9 Tips For Long Term Relationships!

‘We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect perfectly’ writes Sam Keen.

Before I finally said ‘I do to my beautiful wife, I dated a lot of women. It took me many years to realize that to better my relationship isn’t a romantic series which we all like to watch in the Television. I know you are asking yourself, What has kept you going in this relationship? To get the answer, continue reading this article and you will understand how I have managed to better my relationship the entire time I have been married.

What is important, being right or being happy?

My wife used to load the dishwasher the wrong way, squeeze the toothpaste tube in the center and do other things the wrong way. We used to argue over these small issues for quite a long time. Even there was a time I thought we would break up. That when I asked myself, What can I do to better my relationship? The first thing I did was to accept that we all have our difference. Then I realized that accepting these differences was the key to a happy relationship. I stopped micromanaging my partner by proving that I knew how to do things the right way, and accepted that there is not a wrong or right way of doing things, there is different ways. It doesn’t matter how tasks are done in the house, of important is that they have been done.

Communication is the key

It seems simple; you speak, he or she listen; and vice versa. I came to realize that it is more complex than it looks. Communication was the root of my relationship problems. Our gender differences, different personalities and contrasting way of thinking used to make the communication inside our relationship difficult. I learned to communicate effectively with my partner and this has lead to a happy and successful relationship as well as better night sleep for both of us. The biggest mistake I was making in my relationship was to deny my partner an environment where she could express her thoughts and feeling freely. My partner started to express herself freely when she realized that I wasn’t going to criticize her if she expressed herself.

Spontaneity

It is important to be spontaneous and romantic.  We ensure that once a week we do something for us, for our relationship, to bring us closer together.  Every Sunday night we ensure our plates are clean by 7pm and then have a romantic spa bath together.  With a nice glass of Chardonnay and have some down time to ourselves where all pretense is gone.  Sometimes we add pheromone spray and burn candles to add to the atmosphere.  These spa nights leave us closer and allow us some much needed and deserved intimacy that better my relationship.

Trust! We all need it

For my relationship to be solid, I came to realize that it is important to assume that my wife tells me what I need to know and do what she says that she is doing. The same should apply to her thus making this feeling to be 100% mutual. This is what trust means in our relationship. Trust is not all about fidelity, it is trusting that my partner will respect me, be honest with me and not hurt me. I have been able to better my relationship through learning how to handle conflict and anger better and not fight. We are able to tell each other the truth because we know how to handle the situation as two adults in a happy marriage.

 

Couple Moving House

Sharing unconditionally

Sharing is quite hard than it sounds. Most people aren’t good at sharing. We used to fight with my partner quite often for ownership of things and never used to let it go that easily. We used to give up the ownership of things when we were sure that they were going to benefit us in return. I came to realize that what we did with my partner was not sharing in fact, but trading. After we realized that someone had to give up something in order for us to be happy in our relationship, we haven’t fought for a very long time. I had to give up my home town and relocate to other town just for my partner. In addition, I give my wife an unconditional surprise once per week without expecting her to return the favor. It makes us feel good.

I used to assume that I knew my partner well; the truth was that I knew very little. I used to use my life skills, and make judgments and perceptions about her which I would generalize to  be the reality. I used to project my interpretation about her behavior through perception which was very wrong as I used to miss very important detail. To better my relationship, I learned how to resist my natural tendency to interpret my partner’s behavior and decided to be talking to her when I want to know what is going on. Asking as opposed to assuming has resulted to a more peaceful relationship as we are able to find out what we are truly feeling.

Our goals and dreams

I have come to realize that for us to have a successful relationship we need to nurture our individual goals, dreams and support our partner’s too. Nurturing means accepting the independence of my partner and even encouraging her. I have learned to be more independent and not depend on her 24/7 as this would mean to control her every move. In addition, I have learned to ask my partner what her dreams, goals and aspiration are, so that I can assist her to achieve them.

Handling the fights

It often said that most couples argue and fight over finance and sex a lot. But this is not really true. As I found out, we used to argue about sex and finance a lot while in fact it wasn’t about these two issues. There were more underlying issues such as control, trust and jealousy which we used to suffer from. Money and sex were very obvious because they were the currency of control in our relationship. We have learned to fight fairly in our relationship through calling time outs when things get out of control, not fighting and arguing in front of people and of important trying to solve the issue as opposed to trying to find out who is better than the other. We have abandoned the strategy of winning the fight at all cost and now work toward productive resolution which we can both accept.

Making Up Afterwards

It goes hand in hand that none of us like to fight, however one of the upsides of fight is the making up afterwards.  As mentioned above on of the bargaining currencies in a relationship is sex and make up sex always seems better, more passionate and intimate than sex when everything is going fine.  Whether it is because you are willing your frustrations out during the act because you still have anger or feel you have been wronger or trying to reinforce that you are still loved after knowing you have done the wrong thing or been a jerk, there is no denying make up sex is more intense.  By no stretch of the imagination am I suggesting you have a fight to hopefully have great make up sex afterwards but there is a silver lining in every cloud.

So in conclusion the best ways to better my relationship are free but I still take the time out to buy my spouse some sexy lingerie for occasions to reinforce my love to her and also to help her feel sexy and desired.  We have now been happy for more than 20 years and I cannot see myself living without her.

 

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