My Prize For Being A Disobedient Submissive

Submissive who follows and leads

I am not a good submissive, I am sometimes sassy and I giggle, I like to push the boundaries but in the end I do as I’m told. I grumble when you ask me to do things but I do them anyway, with always a hint of sass made in the way of a comment or eye gaze. But the punishment is so much sweeter an intoxicating rush runs through my body when you grab a hold of me, when you object to my behaviour I melt, the authority you have over me makes me feel aroused and secure. You’re not gentle when you smack me it makes me wet, it’s not the pain, it’s the authority and it’s the presence you make on me. Sometimes I want danger and unpredictability, sometimes I want to get out of my own head and do the wrong thing, sometimes I don’t want to be so planned and organised. There really is an art to negotiating dominance and power play fucking.

I want to feel like your princess but I also want to feel you in the dark and not know where you are going to touch next. To love to submit but not be submissive is confusing; to test boundaries and “play with fire” then do, as I’m told is a rush, I’m not naughty but I am naughty for just a moment, a fleeting moment of adrenaline.

Sometimes I look at you and I want to be all over you, I want to take control, I want to own and possess you. I want to render you powerless and I want you to submit to me. I want to be fluid and one with you, I want to be lost in the darkness with you, I want you to grab a hold of my hips and drive right into me, I want to lose my breath, I want all my senses to focus on every sound and every tingle.

I want to submit but it’s so hard to give over that power, maybe it’s an issue of trust; maybe I’m just not letting go. I feel the need to stay in control of myself, I feel it’s an important part of me, but I don’t know how to do that while still submitting myself to you, knowing with every objection and bit of sass punishment is on its way, in whatever form that is.

Maybe its fear as well, what If I don’t like what is happening? What if I feel hurt, what if it triggers something I don’t want it to trigger. I don’t have a dominant bone in my body but I like to be in control, or at least I feel like I’m in control of myself.

I crave that freedom; I crave the sense of being weightless in my mind. The feeling of submitting and being respected the feeling of dominance while being dominated the feeling that my every move is worshiped.

Sometimes I want you to own me, I want you to be in control and it makes me want to rip down your throat. I want to impale myself onto you, I want to feel every bit of you and you feel every bit of me.

A challenging submissive
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But in the end isn’t the submissive the dominate one? Isn’t it in the end the submissive the one who is actually in control allowing the acts to happen, and controlling the outcome?

The feeling of your hands holding my hips so tight, reminds me you own me, I am yours. I want you to not be gentle, I want you to ravage me; I want you to take me, because you deserve me. I want you to free me from my mental restraints.

I don’t want to be in control, I want you to fight me for that power, I want to feel the release of satisfaction.

The sexual power of submission, leading and following

One of the most powerful things you hold is your power to submit, most people have psychological blocks, but being powerful enough to release those and become submissive is something else. Being submissive is seen as a negative, the feeling of losing while being dominant is winning.

But being submissive is so much more it is virtuous and highly desirable.

It is like a dance with “leading” and “following”. Learning to follow is hard, and it is something that requires a lot of attention and focus. This is the same with sexual submission, being submissive is not star fishing on the bed; it is actively receiving and enjoying. We are wired with many primal switches that are triggered around being dominated. They are delicious and arousing when you are using your erotic brain. Submissiveness can bring with it a cocktail of emotions, these emotions range from being in pure awe and appreciation on the sweet side, to fear and humiliation.

It is an exchange of energies that spiral upwards in grander and more superior erotic turn-ons.

Morgan x

Author: Morgan is a consultant from Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Centres

VIP Interview With Precipice Malum Co-founder & Instructor Of Studio Kink

BDSM & Japanese Rope Bondage Workshop Instructor

Precipice Malum is a co-founder and instructor of Studio Kink. Studio Kink hosts a large variety of workshops, live performances, social get togethers and events ranging from Kink Yoga, Japanese Bondage Rope, SKORE (Studio Kink Open Rope Exchange), Impact Play, Pups and Handlers and BDSM which will give you the ability to learn new skills and techniques that you can use to enhance your sexual lifestyle.

Studio Kink provides a welcoming atmosphere which is inclusive community for people of all different identities, fetishes and kinks. They are well known for providing an environment which supports the cooperation of talented experts, artisans, instructors, performers, crafters and educators who come from all over the world to practice within their establishment to share their skills, personal experience and creativity. For Studio Kink it is not competition or ego that fuels their work.

This is a VIP Interview With Precipice Malum Co-founder & Instructor Of Studio Kink.

Sexual Lifestyle BDSM Educator
Image: Precipice From Studio Kink

Tell me about yourself?

I’m one of the co-founders and instructors for Studio Kink. My main areas of interest are: power exchange relationships (Dominant/Submissive or Master/Slave) and Japanese Style Rope Bondage.

What are your favourite quotes?

“The first principle is that you must not fool yourself — and you are the easiest person to fool.” ~ Richard Feynman.

This is the quote I come back to most often. In BDSM discussions honesty is a critical value/theme but it often only gets thought of in terms of being honest to other people. I love this quote because to me it encourages honesty with oneself. It can be very easy when you to fool yourself into thinking you are better or more important than you really are or develop an ego. One of my personal values is to strive for self-awareness and to value introspection. This is meaningless unless you can be honest and critical with yourself.

Japanese Bondage Rope Classes
Image: Beginners Rope Thursday Nights

How did you get involved in the adult lifestyle industry? What inspired you to establish Studio Kink?

I first got involved with the public BDSM community after I attended the Sydney Hellfire club in 2010. At the time my partner had just moved overseas for their research so I was looking to meet other kinky people and make likeminded friends with similar interests.

I remember seeing Shibari performances at Hellfire by people like Mark and Lani DV8 and deciding that I wanted to learn how to do that. Up until that point I had been using boating knots and books by Two Knotty Boys for rope bondage. By late 2013 I began teaching regular classes at the Sydney Rope Dojo, primarily alongside one of the founders Nawa Rei. In 2014 I began going to Japan to further study Japanese Rope bondage furthering my own skills. In 2015 the Sydney Rope Dojo was closing down and Aleni, Mark, Lani, Nawa Rei, Cypher and I ended up sitting down at a pub on Norton Street and agreeing that it would be a pity if there was no longer a dedicated education venue in Sydney and that it should focus on different aspects of BDSM, including rope bondage. In October we launched a crowdfunding campaign which ended up raising nearly 7 times what we were expecting and we used the funding to launch Studio Kink in November.

What do you love most about Japanese Rope Bondage?

The thing I love most is the philosophy of Japanese Rope Bondage. A lot of other styles of rope bondage you learn lots of different pretty knots and you use them to either make decorative harnesses or to tie someone up so that you can do something else to them. In these styles often you begin tying and then you get the benefit at the end once the tie is complete. Japanese Style rope bondage puts the emphasis on the entire process of tying. Right from the moment you decide to tie someone until after the last rope has been untied the focus is on every moment and step having an impact on the people involved. It is about the entire journey, not just the destination. Because of this idea there are actually only a few knots you need to know (we teach almost all of them in a single beginners class). Instead of learning more complicated knots as you progress you learn different ways and patterns of combining them. They are designed for the flow and rhythm of tying them and not only for their look. Often a very pretty knot is fiddly and time consuming to tie.

The more you learn about Japanese Style Rope Bondage, the less it becomes about the rope and knots and the more it is about using the rope to have the effect you want on the person you are tying. Developing the skills to express your mood and personality with the rope and to interpret the person you are tying and incorporate that into the session to make it unique.

Shibari And Kinbaku Events
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What does the experience feel like? Can Shibari be seen as a loving act or is it predominately sexual?

The experience is different each time. It depends completely on the people involved and their personality, mood and what they are looking to achieve in the moment. One of the things I love about Japanese Style Rope Bondage is the versatility. It can be loving, intimate, detached, sensual, sadistic, slow, fast, sexual, empowering, disempowering, kind, cruel, gentle or hard. If you have the skill and desire you can combine any of these elements (and probably some more I haven’t thought of). For example you can have an intimate but non sexual session that is both kind and hard.

What japanese bondage rope knots would you recommend a beginner learn?

There are only three kinds of ties you need to know in order to create almost any bondage position you can think of. A non collapsing single column tie (there are dozens of ways you can tie these but you only need one), an inline cuff and a half hitch. By repeating and combining these three components you can tie someone up in any position you want.

What is involved in the running of your workshops? What types of people would you recommend go?

Workshops are a usually a combination of theory, demonstration and hands on practice (depending on the topic). For example in out Introduction to Shibari workshop our instructors explain the tie we are doing, demonstrate the tie, explain why it works and safety information and then students have the opportunity to try it on themselves (tying their own ankle) and get assistance and feedback. The class costs $20 for a single class or $15 when purchased as part of our beginners course (a 4 week progression of classes on Shibari). We recommend anyone (and ideally everyone) with an interest in the topic come along to the class.

You run many events and workshops, tell me about the teachers and famous industry leaders you have come across?

As part of our commitment to providing world class education we have endeavoured to Australia to teach for us the best Japanese Rope Artists in the world. We have had the opportunity to host the very best.

How do you become a member of the Studio Kink?

From December to February we open Studio Kink membership for sale. Being a member gives priority booking for our classes (especially ones with our international guests can fill up) as well as various discounts.Save

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Who Controls A BDSM Relationship?

Submissive Power and Control

Contrary to popular belief the elements of a BDSM relationship are frequently determined by the submissive, not guided by the dominant. The submissive sets the limits at the very beginning of a BDSM relationship. The submissive chooses what spots can and cannot be used, the submissive can demand the ending of any type of sexual play at any time with a safe word. The dominant, from various perspectives, is essentially a facilitator of what the submissive wants or needs. It’s the dominant’s business to make a setting where their submissive partner can act out their fantasies in a safe and healthy environment that has been agreed by both parties. The submissive must have full trust of the dominant to take care of their body at all times.  A sub/dom relationship takes time to develop total trust in one another and statistically couples that practice BDSM role playing have a higher percentage of maintaining a relationship.

Setting the rules and guidelines for BDSM sexual play needs to be worked out at the start and is an ever evolving facet of this kind of erotic play.  People’s limits may change requiring a gentler touch at timeor to be more open with the BDSM process pushing limits to the extreme. Just like anyone else, people participating in this kind of activity will have their likes and interest’s change, depending on what they are into, or their mental state at that given time.Something that used to sound like it wouldn’t be fun or fascinating may later on tickle your bondage partners fancy. The things you may appreciate now, you may not so much appreciate later on.  Something may become mundane or even boring after repeating it a number of times or maybe your wants have just changed with no logical reason to be given.

After each role playing session it is good to go over how your felt, what the experience was, what felt good and what felt not so good.  You and your bondage partner should openly discuss  your limits.  Talking and communication will help maintain positive bondage play experiences.

Many couples that participate in BDSM will reverse roles, taking turns to be a dom one time and a sub next time.  This is a terrific idea as it allows each of you to experience the sensations the other feels and allows you to appreciate each other more.

Being the dominant does not mean that you do not want to satisfy your sub.  Generally it means exactly the opposite as if your partner is not enjoying it, it could mean that they will no longer participate in the activity.  The mind set should be that both of you please, excite and enjoy the roles you are playing at and that it be shared equally and not in one direction.  A dom teasing the sub making them crave for more and when more is given bringing them to new heights of ectasy is one example.  So too with humiliation, cuckolding and more.

Blue Word Graphic
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Who Controls BDSM Play?

The submissive does have the ultimate control in BDSM play in most instances for two reasons:

  1. In a BDSM relationship, the submissive sets the points of restraint, what can be used and what cant be used. For example, they can limit what type of restraints, material and sex toys that can be used.
  2. They also inform the dom of what limits they are prepared to do and armed with a safe word can stop the play at any time.
  3. They will instruct the dom what activities are allowed like tickling, whipping, slapping but the dom is not allowed to carry out any other activities without consent.
  4. They will inform the dom what BDSM instruments or accessories are allowed like body harness, gags etc.

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