Sex After Pregnancy!

Post Pregnant Sex
Well, I have recently returned to work after giving birth to my third baby, I wrote an article about sex and pregnancy on this site a while back, before I gave birth about having sex during pregnancy,  so. I thought I would do a follow up on sex ‘ after’ having a baby. Now I know some of you boys out there might want to switch off, put your fingers in your ears and sing “la la la” really loudly!  Some of you girls may even want to switch off now! It isn’t something that gets talked about often. I can honestly say in all the baby groups and library sing-song  sessions I attended over the last 10 months, not one lady has come up to me and said

” hey how”s ya vagina?”

So sit back, get comfortable, and get the popcorn out!….
The truth is after expelling the equivalent of a watermelon out of my privates…Even I couldn’t bring myself to touch or look at my vagina, let alone let anyone else near it! It felt like a god damn crime scene!  Joking aside though, Most nurses advise at least 4 – 6 weeks before you have any kind of sex, it actually isn’t safe, so I think the thoughts and feelings I had was just my body telling me to hold off….and maybe spend a bit of time bonding with baby, which obviously is amazing.
Then the next set of untalked about thoughts and feelings kicks in. What if I don’t ever ever feel like sex again? Well, that is a normal and natural thought too. Libido is scientifically lowered and as well as being completely emotionally overwhelmed, you are really bloody exhausted! The lower levels of estrogen you now have cause vaginal dryness, on top of that, breastfeeding can cause dryness as well.
Boy oh boy, that was depressing! The good news is that we are made to make babies! it is what sex is for. Thankfully there is now contraception to make sure the whole baby thing only happens when you are ready for it, and we can have recreational fun! I can tell you though, I had anxious feelings about my sex life post-pregnancy all 3 times and every time I have been amazed by how the body and mind heal. I would like to be able to say I still have the vagina of a 16-year-old…I maybe should have asked the doctor to pop a cheeky couple of extra stitches in for hubby! For me, thankfully it is all well that ends well.
It can be emotionally and physically  consuming and may require some proactive measures, Go down to your local Ohzone store for some decent Lube, Superslyde is great and maybe for Mum, a new toy to play with, just to get yourselves back into the mood without having pressure from each other… and  most importantly  some Kegels to strengthen the muscles down there! There are plenty of articles on Kegels and the benefits of using them on the Adultsmart Blog. I can’t stress the importance of these, especially as you have more pregnancies and get older. When you piss every time you sneeze, it t sure isn’t sexy!  Kegels should be mandatorily prescribed pre and post pregnancy.
Sex After Birth
Baby Jealousy
The other thing that can be challenging, is your partner’s jealousy over the bond you have with the new baby. Try to find time for each other, even if it is just a kiss and a cuddle. A baby can make a couple more intimate but sometimes it does the exact opposite, so, on a daily basis both parties need to make a bit of an extra effort in thinking about each other’s feelings.
Just when you thought it was all dry vaginas and bad moods, there are the leaking breasts! Now there are a whole lot of men out there paying good money to watch lactating women. I know that for a fact, but it can be a bit strange for a couple to associate where the baby feeds from to something sexual. It becomes less of an erogenous zone for a woman, but at the same time, they can squirt if intimately touched. My advice about that one is if it isn’t your “thing”  to have a good laugh about it.
So whilst I was convinced I would never be able to have enjoyable sex again, I can vouch for the fact that it happens. Slowly but surely the mind and body work in ways that can be beyond our control, although we can certainly help the process with some decent advice and products.
About the Author: Emily is a consultant from Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Sex Toy Stores

Adultsmart welcomes Guest Bloggers to submit 800 word articles with original content about topics relating to sexual lifestyle, health and wellness. If you would like to participate, send an email to rick.xsales@gmail.com with your ideas or an article that you wish to submit. If you publish multiple articles on Adultsmart’s Blog you will become an Adultsmart Expert.

Maid To Order

Slave to Bondage

My willingness to serve

 

Throughout my life I have always had a willingness to serve, the word no is not an easy word to say for me. I have always enjoyed creating a meal for my partner, small tasks like making the bed, cleaning, washing clothes and other domestic duties. I have a sense of feeling proud afterwards and showing my partner that I have made our house a “home”, which is cringe worthy for most feminists. I have never understood why these tasks give me such a feeling of achievement in my relationships.

 

For the most part it has been taken advantage of, as with most people, in most situations someone who says yes, all the time becomes an “easy” person to deal with or someone who most will call upon in times of need as they always know they will say yes.

 

A people pleasure, a slave, a yes person, but today I learnt that in the BDSM world this set of attributes is a fetish; servitude- This is a service orientated submissive.  It is a relationship within the BDSM lifestyle where the passive partner is both physically and emotionally “in service” to the dominate partner. It’s not all about sex though, these relationships might not even involve sex and romance but focus on pleasing their dominant in any way they wish to be served.

Sexy Bondage Maid
BDSM Maid

Several couples add this type of play or practice into their everyday lifestyles, examples of ways such as; housework wearing a particular outfit or in nothing at all, fetching drinks, meal planning or cooking of meals, personal assistance. Very often outfits such as nurse and maid, are worn to bring a more realistic sense of the service orientated submission.

Think more personal assistant instead of slave.

 

This is a part of the BDSM world that I can resinate with, which has surprised me. Not many things shock me anymore, I have come to appreciate and accept the different ways in which people will express their passions and desires.

 

My desire for service and pleasing my partner has become something that I have always thought was just the way in which I loved and showed love. It is something that unless it is understood can be very dangerous and damaging to a person, for someone to fully understand they need to respect and without respect a person will feel as though they are a slave and not understand why they are constantly taken advantage of. My pervious partners have all seen these particular attributes as a weakness in my personality, constantly they would ask me to do things I may not be comfortable with doing, knowing full well I won’t say no to their request, and if I was to say no it wouldn’t be hard to change my decision.

 

As someone who isn’t involved into the life of BDSM and only dabbles into certain areas, learning that the world is more about respect and appreciation rather than dominance over another person makes it a little less scary and a lot easier to understand.

 

To the outside world BDSM is full on, and to some the deeper you get the more that is involved but to those on the outside even the art of cuffing can be scary. The biggest misconception that I see from working in this industry is that an uneducated person believes that because it is depicted a certain way it must be ok. Truth is to serve someone or to allow someone to tie you up can be the most frightening thing, to some it can be amusing, and to others it can be a way in which they express their sexual desires.

 

Servicing your partner should always be done in a way that does not hinder your confidence or respect in yourself, to allow someone to be dominate over you is a huge power play and you and your partner need to understand the boundaries and respect those boundaries. You must first be dominate with yourself, and after that having the ability to selflessly serve your partner with the only satisfaction being how happy you have made your partner and the feeling of being useful in a task done well, is enough to give you happiness.

 

Exploring this way of life in a new light is exciting and makes me feel more Intune with my body and the way in which I express myself. I feel as though I can understand the reasons why I do things the way I do and why I feel happiness after doing something my partner has asked, even more so when I do something in which my partner enjoys and is proud of without him asking. To have someone who respects you is the biggest achievement in life especially if your someone who struggles with trust. Being able to express yourself fully and without the fear of being hurt or taken advantage of is a right every person should have, we need to respect each other more and take more time to show respect for ourselves as well.

 

Morgan x

Adultsmart welcomes Guest Bloggers to submit 800 word articles with original content about topics relating to sexual lifestyle, health and wellness. If you would like to participate, send an email to rick.xsales@gmail.com with your ideas or an article that you wish to submit. If you publish multiple articles on Adultsmart’s Blog you will become an Adultsmart Expert.

Inner Personal Thoughts Of A Sexologist

Studying sexology

What the hell made you want to become a sexologist?! I get asked this regularly and it’s a very difficult question to answer simply. As a young women with hopes and dreams for my future, I could never have imagined that I would choose this path. It has been an interesting and fulfilling journey so far, with numerous factors leading to my choice to become somewhat of a “sexpert”.

A sexologist and sexpert
Image: Sexpert

In my former life before becoming a sexologist, I worked as a mental health nurse. Despite sounding vastly different, there are skills I learnt in this job that I will carry with me in my career as a sexologist, in fact skills that are transferable in every area of my life! I entered the mental health field as a new graduate with big desires to help others. People fascinate me and to offer my compassion and kindness to others in times of need felt like the right thing to do. Being a mental health nurse exposed me to an often isolated and somewhat condemned part of humanity, working with so many people who were in the midst of deep crisis. People who were so distressed they felt killing themselves was the only acceptable option. People who were so detached from their bodies and “reality” that they could not function in our world. People from all walks of life, at the extreme ends of a spectrum that we all fall on in one way or another.

Sexologist who talks about sexual problems
Image: Sexologist’s client

Initially, I felt privileged to be in a position where I could be a healing part of these people’s lives. I knew that so many others could not “handle” being around people in acute states of mental crisis so a part of me (ego probably) was proud of myself for stepping into this work. I would hear it all the time that it takes a certain kind of person to work in the mental health field and after experiencing it I know this to be absolutely true. Working in an environment with people in acute stages of mental illness causes you to be in hypervigilant state as a safety precaution. You are constantly watching over your back, on high alert in order to keep clients, staff and yourself safe from harm. This is not something that can be switched off just by walking out the door at the end of the day. We have this idea to “leave it at work” and forget about it when we go home however work is our life is it not? I found an attempt to separate the two led to more harm than good and realised that I wasn’t living authentically or in integrity working in this job.

My dreams for something different kept getting louder and louder. I realised that caring for others should not come at the expense of our own wellbeing or be driven by desires to help others for a sense of external validation. I believe to truly be in service in this world is to do the things that make us feel alive, following our desires towards what lights us up and gets us excited. For me, that had always been sex. Human sexuality has always fascinated me in so many ways. I have always been curious to understand why sex is such a massive part of our lives and not just used purely for procreation. Why are people sexually attracted to one person over another? Why is there an increase in people buying BDSM, kinks and fetish products? How can we be having more fulfilling sex in our lives? And why is there such shame and stigma around something so pleasurable and beautiful? These questions and a host more constantly had me intrigued so working in a field where I could explore sexuality was completely aligned with my passion and values.

Sexologist fixing sexual relationships
Image: Sexologist couples therapy

As well as my passion for learning about sex, I had found myself to be someone who people felt comfortable talking about their intimate lives with. I recall a moment years ago where a woman I knew shared with me a deeply personal story about her sex life with her husband, something she had never shared with anyone else before. Feeling the trust she felt in me to open up this way, I knew that I had something special to offer others. It warms my heart and makes me feel so grateful to be alive when I can create a space for people to feel confident and comfortable with their sexuality. I feel excited and full of joy knowing that the connection I have with my sexuality invites others to feel beautifully connected to their own. It truly is a gift knowing that I can play a part in creating a much needed sex-positive shift in our society, no matter how big or small that part may be. Sexual health has been a far too neglected area of our lives so to do this work is so important. I am new on my career path but hope that the topics I post about and the people who welcome my support in sessions benefit from what I have to offer. It feels like the beginning of an extremely fulfilling and enlivening career path, stay tuned for what’s to come…

Author: Stephanie Curtis, Sexologist

Meet the newest member to our team of experts. Stephanie Curtis is a sexologist with a huge capacity to care. Involved in spirituality and tantra her articles are professional, articulate and interesting. Enjoy Steph’s writings at the adultsmart sexual wellness and health blog.

Ask Dr. Stacy – How Can I Last Longer In Bed?

Dr Stacy Sexologist

Dr. Stacy is a clinical Sexologist and Certified Sex Coach who monthly answers questions posted by our adultsmart community blog readers.  If you have a question relating to sex that you want answered or further information on please do not hesitate to post your question here!  Please be aware that Dr. Stacy is extremely busy and will choose which questions to answer.  As we now receive more than 1.4 million unique views from readers each year some questions may not be answered.

Stephan

I don’t last  more than 2 minutes in bed.  How can I last longer?

 Premature or early ejaculation is when you are either letting it all out 1-2 minutes or less after the start of intercourse or that you ejaculate faster than you would like. What is normal?  How long are you supposed to last? These are commons questions and concerns that many men have.  Studies have shown that most men ejaculate 3-5 minutes after penetration. There are a couple of ways you can work at improving the ability to last longer.  One is the squeeze technique by Masters & Johnson.

When you are erect, squeeze the tip of the penis where the skin joins with the tip of the penis (frenulum). Use your thumb to squeeze the frenulum against your index finger. The squeeze should last about 10-15 seconds but make sure not to squeeze too hard where it becomes painful. For this technique to work, you need to be able to feel that you are approaching the point of no return, the point beyond which you can’t control ejaculation. When you are about to reach that point, you or your partner can squeeze and then start again.

The next technique is the stop-start method.  You can do this one alone if you want to practice without your partner but it is something that is also helpful to do with your partner once you can perfect it on your own.  Once you become stimulated, before you hit the point of no return, stop what you are doing, rest for 30-60 seconds and then start stimulating again but don’t allow yourself to get to that point of inevitability. Repeat this cycle 5-6 times before allowing yourself to ejaculate.  If you are by yourself, you can finish by masturbating or if with a partner you can have penetrative intercourse and allow yourself to finish.  There are a few ways you can masturbate to practice on your own by going from using a dry hand (being gentle), then a wet hand with some sort of lotion or lube and then work your way to intercourse.

These are a couple ideas to help with early ejaculation but you can also look up Kegel exercises online which help strengthen the muscles in the pelvis to be able to control the urge to ejaculate easier. There may be more to your situation if you have a partner that is not helpful, rushing you to finish or is not open sexually so if these ideas don’t work and you need some coaching to look deeper into your situation as to what is going on, please contact me at www.DrStacy.org

Premature ejaculation device competition 2
Image: Prolong Climax Control Training Program Pinterest Competition 2 – Click on image for details

 

Len

Are urethral sounds safe to use?

First thing to know…what exactly is a urethral sound? It is a device made to enter the urethra for medical purposes or for sexual play. They can be hard or soft and usually inserted halfway into the opening of the penis so they can be easily retrieved. Some items, such as catheters, can be put in deeper to penetrate the bladder so depending on what the person is looking for, there is something for both. There are two reasons someone may want to use a urethral sound. One is for physical benefits and one is for the physiological turn on.  The urethra has sensitive nerve endings inside which can be stimulated when the sound is used and if you go deep enough with the sound in the penis you may have the ability to do a prostate massage.

Urethral sounding does come with risks.  If using toys specifically for that purpose and used correctly it can be safe since they are designed specifically for the purpose of sexual play and to not hurt but if using something not made for sounding you risk infection, bleeding and pain.  Get something high quality, use a sterile lube and go slow.  If you don’t have patience you can cause damage so it is important that if you want to try urethral sounding that you take your time and get the right products.

Readers please comment on this segment or contact Dr. Stacy Direct and let her know that her professional advice segment is on that is valued by our adult community.

Facebook: drstacyfriedman

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Skype: creatingintimacycoach

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Would you like free professional advice from a Clinical Sexologist & Certified Sex Coach? Dr. Stacy Friedman may answer your question for FREE in a featured article on Adultsmart’s Blog! If you would like to send in a question please email askasexologist@gmail.com.

You Put What In Your Vagina?

Woman in panties

I love modern technology. More specifically, I love the technology that allows me to search the strange, dark depths of humanity (AKA Google). Human beings manage to do some incredibly bizarre things to their bodies, with their posting about it online giving me an opportunity to amuse myself for hours on end.  Recently, I came across a forum detailing the strangest things women have put in their vaginas! It may seem like an odd subject to research however my curiosity was great and found me on some interesting websites where I read some freaky and crazy stories. I felt this information was too shocking not to share so below is a list of some of the things women have either placed or had placed in their womanly parts:

Popsicles and ice blocks

These people must not be aware that their vaginas are not equipped with taste buds. Sugary sweets like this can seriously mess up the pH balance of the vagina. If you’re ever seeking that cool sensation, I suggest you put a glass dildo in the fridge instead!

Popsicles used for sex
Image: Popsicles sex

Bike reflector

I don’t know what kind of hazards they were seeking to avoid but this is just confusing.

Phone and money

A man put these objects in his girlfriend’s vagina after they had sex. Don’t even get me started on how dirty money is let alone the ridiculousness of placing a phone in such a precious body part.

Money used for sex
Image: Money sex

Pork Loin wrapped in condoms

I felt strange reading that one. She really needs to invest in a real feel dildo instead of using a piece of dead pig to get off!! All I can say is, at least she covered it with a condom.

Clay

I think this woman needs to get herself a Clone-A-Pussy kit if she really wants to replicate her pussy.

Different vagina types
Image: Vagina statues

Bottle cap

Now, I’m not sure if this woman was successful at opening a bottle with her vagina or if she just felt she had nowhere else to throw it out. Nonetheless, this is not recommended.

Panty meme user card
Image: Panty soneecards meme

Glow stick

There’s certainly a party in this woman’s pants…

A piece of rusty metal

Has this woman not heard of tetanus?! I really think she needs to come into the Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Centres to pick herself a clean, polished surgical steel dildo if she’s really into this.

What is perfectly health to place in your vagina?

Ok so now you know what isn’t a great idea to put in your vagina, I thought I’d make it crystal clear what is perfectly healthy to place in your precious body part.

Fingers

Self-pleasuring with your hands or having a lover do it for you is one of the greatest gifts a woman can bestow upon her vagina. Ensuring whoever’s hands come near your genitals are squeaky clean will ensure the experience is memorable for all the right reasons.

Fruits and vegetables

Phallic shaped fruits and veggies are a hit among many women. Bananas, cucumbers, carrots, zucchinis-these are perfectly healthy to have in your vagina, just be sure to place a condom over them before use (Oh and keep the banana skin on).

Using vegetables as adult toys
Image: Vegetable sex toys

Penis

This one is probably way too obvious as of course this is how children are conceived. Sexual intercourse makes many women’s vaginas feel ecstatic and blissful so feel free to keep this one on the to do list. Just be sure when having penile/vaginal intercourse with someone, it is important to be aware of both parties’ sexual health statuses. Using condoms is great however it does not protect against all sexually transmitted infections.

Sex toys, dildos, dongs, vibrators and more

The variety of different sex toys on the market is ginormous. Ensuring you use high quality sex toys made from materials such as silicone, ABS, glass and steel will ensure your vagina stays healthy and happy. I certainly recommend brands such as The Rabbit Company, Fun Factory, We-Vibe and LELO if you’re after a toy that your vagina will love and appreciate.

Sex toys and vibrators
Image: Different sex toys

Kegel exercisers

To ensure your vagina stays toned and terrific, completing Kegel exercises regularly is highly recommended. Like with sex toys, I certainly recommend only using Kegel balls and exercisers made from high quality silicone or ABS plastic. Kegel exercisers such as Elvie, LELO Luna Beads, Je Joue Ami and We-Vibe Bloom are some amazing products worth investing in.

Ok so this next one is still on the drawing table, with more research needed to ascertain whether it’s a healthy thing to put in one’s vagina.

Metal chain

This is one I’ve only just recently become aware of and I am yet to find out the appeal but it is certainly featuring in my fantasies as of late. A length of ¼ inch link metal chain about 2 feet is placed slowly into the vagina. Think putting it in to create a feeling of fullness and heaviness then pulling it out link by link, almost like you would with anal beads. Some recounts of this make it sound like a mind-blowing experience but like I said, I am yet to know for sure as to whether it is a good idea. So if you’re reading this thinking it sounds like a good idea, best to keep it as a fantasy and do your own research on mastering the art of fingering.

BDSM chains for sex
Image: BDSM

Jennifer works marketing at Adultsmart an online sex toy shop. She has a non-judgemental approach to sex, sex toys and sexuality. Her favorite saying is if it feels good and right and is not illegal then why not!