuasion or acts or physical or emotional threat, are never considered consent, especially in the eyes of the law.

How do I give consent?

Beyond saying ‘yes’ to being asked for consent, there are other ways to let your partner know that you’re ready to go further. Phrases like; ‘Don’t stop’, ‘Keep going’, ‘Faster/harder’, ‘Mm, just like that’, ‘Yes, but let’s keep it nice and slow’ are all great ways to express consent without breaking the mood.

However, it’s also good to have a clear idea of how far you’re comfortable to go before getting hot and heavy. Because let’s face it, sometimes our loins get the better of us and lead us to do things we may regret the next day.

As things develop, keep checking in with yourself. Do you feel comfortable? Do you feel safe? Are you ready for this, both physically and emotionally? Just because you really like them, are you sure they’re not just taking advantage of this and using you for sex?

In any relationship, whether it is long term or for the night, healthy communication is an essential part in making sure everyone feels safe and comfortable. We all have the right to have agency over our own bodies, and to ensure this is the case for both parties, we need to seek consent, and respect the answer, whichever the answer may be, and even if it changes throughout.

Everything Butt!

Looks like george clooney

He stood to the side of his bed looking over at the woman strewn across it. He was in disbelief that someone so gorgeous would be laying there on his bed, wearing just her matching black lingerie. He was about to lift his shirt off, but hesitated.

‘What’s wrong?’ she asked.

He breathed deeply. ‘My dad bod,’ he replied meekly.

‘Oh my god, seriously?’ She was almost giggling. ‘Let me be the judge of that. Get it off.’

He paused for a moment, but then noticed the honesty in both her voice and her expression. He felt every one of his forty years as he slipped his top over his head, intoxicated just enough to not bother sucking in his belly. The beers and the years had taken their toll, but he wanted to start this with honesty.

She laughed. As she had done for all the hours preceding. Honestly, whole heartedly. Some would say maniacally like a witch, but he thought it was cute. True emotions were rare these days, regardless of what they were. ‘That,’ she said when her laughter subsided, ‘that is not a dad bod. Come here.’

He followed her signalling fingers, crawled into her open arms. Her body was hot, in both ways. His arms wrapped around her waist, his lips to hers. Her remarks were genuine, and she showed her appreciation with her hands and her mouth.

She wondered how she could get so lucky. Funny, smart, devilishly good looking. Somehow this George Clooney lookalike despised himself so much he had lowered himself to her level.

He couldn’t understand how an angel like her was so receptive to him. Sure, he’d made her laugh, even managed to completely be himself. When she introduced herself as Lana, he’d even made a joke about her name played out backwards, and she didn’t freak out, in fact she laughed and high fived him. Crass humour is so hit or miss.

She felt his hands fumble and undo her bra, tossing it aside. Her hands whipped up to cover herself. She apologised for her deflated breasts, he moved her hands aside and kissed them, savoured them, devoured them. She let herself indulge in the moment.

He couldn’t believe the night. His mind disallowed the reality, the dream he was living. He wasn’t himself, or he was the ultimate version of himself. One of her favourite songs had come on hours earlier and when she asked him to dance, he didn’t hesitate. He cared not for the watching eyes or cameras, just to live in the moment. For a change. Twirling her, feeling her rhythm. Just as he did now.

She pressed herself against him. She longed to move forward, progress the evening to the next stage, while simultaneously wanting to linger in each and every moment. She couldn’t help her arching back as his tongue travelled south of her breasts. When he reached her stomach she stopped him.

‘I’m sorry,’ she whispered.

‘What for?’

‘My scars.’ They were hard words to put out in the open. She knew how this played out; with judgement. His eyes widened, as did his smile.

‘This?’ he said, tracing his finger along a small scar on her belly.

She tried to resist her stomach flinching in the spotlight. ‘One of my babies didn’t want to come out the natural way.’

He looked up at her from her flat belly. ‘And that’s why there’s  no apology needed. For any reason, really,’ he added. He saw the look on her face, she wasn’t buying it. He regarded her for a moment, and then propped himself up on his knees. He pointed to the two deep scars just above his waist. ‘Bone grafts,’ he said before flexing his right leg forward. ‘But that’s nothing on this.’

She looked at his leg, the knobby scarred tissue consuming half his leg. She ran her fingers along the bumps and dimples. ‘What is this?’

‘I nearly died in a motor accident. This here is my thigh tissue.’ She regarded the skin even more thoroughly. He couldn’t feel the touch; the nerve endings had never rebuilt themselves.

‘Your scars came from giving life,’ he said, ‘As mine saved my life.’

She kissed his scar, then pulled him close for a kiss on the lips.

From that moment, they moved on, indulging and engorging themselves upon one another. Explorative and passionate, savouring each and every moment before the breaking dawn stole them from their reveries. She didn’t know what he was doing with his fingers, beyond that if felt amazing, as he felt when she took him within her mouth.

As the morning sun crept through the curtains, dappled and broken, he wrapped his arms around her. Their naked bodies pressed close. He still couldn’t believe this angel had shared his bed with him. Which was when he heard her exhales, sleeping, snoring, dribbling slightly along his arm. He pulled her closer, kissed her neck, and fell asleep wondering what angels dreamt of.

Coffee Hit!

Cunnilingus

As he slowly began to remove his clothes, Sam couldn’t help but wonder how the hell exactly he got to this place. Beyond the physicality of driving to her house, being sneaked in through the backdoor, but how did he get to this moment? How did they progress from their recurrent but brief interactions to this?

Cara was nearly ten years his junior, though that kind of age difference seemed to matter less as he got older. Sure, they spoke every day, while she made his coffee and longer if her cafe was empty. But the conversations could get quite deep, secrets unexpectedly shared, flirty remarks, from both sides.

Sam’s mind was still trying to figure things out when he noticed the shower in the next room had stopped. By now he had stripped off everything bar his boxer shorts. His thumbs tucked under the elastic at the top, hesitant. Was it too forward for him to be completely naked? Or was it expected?  He realized he had no real idea about these kinds of situations.

He needn’t have worried. With his thumbs still beneath the elastic, Cara entered her room, still half soaking wet, completely naked. Sam tried to be a gentleman and look away, but he had fantasized about this moment for so long, and dared not miss the opportunity. Her brown hair now seemed almost black from the shower, only further drawing attention to her big brown eyes, resting above a gorgeous smile.

‘Well this is awkward,’ she grinned, her eyebrows signaling to his boxers. Though well and truly aroused by the idea of the evening, Sam was thankful for the visual stimulation that gave him a half chub as he dropped his underwear. Far less embarrassing.

Cara’s grin broadened as she took in his visage. He was not what she was expecting. Despite the out-of-the-blue literal booty call that took place not so long ago, Sam realized they’d not even kissed yet, as she moved closer to him. He maintained eye contact while staring at her luscious breasts in his peripheral vision.

Her olive skin was smoother than he ever envisioned, as his hands wrapped around her waist and took a hold of her back. Her full breasts squished against his woolly chest as her fingers found the back of his hair. Sam felt the warmth of her breath. She inched closer to his lips, her eyes locked on his.

As he prepared for her kiss, Sam couldn’t help but think of the meme she had texted him earlier, the picture that eventually set all of this in motion. The words of the image simply read: ‘Love your woman like her creepy regular wishes he could’, followed by her own additional message of, ‘Thought of you instantly’.

Sam tried to push the thought from his mind: ‘Nobody could ever love you like I do.’ He allowed his eyelids to close as her lips pressed against his, savoring every sensation she had to offer him. Her tongue darted between those wet lips, stronger than he had ever pictured, more impassioned than he had dreamed.

Cara was taken off-guard by the softness of his beard, countered by the urgency of his kisses. He seemed to be doing his best to not just straight out devour her. And she wanted him to. She felt the corner of her mattress against the back of her knees.

Push me…’ She let the words stay silent in her mind. But when his fingers fell gently upon her cheek, their lips still entwined, she felt the electricity surge through her body. She took matters into her own hands, literally, and holding Sam, she let herself fall backwards onto the bed.

With his naked body on top of hers, there was certainly no denying his eagerness for her. It was kissing her lips. It was pressing into her belly. Cara wanted to touch his cock, wrap her mouth around it. But she wanted him to make the moves now, settling on simply pulling his body harder against hers.

Sam’s mouth left her lips, and he let his kisses and hands explore her body. Behind her ear, down the length of her stretched out neck, her shoulders. His tongue circled across the fine hairs around her nipples, cupping beneath her breasts and continuing his way down.

Cara flinched as his beard brushed down her side, that fine line between ticklish and tantric. That line was solidified to the latter as his head moved between her thighs. Sam lingered there, far longer than she could take, his breath warm on her glimmering pussy. He felt her try to push herself towards him, to close that tiny gap. He resisted a little longer.

Finally, with the air filled with Cara’s preemptive moans, he pressed his tongue against her labia, slowly lapping up each side. Her skin tasted like almond body wash, but her juices were natural, and Sam tried to hold himself back from diving into her too quickly. With a broad stroke, he brought his tongue to her clit. Her whole body shook, something unintelligible expelled from her mouth.

Sam was thankful for the small light coming in through the windows, all the better to see her with. With two fingers he eased back her hood, and circled her clit with the tip of his tongue. The more she reacted to him, the more he gave. He gently entered her pussy with a finger, drawing another moan from her. Her g-spot was where he expected, and he pressed against this little textured area, not losing contact, but maintaining that magical ‘come hither’ motion.

‘Harder finger, softer tongue,’ Cara managed between labored breaths. He followed her directions happily, and slowly took his fingers away from her hood. She felt them leave her, and was about to ask him to bring them back, until she heard him pulling his cock. Such a turn on to hear.

‘Fuck, just like that. Right there.’ Her words fell on his attentive ears. He felt her body move into a rhythm. ‘You’re gonna make me come,’ she panted. He dared not change pressure or positions and within a few more moments, she shook and shuddered around him, her thighs trembling against his ears.

Cara savoured every climatic moment, her whole body simultaneously flexed and relaxed. Sam was still between her thighs, slowing down his tongue and gently easing his finger from her pussy. ‘Get up here,’ she said, tugging at his shoulders. She tasted herself on his beard when he returned to kiss her. She loved it.

Her hand pushed between their bodies and guided his cock inside of her. ‘Oh god,’ Sam moaned, her naturally lubricated pussy drawing him further and further within. Her orgasm had perfectly loosened her for him, giving them enough freedom of movement, while holding onto one another’s texture.

This was not the kind of first encounter Cara was used to. The man diving right in to offer up a blow job, followed by his slow and gentle thrusts. All the while gazing into her eyes, punctuated by passionate kisses.

‘You can go harder,’ she whispered to him.

‘I intend to,’ he grinned back while maintaining this softer connection. Cara was enjoying this far more than she expected. Not just the slow movement, but this night with Sam. The buildup, the tease, the lusting. And of course, that orgasm. She smiled up to him, her hand gently touching his cheek.

And with that, Sam mixed it all up, driving his cock as deep as he could, his arm over her shoulder holding her closer for maximum penetration. Her eyes lit up immediately, and he followed up with repeated deep thrusts, ever gaining momentum and speed. Cara couldn’t keep her mouth closed as she watched him watch her with a relentless yearning.

‘You gonna come for me baby?’

‘You want me to?’ he managed through heavy breaths.

‘Fill me up,’ she grinned.

Sam was unsure if it was the permission or that gorgeous smile, but he suddenly realised he was far closer to coming than he had hoped. He shifted his positioning inside of her and with the contraction of her kegels, he was drawn rapidly to climax. He moaned and groaned as his cock exploded within her. Cara felt the hot cum spurting into the depth of her, each and every spasmodic ejection, the whole time unable to take her eyes off Sam’s ‘o face’.

For nearly a minute, he kept going, both in motion and ejaculation. He was amazed at just how much she had drawn from him, and let her know so by softly kissing her as hips slowed down until at last, their naked bodies lay entwined, lips locked, his cock softening inside her.

‘Grazie,’ he whispered in her ear.

‘Prego,’ Cara replied, kissing his cheek, his nose, his mouth.

I Want!

i desire

I want to take you out for a late breakfast in the morning. Talk shit over craft coffee and smashed avo. I want my eggs to go cold while I’m lost gazing into your big beautiful eyes, hooked on every word that dances from your lips. I want the world to fall away, where only you and I exist in our little bubble.

I want to sit at the bar with you and sip martinis, dirty of course, our toes tapping to the live jam from the corner. I want to feel your hand within mine. We chat when the band takes a break, but happy to enjoy listening to them once they resume, perfectly comfortable to sit silent in each other’s company.

I want to hold you throughout the night, our naked bodies pressed close together, kisses both short and long, but always impassioned. Your lips, as soft as gossamer, lilt my body, and my soul. I want to wake with the perfume of your hair filling my nostrils.

I want to go on a bushwalk with you, soaking in the scent of gums in the air, the sun dappling through the treetops. Our picnic upon the cliff top, homemade baba ganoush, deli meats and cheeses, gluten free crackers, picture perfect without the intrusion of an actual camera.

I want to tie you down to my bed and tease you until you beg for an orgasmic release. I want to cover your body with strawberry massage oil, before licking it all back off. I want to roll a wartenburg wheel slowly over you, along your hips, your sides, your thighs. You will find that fine line between ticklish and erotic.

I want to tongue fuck your dulcet pussy, lavish in her folds and keep you on edge, withholding your climax. I want to give you release only once my fingers latch onto your g-spot, with my mouth still engorged on your clit, and your body lashes about in seizure.

I want to see you take total control. I want to see you slide that harness up onto your hips, and watch as you slide the dildo into my ass and peg me. Thrusting at your own choice of pace, working my cock as you do. I want to see your tits bouncing as you do, the pleasure plastered to your face as you make me your own.

I want you to relish in the orgasm you deliver me, watching my cum spurt up onto my belly. The thick milky flow entangling itself in my snail trail. But I don’t want you to stop there. I want you to keep riding my ass, wrapping your hands around my ankles to raise my legs in the air, enough so you can better sink the dildo in even further.

I want to kiss and cuddle you after. My cum smearing all over our naked bodies as we make out like teenagers. Thirsty. Unbridled. Passionate. I want to twist your nipples until you’re ready for more, sliding my leg between your thighs, your cunt rubbing on my flexed quad.

I want to use my fingers elsewhere, so I’ll clamp your nipples up, stretch them out further. I want you on your knees, so I can eat out your ass while finger banging your pussy. Your whole body is a delightful smorgasbord, a variety of scents and flavours that nourish me, yet keep me ravenous for more.

I want to slowly awaken with you the next morning, our bodies exhausted and battered. I want to summon the strength to make you banana pancakes while you get the kettle on. I want you to grab me from behind while a flip the batter, and grab onto my cock while you kiss my neck. I want to smack your ass when you turn away back to our coffees.

But most of all, more than any of the above things, I just want you. Exactly as you are. Just the way you were when we first discovered each other, and all that may entail. That woman bursting with life and energy that sucked me in like I didn’t even know was possible.