Building Rapport in Gay Relationships

Men Discussing

There is a widespread but erroneous belief that people in gay relationships have an easier time with their relationships compared to those in heterosexual relationships. And while that notion stretches the truth a bit too far, it is not surprising to see why people would think so. For centuries, it has been believed that the only reason why men and women have trouble with communication in relationships is because their thought processes are different and they are biologically wired to effectively communicate and respond to situations differently. Women tend to use nonverbal cues and their actions are often led by emotional responses. Men on the other hand, are natural problem solvers who like to face problems logically, and so approach issues with less emotion. And while it is true that the fact that people in same sex relationships have an easier time agreeing on certain things in their relationships, they might also experience greater hurdles in their relationship, especially if communication is poor.

One of the most difficult aspects of this kind of relationship is deciding when to go public with your relationship. If you are in a committed one, there will always be some trouble between partners if one of them is reluctant to go public or worse yet, if they still haven’t come out of the closet. Being in a relationship such as the latter can be very challenging, but not completely if there is effective communication. To begin with, if you are the partner in the relationship who chooses to stay mum about his/her sexual orientation, it is imperative to discuss your fears with your partner openly; whether that be fear of becoming ostracized, a religious family or the fact that you haven’t completely accepted or realized where you want to be. By sharing your most intimate thoughts and feelings, you’re able to help your partner understand that it’s not about you not caring about them but that you need more time to get acquainted to your new-found status or find the right time to come out.

Gay Couple Kissing

On the other hand, caring about someone who is still afraid of being who they are can be very challenging. By understanding that they are not at the same level as you and may be having trouble with themselves, you are able to sympathize and offer your support where necessary. You should always put yourself in their shoes and remember what it was like for you before you got to where you are. If you had immediate support from friends and family, don’t think of the matter as trivial. Not everyone has the opportunity to get accepted as easily as you did. Don’t push your partner to come out or worse still; try to manipulate them into doing so. Doing this will only damage their trust in you and you may end up losing them entirely. People like to be comfortable when trying to commit to a relationship and to effectively communicate is a must. Most importantly, don’t enter into a relationship with someone who is still in the closet if you are not able to handle it. Also, make sure that you define the relationship and your expectations before getting emotionally involved.

For those people who have already come out and are enjoying their relationship, communication has to be a two way street. Both partners should be involved in making decisions which affect the relationship. You cannot expect to have it easy just because you are in a same sex relationship. For starters, make sure you have your own personal interests and hobbies in a Gay Exchange. This way, you have something interesting to discus with your partner at the end of every day. No matter how much you love your partner, it is never a good idea to make them the center of your whole world. Surround yourself with people who care about you and love you and do things that are interesting. Just like in heterosexual relationships, every person needs to have some time to themselves.

Another aspect of communication that people in both gay and retro relationships fail in is listening. Being able to listen to your partner is probably the only thing that is more important than actually expressing yourself. Whether they are calling you out on behavior from you that they don’t like, complaining about their boss or job or whatever else, they should always feel like they can talk to you. The only reason why people fail in listening is because they confuse “listening” with “help me”.

Sometimes, he/she just wants to let out steam and know that someone is on their side, no matter how ridiculous or whiny they sound. So, just sit there and actively listen. Remember, your partner isn’t stupid, so just sitting there, newspaper in hand and nodding your head isn’t going to cut it. It may actually hurt their feelings. Instead, pay attention, show your support and give your unbiased opinion. If you feel like they are asking for your help but are unsure, always ask if there is anything you can do to help. Half the time, they don’t really want any help; they just want you to be there to talk to.

Last, if you’re in an argument, don’t always be in it to win it. Your partner might let you win some arguments, but they are not always going to want to. In time, they might get fed up with it. Apologize when you are wrong and be willing to find middle ground in cases where neither one of you is willing to back down.  Additionally, keep in mind that communication transcends word of mouth. Sometimes, that long hug will make your partner feel much better about a bad situation than a conversation. When you’re lost for words, non-verbal cues will do the trick just as easily. Always remind your partner how much you love them with little gestures and a whisper about your feelings now and then. We’re not saying that you should be sappy, but don’t be afraid to let your emotions show.

A gay relationship like all relationships needs to be fueled by trust and understanding; both of which can only be achieved by open communication.



Communicating In Gay Relationships!

Friends Walking Together

In many ways,  gay male relationships face the same issues and obstacles as all other intimate relationships including relationships of straight couples. However, there are some issues that are specific to gay men relationships or that need to be overcome in different ways. Whatever type of gay relationship you are involved in, it is important to discuss emotional issues on a frequent basis. One or both men in a relationship may not have come out of the closet. Some gay men are not disclosed at all.

Two Happy Gay Men

Other gay men may not express their sexuality in particular parts of their life such as at work or to certain family members or friends. In situations like these, a discussion of how this will impact both partners in the relationship is a must. When discussing this, it is important to come from a point of respect and understanding because a person who is not out of the closet may have chosen to do so for various reasons so the other partner must be understandable. If you or your partner is involved in the gay community, a discussion around your involvement should be discussed from time to time.

The following points listed below are some tips to help you communicate better in a gay relationship:

  • Relating to others can easily be with a variety of emotions such as excitement, fear, anticipation, closeness, intimacy and loneliness in one. Relationships are dynamic and can change from time to time. In a positive relationship though, both partners feel valued, loved and nurtured. It is important to develop a sense of trust and a feeling that you can both be understood and accepted and not criticized.
  • Recognize that physical relationship is only one part of the intimacy in your relationship. Intimacy can take many forms. It can be verbal and it can also be expressed by doing special things for your partner.
  • Understand each others need to be autonomous and to make your own individual decisions sometimes.
  • Create a safe place, where you can both express your problems, doubts, fears and weaknesses without the fear of rejection or punishment.
  • Be willing to communicate with each other. Communicate feelings, needs and wants. Listen to your partners problems and understand them. To communicate you must also take your time to listen to what the other person says. When your trying to have a profound and genuine talk with your life partner, it’s sometimes difficult to listen to their point of view when all we want to do is communicate what we are thinking. We’re frequently so anxious of not being listened, we race to continue talking. Unexpectedly, such conduct makes it all the more probable we won’t be listened.
  • Be willing to negotiate around your differences with respect and generosity with your partner. You are not going to get your own things all the time in a relationship.
  • Try to become aware of personal issues you or your partner brings to the relationship and take responsibility for these. Also be aware of the expectations you may project on others and assess how realistic they are.
  • Take time alone frequently, to recharge and re-balance as this will help you to give more energy in your relationship in the long-run.
  • Maintain and build a supportive network of friends and family members outside the relationship.
  • Try to develop the skill to not take yourself, your partner and everything else too seriously. Life is nice, enjoy it.
  • Some individuals have never been extremely open to others in their life. Hell, a few people won’t not know themselves, or know much about their own particular genuine needs and yearnings. Be that as it may, to be seeing someone to step toward opening up your life and opening up yourself. Concealing your feelings behind a shroud of power may work for you, yet won’t work for others. Imagining everything is okay isn’t okay. What’s more, giving your partner the quiet treatment isn’t helpful. These things may have “worked” for you before, however they are all hindrances to having a genuine conversation.
  • Being open means discussing things you may have never discussed with another person before in your life. It means being helpless and genuine with your partner, totally and shamelessly. It implies opening yourself up to conceivable hurt and disillusionment. In any case, it additionally implies opening yourself up to the maximum capacity of each of the a relationship can be.


10 Essential Tips For Gay Relationships!

Gay Men Kissin in Rain

You know that you and your gay partner have been together for a long time now and you know each other inside and out while working hard to build a satisfying and comfortable lifestyle together as a committed couple. This is love and the feeling of companionship and security that your relationship offers can be like no other. But, life can become crazy and chaotic and it’s vital for your relationship to keep it as a number one priority as you attempt to balance all your other life priorities and responsibilities. The following are some things that gay men can do to their partners that can improve their relationships.

Drinking Coffee at a Cafe

You’ve made a huge investment in your relationship and it’s important to protect it against anything that might interfere with its priority in your life. By doing these simple things, you’ll be bringing more positive energy to your relationship.

1  Welcome him with a movie style kiss:

Don’t give that everyday boring kiss. Make every greeting and departure from each other like it’s your last. Like those old movies, give him a passionate kiss that will make him miss you before even leaving for the office.

2  Sext:

Sending your partner sexual texts messages at random times of the day will have them begging for more when they get home. Don’t use your work telephone. Make sure the message’s having a message warning like “private” or “warning” topics so that you can read them secretly.

3  Date him all over again:

One effective way of ensuring that other roles and obligations don’t get in the way of maintaining your romance in the long-term is to schedule a date night once a week.

4  Make a couple’s bucket list:

Brainstorm together to make a rundown of things you both need to do together as a couple. For instance you could go to a cooking class together or start paddling down your neighborhood boat club. At that point pick three things from the brainstorm and tackle them throughout the following three months.

5  Unleash your inner stud:

Make sex and intimacy an integral part of your relationship to help keep the flame alive. Never let things get to the point where the relationship becomes boring so avoid getting into boring rituals and routines when it comes to your bedroom antics. Remember that sex is play, so allow your creativity to spice things up with different positions and places for sexual expression. Be spontaneous, flirt, share your fantasies and employ seduction. Creating a mystery and intrigue always takes attention and interest.

6  Keep him begging for more:

Validate him through communication and physical actions. Acknowledge him when he does something positive. Share what you appreciate and are grateful for about him. Listen to him when he talks and show genuine interest in what’s going on in his life. Do little things for him that you know he’d really appreciate without being asked. Surprise him with a meaningful and relevant gift that speaks to him. Making your partner feel good about himself and affirming how important he is to you will often create a reciprocal effect and you’ll both reap the rewards of such actions with a strengthened bond.

7  Name what you like about each other:

Express gratefulness through giving each other positive input. Try not to concentrate on negative qualities. Concentrating on positive characteristics will help both accomplices feel more alluring and certain about each other. Provoke yourself to take a seat and make a rundown of things you like about your accomplice. After you both make a list, you can share them with each other.

8  Review yourself:

Relationship fulfillment can be about making yourself into the best version of yourself. Try not to depend on your partner to make your life incredible; work to make an extraordinary life paying little respect to whom you’re dating.

9  Keep the plan alive:

Another important thing that can help to ensure that you stay in control of your lives as a couple is to check with each other to make sure you follow the right plan in your relationship. You, your partner, and your relationship will always be growing and changing and it’s important to stay on top of all these transitions.

10  Collect your fantasies:

Write out the greatest number of sexual fantasies you individually would like to recreate with each other. Write the fantasies down a different bit of paper, and have your accomplice do likewise. Stick them all in a jug. Once a week you can alternate between selecting a fantasy from the container and showcasing your dreams together.