Hookup vs Dating: What is the Difference?

dating online

In the modern world, there are two basic ways to go about having sex. One way is the tried and true method of dating. You get together with someone and start a relationship with them. You have to dedicate yourselves and be monogamous. At least that’s the long term dating way of doing it. There’s also the short term dating way that’s always an option. The next big way is simply by hooking up. It’s what a whole lot of people prefer. You seem to get it all with this option. You meet up with someone, have sex, then you just go your separate ways. It’s as easy and simple as that.

There’s a lot more to is, though. There are hundreds of different variables that can affect your ultimate decision on how you get yourself laid. Realistically, there’s no right answer. It’s just about what’s right for you. You also need to keep in mind that what’s right for you today may not be right for you tomorrow. That can have huge consequences down the line. So, what are all these details? We spoke with hookup expert Tony Parker from Kinky Hookup to understand some of the fundamental differences between a long-term relationship and short-term sexual encounters and here’s what he had to say on the subject.

A hook up should never last more than a night

To get to the real meat of what a hookup is, we’ll have to look at the definition. Informally, it’s “An instance of people meeting, communicating, or cooperating.” The meeting part is simple. You’re obviously getting together with someone. The cooperating part comes next. That’s when you both work together to make each other orgasm. It’s the sex part of the hookup. The biggest thing to look at is the word “instance”. It says right there that it’s only a moment in time. You’re hooking up for a night, not a lifetime. If you have someone that you sleep with, but not date, then you have a fuck buddy. That’s something completely different that would take a whole other conversation to fully understand. If you want to hook up, it has to be for a single night. That’s the whole concept behind it and it’s what keeps a lot of people from trying it. There are far too many Hollywood movies that make you believe you’ll develop feelings for the other person and have your heart broken. That’s just not how it works.

Hookups are fun and invigorating

Human beings are designed to like attention. We all want to be the best at everything and we need the adulation for it. Just look at a politician or movie star. They’re constantly forcing themselves into issues that they barely understand and have no chance of actually contributing to. It’s their egos making them do it and we all have them. There’s nothing more life affirming than believing that the people around you want to have sex with you. It gives you a rush of dopamine that nothing else can compare to. That’s why hooking up is so much fun. It makes us feel sexy and desirable. If we can go out and have sex with a stranger, then we must be extremely desirable. Why else would the other person want to have sex with us?

Hooking up as a fetish

Of course, the act of hooking up can be worth a whole lot more to certain people. These are the men and women who fetishize it. The best part about hooking up for them is the sex with strangers. Not knowing the person you’re being intimate with is a thrill. It’s what really turns them on. Some even seek out hook up partners who agree to share as little information about themselves as possible. Other still will willingly blindfold themselves and let the stranger take them anyway they want. They’ll never know what they look like or who they are. That’s what they like and desire about it. Hooking up as a fetish is growing by the day and more and more people are willing to try it out. Even if they never do it again, they’ll always have this one experience to look back on.

Long term dating

So what about long term dating? Well, simply put, you’re dedicating yourself to one other person in a relationship that’s about much more than sex. At the beginning of the relationship, you’re sharing memories and moments both in and out of the bedroom. You’re traveling and learning together while maintaining a sexual relationship at the end of it. As the relationship grows, you share more and more. You and your significant other share lives, bills, homes and sex. It’s the basis for most of western civilization and the main goal of most people on the planet. Men and women strive to get married and have families. Everything else they do is in service to it. It’s what their lives are based on and always will be. It’s a fine thought, but often a struggle for human beings. It turns out we were never really meant to be monogamous for our entire lives.

Short term dating

So we make our way to short term dating. This is a mix of the two concepts. With short term dating, you’re sharing your lives with each other, but not forever. The easiest example of this is with high school or college students. Men and women will date, but once their time in school ends, so does the relationship. They move on to a new one until that one expires. It fulfills our need for companionship, as well as out primal need to fuck as many people as possible in our lifetimes.

Things can change

People who seek out long term relationships often find themselves in the same bad position. After spending so much of your life with someone, you begin to feel that you’re missing out. Maybe there’s someone better for you out there. Maybe the sex can be hotter. These men and women often turn to hookups outside of their relationships and behind their partner’s backs. It can seem unpalatable, but it’s a fact of life. Anyone seeking a hookup can always find one if they look hard enough.

Self Discovering My Perfect Revenge Body

Lady who is half tiger

So recently after some soul searching, self searching and cleaning up my social life with a f*ckboy spring clean, I have turned to a tried and tested revenge body plan.

Rather conveniently it is also an up and coming new year! So let’s also call this a new year back to the real me! (A little change up of the cliché I know) but what’s a new year without a new year’s resolution!

This has been a work in progress, which also included a change of job that had nothing to do with money but had everything to do with my own personal journey, which landed me into the Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Centre family; this has been my inspirational start! Sometimes throwing yourself into the deep end way out of your comfort zone is a good start to all the potential you have been holding back from!

So after this year from hell which started on the 12/01/2017 with a missed miscarriage, my house being violated and my partner being arrested mid-way through the year subsequently going to jail, and ending the year finding out a fair few lies that have been hidden over the years and some realisations I am very happy to say this year has come to an end!

“Don’t get mad. Don’t get even. Do better. Much better. Rise above. Become so engulfed in your own success that you forget that it ever happened.”

It’s all well and good to just go with the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else, but this isn’t my style.

I choose to be a lot more stubborn with my approach, rather than move on before I am ready I choose to work on myself first.

The Day My Self Confidence Reignited

It all started the day I decided to wear bright red lipstick, before this I would wear pale pinks, nothing too over the top. But like a firecracker it ignited this confidence that I had never experienced before, how could a different shade of lipstick make me feel good about myself? Now I go everywhere with my red lipstick, to the shops, on a run and just around the house etc. Truth is, it is because I finally did something for myself, I didn’t ask someone else his or her opinion I chose to do it myself! This is something that is very new for me; instead of pleasing other people and being told what to do I chose to do something for myself. For some people, it may even be shopping for the right lingerie.

The Physical And Mental Changes Are Both Important

This spiralled into a trip of self-discovery and a re-start on my life; I thought it was finally time to learn from my mistakes (my family and friends will be so proud).  I decided my revenge body just didn’t involve my physical body it involved my mind and my ways in which I approach situations as well, a total body and mind transformation! My aim isn’t just to cut body fat, I want to trim the negative vibes in my life, I want to cut off crappy friendships and remove f*ckboys with bad intentions. I only want the best for myself in life! I am going to continue taking care of myself, better than I ever have before, I want to be the best me I can possibly be and I want to be “that girl” who says:

“I refuse to let breakups destroy me”

I will no longer try and fix broken men, I have this sad habit of gravitating towards boys who need fixing in life.  This is not just about getting skinny (although working towards the body I want is also on the cards) it is about growing my confidence, being able to walk out into the world being comfortable in my own skin and feeling like the best person I can be.

I have always had issues with body confidence, but this new revenge body is all about embracing my body for what it is. It’s about being truly happy with myself and wiping out those soul destroying insecurities and being proud of me for who I am. I will be embracing my personality, the fact that I hardly get angry, I am carefree and gentle, and I always put others first but what I will change is who gets the privilege of seeing these parts of me. I will wear the clothes I want whether they are in fashion now or not, I will be me 100%.

There is a few ways I am changing not so much myself but my approach to situations while still being me. The most common mistake that lands me into hot water is my lack of self-esteem, instead of being proud of myself I think too little of myself and I settle for the less than ideal situations. There is a lack of faith in the abundance of the universe, my anxiety propels me into forcing things to happen rather than letting them take their natural course and dating doozies – results from my failure to accept the different ways men and women approach relationships and what is right for me.

Breaking an angel quote
Image: BMM Poetry Quote

There is this sexiness in an “I don’t give a f*ck attitude”, it oozes confidence and realness. When your heart broken and your world feels like it has crumbled into a million different pieces there is only up to look forward too.

This is the point at which we don’t hold back, we say what we feel and what we think, the realness of our thoughts comes out with little to no thought about the consequences.

Breakups bring out your most raw and authentic self, they remove the protective shell and it leaves you all exposed and sexy, the real you is on display.

Wild, reckless and real, not destructive but fearless and unstoppable, this is a woman that knows what it’s like to be hurt and has experienced hurt. This is the start of revenge body thinking, a way of life and confidence.

Morgan x

Author: Morgan is a consultant from Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Centres

14 Secrets Behind Why Guy’s Buy You Drinks

A guy buying drinks

Is it a thoughtful gesture or a golden ticket to his bed?

The age old question is:

“What does it mean when a guy buys you a drink in a bar?”

I have always wondered what the exact motive is other than the standard answer of “being a gentleman” because we all know most have a hidden agenda, there is however always an exception to the rule, but mostly just the rule.

Basically to put it bluntly any man who is offering to buy you a drink or actually is buying you a drink wants something. That something depends on the guy and the situation but by accepting that drink you are unofficially accepting the idea of entering into his request. Now that request could be a general conversation, or it could be that golden ticket to take you home.  Nothing in life is free, and expectations are always bought up in one way or another.

From working in a bar, and being in that “bar lifestyle” I have been witness to many amusing events as to reactions and end results of guys buying girls drinks.

And let me tell you there is no age limit on this…

From the information I have researched and also from what I have asked my male friends the agenda seems to be indirectly the same. Maybe this is because unlike men, women read deeply into things, and over think situations and it’s not always, as it seems.

Most guys first response when you ask is usually just for conversation or to be a nice guy, but is that just what you want to hear or what they actually want?

Being a female myself I have been witness too and experienced myself the magnitude in which guys offer to buy drinks for girls. I have never entered into this maybe because of all that I have witnessed or maybe because I wasn’t interested in what they were offering, who knows. What I do know is that I have in fact bought guys drinks if they promise to leave me alone for the rest of the night… it works mostly…

So here we get down to the nitty gritty, if one drink means one conversation what does two drinks mean? And so on? When you allow a guy to buy you a drink the polite thing to do is to let them speak to you and have a general conversation while drinking said drink. If you are “one of those girls” you will take the drink off the bar as soon as it’s placed and disappear like a ninja with drink in hand! You then spend the rest of the night ducking from the poor lost soul who purchased that drink for you.

Homer Simpson going into a bush
Image: Simpson Meme

If a man buys you a second drink, you are basically telling him you enjoy his company enough to stick around for another in-depth chat but when does this turn in to a golden ticket to his bed? This debate is never ending and I guess it depends on the person and how much “liquid courage” has been consumed from both parties prior to this investment.

Because men and women are made different there is some obvious differences in thoughts as to what buying a drink means. One blogger by the name of Big_Knows_Best surveyed 20 guys in a local bar and documented their responses, the responses are beyond hilarious.

From the start of the night to the end there is a major shift in responses for added humour she has also added in her own commentary.

Here are a few just for your enjoyment:

“Conversation”

This was the most common answer at the beginning of the night. Cool, man. You’re a great guy or whatever. Boring. I’ll check back with you after a few more shots. Maybe he will use a pick-up line that will work!

“Sex”

Really? For just one drink? I guess this works on the girls whose drinks aren’t usually purchased for them. Best of luck in your safari for girls with low self-esteem, sir.

Conversation that will lead to sex

Now, we are getting somewhere.

“When you buy a shot, you’re trying to close the deal. If you buy a beer you’re just trying to extend the conversation”

A method. I like it

“One drink? Conversation. Two? Get a little personal. Three? I better be walking out the door with you”

Basic concept of investment and return. I see you. What about four?

“One drink, like 5 minutes of your time. Two drinks, front door. Three drinks, back door”

Well, that escalated quickly.

“For her to drink it”

*Eye roll* You’re useless.

“At least a dance floor make out and finger bang”

Oh yeah, at LEAST a public finger bang. I see how a $3 beverage warrants that.

“I’ll buy you a drink and show you!”

Clever, Casanova.

But seriously what does it mean! I have a few options for you:

  1. He thinks you can’t afford your own drink, so he wants to be nice! It’s an expensive world out there!
  2. He wants to show you he is a nice guy, and maybe strike up a conversation with you.
  3. He is letting you know he is interested!
  4. He thinks you’re stunning! And he is just showing you some appreciation.
  5. He is hoping you will go home with him to privately show off your sexy lingerie that’s underneath! Well hello mister sleazy!

Now apart from accepting the drink there is also another side to this!

What do you do when you don’t want the drink? Awkward!

Tv Show Drinking Meme
Image: Funny Drink Meme

This is a completely viable option; I found most guys don’t take “No thank you” as an option so I had to get a little creative. Buying that guy a drink instead and asking him to promise to leave you alone for the rest of the night usually works. Not because he took the bribe, but because you basically embarrassed him and his masculinity – you know these days you have just to keep them on their toes!

But no joke it’s easy! By saying no thank you, or something along the lines of “I have already had enough tonight, but thanks” or “I already have a drink, but thanks” work perfectly fine too.

On a safety note as a general rule you shouldn’t really accept drinks from strangers, basically from a young age we are taught to not take candy from a stranger… I feel the same rule applies!

Happy drinking!

Morgan x

Author: Morgan is a consultant from Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Centres