Experts Tips In Breaking The Fear Bubble In Trying Anal Sex For The First Time

how to anal sex

Whenever sex topics are talked about, almost everyone is willing to share their first time in bed. However, take in mind that most people often refer to vagina and penis penetration. For some, anal play or anal sex is still taboo, and only a few individuals are open with their anal play engagement.


But did you know that heterosexual anal intercourse is not an uncommon sexual activity? Women and men with ages ranging from 25-44 had experienced anal intercourse. In numbers, 35% of women and 44% of men engage with the said activity.


Yet, even with the numbers are increasing over recent years, some are still afraid of trying anal play for the first time. A lot of speculation and fears lead them to overthink how the entire experience will go. If you’re reading this, you might be interested in anal sex. Read on and let the experts clear your thoughts about anal sex. Maybe, after reading the article, you might find yourself relieved and excited to try it out with your partner.

Anal Sex Is For All

Contrary to what you hear or think, anal sex is definitely for everyone. Whatever gender orientation you have, you can enjoy anal sex with your partner. And one good thing with anal play is everyone has anuses, so you can either receive or get one, depending on your heart’s content.


You might be wondering how a woman can treat her partner (women to women or women to men scenario) during an anal play. You might be thinking that it’s kind of impossible before. However, these days, it’s easier than ever.


Thanks to many types of sex toys, it can now be done. Popularly referred to as pegging,  women can now treat their partners, either men or women, with an anal play through this sexual activity. Women can wear a strap-on dildo and penetrate the anus of their partners.


What’s even better is that the entire anal play can be improvised to add intensity to the experience using other sex toys. Moreover, couples can also share stimulation by using a strapless dildo. With this, the female partner can have her clit stimulated while pouncing her partner through their anus.


But all of these strange yet sexy sexual repertoire might come off a bit awkward for beginners, and we would like to break that awkwardness. Now, let’s read on what sex and relationship experts have to say about how a couple or an individual can break through the fear of anal sex.

Read What Experts About To Say…

According to sex educator and CannaSexual founder, Ashley Manta, our anus, made up of the sphincter and the rectum, are teeming with nerve-endings that, when stretched and filled in, give off a fantastic feeling. Feeling ecstatic yet? Hold on for a while. As per Luna Matatas, a sex and pleasure educator, you can’t directly dive into the whole anal play right away. Foreplay is a must.


That’s why treating your partner with a pleasure oral sex stimulator and other sex toys can be a great way to heat things up. It’s best to go slow and steady first. However, if you and your partner are already utilizing sex toys during intercourse, it can be a good start to introduce sex toys designed for anal play.


Certified sex therapist and a licensed psychologist, Rachel Needle, Psy.D  advise couples to always communicate with their partner. If your partner is having fears and doubt with anal sex, try to take things slowly. If you’re on the side of the relationship who does have more experience, discuss this new sexual activity and make sure both of you are on the same page.


Use lubricant as more lubrication means better and enjoyable anal sex. Remember that unlike the vagina, the anus doesn’t produce its lubrication. That’s why many women are naturally scared of what’s getting in there. You can also use water or silicone-based condoms.


Don’t hesitate to use anal sex toys. It’s highly suggested, and you don’t necessarily need to insert it to your anus right away. A little vibration can add a lot of new stimulation in the area. It can help you get acquainted with the new and strange sensation, as per sexologist Jill McDevitt.


Like masturbation, you can also introduce anal play on your own. This is best advised for individuals interested in trying new things on their own before trying it with someone else. It gives an individual a sense of freedom-, the liberty to experiment with new things on your body.  According to Alicia Sinclair, a sex expert and the woman behind b-Vibe,  that’s not a bad thing to do. It’s only natural that you want to explore the intricacies of your body by yourself.


Learn your most comfortable position. Whatever you read on any sex magazines or hear advice from friends, you always need to learn what position you and your partner are most comfortable with. If you are on the receiving end, it’s easiest to be on your back or stomach. Take it from Dr. Zhana Vrangalova, an NYU professor of human sexuality and also a LELO sexpert. However, comfort differs from one person to another, so take the time to figure out your most preferred position.


And to give you peace of mind, anal sex won’t stretch you out. If this factor scares you, don’t be. As per assistant clinical professor, Alyssa Dweck, MD at Mount Sinai School of Medicine, your anus will bounce back to normal after it accommodates a penis or sex toy entry. Thus, don’t worry about incontinence and enjoy the experience.


Anal sex or anal play has become a trendy sexual repertoire, so it’s not surprising that individuals and couples engaging with the activity are increasing. However, there are still individuals who are afraid of doing it. However, proper research, preparation, and communication with your partner can lead to enjoyable anal sex. These experts’ advice and tips can significantly help anyone interested in exploring their behind and enjoy the experience.


Author’s bio:

Belinda is a 42-year-old married mother of three who lives in Naples, Florida. While staying at home to raise her children, she began to write articles and blogs for various outlets. She was raised in a strict, Christian home, but has since found more peace with a more spiritual approach to life and health. A strong believer in natural and alternative medicine, energy healing, and total wellness, she stumbled on the health benefits of the female orgasm quite by accident. Since then, she has often written pieces that help inform others about the benefits she discovered. Belinda also enjoys taking care of her home and family, and often jokes that she is a bit of a Stepford wife… with a wild side. In her free time, she loves to spend time at the beach with her family, host parties and BBQ’s, and work outside in one of her many flower gardens.

VIP Interview With Dr. Holly Richmond Sex Therapist And Co-founder Of Next-Sex

Sextech consultant

Dr. Holly Richmond is well known for providing her services to Hollywood elite, and for heated discussions in the media regarding sex addiction and whether rehab for A-list celebrities in the recent onslaught of scandals actually works. Pulling no punches, her position is that sex addiction is a misnomer and the treatment principles unfounded. Her opinion on sexual health and wellness topics is well sought after and backed by a unique combination of credentials. She has a Ph.D. in somatic psychology, is a certified sex therapist and a licensed marriage & family therapist. She is also the founder of Sex and the Soma, a clinical practice, and the co-founder of Next-Sex, a consulting agency that focuses on technology, sex and health. She has worked with individuals of all genders, couples with desire discrepancies, and has helped women discover their sexual empowerment. Her expertise does not stop there. She was also the very first person to write VR adult entertainment for women—also directed by a women— that bridges the gap between entertainment and education. This is a VIP Interview with Dr. Holly Richmond.

Tell me about yourself

My name is Holly Richmond, PhD, and I am a somatic psychologist and certified sex therapist. I am the founder of Sex and the Soma, a clinical practice, and co-founder of Next-Sex a sextech consulting agency. My areas of expertise are fairly diverse under the umbrella of sex therapy and couples counseling, and I work in a way that pays equal attention to what my clients are saying and what their body is communicating somatically. This could be through body language, chronic pain issues, nervous system concerns, sexual dysfunction, or issues of body-based rigidity or laxity. One of my main areas of focus has been working with survivors of sexual abuse and assault, helping them to restore their sexual and relational health. I also treat couples with desire discrepancies and those in sexless marriages, as well as those wanting to explore consensual non-monogamy and open relationships. Much of my work over the past three years has been with men and women who struggle with sexual compulsivity (often erroneously called sex addiction) and I’ve had fantastic outcomes. Lastly, but certainly not conclusively, I love my work with individuals and couples with kinks and fetishes—you will never hear me say, “I’ve seen it all!” I truly appreciate how my clients surprise me.

What inspired you to work in the realm of Virtual Reality (VR) adult entertainment?

I was doing research for the book I’m writing, and interviewed the biggest names in sextech. One of the leading companies and initial purveyors of VR adult entertainment is Badoink, and through our talks they asked me to write the first VR script from a woman’s point of view (POV) that combined entertainment and sex education. I created this script based directly on issues my female clients struggle with, and wrote three scenes that all, in different ways, answered questions about female desire and arousal. I was on set during the shoot to work with the actors and ensure clinical authenticity, and am really happy with the final product. Please check out Virtual Sexology II at Badoink.

What inspires you?

I honestly have the best job ever because I get inspired by my clients each and every day. Some of them have persevered through incredibly difficult situations, and have come to a place where they have so much to give to their relationships and to themselves. It’s an incredible process to witness. Professionally, I’m inspired by Dan Savage and Ether Perel—Dan changed our cultural discourse on same sex relationships and LGBTQ rights, and Esther radically altered our dialogue about marriage and infidelity. I soak up as much as I can from them both in hopes that my work will similarly impact the way people think about sex and technology.

If I need a quick hit of productive inspiration, Tim Ferris is my guy, but if I need to go deeper, I turn to Buddhist psychology. Some of my favorite quotes in that realm are:

“Don’t believe everything you think”


“If it’s in the way, it is the way.”

But, my all-time favorite quote that inspires my work daily is by Anais Nin:

“You cannot save people. You can only love them.”

Sex therapist
Image: Dr. Holly Richmond Portrait

What is your book about?

The book is called Next-Sex, and my colleague, Stephen Duclos, and I are answering the question, “What’s next for sex?” The book comprises our research on the most emergent trends in sextech including Virtual Reality (VR), Augmented Reality (AR), teledildonics, sexbots and more. By investigating the influences of immersive technologies on sexual health, we identify how these developments affect individual satisfaction and intimate relationships, from dating apps to long-term partnerships. While it is certainly a comprehensive exploration of the technology, it’s actually more about us—the people who use it—and includes therapeutic insights on how to make the intersection of sex and tech as relationally beneficially as possible, whether the relationship is with others or ourselves.

What can we expect in the future of technology within the sexual lifestyle industry?

The sex toys that are coming out in the near future are going to blow your mind! Several innovative companies already offer teledildonics, and the capabilities of these products is only going to improve. Teledildonics are ideal for long distance couples. They can experience intimacy and eroticism together through immersive technologies by controlling and enhancing each other’s pleasure. Teledildonics offer a sense of deep connection, even when partners are multiple time zones apart. I see a future where more and more first date sex is virtual, and it will feel as close to actually being together as possible.

VR sex toy techology slideshow
Image: Whats Next For Sex

Should we be worried about buying VR sex toys. Will they replace our real sexual lifestyles, relationships and dating?

I don’t like to differentiate in-person sex and virtual sex with the term “real.” Where does that leave people who have only ever had sex with themselves or those who prefer to experience others sexually through technology? It feels wrong to tell them they are not having real sex. Sex, as long as it is consensual and pleasurable, gets to be defined by each individual. I also don’t think we need to be worried about VR or any of the emerging immersive technologies replacing person to person sex, and it certainly will not supplant relationships. I believe, because of the technology’s experiential qualities (instead of just watching, we are now experiencing through a felt sense) it will encourage more connection, not less. It’s people who are using the technology, technology isn’t using us. At the end of the day, the majority of us will still have an inherent need for proximal connection, touch and relational intimacy with all the messiness and beauty that entails.

Sexbot slideshow
Image: Sexbots

Do you feel this technology will change how we as a society view and engage with sex?

Absolutely, and this is one the things I am most excited about. I’m truly hoping this is the point in history where we decisively and unrelentingly step into a position of sex positivity. Through my lens, this means that all sex is good sex as long as it’s consensual and pleasurable. There are no “buts” here. That’s the end of the story. If someone only wants to have sex within a monogamous committed relationship, great. If someone wants to practice polyamory or BDSM or be asexual, demisexual, pansexual or only have sex through their use of technology, great. It’s all good, and it’s all good sex.

With technology giants like Tesla and SpaceX CEO Elon Musk being worried about killer robots taking over the world, should we be worried about VR technology?

I have a hard time imagining a world where that’s a possibility. VR has actually been called an “empathy machine,” and I believe it’s the closest thing to that we’ve ever experienced. My interest in immersive technologies is largely about their somatic qualities—the felt sense they deliver—and a huge piece of this is encouraging eye contact. That’s something that’s not possible with the 2-D technology we use now. With eye contact comes empathy, and with empathy comes compassion, so it’s really hard for me to get from there to killer robots.


Image: Dr. Holly Richmond Banner

Is there any question or information you would like to add to the article?

As far as my clinical practice is concerned, I am really putting my money where my mouth is, so to speak, and am exclusively offering distance counseling via technological applications like Skype, FaceTime, Hangouts, etc. At this time, though I’ll travel for intensives with my clients upon request. Technology is only going to get more pervasive and immersed in our lives, and I want to help people learn to use it in ways that are beneficial, and certainly doing therapy or coaching is one of those.  In regard to my sextech consulting, I am excited about opportunities to produce more content that combines entertainment and sex education, as well as develop immersive technology products that truly meet the sexual and relational health needs of individuals and couples. I feel like I have a front row seat into people’s bedrooms (without the nudity, of course!), and I’m eager to affect change in a positive way.