Damaging Sex Worker Myths

prostitutes

Earlier this week I saw a photo graph that contained some incredible harmful stigmas surrounding sex work and since I am an online sex worker myself I have a huge connection to the whole community and only want the best for us. Unfortunately, there is still a huge amount of stigma and prejudice around sex workers as a whole, especially full service sex workers (and this includes from people within our own industry!), it’d be nice to live in a world where this isn’t the case, but for now all I can do is put the word out there and hope to make the work a slightly easier place to exist in as a sex worker. So I’m going to take this week to debunk some myths. Let’s go.

 

All Sex Workers are mentally ill:


This right here is the one that set me off to begin with, the graphic I saw was called “Sad But True Facts about Sex Workers in the USA” which stated “100% of cam girls have mental problems and 96% of them have drug or alcohol addiction” putting aside the terrible grammar, this just isn’t correct, there is no studies you can find to show these statistics, and it’s just harmful. The closest study you can find that can even be compared to this is a study on Full Service Sex Workers (FSSW) in Cambodia, and even then only 50% actually had mental health issues… It just baffles me that people can push out these kinds of things, and not even think of how that effects a whole community of people. This is a myth.

 

All Sex Workers Were Coerced or Trafficked:


While there is a major problem with people being sex trafficked and coerced into sex work there is also a huge amount of people who do it on their own accord, whether it’s because the money is great, or because they just genuinely enjoy the job and decided they may as well monetise on it, it doesn’t matter, there are so many out there who do it as a choice. I am an online sex worker and while the extra money is amazing, I also just love having people pay me because they find me that hot, it’s amazing for self confidence and for the wallet. As I stated there is still a large problem with sex trafficking and we do need to fight that and focus on trying to end it, we also need to focus on letting women who choose to be in it live in peace and do their jobs, while not being judged or bullied for it.

 

Sex Workers are Diseased:


Now, I do just want to mention I am in NSW Australia where prostitution is legalised for the most part, but here within legal brothels all Full Service Sex Workers do need to undergo STD testing, they MUST use condoms for literally everything including genitals, and they do check every client’s genitals for obvious signs of disease and infection before they engage in any act. So with that being said Full Service Sex Workers are probably cleaner and more regularly tested than your standard Tinder hookup. Of course, people love to use the dirty card regardless, because apparently if you exchange money for services suddenly you catch everything… That being said, this is STILL a myth.

 

Sex Workers ruin marriages:


So, this is probably one of the ones that gets me riled up the most. Married men, engaged men, and men in relationships are the ones that need to be respecting their relationship’s boundaries, I do not care whether a stripper offered them a dance while they were in a strip club, I do not care if an Onlyfans girl offered them a pay per view video made custom for them, and I especially do not care if a Full Service Sex Worker offered them services while they were in the brothel. These men shouldn’t be in strip clubs, they shouldn’t be on Onlyfans, and they shouldn’t be in strip clubs if their partner isn’t comfortable with it. You wouldn’t get mad at the TAB for allowing him to bet on the horses if he was a gambling addict, and you wouldn’t be mad at a pub for servicing him if he was an alcholic. Stop being mad at women for simply doing their jobs, be mad at your partners for disrespecting your boundaries and your relationships, it’s so simple.

Put simply sex workers may offer a service like bdsm that their client just cannot get at home.

 

While these probably don’t seem like a huge problem to people who work regular 9-5 jobs in an office, they are a huge deal for those of us who work in the industry. Imagine if we treated tradies the same way, calling them dirty, useless, and of course my favourite “bludgers with no skills”. Imagine if we told office workers they  were degrading themselves for allowing their job to take over their whole lives, all while making a shitty wage and barely seeing their families.
Sex workers are out there making money, living their lives, and not judging anyone else. Leave them be and work on your mentality.

What are Common Fetishes Seen in Porn?

nylon milf

There are a lot of fetishes out there. It doesn’t matter what anyone happens to be into, they can find a whole array of porn videos to see it play out. A fetish, by the way, is “a form of sexual desire in which gratification is linked to an abnormal degree to a particular object, item of clothing, part of the body, etc.” That means that a person can fetishize basically anything that they want, although it’s almost never a choice. A fetish is something that a person can’t control, but needs nonetheless. Here are some of the most common fetishes that can be found in porn.

Foot Fetish

By and large, the most common fetish out there is the foot fetish and it comes in many different forms. You can find foot fetish videos where feet are simply displayed for the camera. Then there are foot fetish videos with feet being licked, smelled, and even having sex with someone. The feet can be naked or they can be in stockings or shoes. If there’s a way to show off feet, there are hundreds or thousands of porn videos with it happening to find.

Nylon Fetish

Next up is the nylon fetish. It’s just as common as the foot fetish, but it doesn’t have to be as obvious. Nylon fetishists can find their subjects in almost any porn video that they see. There’s almost always a part of the video that has the model in nylons and that’s all it takes for some people. Of course, there are also plenty of porn videos that take it to an extreme. You can see nylons getting ripped apart, used as a restraint, and even being forced on someone who does want to wear them. It all depends on how deep the fetish goes.

Ageplay

Ageplay really has two different forms, but if we’re talking about the most common fetishes in porn, then we have to talk about age difference porn. It’s all over the place and can come in the form of an older woman with a younger man or an older man with a younger woman. It’s where the whole MILF thing comes from. Younger men tend to fetishize older women that they see as sexually experienced seductresses. Any porn search on any site is going to bring up lots of age play videos with some other fetish thrown in.

Voyeurism

Voyeurism is also very high on the list. It’s the basis for an entire industry of reality porn videos. It doesn’t matter how realistic it actually is. If you’re told that people are having real sex and not performing for a camera, a fetishist can lose himself in anything he sees. Naturally, actual voyeur porn is next to impossible to find. That’s because it’s very illegal to record someone without his or her consent and sell it as adult content. Even so, the fantasy is being sold all over the internet and it’s not going to be going anywhere.

Bondage

Getting more into the specialty aspect of porn, you can find bondage. This is a common one, but it usually requires porn that’s focused on it. You can’t really just add in a little bondage to a vanilla sex scene and think it will satisfy anyone. The bondage needs to be front and center and it usually requires special equipment. That’s why you won’t find quite as many bondage porn videos as foot or nylon fetishes, but it’s still extremely common. A little rope can go a long way if you know how to use it.

Role Playing

Finally, we get to role play. This is a fetish that you can find anywhere at any time. All it involves is someone playing the role of someone else during sex. This can be a woman pretending to a college student, a man pretending to be a plumber, or any person pretending to be a fictional character. It’s as common in porn as it is in the actual bedroom. Any porn site that focuses on role play can expect to have a whole lot of traffic and it doubles as a great way to learn how to play at it in real life.

New to BDSM? Here’s what you should know

bdsm novice

So you’ve read about it, seen it in a movie, or heard a friend talk about their experience. It doesn’t matter how you first encountered it — BDSM is bound to inspire curiosity in everyone who comes across the concept.

 

The truth is, few things in the world are as misconstrued as BDSM. Factors like misrepresentation in movies and the lifestyle’s reputation for being extremely taboo contribute to many misconceptions about it. 

 

If you’re planning to try BDSM yourself, we strongly caution against going into it blindly. Trust us. You want to be as prepared and knowledgeable as possible when you dive into the exhilarating world of BDSM.

 

So before you press check-out on that cart full of naughty costumes and BDSM gear, make sure to read this newbies’ guide.

What is BDSM?

BDSM stands for “bondage, domination, sadism, and masochism, and is an umbrella term for just about any type of power dynamic in the bedroom.

 

So depending on who you are and what types of sexual adventures you’re into, BDSM can mean many things. It can be as simple as light spanking, or it can go as far as elaborate bondage and strict obedience.

 

If you’ve always been dominant in your everyday life, BDSM can offer you an alternate world where you allow someone else to call the shots (and vice versa!). BDSM is big on freedom, experimentation, adventure, and fun. As long as you keep in mind the tips below, you’re bound to have a great experience.

Tips for a great BDSM experience

Discuss consent and boundaries.

What’s the key difference between BDSM and straight-up sexual assault? Consent. Intimate activities should always stem from an agreement regardless of context. The beauty of BDSM is you get to experience things that are considered by many as too taboo. Truly, it’s a judgment-free lifestyle. You can do pretty much anything as long as all participants willingly and explicitly consent to it.


A discussion about personal boundaries is essential to safely enjoy BDSM. Establish what is allowed and what is off-limits before getting frisky with your partner, and make sure to always respect each other’s limits.

A safeword is essential.

All parties involved should understand the risks and take all necessary precautions. One non-negotiable safety measure is the use of a safeword. This word, which is agreed upon beforehand, will serve as a signal to either tone down or completely halt activities if things go too far. 

 

Most suggest using words that you wouldn’t typically say in a sexual situation. For example, people want to be able to say ‘’stop’’ and ‘’no’’ as a part of role-playing without spoiling the fun. 

 

That said, choose your safeword wisely. It can be something as mundane as “yellow” or “noodles” — really, it’s up to you!

Be open and honest.

Communication is vital in BDSM. You should be comfortable enough to talk about your desires and fantasies. Conversely, no-go’s and turn-offs should also be discussed. BDSM needs openness and honesty to be fully enjoyed.

 

One common mistake we often see beginners make is compromising on their comfort. They allow themselves to be pushed to do things they’re not 100% comfortable with out of fear of being branded a buzzkill. But really, you shouldn’t be engaging with anyone who judges or shames you for your boundaries. 

Start small.

When you’re planning for your first ever BDSM session, it can get tempting to go all-out. Blindfolds and handcuffs? Check! Dirty talk? Check! Whips and lots of rope? Why not?

 

While there’s nothing wrong with pulling out all the stops, we recommend starting small — especially if it’s a first time for both you and your partner. Allow yourself to slowly explore and get a feel for the lifestyle. You can always add more later.

A parting note

Once you’ve got the tips we’ve outlined above down pat, always remember one thing: have lots of fun! BDSM might sound dark and scary, but the truth is, it’s a sexual experience that’s only possible with lots of communication, respect, and care. Good luck!

Why should Prostitution be legalized?

legal prostitutes

Prostitution is the process of engaging in sexual activity with someone who is not your spouse for pay or in exchange of valuable items. Sex workers can be male, female or transgender. Prostitution forms an interesting chapter in the history of civilization. It is a rising problem in the history of current society. In most countries, sex work are activities associated with are criminal acts.  Sex work is criminalized not only through prohibitions on selling sexual services but also through laws that prohibit solicitation of sex work or brothel keeping. A number of developed countries have been in the run to offer solutions and none of them are satisfactory. The society often refers prostitution as the “oldest profession”. Prostitution has been in existence since Old Testament tales to todays red street lights. It has taken a number of stages from being praised, tolerated, and prosecuted to the current society which ignores the tales.

A number of developed countries have legalized prostitution. For instance, Netherlands legalized prostitution in 1997 and in the same year, two hundred and fifty brothels were listed in Amsterdam. In the recent years, residents of the city of Amsterdam have been protesting against sex abuse and violation. In this regard, laws have to be established and governments should lift the ban on brothels. This will then help in reflection of today’s society reality. In addition, it will legalize employment of women who are above the age of consent. Australia and Germany have joined Netherlands in legalizing prostitution. One in nine bordellos have been legitimized in Australia. As a result, prostitution in this country has led to an increased demand for sex. The number of underground brothels have increased as well. The people who run these places take advantage of innocent young women and force them into prostitution which would be avoided if sex workers were allowed to speak up.

Although there are many reasons that support anti-legalization of prostitution, there are advantages associated to legitimization as well. Advocates of legalization argue that it will reduce cases of child trafficking and prostitution because if adults can practice it legally, they will not necessarily drag teenagers in to it. They also state it will help curb women abuse and violence. This is because it will no longer be against their will and thus, will engage in the act voluntarily which can be a source of income.

Prostitution Facts
Sad but true facts about prostitution
  1. Decrease in the number of rape cases

Legalization of sex work will lead to decrease in rape cases especially in urban centers. Sex workers will enjoy safer and better working conditions which lessens exposure to harm. Also, it will be an opportunity to pass laws in this industry that will protect the rights of sex workers. This means that they can sue clients who harass them or try to take advantage of them in any way.

  1. Helps in reducing human violation and exploitation

Cases of human violation and sex exploitation can be reduced if the society acknowledges the existence of prostitution. This can be achieved by guaranteeing the existence of legal and social rights of prostitutes. Safety policies in the brothels should be at par such that they protect women from harm. Clients and brothel owners should not abuse sex workers. Also, minors will not be forced in to prostitution and can seek legal advice without prejudice.

  1. Helps guard against violence and abuse

Decriminalizing of prostitution will also make sex workers less vulnerable to their clients. Clients sometimes rob sex workers off their valuables. Several murder cases of sex workers have been reported in countries where prostitution is illegal and clients often get away with. Legalizing sex work will give opportunities to sex workers to form communities where they can share experiences about dangerous and abusive clients. This way, they can work together to stop this trend.

  1. Improves access to health services

Sex workers can have healthy sex lives because they can freely seek medication from health centers without the fear of discrimination. Decriminalizing prostitution will also give sex workers access to health insurance from their employers. This way, they can get treated for Sexually Transmitted Diseases and other infections.

  1. Helps in curbing human trafficking

Human trafficking is a form of violation where women and girls are coerced for sex exploitation. Sex workers can provide data that will aid in the fight against human trafficking by reporting persons who are victimized. In India, a sex worker regulatory body, the Durbar hila Samamwasya committee in songachi (Kolkata) were able to identify victims who had been kidnapped with the intention of exploiting them sexually. If prostitution is decriminalized, sex workers can collaborate with law enforcement.

  1. Helps in reduction of HIV and other Sexually Transmitted Diseases

Decriminalization will empower sex workers with the ability to negotiate use of protection e.g. condoms with their clients. Open negotiations rarely happen in countries where prostitution is illegal because sex workers are at a risk of being arrested thus hinders them from using protection. As a result, they can easily contract HIV/AIDS and other sexually transmitted infections. Some countries have banned the use of condoms and if one is found with one, it is immediately assumed that he or she is a sex worker.

  1. Establishment of safe working conditions

Decriminalization helps in establishment of safe working conditions. New Zealand is a perfect example of countries that have included sex work in Health and safety Employment Act. This has led to development of career regulations that sex workers can use to voice their rights with employers and clients. The act creates a safer working condition. They can organize collectively and address risk factors hindering them.

  1. Reduction of police abuse and violence

Majority of the people who are abuse sex workers are police officers. Where commercial sex is prohibited, police officers often arrest and threaten sex workers. They also face public humiliation and physical abuse. In Cambodia, sex workers have been reported to being beaten and raped by police officers. In this context, police officers take advantage because sex workers fear being arrested and further being physically abused if they are reported. In as much as decriminalization of sex work may not completely phase out police impunity, it can however empower sex workers to file cases on officers who assault them.

  1. Respect of Human Rights And Personal Dignity

Some people venture in commercial sex for various reasons. A source of livelihood and additional revenue can be a major reason why they opt to prostitution. However, despite the nature of their source of income, all people deserve be treated with dignity. Sex work must be acknowledged like any other source of livelihood because these workers are able to comfortably support and fend for their families. Sex workers around the globe have united to fight for their rights but this cannot be achieved if sex work is termed as illegal in many countries.

  1. Decriminalization Challenges Stigma and Discrimination

Stigma that is associated with commercial sex lowers one’s self esteem. In United States, individuals who commit crimes relating to commercial sex are treated similarly with sex offenders. In addition, they must carry documents that identify them as sex offenders. This restricts them from getting equal access to housing and other social amenities. Further, they cannot find work that is not sex related. If prostitution is legalized, sex workers can be recognized as individuals who engage in sexual activities for money or other rewards but not as out casts in the society.

  1. Source of livelihood

Adults indulge in sex work so as a means of employment. For some, Sex work can be the only the source of income they can find. Others find sex work as better paying and with more flexible working hours. For some, it is a part time job. Governments should therefore legalize sex work as this can be a source of tax revenue. Benefits can be derived by both the government and sex workers.

In conclusion, prostitution should be legalized. There are strong arguments that attest to the above. Like other people, sex workers deserve to be treated with dignity. They ought to seek legal advice and health services without being discriminated or abused. Also, the income they get from these activities enables them to fend for their families which reduces poverty levels. Legalization of prostitution is undoubtedly the best strategy towards eradicating the issues that sex workers are currently.

References

https://www.harpersbazaar.com/culture/politics/a20067359/why-prostitution-should-be-legal/

https://www.reuters.com/article/us-global-women-prostitution-idUSKBN1OA28N

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Decriminalization_of_sex_work