Anorgasmia

female sexual health

Say it with me now.

An-or-gaz-mia

 

What is it? It is the inability to reach orgasm. Whether this is vaginally, clitorally, penally or at all. Anorgasmia.

 

Today we will be talking about female Anorgasmia because I have been talking more and more to ciswomen who not only feel the pressure to have an orgasm during intercourse but feel that there is something inherently wrong with them that they can’t or haven’t had an orgasm either at all, or during intercourse with their partner.

 

And it causes them considerable mental stress and significant emotional turmoil.

 

I am not yet an expert but I do have a lot of experience. I am well read in this and I have conversed with many people about this and through research both academic and of my own volition there is nothing wrong with not being able to achieve orgasm.

 

A study in both America and the UK showed that over 70% of women volunteered that they either had very infrequent orgasms or none at all. Out of those 70% many explained that occasionally they could achieve orgasm during penetrative intercourse if they stimulated their clitoras during play. Others reported that they waited and masturbated after penetrative intercourse was finished. Others reported that they “faked” an orgasm to cover up not being able to achieve one.

 

Upon further academic and article research I found that there is quite the stigma around cis women “faking” orgasms because they feel that they are expected to, or that they don’t want to disappoint their partner. As instagram @froeticsexology says “orgasms don’t define good sex” and highlights that we should be aiminf for pleasure instead of orgasms.

 

Anorgasmia can occur because of many factors and can be resolved, if it causes you concern or distress. Anorgasmia can stem from:

  • psychological reasons,

  • PTSD,

  • stress,

  • medication,

  • physicality or

  • barriers to stimulation

  • to name a few.

 

Different methods can be used and explored to resolve Anorgasmia. Your doctor may be able to assist with anorgasmia, other health professionals can also prove to be beneficial, such as a psychologist, or counsellor or even selecting and speaking to a Sexologist or Sex therapist. Sexologists are growin in number and awareness within our community, providing accredited information to our communication and helping in educating, breaking the stigma around sex and assisting us in feeling comfortable in discussing all things sex. Head over to https://societyaustraliansexologists.org.au/practitioner-directory/ to find an accredited sex therapist near you.

 

Another method which is highly effective with Anorgasmia is relaxation and self exploration. Solo.

 

These days there is much pressure on us, sexually and in everyday life. Both of these can sometimes be linked to anorgasmia.  Relaxation and getting in touch with your own body, in your own time, no pressure, no expectations can be a great way to connect and engage with your body and your feelings and your pleasure. Self exploration and masturbation is the next key. Take it slow. Explore your body, your skin, lips, nipples, clitoras, labia and vagina. Slowly. Use toys to help you explore the senses. Try vibrations and heat, rotations and thrusting.

 

Using insertables, try finding your g-spot. Release the notion that the vagina is full of nerves and hold in your mind that the pleasure of the vagina is pressure. The nerves are mainly felt through the clitoral root that wraps around the vagina, lending its sensation to the G spot. Use a g spot vibe or your fingers to curl against this spot half a finger length up into your vgainal entrance.

 

Some cis women may not orgasm from the G pot, remember this isn’t just about orgasm, its about pleasure. But let’s delve a little deeper. Some women need their A spot stimulated to climax.

 

The A spot is so aptly named for the anterior fornix which is located towards the rear of your vaginal cavity just before your cervix. The A spot focuses the most on pressure. So stimulating the spot with a broad head of a toy and rubbing or massaging this spot will focus the greatest amount of pleasure. Utilising a massage wand that  is able to be inserted will provide a large/broad head and powerful and concentrated point of vibration that will stimulate both the A-spot and the G-spot simultaneously.

 

If attempting to explore the A-spot and it is a tad uncomfortable it is very possible that you are not aroused enough and that you’re hitting the cervix or “bottoming out” take a breath. When cis-women are aroused the vaginal canal extends up into the abdomen, tucking the cervix out of harm’s way. The A-spot is on the tummy side of the cervix. The P-spot (aptly named for the Posterior Fornix- did you guess?) is on the opposite side of the cervical opening, towards the spine.

 

Both these spots can feel amazing to most women but they come with patience and exploration. Rubbing up against these spots will increase moisture and slickness within the canal, the blood rushing from arousal heightening these delicate pressure plates. Bending your legs upwards towards your stomach, or supporting your lower back with a pillow will bring this wondrous spot closer to the touch.

 

Again, and I cannot stress this enough, take this slow. If there is discomfort, stop. But don’t give up. This is why self exploration is so much fun, you try again and again, with no agenda, no time sensitivity. relax , breathe deep, add some more lubrication and stimulate your clitoras to bring more blood flow and arousal and try again.

 

Try different gels and oils to assist with arousal. “On Ultra” is a topical ciltoris oil utilising cinnamon, sweet almond and ginger to spur arousal and provide a tingling, vibration on the nerves found there. This assists in arousal, by stimulating blood flow, and inducing the production of a wetter canal. Try some and sit with the feel, become aware with the vibrations you feel and the warmth as it spreads to your Labia and throughout your pelvic area. Now try your insertables again. Being mindful throughout this process also proves in increasing attention, feeling and relaxation within the moment. All of these are essential to that good feeling and good place to help encourage an orgasm.

Using a bullet, a wand or a clitoral specific massager can be used to stimulate the nerves on the clitoral root. When the body is aroused, the clitoras will retract a little underneath the protective hood, to lessen the sensitive nerve endings. With your toy of choice, or your fingers, apply slight pressure and massage for pleasure. As the heat and feelings build, don’t be afraid and pull back, gently lean yourself into the feeling. Try and release the tension that you begin to feel throughout your body and surrender. As the pleasure mounts you may feel it give way. And what a feeling. Different different clitoral toys will depend on how sensitive you are, how steady handed you are, and how much power you would like to assist you. If you find yourself getting frustrated, that’s ok too. Take a break. Remember what we said about the pressure on ourselves? If you’re wondering when it will happen? Or why it’s taking so long? Chances are that you are willing yourself into a mindset where you will be unable to achieve an orgasm, and significantly affect the pleasure you are feeling within the moment.

 

Getting in touch with your own body and your own pleasure is empowering. It helps you to relax, it helps you to learn. And the more you learn overtime, the more you may feel more confident to invite a second player in to share in the secrets that you have found. Practice definitely helps to train your body to relax, surrender and invites a safe space for pleasure.

 

But most importantly, have fun. Delight in the surrender of your body and the touch. Focus on feeling good, and doing things that feel good. Don’t view the orgasm as the finish line. View self pleasuring or masturbating as the goal, and the orgasm, whether you have it or not, as a happy addition.

Anorgasmia is not something to feel shame about. It is a learning curve. And it is more common than we are led to believe. By talking about it, more people will be aware of it, its commonality, the reasons behind it, and how masturbation and self exploration can help.

 

At your service;

Tiffany

Oh Zone Sales assistant, educator and avid explorer.

Dr. Stacy, How Can I Achieve An Orgasm?

Woman with a happy sexual lifestyle

This week Dr. Stacy Friedman a clinical sexologist and certified sex coach has partnered up with Adultsmart to answer some of your deepest and most intimate anonymous questions from Reddit.

Question

I am a woman who is having difficulty achieving an orgasm.

When you talk to women like me what advice do you tell them?

Dr. Stacy Friedman’s Answer

When being intimate, the main focus of sex should be about enjoying the journey, focusing on the pleasure and not being concerned about the performance.   Of course, having an orgasm is definitely an important part too, especially for women, but it isn’t always easy for a woman to have an orgasm.   Not because the lack of trying, but some women may not understand what is needed to help themselves achieve the big-O.  Some women can orgasm through vaginal sex, while some can only have an orgasm through clitoral stimulation.  Believe it or not, about 75% of women must have clitoral stimulation to orgasm, so if you are concerned that you are only able to do it on your own or with your partners help orally or manually, you are not alone- actually, you are the majority.  So what can you do to help improve your chances of having an orgasm?

Sexually fulfilled woman
Joyful Woman On Her Bed
  1. First, make sure there are no medical conditions that are keeping you from having an orgasm such as conditions that may have sexual side effects, any nerve damage, or medications that you take, which may reduce sensitivity, such as antidepressants. If all that is good, then it may be something more in your mind, which is keeping you from feeling the pleasure.
  2. Masturbate! If you don’t know what you like or how your body reacts to stimulation, how can you expect your partner to know?  People enjoy different sensations and get turned on by varied types of touch.  It is up to you to know your body and to take the time to learn what touches feel good and what places on your body can be more sensitive.  Put on some soft music, turn down the lights, and go into bed or maybe even a bathtub and begin. Start slow; make sure you are able to relax someplace where you won’t be interrupted.  There are no rules on how or what to do, just as long as you do something that feels good.  You have to clear your mind and focus on the feelings you are producing and allow yourself to breathe. Which brings me to the third suggestion.
  3. Learning how to be in the moment, to enjoy the sensations and feelings you are experiencing is very important for women.  We are always thinking of laundry that needs to be done, errands that need to be run, kids that need to be taken care of and everything else under the sun.  Breathing slow, deep, purposeful breaths can put us more into a state of relaxation so we can focus. Women especially, need to be more mentally and physically in tune to themselves when trying to have an orgasm, so learning to relax and breathe is very important as it allows you to be present with yourself.
  4. Get in the mood. If you are with a partner, communicate with them and work together to prime each other up throughout the day.  Start with verbal communication, such as sexy words and thoughts, flirty texts and doing things that make you feel sexy!  Put some lingerie on underneath your clothes, do your make up, get a pedicure, read “50 Shades of Gray”, dab some clit stimulating cream between your legs through the day so you feel a slight throb as you think of what’s to come.  Creams that have L-Argenine are great for bringing blood flow to the surface, so look for creams that may include that ingredient.
  5. Don’t be afraid to help yourself while being intimate or having sex! If you have a free hand or a toy, use it!  Don’t be shy! Since the majority of women orgasm through clitoral stimulation, you have a better chance to enjoy an orgasm if you manually stimulate yourself or use a toy during intercourse to help bring you where you want to go!  A silver bullet is a great starting toy, since it’s easy to use and lots of fun!
  6. Position, position, position! Play around with different positions, amounts of pressure and motions to learn what works best for you. Prop yourself up with a pillow under your hips and move with your partner in a slightly circular, grinding motion.  This will help put some pressure and friction on the clit, which stimulates the nerves just at the right spot. Playing around with different movements, speeds and techniques can be the ticket to better orgasms and most importantly, take the time to enjoy sex for pleasure and not performance.  That will also help determine your potential for orgasmic bliss!

An important take away is that you are responsible for your pleasure and orgasm. Your partner can help for sure, but it is the woman’s responsibility to know herself and her needs so she can be open to allowing her mind and body to enjoy what the journey has to offer.  The closer connected you are to your partner and the more warmed up you get ahead of time, the more likely you will have success in allowing your body to enjoy an orgasm to its fullest potential!

Get Excited! This Fusion Is Bi Stronic

Fun Factory Bi Stronic Fusion Sex Toy Photo

Bi Stronic Fusion Is A Special One!

Fun Factory Sex Toys are popular around the world because of their quality and design!  From all of the Fun Factory vibrators, I must say the Bi Stronic Fusion is a special one and is really interesting for many reasons. First of all, it is the fusion of two previous Fun Factory vibrators: MiSS Bi and Stronic Eins. They took the best features from these two vibrators and gave us this great looking Bi Stronic! I found the MiSS Bi really good looking and powerful sex toy that has won a Red Dot Award For Product Design but I always thought that the size was too small,. When it comes to the Stronic Eins, I found it annoying that it was only offering thrusting movements without the typical powerful vibrations we enjoy so much. I honestly don’t really like the look of this sex toy.

Just by taking out the Bi Stronic Fusion from the box and having this beast in my hand, it’s already an experience. The insertable part measures 4.25” and has a girth of 1.5”. When holding it, I can say that I have a mixture of excitement and a weird feeling because. To be honest, I’ve never had a vibrator of this size, so at first sight I found it a bit imposing but I am not totally impressed as I found the size quite realistic and really love the design (I choose the purple colour that I found beautiful).

Once the box has been opened, to be able to use it, it’s necessary to charge the toy (at least for a few hours the first time) and unlock your new toy (press the fun button and middle button at the same time). I particularly appreciate the simplicity and modernity of the loading mode.

 

Fun Factory Bi Stronic Fusion Sex Toy Features
Sex Toy: Fun Factory Bi Stronic Fusion Features

What The Bi Stronic Comes With

The toy comes with a magnetic USB cable, using “Click n’ charge” technology. The recommended charging time is 16 hours, which allows a battery standby time of about three months before recharging. The Bi Stronic Fusion has two motors that operate independently from each other. The main one is for vaginal use and the small one is made to stimulate your clitoris. Perfect for the ones who love to have double pleasure (at the same time or separately, it’s your choice.) There are three buttons to use: Hold the red fun button to turn on/off the toy, hold the middle button to turn on/off the pulsation modes and use the first button to go through the vibration modes.

The Bi Stronic Fusion offers 6 vibration modes and 8 pulsation modes, which can be combined as desired by using the two buttons provided for this purpose. It’s possible to turn off the vibration or pulsation modes whenever you desire. I must say that as far as I am concerned, the most effective combination would definitely be the both of them at the same time (it almost feels like the real action). After testing all the modes of pulsation and vibrations by mixing several combinations, I can tell you this toy is a great deal as there are 48 combinations to try!! Moreover, I love the fact that the clitoral stimulator is large and thick, as it gives me more of a chance to reach the right spot!

Fun Factory Bi Stronic Fusion Features Sex Toy Image
Buy Now | Fun Factory Adult Store

An Amazing Amount of Options

It’s amazing the amount of options that we can have with one toy only. For the ones who like me, enjoy penetration with varied movements to increase the excitement, this toy is amazing!

I certainly can agree with some users by saying that it’s not the simplest vibrator to use because of the pulsation/vibration options but at the same time, I can honestly say that it would just take you a minute or so to get used to. The fact that the Bi Stronic Fusion allow us to receive back and forth movements that can be weird at first as they’re quite strong pulsations. Just by holding it in my hands, my arms are shaking! This vibrator doesn’t disappoint me, it’s as powerful as I hoped.

Another point that I appreciate, is that this vibrator is very quiet compared to some sex toys. I never thought it could be that quiet with the pulsation options! When you live around people like me, it’s definitely a must and what convince me or not to buy a toy. Also, with its nice silicone that is hand-poured into moulds in Germany, the Bi Stronic Fusion is indicated to be 100% waterproof and safe for anal use. Always use a water based lubricant. Clean with warm water and mild soap if you don’t use a toy cleaner.

The only negative part of the Bi Stronic Fusion is the weight. It’s one of the heaviest vibrators that I had the opportunity to try. It shouldn’t be an issue if you are laying down and in a comfortable position, so I can say that it doesn’t really matter to me. If you still wondering why you should try the Bi Stronic Fusion, I will give you two more reasons: You can purchase this sex toy from Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Centres or from Adultsmart so you better hurry up! Fun Factory is not only a well-recognized sex toy brand, but it includes a 2 year warranty (for defective motors). Read our exclusive interview with Laura Von Der Brelie from Fun Factory.

Author: Aissata is a consultant from Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle CentresSave

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Experience Le BeBe For Pure Extase

Extase Le Bebe Photo

Vibrating eggs aren’t something I’d normally jump to, they just don’t appeal to me but when I saw the Extase Le BeBe my curiosity was peaking. In a white and purple box a cute and petite egg was nicely presented to me and a draw with a pouch for after use storage and my all-time favourite double ended charger (YAY for not having to charge one piece of your toy at a time because that sucks or having one part of the toy rechargeable and the other battery, nothing annoys me more.). Le BeBe comes in two different colours, blue and rose.

Le Bebe BAlls
Extase Sex Toys

 

BeBe may look small but it is just small enough to be able to please you in all the right ways. Perfectly designed to fit into the vagina and curved just enough for clitoris use for those who enjoy outside stimulation more. Le BeBe is made of a nice soft body safe silicone with no phthalates. Water based lube is recommended but the BeBe will definitely get your juices flowing. Conveniently rechargeable both the remote and the egg, a full charge will take around two hours which isn’t as long as some of the eggs and other toys out on the market. The two hours of charge will give you around 2.5 hours of fun depending on the speed you like to use. Le BeBe has 5 stimulation modes, that may not seem like much but the vibes are a great intensity for all types of people who enjoy all types of different vibes.

All the time I hear about how people hate when you’re in the middle of doing your thing and the toy dies… Good news!! BeBe has a low battery indicator so once you see that you know it’s time to charge this little baby up!

Once the BeBe is fully charged the LED lights will stop flashing/fading to let you know it’s time to take it off the charge and is ready to use. Do not charge for more than 24 hours and make sure you use the provided charger when recharging. To get the remote and the egg to sync together all you need to do is press the button on the egg for five seconds and the LED light will pulsate quickly for 10 seconds. After that you’ll  need to press the button on the egg for one second, that will put the egg on stand-by mode, after that you will need to press the + button on the remote to activate your egg. Keep pressing the + button to choose your speed. Like most remote controlled eggs there is a – button to turn down the intensity. If you like a pattern (because sometimes it’s good to change things up and patterns are great) all you need to do is press the M button on the remote and the egg will change to different patterns. To turn off your egg all you need to do is press the – button until it’s on the lowest setting, after that to take the egg off standby mode and to turn it completely off you will need to push the button on the egg for 2 seconds.

Le BeBe is completely wireless which is a popular demand around here at Oh! Zone Penrith. So if you are riding solo you can insert the egg and play around with the vibrations obviously by the remote or have some fun with your partner and give them all the power >:) The Le BeBe remote can also be synced with another BeBe egg by using the syncing method I stated earlier. So now you can have two eggs for the one remote and double the fun.

At a measurement of 64x 32x 22mm Extase were not joking when they say petite, the remote isn’t much bigger at 68x 30x 24mm. They both weight next to nothing and won’t feel grossly big and uncomfortable. The egg weights 28.8 grams while the remote weights 23.2 grams. It’s crazy something soo magical can weight soo little and still be amazingly strong and super quiet.

Le BeBe is splash proof so you’ll need to avoid getting water or lube in the socket where the charger goes but it’s specially designed with a small plug that is tightly sealed for all the pleasure. You cannot use the egg underwater. Cleaning the sex toy is a breeze with antibacterial toy cleaner. After cleaning place your toy in the pouch provided and it’s ready for the next time you are in the mood. Do not use Le BeBe on inflamed, swollen or wounded areas. Stop using if you feel pain or any kind of discomfort. Not recommended to use while pregnant.

Reminder: The more often you use your toys the longer they last, masturbate more often.   Come visit us at the adult lifestyle centres!

About the author: Lauren is a consultant from Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Centres

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NU Sensuelle Curve Vs Precious Metal Slims!

Sex Toy Fight

Tonight I had a look at two similarly priced hard g spot vibes to see how they compared. Both sell well and seem to be pretty effective going off the number of repeat buyers, they’re also handily sized to fit in even a small handbag so great for getting your sex play out of your bedroom or for taking to your date’s place and also quite discreet because of that small size. So here we go friends, the Sensuelle Curve and the Precious Metal Slims.

I will start out with the Sensuelle Curve which is a G-Spot sex toy made by Novel Creations. The G-Spot orgasm is most commonly involved with female ejaculation, so whether you are a regular squirter or have never squirted but would like to, this could be the toy for you. I am reviewing this sex toy first, simply because it was the first one I picked up and looked at. The silicone is high quality, luxurious, body-safe and feels silky smooth to the touch. The little number that comes in two different colours which are pink and purple – these two colours are surprisingly the most bought colours at Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Centres. The Sensuelle Curve is on the bigger size measuring measures 13.5 cm x 3 cm which I enjoy so the width can cover a bigger surface in my vagina. It also has 20 different functions so you are completely covered to find a multitude of powerful vibrations that will suit any type of orgasmic experience you would enjoy. You can achieve pin point stimulation of the tip of the Sensuelle Curve so you can use it for clitoral stimulation to. To recharge place it in it’s rechargeable docking station which will also keep it safe from falling over. Since it is rechargable, this vibrator is on the quiet side unlike anything which is battery operated.

This Sensuelle Curve has one operating button placed on the very base of the toy so it’s quite simple to use – press the button once to turn it on, press it again to scroll through the different functions, each press will change it to the next function. You can turn it off without having to scroll through all the functions too, which is always a good thing I think. Just hold the button down for a couple of seconds in a long press and the vibrator will turn off.  Now once you have turned the vibe on you will immediately notice how strong the vibrations are. This is characteristic of all the Novel Creations Sensuelle range of vibrating sex toys and is one of the main reasons they are so popular. The motors are so strong in fact that many people find their highest settings too strong to handle but they also always seem to feature a good range of speeds and vibration patterns so there is a strength to suit almost everyone. The Sensuelle Curve is no exception. The Sensuelle Curve also comes with 12 month warranty.
G-Spot Vibe
Curve Vibrator
Now the Precious Metal Slims is much more slimmer than the Sensuelle Curve. It is also much harder and the finish is not velvety, instead it’s the smooth plastic kind of feel. It comes in several pretty and eye-catching metallic shades. So if you’re a disco diva this could be the toy for you! This is also a battery powered sex toy although it uses 2 x AAA batteries.  Since it is powered by batteries, the vibration sound will be quite louder. You will also have to replace the batteries when they run out. There is just one function button also so again simple use but unfortunately with this sex toy you do have to scroll through all the functions before turning it off. Boo 🙁 There are 10 functions to scroll through when all you want to do is lie there in post orgasmic bliss and exhaustion, but hey, you can’t have everything, right? At least those 10 functions won’t leave you wanting for variety. The Precious Metal Slims vibrations on this sex toy are not as strong as the Sensuelle Curve. If you like them really strong this may not be the one for you but if instead you are more sensitive and only prefer or need a lighter touch then this will be a plus for you. After all, there is not ‘one vibe fits all’ and variety is a good thing. The Precious Metal Slims Vibe is also very reasonably priced so gets a tick from me in that department.
Precious Metal Sex Toy
Precious Metal Vibe
Both these vibrators are waterproof so you can take your play to the bath or shower.  Now it’s hard for me to choose which is the better because they both have some great features so I would say that the main point to consider in choosing which is the right toy for you is the motor strength. If you want power or luxury, I would say go with Sensuelle Curve and you will be a happy camper. If you love a slightly more gentle vibration and shiney treat yourself to some Precious Metal. Either way you should have loads of G-Spot fun with these sex toys, and don’t forget you can use a separate clitoral toy at the same time for a super orgasmic experience, so enjoy babes xx
Jade is a consultant at the Oh Zone Stores.

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