Most men, if not all, are always keen on discovering sex secrets so as to better pleasure their partners in bed. As men, we are always under some sort of pressure regarding our sexual prowess in bed. Even if the moment was as romantic as a Hollywood screenplay, we will still have our doubts. It is in our nature as men to be confused about what great/good sex is and if at all we have ever experienced it. However, the main question is what is great sex?
Look in the eyes of the Be-holder, OR Be-hander:
Dr. Patti Britton, a clinical sexologist and the author of the book, ‘The Art of Sex Coaching’ and a clinical sexologist, perceives great sex as being in the eyes of the beholder or rather, the be-hander. He proceeds to say that, to some men, great sex lies in the ability to make your partner orgasm multiple times. While to others, it is the ability to last three minutes before climaxing. However, he states that, to be a great lover to your partner, you should be willing to do only one thing, express yourself. We will look at several sex secrets that will help you better pleasure, not only yourself, but also your partner.
Express your Needs and Emotions:
This is the most important of all sex secrets. You should start by telling her what makes you tick. This may not be easy, but you should shoot for gaining trust from each other. Since trust can only work both ways, you should also know all about her fantasies. According to Joy Davidson, a psychologist, sexologist and the author of the book, ‘Fearless sex’, claims that, knowing what arouses both you and your partner sexually, will make your relationship much more erotic and explosive. These are valuable sex secrets exposed.
When men talk, they usually exaggerate their abilities. You will usually hear your friends say how long they can last in bed. You should realize that what your friends always say may not always be the truth. Unlike women, men usually paint distorted pictures of their sex lives to each other and hide their insecurities. This will lead you into thinking that your friend is having a much more active or rather, a wilder sex life as compared to yours. In Davidson’s perception, you will feel like the ‘pleasure ship’ just sailed and left you behind. Michael Castleman, the author of ‘Great Sex: A Man’s Guide to the Secret Principles of Total Body Sex’ revealed sex secrets like the average number of times that people in committed relationships have sex is approximately once in every 10 days.
The Real World is Different from the World of Pornography: Not everything that you do in the bedroom came from porn and not all sex secrets allowed. However, most of it does. The problem comes from the assertion that you should be as good as the porn stars. Castleman sex secrets explained that, most men feel that they are physically less endowed after watching porn. To him, this should not be the reality because porn stars are selected basing on size, this means that, the people you see in the porn films are on the extreme end of the scale. Porn will also create the assumption that your partner will always be primed, the same moves work on everyone or that great sex secrets will always end with orgasm. These may not always work in the real world. Porn, however, has its positives. For example, it may make you desire to explore greater sexual fantasies. Castleman claims that, porn is not bad as long as you keep it in mind that it is different from the real world.
Try not Focusing on your Weakness, but Rather on the Moment:
Stress or anxiety will always impede your sexual performance. When you minimize these issues, you will better pleasure your partner. According to Dr. Patti Britton, if you focus more on your pleasurable sensations (FOPS), you will surely experience a better sexual encounter with these loving sex secrets. She claims that, techniques such as, synchronized breathing, eye gazing and massage, will help you better experience the moment. She also believes that great sex is in the moment and not in the future, you should stop focusing on issues such as, how fast you are going to come: you should just enjoy the moment.
Concentrate more on your Partner and not on Size Issues:
Though size matters to some people, it should not be your center of concern:
Davidson believes that, if you concentrate on the idea of the perfect fit, it will be more helpful. Being compatible with your lover is quite important. For example, some women prefer men who have modest sizes as opposed to the extreme end. It usually is a matter of preference and talking about it will save both of you a lot of time. However, this is not always the main point of concern. Focusing on issues such as foreplay may lead you into an entirely different world of pleasure giving and receiving.
Schedule your Sex Activities:
Michael Castleman claims that this will help your sex life grow as you treat them as our sex secrets. Contrary to popular belief, scheduling your sexual activities will actually make your sex life more relaxing. Developing sensual rituals, making romantic gestures at each other prior to your encounter, taking a shower together or massaging each other will certainly give your sex life a better appeal. According to Castleman, scheduling sex will also reduce the desire differences that any of you may have at one particular time. You will greatly reduce the ‘I am not in the mood’ comments. Castleman claims that when couples in a relationship schedule their sex activities, they usually tend to enjoy it.
As discussed above, no conventional sex tips will make you ‘last longer’ or make your partner produce multiple orgasms, not unless you decide to go for the not very advisable unconventional methods. Many sex experts believe that, the greatest sex in the world can only be experienced when you decide to overcome your fears and anxieties and enjoy the moment. There are, however, some sex secrets that will surely make your sex life and your partner’s more pleasurable as these sex secrets have been discussed.
Roulla was a contributor on the adultsmart blog in 2014. She has since returned to her homeland in Greece where she has taken up a career in hairdressing. We wish her well.