The Desexualisation of Sex Education

Sex Education Photo

It’s in our nature to take many things in life for granted without even realising it. Privilege, is a concept that is rarely recognised until it has been taken away from you. Privilege is applied to many situations in life – but the most common reference to the notion of privilege would be the concern surrounding male privilege; the ‘battle’ between patriarchy and feminism. I’ve talked extensively about that in previous articles, so we’ll be skipping that topic today.

Today’s article will serves as a follow up from my previous article on Intellectual Disability & Sex, I’d like to explore the discourses of sex and sexual privilege outside the realm of heteronormativity, and able-bodiedness. There were parts of my previous article which concerned Intellectual Disability that deeply resonated with me. Since that article, I had explored and thought about my approaches to sex and sexuality and ultimately, I was placed in a position of questioning; both in terms of my own experiences and life, but also when taking into consideration the experiences that others go through.

Most notably, when it comes to sexual health and education, there is a strong emphasis on assumed knowledge and assumptions concerning sex and sexual activity. These assumptions have led people with I.D to be labelled as asexual, or perceived to not have any form of sexual desire and/or arousal. Where does this stem from though and why are we in a constant state of desexualisation and hyper sexualisation? Today we will explore these assumptions and this article is going to look at sexual privilege how it entwines between sex, sexuality, and gender, as well as how it manoeuvres through disabilities.

From the moment that our genitalia has been identified our privilege is assumed. If we are a woman, it is assumed that we will grow up and bear children, and if we are a male it is expected that we will produce children. It is worth noting that this is partly why so many people have issues with same sex relationships – because that kind of relationship bypasses the supposed biological ‘need’ to procreate. Indeed, in the past, any lack of ability in producing children was frowned upon, with barrenness being a condition which would result in isolation and/or disownment. It is these gendered expectations that defines our formative years, and it is implicitly, or explicitly reinforced as we traverse through sexual education during schooling.

Sexual Health and Education focuses on the biology of sex that being; penis in Vagina intercourse results in ejaculation releasing sperm which travels up the tube to fertilise the egg. Nine months later a baby is born. In most cases, that is the basic level of knowledge given to children and teenagers, though it should be noted that there are a lot of teenagers and indeed, even adults that lack this basic information. From there, knowledge may be given in regards to the prevention of STI’s, or the prevention of pregnancy through contraception. Sexual Education rarely accounts for discourses surrounding sexual pleasure or even the social and emotional reasons for sex.

 

Sex Education Twitter Image
Image: Sex Education Twitter Quote

 

Masturbation as a form of pleasure is also rarely discussed resulting in a failure to explore the interpersonal meanings of intercourse and sexual activity which can often manifest itself into feelings of guilt, embarrassment, and awkwardness. Sexual activity is simply referred to as a biological function for the purpose of reproduction devoid of any sentiment, pleasure, and enjoyment. Is it little wonder then that both males, and females, during their adolescent years can experience such anxiety as a result of the confusion surrounding the changes occurring to and in their bodies, the development of feelings and emotions, and combating hormones. Why? They’re taught that sex has a function, they’re not taught that sex can be a recreational activity.

Throughout their upbringing their sex and sexuality has at all times been both reinforced and assumed through popular culture, media, everyday discussions and a lack of sex positivity in their micro worlds. For someone that fits into mainstream society, for an individual that identifies as being heterosexual and cis-gendered – then all the assumptions that have been made in regards to your identity and sexuality have contributed to your understanding of the world. Your privilege in this identification has resulted in far less confusion. Now, pause to consider someone who does not fit into the above mainstream spectrum; someone who may identify as homosexual, asexual, or even someone with disabilities where their sexuality and sexual needs have been infantalised into non-existence. Straightness is ‘inherent’, heterosexual sex is assumed and taught- with homosexual sex being ignored.

I have never been in a classroom (excepting a sexual health centre) which would recognise the value of oral, or anal sex or non-penetrative sex. With this in mind we can begin to see the confusion;  not only do they have all the normal ‘teenager’ things that they have to deal with, but they now have to deal with these things in a context which doesn’t necessarily apply to how they feel, or how they behave.  It can be particularly troubling for where people exist in an odd contradiction – where society has desexualised them. For example, people with Intellectual disabilities which we discussed last week, and also the desexualisation of people with physical disabilities.

Young women especially are often taught that the value of being female lies within their sexual attractiveness; if you have a condition which challenges the idea of attractiveness, where does that leave you? For many people it results in sacrificing a part of themselves obsessively chasing something seemingly unattainable – resulting in often risky sexual behaviour in an attempt to please their partners. ‘Love’ in this instance can become a warped, and self destructive behaviour where one participant is continually seeking affection and reassurance and not particularly achieving that. People will often compensate by making themselves into something that they are not, and they do this to cover their own insecurities, the issue is that this makes you feel worse on the inside as you recognise that you’re not being true to yourself.

The issue behind the majority of this is the way that we approach the teaching of sex, and sexuality. Schools shift it to parents, and few parents want to discuss it and shift it back. What results is a medical and biological explanation of sex, which is all well and good, and indeed necessary, but it bypasses the emotional aspects of sex and sexuality, it skips the reasoning’s behind sex and results in a clinical stripped back variation and mentality. Sex is an important aspect of life, and the way it is being taught to youth now is detrimental to the general well being of today’s youth.

 

Review: Clone-A-Willy

Clone-A-Willy Sex Toy Photo

I have been dreaming of the day that I use this Clone-A-Willy dildo maker since the first time that I saw it in store. I was so close to make my dreams come true last night, however I ended up having frustration. Although it was my mistake majorly, the sex toy itself should make some improvements in the content of the package to be more user-friendly. Well, the idea is very intriguing; I mean who wouldn’t want to copy his own penis to leave it for his partner to use when he is away (or together, it doesn’t matter). I reckon that was the main driving force for the people developing this sex toy. The case was a little bit different for me though. Although I know it may seem narcissistic, I have been curious to know how it feels when I penetrate somebody ever since I could remember and, finally, Clone-A-Willy gave me a chance to figure it out.

Actually, I bought the kit a few weeks ago, and went home immediately to unpack it. I saw that the package contains a vibrating bullet, a wooden stirrer, a thermometer, a bag of clay and 2 containers of silicone ingredients. The Clone-A-Willy silicone is made from 100% body safe and platinum cure silicone. Additionally, instructions were scripted on the back of the paper written Clone-A-Willy in different languages with illustrations which was very explanatory. Still, I decided to wait for my flatmate to go overseas to be home alone after reading the manual as it seemed to me a bit tricky to use the kit. I was right. So, let me tell you what happened last night.

Some Sunday evenings give you a boredom, you don’t want to go out, you don’t want to watch a movie on Netflix; however, you may want to do something kinky,, you know what I mean? So, I had that feeling yesterday and it was high time that I had used the kit. I took it out of the drawer and started reading the instructions carefully. Before starting off the procedure, I needed cardboard, duct tape, a disposable container, scissors and hot water. In addition to these items, a cock ring or a penis pump would be useful. I collected all necessary items and started watching porn. (I am not that kind of person to have an erection with just my imagination) The first thing to do is cutting the cylindrical tube which contains the items in the kit because it will be used during the use of clay to sculpt the shape of your penis. So, measure your penis up (I know you already did it years ago) and add 5 cm to it, then cut the cylinder to that length. If you have a curved penis, instructions direct you to a website so jump online and see how to deal with it. Shortly, you need to cut the cylinder into two pieces from the point where your penis is curved and find the appropriate angle, then tape the two pieces together. Besides, you should tape the sharp edge that you cut in the previous step as you will push it against your skin to make you clone as big as possible. Using cock ring during the process or penis pump before the process is another option to make it bigger. I used cock ring to be able to maintain my erection and to make it slightly bigger (even if its main purpose of use is not making it bigger).

 

Clone-A-Willy Sex Toy Photo
Sex Toy: Clone-A-Willy

 

Here is the tricky part of the process. The instructions say that you should get 1 3/4 cups of hot water ready at exactly 32 C (90 F). Then, mix it with the white powder in the bag, don’t exceed 60 seconds stirring time and just after that time is up pour it into your cylinder and insert your erect penis and leave it there for the next 2 minutes. It seems easy, but it is not at all, especially you are alone during process. The first obstacle for me was adjusting the water temperature, I put some water in the kettle and turned it on. After a short time, I turned it off and measured the temperature. It was 70 C, so I had to wait for it to cool down for a while in a summer evening with 30 C outside temperature.

It wasn’t until later, I understood why there is someone next to the one copying his Clone-A-Willy in the illustrations. There must be somebody else in the room to do this chore for you, somebody to give you a hand, a hand job, maybe a blowjob too; because the clock was ticking and I was about to lose my erection. The porn I was watching or the cock ring I was wearing were no longer helping me out.

The weather was hot and my flat faces west. I was waiting for the water temperature to decrease while my body temperature was increasing. Finally, it was exactly 32 C. I mixed the water with the white powder immediately. At this point, please add water to the powder to prevent the mixture from agglomeration and don’t forget that you can stir it for only 60 seconds. I faced the second problem at this stage of the process. After 60 seconds, the mixture was not homogeneous and I felt like stirring it a bit more but it was strictly forbidden in the instructions so I poured the mixture into the cylinder half-heartedly and inserted my penis into the mixture.

As soon as I put my precious into the cylinder, the questions in my head started making me nervous. Is the clay safe enough? What if I cannot pull my penis out of the clay? What if it gets stuck in the cylinder? Is my penis hard enough to give its detail to the clay now? Whilst I was dealing with those questions in my mind, the mixture was dripping on the floor. I think I didn’t leave enough space for the level of the mixture to rise after inserting my penis and apparently, I hadn’t been able to tape the cylinder together thoroughly after cutting it into two pieces (Yes, I have a curved penis). When the time was up, my penis was not hard enough and the mixture didn’t harden, so my attempt to copy my penis was unsuccessful.

If there had been no problem, the process would have been in this way; just after getting my penis out of the cylinder I was going to leave the clay on the bench top for 4 hours and finish what I started (watching porn and masturbation). After 4 hours, I was going to pour the water accumulated inside the clay and fill it with silicone mixture that I was supposed to prepare in a disposable container and insert the vibrating bullet with using the cardboard just to prevent it from going further in the silicone then put it aside for another 24 hours to get hardened. This was easy!

Although I couldn’t achieve it successfully, I wanted to share my experience with you so that you don’t make the mistakes that I’ve made. You’d better visit the Clone-A-Willy website to get more information which is really good at explaining the things to you. Even though the instructions are obvious and the kit is pretty easy to use, it would be nicer if the kit did contain a small sample package as well. What I am trying to say is that I was surprised when I saw the clay was not homogeneously mixed. However, if there was a trial sample of the clay in the kit, people would try it first prior to actual use. Additionally, the need for extra items to use the kit is not really good especially for a hothead. I can admit that they may not fit scissors into that kit and almost everybody has scissors or knife at home but putting a cock ring, a piece of cardboard and a small duct tape would be a great implication showing how much you care about your customers. Still, I can’t blame it on the company, it was mostly my fault as I mentioned earlier.

As for me, I wanted to experience something different which reflected my sexuality but I think all mistakes that I’ve made in the process is a sign from the universe saying to me that “You are not ready for that play!” Though, I feel I will try to use that kit one more time, and next time there will not be any silly questions in my head as I know, now, that it is completely safe to use but somebody will be with me for sure.

 

About the Author: By Goki a consultant from Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Centres

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Review: Rianne S Xena Heating Vibrator

Rianne S Xena Heating Vibrator Sex Toy Image

The last couple of weeks have been like monsoon season in the store. It is literally raining down cool new toys. I don’t even need to write a review today but I just need to tell the world about this Rabbit. I nearly fell over when I found out how much this cost. It is such good value for money I feel like customers should be queuing outside the shop like they do when apple releases a new phone. Once word spreads, trust me, they will.

It is the Xena made by Rianne S. It is a heating rabbit. I love this company. Her roots are in burlesque and this often shows in the designs and colours of some of the products. The packaging is always really good quality. The box the sex toy comes in is a sturdy one suitable for long term storage. It isn’t as discreet as most Rianne S packaging I have seen as it has a full size picture of the rabbit on the front surrounded by golden swirls. The box contains a little surprise. I love little touches like this. I like the cosmetic bag that houses the moon and the stamped gift box the heart vibe comes in to. Rianne S Xena Heating Vibrator  sex toy comes with a rose gold coloured bracelet engraved with the words “she believed she could so she did” I love that. The sex toy is presented alongside it, under plastic on velvet covered foam and underneath there are the instructions and charger cord. It is a magnet charger, which thankfully is strong enough that you don’t have to babysit for hours checking on the connection. . The instruction booklet was made for someone with much better eye sight than myself and I needed a magnifying glass to read it. It is straight forward enough and I wish I had looked at it before I struggled for a few minutes working out how to use Xena on my own. But then I never do sensible things like that.

Rianne S Xena Heating Vibrator Sex Toy Image
Sex Toy; Rianne S Xena Heating Vibrator

 

Rianne S Xena Heating Vibrator comes in three colours. Purple, Rose and Coral. The handle is a lighter or darker shade than the main body of the toy. It is covered all over in 100% body safe silicone. There is a seam between the handle and the insertable part which will need extra care when cleaning. You can use a toy cleaner or simply rinse it under warm soapy water as it is completely waterproof. The waterproof property obviously has a zillion other benefits when it comes to playing with your toy. The silicone is smooth and silky with just enough drag for those that like it that way but once it is covered in a water based lube it is as slippery and smooth as anyone could want it to be. I thought it might be a bit of a dust collector, but so far it hasn’t proved to be.

Rianne S Xena Heating Vibrator rabbit is an average size. Similar to Lelo Rabbits. It is 21cm x 4-6 cm x 4cm. It has two motors. The clitoral arm is fairly flexible. This is a good thing especially if you haven’t used a rabbit before. No matter what your body shape it is versatile enough to hit you in the right spot. The problem some people have with a flexible clitoral arm though, is that there is not as much direct pressure as there would be with a rigid toy that fits your body shape exactly. That is often the case, except that Rianne S Xena Heating Vibrator has a motor that is really impressively strong. This thing knocks away like a jackhammer which will give you a powerful orgasm. The motors in this toy are worthy of a far higher price point. When the insertable motor and clitoral arm are in use together it even reminds me a bit of the We-Vibe Nova and that is one excellent rabbit. There are 10 vibration patterns and you can increase and decrease the intensity . Some are stronger clitoraly than others.

The controls are on the handle and well placed. There is an on/off button in the middle which needs a long press to get it started and to stop it. The plus and minus symbols on either side are for intensity. The top button is to scroll through the vibration options. The bottom button…..that is for the heat. Let’s face it who isn’t impressed by anything that heats up? There is just something so satisfying about it. Whether it’s a Tenga hole warmer, or my toast in the morning, I am into it. It does take a while, maybe 5 minutes but a red light flashes to let you know it is in heat mode. I think this rabbit is amazing for the money. I am not going to pretend it is as good as the L’amourose heating sex toys, but they are the best in the world in my opinion and they cost a lot more. But I can definitely mention them in the same sentence together and if my budget was slightly less I would go for this Rianne S Xena Heating Vibrator rabbit above any other in the entire store.

About the Author: Emily is a consultant from Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Centres

 

Review: Je Joue Ami Set

Je Joue AMI Progressive Kegel Set Sex Toy Image

Can I just say how excited I am to be writing my very first review for Adult Smart!! Having just joined the Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Centre team, my mind has been opened up to so many new and incredible sex toys and products, I want to try them all!!! Where to start was a tricky decision however I have just purchased a Je Joue AMI Progressive Kegel Trainer Set and have been raving to anyone who will listen about what an amazing product they have created so here goes my virtual rave…

Je Joue is a London based sex positive company, creating award winning sex toys. When I first saw their products on the shelves at Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Centres, I was immediately impressed by the elegance of their toys. As a fan of more sophisticated looking products, the Je Joue Ami Set is very appealing to the eye. The box alone is sleek black and sits on top of my bookcase at home…I enjoy the thought of being able to almost have my sex toys on display versus hiding them away (I of course still need a bedside drawer with my less discreet looking toys 😉 ).

The Je Joue Ami Set is made from smooth body safe silicone and comes in 3 different sizes, each with heavier weights intended to work up to using. The set is completely waterproof and super easy to clean. As a Nurse trained in Sexual Health, I am all for body cleanliness when using sex toys and have seen my fair share of products that are a harbour for bacteria to grow. The greatest part of these toys is the fact they have been designed in a way that there is no cracks or crevices where body fluids can get caught. They get a big gold star in my books for their streamlined and clean design!!

I was amazed when telling customers about the Je Joue Ami Set how many woman had never heard of Kegel exercises before. If you haven’t heard of them, you haven’t been doing them and you need to get to it pronto!! Kegel exercises are intended to strengthen the pelvic floor and muscles in the vagina and are so important for woman of any age to complete regularly. A strong pelvic floor has many benefits to a woman’s health and well-being. It is important to avoid urinary incontinence, can lead to greater vaginal lubrication during menopause, can result in stronger and more intense orgasms (the main driving factor as to why I use them and why everyone should!!) and also leads to greater ease and recovery in vaginal child birth. A guide to discovering the location of your pelvic floor involves squeezing your vagina mid urination to stop the flow.

Je Joue AMI Progressive Kegel Set Sex Toy Image
Sex Toy: Je Joue AMI Progressive Kegel Set

 

The muscles you feel contracting during this process are your pelvic floor muscles.

The Je Joue Ami Set includes a simple guide outlining the steps taken to complete Kegel exercises using the toys.  These are super simple exercises involving squeezing and releasing the pelvic floor muscles and one of the reasons I love them is the fact that they can be completed without anyone even knowing…think how much more exciting sitting at an office job all day could be with these beauties!

If you’ve ever heard of Ben Wa or Geisha Balls you’ll understand what I’m talking about but if not this is the simplest way I can explain this next exciting feature. The weights in these toys are loosely enclosed within, kind of like a small ball inside a bigger ball. When shaken, the balls create a subtle vibration which, when worn inside you, can feel extremely pleasurable. If exercise is somewhat of a chore in your life and you’re looking for some new inspiration, I highly recommend buying this set! I have been jogging more than ever and prefer to take the stairs rather than the lift these days (Just try them and you’ll see what I’m talking about).

These Kegel weights can be worn when completing Kegel exercises or really anytime going about your day and are incredibly easy to insert into the vagina, requiring just a dab of lubricant for greater ease.

The only part of these toys I was unsure of was the plastic rope attached to the ends to ensure you can pull them out. The plastic is a bit stiff and I’ve found if it gets in the wrong position, can be slightly uncomfortable. To troubleshoot this I find wearing more snug fitting underwear and placing it in the right spot prior to wearing it out works great and means I don’t find myself in an awkward place trying to readjust. This small inconvenience is counteracted by the fact that this silicone rope means it is easy to clean unlike some other similar products on the market.

The 1 year warranty on the Je Joue Ami Set is an added bonus on top of an incredible product. This set has the capability of adding greater fulfillment to your sex life (both solo and with a partner) as well as benefiting from the health advantages of completing regular Kegel Exercises. I highly recommend the Je Joue set to all women of any age and any man wanting to get that special someone a beautiful gift that will benefit them both.

 

About the Author: By Stephanie a consultant from Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Centres

 

 

Reasons Why Being Single is Awesome

Crazy Cat Lady Image

It’s that time of the year again! Time to watch cliché romantic holiday movies with the cat, whilst consuming large amounts of cookies (and maybe some eggnog), and not being kissed under the mistletoe. I know it may feel at this time of the year that you’re forever going to be the crazy cat lady – when I’m single I like to imagine being a similar character to the crazy cat lady in The Simpsons, throwing my cats out of the robe. But you know what? Despite what some may think, it’s really not that bad. There are plenty of reasons why being single during the holiday season is the best, and here are just a few.

 

Reasons Why Being Single is Awesome - Eat All the Food
Photo: Woman Eating Pizza

 

  1. You don’t have to buy presents for your partner. Sure, you have to get something for your mom or your best friend. But there’s no enormous expectation to live up to. You don’t have to plan for months to get that “perfect” gift, or waste your last three paychecks on one person. Plus, you know who’s always easy to shop for and always gets you everything in the right size? You!
  2. You don’t have to share your food. You’re in your bed on a nice summer night. You’ve got a nice glass of wine in one hand and your favourite chocolate lying next to you. You’ve been nibbling on it for hours now. You’re finally down to your last bite, and guess what… that bite is all yours! You need not worry about sharing with your partner. You may not have anyone to make snow angels with, but at least you have the last piece of chocolate all to yourself!
  3. You don’t have to look nice, ever. When the weather turns hot, you don’t really want to be wearing that skin tight red dress just to impress. I mean sometimes it’s nice to dress up, but wearing your really comfortable pyjamas all day every day, is better than anything. But if you’re with someone, you can feel obligated to do ridiculous things like dress nicely and brush your hair. No significant other? No problem.
  4. More time spent with family and friends. You may be single, but you won’t be alone! When you’re single, you can focus on your family and friends. They know you better than you know yourself, so give them some well-deserved you time this holiday season. You won’t even have to feel guilty for blowing off your clingy date.
  5. You can spend more time loving yourself. You know you can always rely on yourself, so this holiday season you can actually spend some much needed alone time. You know what you like better than anyone else, so why not treat yourself? Nothing is better than a gift from you to you. Plus, during your alone time, you can really find out what you like 😉 Do what you love and love yourself.
  6. You can mingle at parties. When you aren’t attached to someone at the hip, you can spend your time meeting new people. Holiday parties are great places to make connections and spread some cheer. Who knows? Maybe you’ll meet someone to be with for next year. You can spend time flirting with anyone at all!
  7. You don’t have to consider other people’s opinions. That’s right, when your single before you make a big decision about what you want to spend your money on or what holiday will be your next destination. All you have to think about is what you want! Then go without any attachments. You already know your schedule to, so you never have to go to any extra effort to fit in someone else’s plans.
  8. You don’t have to share your bed. You heard me right. There’s no one to steal your warmth, your side of the bed or your pillows. You can eagle spread your legs out, you can lie in the middle of the bed. You won’t have any sleeping problems from annoying snoring.

Honestly, consider it a blessing. So run yourself a nice hot bath and jam out to those carols, because no one is looking at how bad your moves are when you’re dancing by yourself.

Candlelit dinner for one please.

About the Author: By Ebony a consultant from Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Centres