Change The World With Kindness!

Survival of the fittest the old Darwinism principal – may the strongest survive.  But are we still roaming on the plains for our survival?  No, our battles range from the boardroom to the dance floor.  Caught up in wanting others to see how successful we are, how beautiful our bodies, how we have this label or that driving in our top of the line car.

But is all this self-interest, competing, self-adoration healthy for a person mentally and when will enough be enough.  The trouble with wanting material things is that you always want more and the appreciation/satisfaction time diminishes every time.  One will never be completely satisfied wanting and striving for more.

The man who works and strives to make it to the top of his chosen career – finally climbs that final set and asks himself and where to now.   Many ‘successful’ people turn to alcohol and drugs to create an artificial high as life provides no satisfaction anymore.  Things are just things and what does it all mean anyway?

It is now thought, and science backs this up, that devoting time, resources or good-will to others brings about lasting well-being and satisfaction.  A bit of kindness goes a long way.  In fact many corporate employers who were in the past only performance driven and focused on those traits in groom potential employee’s have had an entire mind-set change.  Now questions relating community work, kindness and empath are prevalent as those people tend to be more loyal to their employers creating a sense of community and good values to the workplace.

There are many types of kindness the first and most apparent is active.  This type of kindness means a helping hand towards people in need.  Awakening the senses and becoming aware of other peoples needs.  It could be as small a deal as saying hello to someone who is lonely, or opening a door for someone carrying bags, even just saying to someone that you really appreciate them.

Then there is truthful kindness.  When from a loving place you help someone who is going to make a mistake.  It can be as simple as seeing your child going to school with two different coloured socks and letting them know before they get embarrassed by someone not so understanding.  Or letting that lady know that she has the back of her dress tucked in her underpants.

Silent kindness is done by people that want to do good for others without others knowing.  They want to make the lives of other people better and that in itself is enough for them.  Many people who have made it to the ‘top of their game’ realise that it never fulfilled them and end up becoming philanthropists trying to ‘pay back’ for their past deeds and outlook on life.

How about those people that choose to do ‘random acts of kindness’ for others.  It can be as simple as paying for the coffee of the person behind you in a drive through, or buying a homeless person a pair of shoes.  Going out deliberately to offer kindness to a person you have never met before.

Of course the most important kindness one can give is to oneself.  How can you love or give to another if you are not kind to yourself? Forgive yourself for your shortcomings and embrace your strengths.  Both you and the world will feel a better place.  Why not change the world with your acts of kindness?

 

The Truth About Valentines Day!

Valentine’s Day is just around the corner and while many people prepare lavish gifts and nights out with their loved one, there are those of us that dread this day. It can already be hard enough to see couples out when you pick up your morning coffee, but for some reason, it seems that much harder on Valentine’s Day.

Films and fairy tales have a lot to answer for. They wrote the rules for love stories, and propagated these myths with mass consumption. Yet rarely are real lives as clean cut as the background-poor caricatures forever thrust upon us. A story resonates with us on deeper levels because it is designed to pass on a message of survival. An experience shared to help us better know how to navigate our own lives without, hopefully, the pain of going through such times ourselves.

‘Don’t eat at that place, my friend Leslie had a whole glass of red wine tipped over her by the incompetent waitress, all over that new dress she bought just for that first date!’

Sure, not exactly a life and death story, but our need for actual survival stories has greatly diminished through the ages. I believe that where we need the most help, the most guidance, is in matters of the heart.

And mainstream stories just aren’t cutting it.

Life and love are messy. We’ve all met lovers, and we’ve lost most of them through a vast array of reasons. Sometimes we reflect on where it all went wrong, what we could have done different, if it was something we could have changed in ourselves, or adapted to, or if it was purely in the hands of the other. At which time, we might ask ourselves why weren’t we more aware of their shortcomings to begin with.

Dating, as I’m often told, is a long process. There might be a few dates before the first kiss, numerous more until the first night shared together. It can progress through lovely outings, bushwalks, restaurants and cafes, and a plethora of other activities designed to wear your purse and free time thin. This blossoming relationship might then move to more intimate settings, a perfectly home cooked meal presented with matched wines, sat across from one another on a candle lit table as the alcohol eases your defences and helps the bond to grow between you.

Eventually, maybe a year later, and months of discussion first, you move in together. You into their place, they into yours, or a whole fresh start somewhere new. And perhaps this is where those first signs of being mismatched reveal themselves. This is when you realise all those beautiful nights spent around the dining table, quietly admiring the cleanliness of the house was indeed just a three hour cleaning spree before your arrival, as most of the time their living conditions could be likened to squalor. Or that even at their age, and their years having previously lived with a woman, they still leave the toilet seat up. That the household bills are ignored until the letters arrive with red ink splattered across the page.

Because while that beautiful time of keeping the day to day away from your romance, in the end, those things make a difference. And the older you get, the less room for change and adaptability there is on both ends. Perhaps you can pinpoint their selfish nature back to so many events of their lives, but the reality is, unless they openly seek to better themselves, this is never going to change. Those historical events don’t disappear.

Which is why I said ‘as I’m told’ when it comes to the traditional idea of dating. I jump headlong into things. I want to have an idea of what I’m in for as soon as I can. And at my age, anything I become involved in is with an eye on the long term.

I say long term because I think I’ve become sceptical enough to not say forever, even though that could always eventuate. There is an average of two marriages in my immediate family, some more, some less. Only two are still going, one nearing four decades, the other nearing four months.

We like to love. We like to give ourselves wholeheartedly. It’s a blessing and a curse. I don’t believe in regret, no matter how much pain I may end up in, or worse yet, the pain I can cause to others. Because although I just spoke of the selfish nature some show in their relationships, there is a need for some selfishness, and that simply, is to be happy.

Life is too short to not be happy.

And that’s why this Valentine’s Day, and in fact every day, it is most important to love yourself first and foremost. Learning to be comfortable in your own skin, in your own heart, in your own thoughts.

When, or if, we ever then meet someone, we can be strong within ourselves, know who we truly are, and let them see that side of us. Maybe we’ll even think about how much do we care if bills are paid late or the toilet seat is left up, because in the end, does that really matter?

A rhetorical question? No. In the end, it shouldn’t matter. Because if we can love ourselves first, then we will have love to shroud another in, should we want.

This Valentine’s Day, I’m going to spend it alone, with the one I love.

And probably a pizza. And that horror movie the ex always refused to watch.

Why Do Wives Cheat On Their Husbands?

After the advent of globalisation,  and the deluge of information technology and its 24/7 availability at your doorstep with Tinder and such applications easily accessible,  the rate of married women having been unfaithful to their husbands has increased many folds.  It seems that more women than ever are cheating, the fact you can be sure when you become a part of the  women gossip clubs. It is really interesting to see when women  admit that they are cheating — and what  motivates them to do so throws light on what is happening inside marriages to shift it to a state of adultery.
These questions first occurred to me not long ago when I  found some of my lady colleagues in the educational field having their computer history showing visits to porn sites. Of course this didn’t mean they were unfaithful but  visual stimuli begets lust and may lead to an exploration into the domain of  one of the seven sins. After some days  it began to dawn that few particular man woman pair ( and there were many ) would make a request for attending a  symposium or a paper presentations or a seminar of two to three days, outside the state. Later on,  the reports of their romp here and there and actual absence on the day of seminar used to trickle down in the form of reports. I  began to wonder how many of my lady colleagues were actually faithful to their husbands, who, in majority  were working for  information technology sector having on-site projects. From a distance, the wives seemed happy as they talked about their husband’s foreign assignments,  family work, like doing class/homework of their  kids,  attending parent/teacher meetings, home loan,  car loan,  taking care of their in-laws,  festival celebrations and  discussion  about busy social life. They never showed they were angry, unfulfilled or resentful, if they felt so. Yes, they never spoke favourable about their in-laws, especially about their mother-in-laws.
Then one day, my coordinator whose wife was also a faculty, told me that  one of her lady colleagues confided in her that  she was  having an affair  with her head of department over last five years.  One lady professor  was having with her male colleague whereas another woman  had it with her  project guide. One  had such a long history of sexting and indecent emails that one whole laptop’s hard disk was full of such obscenity.
 Over the time I  understood that the picture was same everywhere  irrespective of the organisation and sector one worked. It was more rampant if not less in call centres and ITES.   It was there in the housing societies, apartments, skyscrapers, townships, throughout cities, metros and mega cities. Coming back to my organisation, surprisingly many women were  nonchalant in describing their extramarital sides.  It’s not that they didn’t love  their husbands, but they had a feeling that their emotional, psychological and physical  (sexual) needs  were not being given importance inside the marriage.   The women in their late thirties or the millennials  especially, were of the opinion that the age long institution of marriage was an experience of oppression, suppression and was suffocating them. Being unfaithful was a kind of dissent against this institution. The earlier generation abided by the sanctity of this culture although there were skirmishes and quarrels and  the matters were either settled amicably or legally  by way of divorce and alimony but now, the smartphone generation was smarter as they were unwilling to abandon the marriages and families they had  built over the years thereby avoiding the  stigma of  being a  divorcee and of subsequent complexity by being into adultery.
 Which factors were  leading the women into infidelity was a matter totally different but it was sure that it was not an escape from a mismatch or a miserable union. All marriages were functioning well, they seemingly loved each other, worked to raise the children and went once in a month for an outing and for a vacation at exotic places once in a year. But at the same time they found married life as monotonous,boring and repeating, sort of a déjà vu. Some women felt they were doing proportionately more work than their husbands. The labour they put was unproductive and the gender specific role was a deterrent for happiness. Some opined that their husbands were competent adults outside but were another child to look after when in home. Division of labor  was unequal some said.  The house hold chorus made matters worse.The cultural beliefs which were  fruitless  hang on  for centuries did more harm than good. When looking after a kid husbands seemed to be very least of a contributor. In many cases maintaining cordial relationship with relatives and with kith and kin was a sole responsibility of a woman and husbands were homebodies instead of somebodies.
Balancing the work-life concept was too difficult to handle and under such conditions, conversation leading to own sexual desire was dead.   Slow but steady emotional breakdown was a result of lack of physical intimacy  in the marriage.   Husbands performed as though they were acting in a porn film. They were rough and didn’t  care about woman’s orgasm. Some     didn’t even knew the basics of physical intimacy. Some men smelled in the bedroom without giving a damn about personal hygiene.  Women are psychologically upset when they lack sex as it leads to self doubts,which leads to a feeling of being inadequate.Besides men as such were unaware of female biology. They didn’t know menstrual cycle and it’s psychological impact.
The question then arises as to why marry if the outcome is disappointment? Many said that they were thrilled to be known and introduced as someone’s wife. The relationship between two families made the extended circle of relatives and friends. It was a bond, a security, a respect amongst the social circle, the chance to experience motherhood and an enjoyment in raising the children and meeting commitments. For some it happened and for many it didn’t. For few it happened in a fragmented manner.
It is too early to say that the institution of marriage will be shattered. Marriages will happen,  husbands and wives nomenclature will be there, there will be extended families, but love  will  just be a tattoo on the skin,  companionship will just be a quote, happiness will be a myth, being fake will be a new lifestyle, lying and infidelity  will be the new truth because ADULTERY IS NOT A CRIME anymore.
Cheaters
PS – The above article is my personal observation and opinion. Readers are free to agree to disagree.

10 Creative Ways To Orgasm Across The Miles

When you think long distance relationship, you rarely connect physical intimacy. The long distance lovers out there certainly are battlers. They put the extra effort in on a daily basis to ensure they spend enough time consciously connecting and the immense trust they put in one another could be enough to drive us mere mortals to the brink of relationship implosion. All that, and none of the good stuff, right?

 

Well, actually, people who have been in a long distance relationship rarely cite ‘lack of sex’ as a reason for their relationship demise. In fact, many of the successful ones claim their sex life has never been better. But what’s the secret to sexual satisfaction across the miles?

 

Long distance couples are masters of pleasing their partner. Their daily lives are filled with going the extra mile and thinking outside the box to give their relationship the sense of normalcy that the rest of us take for granted. But it’s because of that mindset that they also make the effort to make sure their sex is also on fire (shout out to all the LDR lovers reading this for some tips on how to do just that).

Sexting

 

Sexting is the single most easy thing you can do to get your other half in the mood (and over the edge), and it’s a gentle introduction to exploring the world of long distance sex. Communication when it comes to sex can be a daunting task but when you open up this sexy channel, you’ll never look back! But here’s the creative twist; create personas and text in your persona! Your alter ego, Mandy, may be a naughty minx, whereas Candy is a shy sultress!

Sex Toys

 

The sex toy market has been kind to LDR couples over the past decade. The wealth of products on the market has only grown in recent years but it’s perhaps the partner-controlled sex toys that have been the biggest game changer. Now, partners can literally control their other half’s orgasm from thousands of miles away.

Custom Sex Toys

 

Now, when we say the sex toy market has advanced, we really mean it! Now you can make replicas of your own genitals! So instead of using any old sex toy, you can get one that looks (and feels) exactly like your partner! Talk about personal!

Apps

 

These days, apps make every aspect of our lives a breeze, and that’s certainly the case for LDR couples too. The number of apps available to spice up long distance sex is plentiful and they take the ‘thinking’ out of it. These smart solutions are creative in the bedroom, so you don’t have to be – our favourites are Pillow, SexDrive and OhMyBod.

Sex Tasks

 

There’s nothing sexier than knowing your other half is being naughty. Why not take this one step further, and be in control of when, where and how they do it? Setting little sex tasks not only gives you and your partner the thrill but also takes the sexual experimentation factor to the next level. And that’s good for anyone’s sex life!

Skype Sex

 

Taking the sex talk to the next level, why not try sex via video messaging? Mutual masturbation is great when you can actually see one another! Try talking dirty and showing a little skin or simply both be silent and watch as the other undresses. Why not give a lap dance across the miles whilst your partner resists touching himself?!

Games

 

When you’re creative enough, ANY game can be turned sexual! Certain letters in Scrabble may have a dirty meaning (and a dirty task associated with them). The winner of your favourite game could have the power to choose which item of clothes the loser removes – or where they touch themselves. The possibilities are endless and the only rule is that you make up your own!

Write Erotica

 

It’s not always going to be easy to connect and come together (pun intended) when you want to get frisky, so why not write a little erotic for your partner to enjoy when they’re doing it solo? Whether it’s a sexy story about the two of you, your personal fantasy or something completely made up, you’ll get a kick out of knowing your words are getting your partner off, whilst your partner, well, gets off!

Sex bucket list

 

It’s not all about actually doing it. The anticipation of doing the deed can be as sexy as the deed itself. Long distance couples are constantly on the countdown to when they’ll be together again, so a great way to heighten the excitement is to create a sexual bucket list. Discuss what you’ll do to each other, where, when, how…and what with! Then when you actually do get together physically, you can check off your list!

Watch Porn

 

Watching porn is usually considered more of a solo thing, but getting comfortable with watching it with your other half can be a liberating (and extremely pleasurable) experience. Try putting the same porn on at the same time. You can even text or call too to keep one another updated on progress (or spur each other on!).

Love with someone far away

 

Whatever you do to keep your long distance sex life spicy, there’s only one thing you need to remember: be creative and don’t be shy! Being open to trying new things is something you both need to commit to. There’s nothing worse than plucking up the courage to reveal your fantasy or share an idea, only to be met with judgement, or worse, disgust, from your other half. So, go forth, long distance lovers – copulate like your lives depend on it!

Bursting My Blog Cherry!

Adult Lifestyle Centre

I bet that headline made it seem like this would a heartwarming tale of one boys transition to manhood. But you could not be more wrong. This is my first time writing a blog. That’s right I’m a blog virgin.

It’s not that I don’t have anything to say, I just never felt the overwhelming urge to…

But enough about me, let me tell you more about me. I’m 29 years old with 2 children, My four year old daughter Amelia and my two year old son Tristian. My whole world. I was with my ex for nearly 6 years but unfortunately it wasn’t meant to be.

There’s very little that’s interesting about me but if I had to provide some examples they would be the following…

I attended The McDonald College (a school focused on the performing arts) for the duration of my HSC. During which I gained a small proficiency in French, the language of love.  After leaving The McDonald College I pursued an acting career performing in commercials, music videos and a feature film.

It was when I was 19 that I realised I lacked emotional depth, something crucial for an actor to succeed. So I left the city and my dreams behind to grow a little in the hope it would make be a better actor and also a better person. Than was 10 years ago. I didn’t mean to put my dreams on hold for so long but life has a way of throwing even the best laid plans to complete hell.

Since then I’ve loved women (and a couple of men) felt happiness so powerful I thought my heart would burst from pure joy to pain so visceral I couldn’t find the will to live. Despite all the adversity life threw my way, it was never enough to break me, though a couple of close calls did occur.

People ask me a lot since I’ve started this job, Why an adult store?

The answer is simple, I’m a people pleaser. Yes some people do take advantage of that but it doesn’t change who I am. “Be the change you want to see in the world”

I like making people happy, and the opportunities we offer here definitely make people happy.

Now to the nitty gritty, the stuff you’ve been waiting to read, my history…

I was always a little socially awkward, never really fitting in. But then again, I wouldn’t want to fit in. Normalcy is boring as dirt and I like to be interesting. It wasn’t til I hit 17 that I had a life changing epiphany, Confidence is a lie we tell each other, so I made a decision to be confident and as long as no one found how badly I was lying, I’d be fine.

This new found confidence led me to my first girlfriend and you guessed it, the losing of my virginity. But that’s a story for another time…

Since then, I’ve developed what could be called a respectable number of sexual partners and experiences. Yes I’m a little bit of a f**kboy but the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem, right?

Boy to fuck
Fuck Boy

Whilst I have no intention of cloistering myself until I find the right girl with which to settle down I’m opening up to the possibility that I do deserve more than mindless (albeit awesome) sex. A connection that is more than physical but spiritual as well. I hope when I do eventually meet this woman that my innate gift of self-sabotage doesn’t ruin it like it did my last serious relationship.

That took a depressing turn, didn’t it?

Moving on, as we all must. I’ve decided to open myself up more, to trust more and to be more. An old dog learning new tricks if you’ll allow a cliché.

My first step was quitting my shitty, oppressive job for something that actually makes me happy. Which is what led me here, sitting at Oh! Zone Penrith surrounded by things that make people happy writing these words for you.

Some words of advice from a 29 year old with delusions of wisdom. You deserve to be as happy as you can be and no one but you can stop that from happening. Every day you spend not being as happy and fulfilled as you can be is a day wasted that you will never get back. So do it.

Quit that job you hate.

Ask out that guy you like.

Call out people that are mistreating you.

Live!!!

 

Because when it’s all said and done we enter this world alone and crying, whether that’s how you leave it is entirely up to you.

Your friendly neighbourhood vibe salesman

P.S Stay tuned for my next blog “My First Time, For Real”

 

Matthew is a consultant at the Oh Zone Stores