Diet Made Me A Super-STUD!

Whether you’re a lawyer, a developer of a cougar dating website or a college graduate, one of your aspirations as a man certainly is to be handsome and attractive. Such were my aspirations as well, but it wasn’t until my mid-30s that I came to accomplish my fitness goals.

Admittedly, my road to handsomeness was a tough one, partially because it took me a while to begin working on myself and because of the weight problems I had since childhood. Still, with the right diet and enough motivation, I managed to become a rather attractive-looking guy. With that said, here’s how a diet made me a super stud.

 

A Rough Start

Ever since I was 8, I had a weight problem. I got used to eating lots of candy and junk food from an early age – a habit that would take almost two decades for me to get rid of. I was overweight as a kid and kept that status all the way through elementary school, high school, and even college.

After graduating from college, I managed to find a job and blended in quite nicely since being overweight wasn’t looked down on as much as it was during my high school days, for example. My career became my top priority and I completely neglected my health, weight and looks during the first couple of years after I had started working.

However, obesity proved to be an issue every time I went to hang out with my friends or family. Most of the people I spend time with outside of work lead active lifestyles and want to engage in various physical activities, which obviously wasn’t my cup of tea at the time. I was always the last one in the group to finish something (provided that I even agreed to start it in the first place).

After a couple of years of being the fattest and slowest of all of the people I know, it finally dawned on me – I had to lose weight and get a grip on my body.

 

Trial and Error

Naturally, the first thing that came to my mind was cardio exercising. Despite the fact that cardio was, is and always will be the best way to lose weight, it’s virtually useless if you don’t stop eating all the trash that I was used to consuming my whole life.

After a couple of months of running on the treadmill and seeing no progress whatsoever, I gave up. I went back to my old ways of going from bed to car, then to my office chair and back to the car, only to end up in the bed again at the end of the day, feeling lazier and fatter as time went on.

This is when I stumbled upon an interesting diet that promised results in the most natural way possible, without making me starve or forcing me to eat things I really didn’t like. I opted for the Mediterranean diet at the time (even though there are many other efficient diets out there), which allowed me to eat regular meals that consisted of balanced and light foods.

Sticking to it was anything but easy, but I managed to be a devoted dieter for a whole year. Needless to say, I lost about 30% of my weight, which then allowed me to introduce more meat and fat into my eating regimen so that I could finally get something out of exercising.

Fast forward 6 months and I’m a super stud I always wanted to be. Thanks to a good diet, some hard work, and determination, I’ve managed to go from a fat slob to a super stud in a year and a half.

 

Here are 7 of the top foods renowned for aiding in better sex –

Avocados

Almonds

Strawberries

Seafood

Arugula

Figs

Citrus

This article is written by –

Stefan Guest Post

Adultsmart welcomes Guest Bloggers to submit 800 word articles with original content about topics relating to sexual lifestyle, health and wellness. If you would like to participate, send an email to rick.xsales@gmail.com with your ideas or an article that you wish to submit. If you publish multiple articles on Adultsmart’s Blog you will become an Adultsmart Expert.

VIP Interview – Nellie Wilson A Professional Cuddlist!

We are pleased to introduce Nellie Wilson a professional Cuddlist to the Adultsmart community blog.  A Cuddlist offers therapeutic benefits to individuals that need the healing power of platonic touch. 

Welcome Nellie, how did you first get into cuddling?

I grew up in a fairly physically affectionate family so I think I’ve always been into cuddling. I found out about Cuddle Parties, a social cuddling event and workshop about boundaries and consent, and started going to them years ago. I really enjoyed the safety and connection of those events and am now a certified Cuddle Party facilitator. I found out about professional cuddling, specifically Cuddlist, through a friend and realized that I knew the co-founder, Madelon Guinazzo. She and I had attended a workshop in 2010, Foundations of Facilitation, which is part of the Cuddle Party Facilitator certification program. I was at a point in my life where I wanted to get back into doing body-based meaningful work that really helped people and what Cuddlist offered was a great fit for me. I’ve been a Cuddlist for about a year now.

Being a Cuddlist would take a great deal of compassion and empathy for others.  Where did you gain these traits?

My grandmother was one of the biggest influences in my early life that really taught me about empathy and compassion. She had such a big heart and welcomed people into her home, and our family, who others in the community wouldn’t have. She was a good listener. She was there for me, and others, when we were in need. I’ve cultivated both of those traits in myself as well as having other people who shared and guided me in being skilled in true compassion and empathy – both of which I believe are learned traits.

Many people would not be aware that being a Cuddlist is a recognized occupation with many courses designed to develop this therapy.  Can you run us through how you became a Cuddlist and what someone would have to do to be qualified?

Cuddlist has a rigorous screening and approval process for its practitioners. There is an application process to be accepted into the training. You then complete online coursework, are paired with a mentor, and have to complete an in-person practical evaluation with a certified Cuddlist who is trained to do approval sessions. After the approval session, there is a final evaluation with Director of Training before receiving certification.

After certification, Cuddlist provides ongoing weekly and monthly support for marketing, peer support, and professional development.

Human touch is so important to the development of human beings.  From birth through till death, in good times or bad, nothing beats a cuddle to share joy, sadness, empathy and closeness.  Do you prefer to receive of give cuddles?

As a professional cuddler, I am in a position of giving in sessions with my clients, even if it might look like “receiving” from an outside perspective. In my personal life, I enjoy both giving and receiving. I like to share caring touch with those I love and sometimes I need to be held and cared for. The real key to good cuddling is good communication — being able to ask for what you want and need and hear if the other person is a yes or no, and being able to negotiate to find a mutual yes.

At Adultsmart we are strong advocates for human rights.  Some of our passions are the right to sexual freedom and expression and the rights for people with disabilities.  How does cuddling help these groups of people?

Cuddlists address the basic human need for touch and connection. We work with all genders, races, sizes, sexual orientations, and abilities. Everyone deserves to feel nurtured and cared for. People in marginalized and minority communities can often experience isolation for many different reasons so can be particularly vulnerable to having lack of good touch in their lives. My work helps people to be able to meet these needs in a way that is empowering to them. I believe every person I see is a whole person with agency and rights to their bodily autonomy. I strive to make sessions a safe space for people to be able to be comfortable and self-expressed without shame.

The cuddlist dot com

Do you offer specific cuddling sessions for people with disabilities and how do they differ from standard cuddling techniques?

Yes. Depending on the disability, I offer home visits for people who cannot come to my office due to mobility issues or chronic illness that prevents them from traveling. There aren’t any

“standard cuddling techniques”

that I use. I work with each client to find ways to provide them with the physical contact that they would like, which sometimes involves getting a bit creative. If there is a position that they or myself are not comfortable doing, we find something else that works for both of us.

Cuddling parties are happening around the world.  What can you tell us about these?

I’m a certified Cuddle Party Facilitator as well as a Cuddlist.

“Cuddle Party is a playful social event designed for adults to explore communication, boundaries and affection.”

The event starts off with a workshop that covers the ‘rules of cuddling’ which goes over communication skills on how to ask for what you want, practice saying yes and no, and listening openly to people’s answers to your requests. After the workshop part of the event, people are welcomed to explore cuddling with each other and practice the kind of detailed asking that we do in the workshop.

Cuddle Parties are a great place to connect with others who are interested in practicing active consent, sharing physical affection, and being playful. It can also be a space to practice saying no and feel how empowering that can be.

To find out more about these events and see where Cuddle Parties are happening in your area check out:

Cuddle Parties Website

Hypothetical – I am a newbie who has contacted you for a cuddling session.  Can you run us through the procedure prior to a cuddling session?

Once I receive your request for a session, I contact you to set up a phone conversation where you can ask any questions you have and I go over what you can expect out of the first session. I have clients fill out a waiver agreement that spells out what Cuddlist is and is not (aka. I’m not a psychotherapist or doctor so I don’t diagnose or treat people for conditions). We talk about payment and go over some basics about boundaries and the Cuddlist code of conduct. The first session is designed for us to get to know each other. The session is client lead, which means that I support them in speaking up for what they want and discovering what that might be if they don’t know.

Other Cuddlist may have somewhat different client screening processes but we all take time to talk with prospective clients to make sure that we are a good match before having a session. If I feel that a fellow Cuddlist might be better suited to work with someone, I will offer a referral and they do the same.

Platonic cuddling has been known to help people that have suffered trauma and/or loss. How do you personally cope with their grief?

I have found that having my own support, with a therapist and through peer-support with other certified Cuddlists, is really important in being able to process and move through any emotions that might come up in response to a client sharing their experience with me in session. In sessions, I feel that I am channeling a sense of compassion and love for my clients that is larger than myself. Being in this state of openhearted flow helps me to hold space for any emotions shared by my clients. Grief, anger, confusion, numbness, feeling ashamed, sadness, etc. are all natural responses to trauma and loss and its important to be able to express emotions in a safe confidential space, which is what I provide.

When someone has chronic illness and may have few family or friends, cuddling may form an important part of the transition.  Do you participate in these types of sessions?

I’m not sure I fully understand the question however – I work with clients who have chronic illnesses. I myself have a chronic illness and know how isolating it can be to have a chronic condition that limits your ability to participate in life and activities. Caring touch can be a big support for people who are chronically ill as well as for those with disabilities. My personal experience with chronic illness is part of what drives me to do this work and make it as accessible as I can for people with disabilities and chronic illnesses to be able to receive this kind of care.

You hold workshops on cuddling.  Can you tell us a bit more about this and to participate?

See Cuddle Party info.

I offer Cuddle Parties and workshops on consent and communication in the Northampton Massachusetts area. You can find out more about workshops at my or on my Facebook page –

Nellie Cuddles Workshops
Nellie Wilson Website

What do you do in your ‘down’ time?

When I’m not seeing clients or teaching workshops, I enjoy gardening, hiking, singing, and spending time with loved ones and friends.

You have a master’s degree in Integrative Health and Wellness Coaching.  How do you incorporate this to your cuddling sessions?

My background in integrative health and wellness coaching informs my Cuddlist work in being able to coach clients into getting clear about what they want out of a session, in sharing information about the mind-body science of the health benefits of cuddling, and offer resources for clients who want to work on other parts of their health and wellbeing outside of touch. I believe strongly in whole person care and I have a referral network of other health providers to share with clients that may need additional support.

Nellie Wilson – Certified Professional Cuddlist & Consent Educator
Offering Trust-Based Therapeutic Touch & Experiential Workshops

Rick is the owner of the Adultsmart, an online sex toy shop that stocks over 13,000 products. He has been involved in the adult lifestyle industry for more than 25 years. Rick is an active sex blogger who provides a wealth of information and experience. He is an advocate of equality for gender and sexuality.

The Labiaplasty Epidemic

With so much comparison & judgement of female bodies, it is no wonder that the root of our femininity could not be saved. Women’s vulvas & vaginas have become another part of the body to scrutinize, to the point where young women are undergoing irreversible procedures to change the way they look.

 

For the last couple of years, I have heard mentioned the growing trend in young women of labiaplasty, a cosmetic procedure in which the labia minora (inner lips of the vulva) are surgically reduced. Beyond my initial reaction of sadness & rage, I had an immense curiosity to understand why young women would do such a thing to their bodies. After some research online, I am left with a heavy heart at the reality of women striving for a false idea of “perfection.”

 

My research led me to find the documentary “A Perfect Vagina,” an exploration on the growing trend of labiaplasty in Britain. Women from all walks of life are interviewed on how they feel about their genitals & the lengths they are willing to go to in order to change them. We see a young 21yo women having her labia cut as if it was a piece of meat, men saying they wouldn’t want to be with a woman if she had “an ugly fanny” and women who have lived a lifetime with chronic shame around what their genitals look like.  

 

One of the main sources of women’s shame around their labia’s is the media. Pornography gives a one-sided view of what a woman’s vulva looks like; pink, minimal and short labia minora, completely hairless & symmetrical. Even medical text books mislead women into thinking this is what every vulva looks like. Nowhere do women see images of anything other than a “neat & tidy” vulva meaning if they possess anything other than this, they take on the belief that they are abnormal.

 

Australian censorship laws around female genitalia also support the scrutiny women have on their bodies, with images showing more than single folded labia minora to under 18 year olds illegal. This means that young women grow up only ever been exposed to a certain kind of vulva even if they read anatomy or sex education text books-they are almost wired to believe that vulvas of different shapes, colours and sizes are wrong.

 

Through my research, I found myself on a website of a clinic that offers labiaplasty surgery & came to witness a heap of images of women who had undergone the procedure. Seeing the before & after photos reminded me of a bunch of beautifully unique flowers having their petals ripped off. Each vulva before the procedure had such an incredible uniqueness that was destroyed and made to look the same as the next. It was devastating!

 

I understand that labiaplasty is indicated and sometimes necessary in cases of labia hypertrophy (Enlarged labia). This is because the size of the labia is leading to chronic urinary tract infections & painful intercourse. A study however showed that 30% of procedures were completed for aesthetical purposes alone which is devastating if you consider the post-operative recovery and inability to reverse the procedure. As well as the after effects, young women as young as 16yo making a decision to change their genitalia for aesthetical purposes is not ok considering the changes that occur in one’s psyche as they age. I look at how much I loathed my body at that age and now I love it 10 years later! In my opinion, labiaplasty should be left for these extreme cases where health is affected not purely for aesthetic purposes. 

 

Vaginal surgery

What I found to be the most tragic thing about the labiaplasty trend is the fact that personally I have an “outie” vulva like the one’s many women were changing and would not change it for the world. I love how it looks and feels, so the thought of traumatising it to fit into the category of “perfect” is awful. Through explorations into embodiment, self-love & my sexuality over the last 5 years, I have complete acceptance for my bodies uniqueness. I understand my vulva doesn’t fit into the photo shopped “norm” of vulvas but love it because of its differences (and so does my partner!!).

 

If someone like me can come to love & appreciate her vulva, then there is hope for every woman. I believe there is absolutely no need for women to resort to a medical procedure to change their bodies when there are so many other ways of finding acceptance for their vulvas just as they are.

Meet the newest member to our team of experts. Stephanie Curtis is a sexologist with a huge capacity to care. Involved in spirituality and tantra her articles are professional, articulate and interesting. Enjoy Steph’s writings at the adultsmart sexual wellness and health blog.

Education of Sexual Health for Young Gay Men!

Sexual Health Gay

I’ve spoken before on the failures of the current sexual health education system when it comes to the sexual education of young people. The current system is failing young people that identify as straight, let alone individuals that identify as any other sexual orientation or sexuality. The current system is flawed in that it assumes that the people digesting the content are straight. It assumes that they have sexual relations for biological purposes, and it doesn’t mention or acknowledge the idea of sex for pleasure. This quick guide is not meant to replace that information – but it’s created to facilitate the sexual education of young non-heterosexual men.

Consent

Consent is the most important thing to remember when it comes to being intimate and you should get consent before any type of sexual encounter with everyone involved. Yes, that includes group sex and making sure each individual that will be involved understands what’s about to happen. Consent is more than just yes, or no and it’s extremely important to understand that just because they didn’t say no, doesn’t mean consent was given.

STIs

An STI is a sexually transmitted infection that is passed on from one sexual partner to the other through sexual activity and sexual contact. If you’ve had/have an STI, you’re not dirty – contracting an STI is actually extremely common. The important thing is that you get tested regularly so that it may be treated. STI’s can be shared by:
Skin to skin contact
Vaginal Sex
Anal Sex
Oral Sex
Needles
Contact with body fluids such as blood and semen
While many STI’s have visible symptoms, there are a lot of STI’s that don’t have any symptoms and you may not even be aware that you are carrying it. As such, getting tested is a simple and extremely effective way to make sure that you are STI Free.
What kind of sex is there, and how can you do this safely?
STD
Sexually Transmitted Infections

Oral and Penetrative Sex

You should not engage, or have oral sex if you or your partner has cuts, bumps, or sores around their genitals or their mouth. This could be a sign of infection and can increase the risk of transmitting an STI. When it comes to penetrative sex – defined as the insertion of a body part or toy – inside someone’s vagina, anus, or hole it’s important to note that whilst all involved share some risk, typically, the greater risk applies to the person being inserted – known as the bottom. With the introduction of PrEP, a daily pill taken to prevent HIV there has been a marked increase of other STI’s including chlamydia. It’s important to consider the risk – Yes, PrEP will prevent you from contracting HIV, but it will not prevent the transmission of other STI’s and for a complete spectrum of protection a range of preventative measures can be considered which include the use of Prep and the use of a barrier such as a condom.

Male Condoms (Also outside condoms)

Many young men will be surprised to find that there are a range of diferent sized condoms. That’s certainly not something that they discuss at school. So many young men experience their first condom and they’ll find that it might simply fall off, or be so tight that they can’t feel anything. We have other guides here that will tell you how to correctly fit a condom, but suffice to say if it doesn’t fit right – rest assured that they will make a condom for you. On that note – only wear a single condom at a time, and change it with each sexual activity. If you’re wearing it from oral, to insertion and back to oral – you’ll be wanting to change the condom. You can even use condoms over toys! Say for example you’re both into bottoming and you have the perfect dildo – wrap the dildo shaft in a condom, and then before you use it in someone else, change the condom! Simple. It should be noted that in an ideal situation – you’ll want to be cleaning it as well, just in case.
An important thing to note – it doesn’t matter whether your straight, gay, bisexual (or any other sexuality) nor does it matter if you are male, female, transgender (or any other gender) – there is no sexuality or gender that places you more at risk for STI and other infections. It is the activities that you do, and how risky the sexual behaviour is. There is a very big difference betwen giving someone a handjob, to having regular sex with a monogamous sexual partner, to engaging with bareback sex in the park with recently met men. At the end of the day, you are in control of your body and you choose how much risk to place yourself in. The best preventative care that you can take is understanding your self and your body and to make sure that you and your sexual partners are getting tested. But how do you check in with your sexual partners current health status?
You’re hot, you’re horny and you’ve got a dick as hard as a rock – do you realy need to ask them about their tests? Ideally yes. It can be a quick check in before you meet up with them where you say along the lines of – i was tested two weeks and i came back negative for STI’s, when was your last check? If it’s a regular partner and you’d like to check in with them it can be a little trickier to bring up without making it awkward, but you could approach it like this. Hey, i noticed it’s been a while since i was tested – was wondering if you’d like to come down with me and get tested together? This enforces the idea that you are being responsible and allows them to reveal they were recently tested, or that they’d love to go get tested together.

Every person regardless of sexual identity or orientation deserves the best information that they can get and whilst this doesn’t cover everything it certainly gives you the tool set to begin practicing self-care and taking responsibility for your body.

Stephen is a cis-gendered gay male who spends far too much time with his two cats and eating tim tams. A self-identified sex-positive advocate he cares deeply about gender equality, disabilities, sexual education and social issues. Opinionated and bold he isn’t afraid to speak his mind and say what others won’t. With a yearning for knowledge and experience in all things relating to sex, he is a prolific writer that has developed the content for a myriad of informative Sexual Health and Wellness websites.

Stephen’s articles and writings tends to focus on social issues, sexual education, queer issues and all things fetish and absurd. He comes qualified with the completion of a double Bachelor degree in Social Sciences and literature, and a Masters in Education.

Ask A Sexologist – Dr. Stacy!

Ask Advice

As always we are honored that Dr. Stacy, Clinical Sexologist has kindly contributed her professional services for our adultsmart blog readers.  Below she has answered questions from Christian from Bankstown Sydney and Ruth from Richmond New South Wales.

Read more of Dr Stacy’s advice!

Ruth:

My relationship with my husband has gone cold.  There is little intimacy and our bedroom is all but dead.  Our kids are now older and our discussions regularly turn into arguments.  I have seen a counselor but when I suggested he see one or we see one together he says we don’t need too.  How do I get him to see that things are not that good and we need help?

 

I am sorry to hear things are not so good on the home front and it’s unfortunate that you don’t seem to have a partner that understands the urgency of the situation.  I try to tell people that if you have a partner asking for help or to get help, it is usually a dire situation that can go downhill fast if not taken care of. If your partner isn’t willing to do anything for the marriage and you have expressed concern and desire to seek help, there isn’t much you can do other than work on personal growth and start weighing your options of what you want for your future, to stay and do nothing or go.  I would ask him why he doesn’t feel that you need to see a counselor, what scares him about going, what does he think is going to happen if  you go as well as what could be the worst and best scenario if he did decide to go.  If he still says he doesn’t want to go then try to have a conversation with him and ask him if he is happy with the way the relationship is and if he says no, see what his suggestions are to work on things.  Maybe if he sees you are open to listening to him, he will make some suggestions that could be helpful.

What about getting away together for a weekend where it is just the two of you and you have an opportunity to connect and talk?  Are you having any intimacy?  Sex?  If not, ask him if he wants to improve that, see if he thinks that could be better.  If so, you need to try to work on things together to make it happen.  There are many people that don’t believe in therapy or counseling and for some people it doesn’t work because many times they have waited too long and there is no turning back. Sometimes it makes a huge impact and saves a marriage but also, people may be afraid that by going to therapy they may eventually have to make a decision on their future and it is scary so people would rather just ignore and not go.  Find out what his fears are and then find out what his future goals are and if he wants you to be a part of it, he needs to tend to your fears and goals to make the marriage work.

 

Working Relationships
Romantic Getaway

 

Christian:

I come from a large immediate and extended family but to my knowledge not one of them is LGBTQ nor do any of them hang out or have friends that are gay or queer.  I am 21 and know in myself that I am homosexual but have not come out.  It is like a big, dirty secret that hangs over my head as I feel that my family will not accept me if I do come out.  A couple of times I have gone out by myself to some gay bar I know about but as soon as anyone approached me I felt revulsion about the whole gay thing and rushed home. It is overwhelming and sometimes I feel incredibly sad and frustrated. What should I do?

 

It is a completely normal to feel confusion, frustration and potential revulsion because it is something that is still taboo in society and can make you question who you are and what you believe.  Since you aren’t accepting of yourself, you see the disgust that others may see in your own eyes but that isn’t reality.  Loving someone for who they are is a beautiful thing once accepting that within yourself. In order to be comfortable coming out to others you need to first be comfortable in yourself and the understanding that you are perfect the way you are and that there is nothing wrong with being gay.  You are attracted to whom you are attracted to and that is nothing that you can change.

 

What makes you think they wouldn’t be accepting of you?  Do they not believe in the LGBT population? Have they said things offensive? Are you close to at least one of your parents that you can have a talk with? What about another trusted adult or maybe a therapist near you that can help? I do Skype calls for people that aren’t local and I would be happy to help you get the confidence you need to be who you are, as that is one of my specialties so let me know if you want to make an appointment.  In the meantime, surround yourself with others that are gay, support groups, maybe a local place that has resources.  That way you aren’t in an environment where it may be more “sexual” such as a club so you can get to the point of acceptance and self love and then be able to move forward.  You need to have support and you shouldn’t have to lie to get it so maybe slowly breach the subject to your family by bringing up someone else in the media to gauge what they think about the LGBT population and go from there.  I am here of you wanted to make an appointment for extra support.  You shouldn’t have to go through this alone.

Gay Issues
Gay Loneliness

Dr Stacy can be contacted by the following methods

Sex Coaching

Dr Stacy Instagram

Dr Stacy Twitter

Dr Stacy Facebook

Sexologist and sex coach

Would you like free professional advice from a Clinical Sexologist & Certified Sex Coach? Dr. Stacy Friedman may answer your question for FREE in a featured article on Adultsmart’s Blog! If you would like to send in a question please email askasexologist@gmail.com.