VIP Interview With Mistress Couple – A Guide To Bondage!

The adultsmart community blog is honored to welcome Mistress Couple the Head Mistress of La Domaine Esemar the world’s oldest BDSM training facility.  Mistress couple is also the author of The Ultimate Guide Series and most recently released her book titled The Ultimate Guide to Bondage: Creating Intimacy Through The Art Of Restraint from Cleis Press.

Welcome Mistress Couple.  Let’s get straight into it – how did you first get involved in the BDSM scene?

When I was 24, I was involved in what I considered to be my first adult sexual relationship. My partner at the time was wonderful at communicating about his fantasies and boundaries, and our chemistry was the best I had experienced up until that point. For my 25th birthday, I got up the courage to ask him for an over-the-knee spanking — something that I had been fantasizing about for a long time. He agreed to the act, but after we got home from a lovely birthday dinner and I bent over his knee, he panicked. “I just can’t hit a woman,” he said. I was crushed!!! The next evening, I went out to a bar for a “Ladies’ Night” with some of my girlfriends. They all knew that we had this birthday spanking planned and asked how it went. When I told them that my partner was unable to follow through with it, many of them commiserated. At the end of the evening, my little sister’s best friend waited until everyone left, and walked me to my car. “You know,” she said, “if you’re serious about that spanking I know somewhere you can go.” That friend is now a world renowned dominatrix known as Mistress Blunt. At the time, she was secretly training at La Domaine Esemar. She brought me there for my first BDSM party, and by the end of the first night, I knew that La Domaine was to play a major part in my personal and sexual development.

You are now known as a world renowned Mistress – but that was not always the case.  You entered the scene as a slave.  How did you make the transition?

By my second day at La Domaine Esemar, I felt a deep connection and bond with Master R and Mistress Collette. I offered myself to them as a slave, and they accepted me. However, before they did, they told me that they saw that I had a great capacity for dominance and asked if I wanted to be a Mistress-in-Training. At the time, I was very naturally submissive and had a very hard time seeing myself as a Domme. It was because of the duality that they saw in me that they named me “Couple.” At the time, I was a professional ballroom dancer, and I was told that just as I learned the follower’s parts before the leader’s parts on the dance floor, I’d do the same in the dungeon. When ballroom dancers go into competition, we all wear numbers on our backs to identify us to the judges. My complete slave name was “Couple Number 69.” Through the course of exploring my submission, many misconceptions that I had about Dominance were dispelled (primarily that it was all about punishment or being mean). Eventually, I found myself attracted to a woman who was more submissive than I, and she was able to draw out my inner dominance. I soon realized that I was going to need a lot of help in growing into this role, and at that point I became a Mistress-in-Training at La Domaine.

Domme Couple

What is your definition of a slave and how they prepare for that role?

First of all, I think that it is imperative that people understand that a person should only be called “slave” if they choose the title or consent to it. In BDSM, a slave is someone who offers their autonomy to their Dominant. Each Dominant has different goals for their slaves, so preparation for the position varies depending on the couple. I require that all of my slaves strip naked upon entering my home, that they don’t wear perfume or deodorant that will cover up their natural scent, and that they practice a series of mantras and training positions so that they’re able to serve me efficiently. Many of them also have sexual assignments such as edging or chastity training.

How do you define your role as a Mistress?

I would define myself as a leader, healer, caregiver, and mentor. I like to call myself a shamanatrix , because I help my submissives to reach altered states of consciousness and learn about themselves through the exploration of BDSM. The most common comment that I get in response to people finding out that I am a dominatrix is “But you’re so nice!!!” I think that’s a common misconception that people have—that you cannot be nice and also be a good Dominant. Another common misconception is that Mistresses should always punish and never reward their slaves. People are always telling me that I’m too kind to my slaves. I think that’s ridiculous. If they were never rewarded for good behavior, why would they want to serve me? To me, without the appreciation, the rewards, and the positive reinforcement, BDSM just turns into abuse.

You are now the Head Mistress of the world famous La Domaine Esemar featured in press such as Cosmopolitan, Netfilx, The Huffington Post, People, and so many more.  An esteemed position – how did you manage to secure it?

I think that I was always meant for this position. Three years prior to becoming the Head Mistress of La Domaine, I had a premonition about it during a meditation session. At the time, I was still very submissive so I pushed it out of mind and dismissed it as merely a fantasy. I’m still not quite sure how the rest happened! Sometimes life takes you on unexpected adventures.

La Domaine Chateau

You are also a pretty good dancer and hold a degree in choreography.  Do you incorporate that in your role playing?

Oh yes! I absolutely love working dance into my training in as many ways as possible. Be it position training for submissives, a trampling tango CBT session, feminization or sissification ballet classes, learning to walk in heels, etc. My experience as a ballroom dance instructor has also proven to be incredibly useful in couples instruction or BDSM coaching sessions. It’s all about learning to communicate clearly and with ideal intent.

You have invented a ‘new form’ of dance called the ‘Tangle’.  What can you tell us about that?

Tangle is not exactly a new form of dance. It’s a class that teaches tango through the lense of power exchange and bondage. Early on in my professional ballroom dancing career, I noticed that the traditional gender roles for leaders and followers did not suit everyone. (Go figure!) This class gets rid of the gender binary and allows all folks who identify as Dominant to be leaders, and all folks who identify as submissive to be followers. Believe it or not, people learn to dance much more quickly when they’re in the role that they identify with! Some of the class activities involve learning non-verbal leading and following through leash training, practicing the tango rhythm by spanking each other, using blindfolds to establish trust, and binding the bodies together in order to reinforce connection. The class definitely makes a wonderful date night activity.

You have recently completed writing a book.  What inspired you undertake this task?

Honestly, a magical moment. I was on vacation in New Orleans, which is my spiritual/social second home. I was at breakfast with some friends and casually mentioned that perhaps now that I was 30 years old it was time for me to write a book. I didn’t think anything else of it, but at 3 PM that day, there was an email from Cleis Press in my inbox, asking if I would be interested in submitting a proposal for The Ultimate Guide to Bondage!I was flabbergasted. I saw it as a sign from the matriarchs of New Orleans, submitted my proposal,  and never looked back.

Available December 11, 2018

There are many BDSM and bondage guides and books available.  What sets yours apart from the rest?

This book really is the “Ultimate Guide.” In today’s BDSM community, there is a surplus of rope bondage and rope suspension images, instructors, workshops, etc. Unfortunately, what I have found is that knot tying can be incredibly intimidating to novice bondage practitioners. I’ve seen countless people have one frustrating experience with rope and decide that bondage isn’t for them. There are so many other forms of bondage, from mental bondage, which requires no equipment at all, to fashion bondage such as corsets and hobble skirts, mummification using bondage tape or even saran wrap… and many of them are covered in the book. I would say that only about 20% of the book is about rope bondage, the rest of the book contains information about safety, theory, the psychology behind why people are attracted to bondage activities, exploration of various types of bondage, and even some wonderful erotic essays that lend insight into participating in bondage activities.

Having looked through the book there were many pictures or images that really made it easy to follow.  Did you oversee the imagery?

I am so glad to hear that! Yes, I oversaw the imagery which was created by two of my very talented friends. Emily Dorr did the beautiful illustration, bringing some of the concepts of the book to life. I think that the first time I saw the images that she created was the first time that I thought “Wow—this is going to be a REAL book!” The photographs in the book were taken by my friend Kiki Vassilakis. That photoshoot might have been the most fun thing I have ever done! For 2 nights, we turned the La Domaine dungeon into a photo studio. I invited over about 25 of my friends, broke them up into teams, and assigned each team a few of the tutorials. We listened to music, ate great food, and created some amazing images! Creating these images together was incredibly inspiring, and having a variety of perspectives allowed us to think outside of the box and create some groundbreaking bondage images. After the photoshoot, I stopped calling The Ultimate Guide to Bondage “MY book,” and started calling it “a book that I created with the help of my community.” I am so grateful to all those who participated.

What are you most proud of in writing this guide?

Finishing it. This project was certainly the biggest undertaking of my life, and I was still running La Domaine Esemar, hosting, teaching, and sessioning while writing it! I am also very proud of some of the new ideas and perspectives on bondage that I presented. I hope that I’ve made some valuable contributions to the understanding and acceptance of bondage enthusiasts.

Is your book aimed at the newbies to give them insight into BDSM or the hardcore participants?

This book has a little something for everyone. The tutorials are simple enough for a beginner to complete, but unique enough that they might pique an expert practitioner’s interest (balloon encasement, predicament bondage, and even ice locks are covered). This book covers 10 different areas of bondage (Japanese Rope Bondage, Device Bondage, Objectification Bondage, Mental Bondage, Costume Bondage, Sensation Bondage, Sensory Deprivation, Fetish Bondage, Physically Stressful Bondage, and Self-Bondage). Even if someone is an expert in one or even a few of these areas, there are still a variety of new approaches and applications for them to explore.

What do you most enjoy about power play in BDSM role play?

To me, BDSM is not role play, it is my sexuality and an expression of my personality. The thing that I love most about power exchange is that by choosing to assume or relinquish control with a trusted partner, people can access the deepest, most secret and sacred parts of their sexualities. I have gotten to know myself much more than ever before through practicing BDSM.

When you get stressed or tired – what is the downtime activity that grounds you?

This depends on whether I want to be in a Dominant headspace or a submissive headspace while I am relaxing. If I want to be in a Dominant headspace, I cook. Cooking requires a lot of executive functions such as organization, problem solving, and multitasking, but it also gives me the opportunity to engage my senses. By smelling, tasting, feeling, seeing, and even listening to my food as it is cooking, I am honing the same skills that I use to read my submissives during a BDSM scene. I find it to be a relaxing, meditative, and incredibly sensual activity. If I am in a mood that precipitates a more submissive approach, I go out social dancing in the role of a follower. I just turn off my brain, and let the music and my dance partner guide my body around the room. It really is sweet surrender!

As well as offering [play] sessions at La Domaine, there are training sessions, too.  What does a training session incorporate?

Training sessions are for individuals, couples, and polycules up to 6 people. These sessions are instructional in nature and cover a variety of BDSM topics from relationship structuring to bondage to impact play, and beyond. They can be talk-based or technique-based.

There are many fetishes that fall under BDSM.  Are there any that you would not personally explore and what is your favorite?

There are plenty fetishes that I would not personally explore, but I’m not going to put them on blast because there is so much shame and stigma associated with fetishes and I do not want to contribute to that. As far as my favorite fetishes go, balloons, shoes, feathers, and leather are at the top of my list. To learn more about my balloon fetish, check out the erotic essay portion at the end of the book!

To purchase the Ultimate Guide to Bondage by Mistress Couple click on the book image above!!!

Rick is the owner of the Adultsmart, an online sex toy shop that stocks over 13,000 products. He has been involved in the adult lifestyle industry for more than 25 years. Rick is an active sex blogger who provides a wealth of information and experience. He is an advocate of equality for gender and sexuality.

Power of A Female Gaze!

One of the most striking details of a woman’s appearance, according to men – is the eyes.

Eyes can convey the whole range of feelings inherent in a person where love, disappointment, sadness and joy, delight and pain are neighbors. The look of a woman excites, intrigues, attracts men.

Therefore, eyes in self-presentation, which should radiate happiness and confidence, languor and bliss, are so important. It is with your eyes that you can show your sympathy or express your anger.

The person’s eyes reflect his or her spiritual beauty, as they say:

“The eyes are the mirror of the soul!”

And the living expressive eyes with sparks are the true decoration of the woman’s face. The view has many varieties: changing, languid, secretive, studying, glancing a man from top to bottom, intimate and prolonged directly in the eyes.

Your gaze should be open to communication, and not the coldly alienated view of the Snow Queen, which is then approached terribly.  Men do not tolerate arrogance, they have a protest in their blood to submission. The size, color, shape of an eye, framed by flirtatious eyelashes – favorably emphasize the female individuality.

A narrow strip of hair above your eyes gives a variety of looks. After all, eyebrows strengthen this game, as if shading and beautifying the eyes, give mobility to facial expressions. The fact is that a raised eyebrow makes the eye large and meaningful, giving an intrigue and expressiveness.

The same eyebrows give the person a unique charm, create an expression on a face and on them depends the impression that women produce on men. For example, breaking the eyebrows at the bridge of the nose, gives the look of mystery, and of a woman’s unpredictability in deeds.

Not expressive, lifeless eyebrows extinguish sparks in the eyes, reducing their depth.  Therefore, lovely women remember that when you play with a form of eyebrows, you not only update your image, but also attach spontaneity and unpredictability to your image, which fuels the hunting instincts in a man. Face is important, yet if you are one of those busty bikini models, you may have a different set of skills. When you “draw” your face in front of a mirror in the morning, play with your eyebrows, feel them.

However, unobtrusive movements of the nose in the context of the general facial expression mask the signals of your mood. Wrinkles of the nose, can express bitterness and rejection, no matter how you smile, and your eyes do not spark the brightest colors of love, these wrinkles will ruin the whole picture.

The general impression is already greased, the conversation is not glued together. You think that you have said the wrong word, you start to be embarrassed, but it’s all in the nose. Inflating the wings of the nose, intense inhalation can express both rage or excitement. In a certain context of conversation, it can be perceived as a sexual signal.

The visual contact serves as a hint of your openness for acquaintance and further meetings with a man. When your eyes meet for a moment with a man’s gaze, the “spark of emotional empathy of a man and a woman” flares up.

You both signal to each other about your readiness to establish a romantic relationship. The duration of the “conversation with the eyes” is extremely important, the specialists determined that it takes several seconds for the birth of a stable visual contact. If you take your eyes off before the spark breaks out, you will show that you are not ready to continue your acquaintance, and all the more so to establish any kind of relationship.

Otherwise, both you and the man lower your eyes only after

soulful eyes

“the spark pierces your soul.”

Rick is the owner of the Adultsmart, an online sex toy shop that stocks over 13,000 products. He has been involved in the adult lifestyle industry for more than 25 years. Rick is an active sex blogger who provides a wealth of information and experience. He is an advocate of equality for gender and sexuality.

Popular Sex Toys In Australia!

Just recently, a major online sex retailer based in the United Kingdom, and currently extending its business deals mainly in Australia and United States, found out that women in Australia purchase more sex-toys compared to men.

A recent survey carried out in Australia this year during the National Masturbation Month shows that out of 472 women and 715 men, 65% of them prefer sex toys during masturbation, and 23% owned more than 11 sex-toys in their home. In addition, the research indicates that over 50% of all Australian citizens possess more than 5 sex-toys and only around 2% of them have never bought even one.

Another research conducted at Sydney University showed that self-masturbation can prevent various diseases including diabetes, cystitis, and prostate cancer. They found out that ninety-four percent of men confidently admit that they do masturbate, as compared to eighty-five percent of women – the thing babies usually do even before they are born!

Due to a great many benefits of masturbation, which range from preventing UTIs (Urinary Tract Infections), relieving stress, and being able to last longer, the use of particular sex toys has become very popular among the Australian people.

The following features the most frequently used Sex-Toys-in-Australia and the reasons behind their taste.

#1. Rabbit Vibrators

A rabbit-vibrator is very different and unique kind of vibrator compared to the initially used penis-shaped vibrators or dildos. What is even more lovable about this vibrator is its ability to simultaneously pleasure the clitoris while being inserted into the vagina using the internal stimulating shafts that are almost shaped like rabbit ears. Possibly, this is why most people in Australia have fallen in love with these unique devices.

People use these vibrators most frequently due to the fact that they are able to stimulate the g-spot and the clitoris at the same time, combining orgasms. You can hardly find the vibrator that can combine all these tasks together. That’s why rabbit-vibrators tops to this list.

Rabbit-vibrators are a necessary requirement for every sex-toy collection. They come in different varieties of features, colors, and sizes, and so there is a high chance of finding the one that suits you.

#2. The Bullet Vibrators

Bullet-vibrators are one of the most frequently used sex-toys in Australia today. They are created using either metallic or plastic material. In general, they are shaped like a real bullet, and they are very powerful when being used.

Much like egg-vibrators, bullet-vibrators form the basic necessity of almost every adult in Australia. These vibrators are quite popular and usually affordable. They are mainly designed to stimulate the clitoris and

They are designed to short and narrow to improve portability and people cannot easily notice them when carried in public. Most of them are water-proof, rechargeable with a long-lasting battery, and can be cleaned very easily – with just water and soap. Moreover, they can fit perfectly into anyone’s arms, and their performance is excellent.

Also, most bullet-vibrators can be disguised easily as mascara or lipstick. Their popularity falls in all these features.

#3. Dildos

This type of a sex-toys have been used since the historic times. Possibly, they are the first sex-toys to be used in the whole world. Still, dildos are as frequently used as ever today. Some people find them boring, but they don’t have to be.

Today, dildos are designed in many different varieties. They come in different shapes, materials, colors, sizes, and texture. Generally, they are made specifically for internal stimulation. The quality and design of today’s dildos are quite impressive and this makes them very popular.

Majority of couples go for dildos in situations when they want to introduce a sex toy into their relationship. Others go for them when they want to have a little fun when their boyfriends are away or when they are far away from the country for business trips. Still, other people go for these toys to survive a break-up and indeed, they make a very good couple.

In Australia, operated-dildos (work without batteries) are more popular since they are discreet and not noisy. They include realistic, ultra-realistic, unicorn, king cock, and beginners dildos. It’s fun to play with a perfect dildo no matter what material it’s made of. They closely feel like a real thing when being used.

Dildos are created to perform specific purposes. For instance, G-Spot dildos are curved at the tip to enable them to touch the g-spot for a powerful sensation every-time they’re being used. Anal-dildos are designed specifically for anal stimulation and are made in such a way that they are safe to use for the anal.

This are many other reasons makes dildos among the most frequently used sex-toys in Australia.

Australian Sex Toys

#4. Strap-Ons

Strap-Ons are not only used by women but also men. They are designed to give both vaginal and anal pressure. When purchasing these sex-toys, one need to buy a dildo that is made of a non-toxic material and a harness that is free from phthalate. This ensures that one is kept free from cancer and hormonal disruptions.

One of the major reasons why strap-on sex-toys are very popular in Australia is because they create great sex-positions, suitable for prostate massage, allows for hands-free and double penetration, and even makes it easier for people to masturbate. They can be used to manage erectile dysfunction in men.

These sex toys are mostly preferred by women when they want to have oral, vaginal, or anal sex in absence of a male partner. Men can also use them either anally or orally in absence of a female partner. And both of these parties can use them for masturbation. Men use then, particularly for prostate massage.

Strap-Ons can also be used alongside other sex-toys when masturbating for improved sexual orgasms. They can give pleasure to both parties at the same time and there is physical body contact during the action – improving sexual intimacy.

#5. Egg Vibrators

These tools are similar to bullet-vibrators but they are smaller, more round and discreet. They have a tear-drop shape – a shape that looks like that of an egg. Mostly, they come with a remote connection wire or simply wireless.

These vibrators are easier to handle and move about directing vibrations to the parts you want. The devices, no matter smaller in size, are very powerful and usually focus sexual sensations better as compared to some other sex-toys.

Egg-vibrators perform many other functions including vaginal stimulation, anal use or even clitoral stimulation during masturbation or sexual intercourse.

In Australia, many adults use these kinds of vibrators and other sex-toys.

Rick is the owner of the Adultsmart, an online sex toy shop that stocks over 13,000 products. He has been involved in the adult lifestyle industry for more than 25 years. Rick is an active sex blogger who provides a wealth of information and experience. He is an advocate of equality for gender and sexuality.

VIP Interview Tanya Simmonds – Erotic Author!

The adultsmart lifestyle community blog is proud to introduce Tanya Simmonds a renowned author of erotica, specializing in the FemDom genre. Tanya is a former criminal defence lawyer who in 2004 wrote her first erotic piece as a result of booking a male stripper. She went on to become a number one bestselling author on Amazon.

Welcome Tanya. So two occupations that are really polar opposites. First off what sparked your interest in criminal law? It was a brave decision to turn your back on a ‘stable’ and ‘lucrative’ career in law.

Put simply – I hated the job. It was originally driven by parental pressure, so I never really had the opportunity to discover my own identity. I was exposed to the most negative sides of life on a daily basis, and the environment thrived on rules and extremely narrow ideas about reality. It was stifling, but I was planning on my ‘jail break’ from day one. I lived very frugally, invested wisely, and after twenty-five years, I escaped with enough money to live off the interest, better than I even had. Freedom is priceless. Emoji

What was the catalyst for you to do this? You got right into it and wrote a novel a year. This would have required some dedication to your work. Where did you find the perseverance as writing can be exhausting and challenging?

I’d always had this dream of being a novelist, and now I had the time to pursue it. However, I needed a resume. I was completely unknown, and some time down the line, I learned that the easiest literary genre to get published was BDSM, specifically maledom. However, there was something about that which unsettled me. My experience had taught me that men dominating women was anything but a fantasy. Then I noticed the flipside of the coin – femdom. At face value, it was absurd and almost cartoon-like, and that made me feel more comfortable. The only problem was – I didn’t know anything about it.

Do you ever suffer from writer’s block?

Ironically, the reason I never suffered from writer’s block is because I didn’t know what I was doing (lol). After I posted my first erotic short story two years earlier, I was approached by members of the BDSM community who wanted me to write stories for them. They were more than happy to disclose their innermost fetish fantasies to me, and while it was all a bit jaw-dropping, they gave a template to work with. I also derived ideas from femdom artwork and imagery online. My task was to weave it into a story line with a common theme.

Your novels are quite unique in that they are BDSM FemDom dealing specifically with orgasm denial. I have read in your bio that this subject choice is somewhat inspired as a result of the masturbation prohibition of your partner at the hands of the Pentecostal cult. Can you tell us a bit more about this?

The more I looked into it, the more I became aware that this had to be the hook. Femdom is fantasy. Masturbation prohibition isn’t. With this concept on board, I felt more confident that I could inject elements of reality and believability into the narratives.

Masturbation prohibition can be found throughout history, up unto the present day, especially among certain religious communities and penal systems. From the church-ruled Middle Ages, to the governess culture of the Victorian era, to modern religious cults (especially Pentecostal, Mormon, and Jehovah’s Witness sects) and the US penal system; this demonstrably-lethal and sadistic monster is still alive and well in the 21st Century.

Tanya Simmonds Online

This seemed to be the theme of many of your books. What was it like to write erotica on a subject that you opposed?

Indeed, I am opposed to it. It’s an arbitrary form of torture that carries numerous identified health hazards, both mental and physical. It also demonstrates the most extreme examples of totalitarianism (the denial of an individual’s right to body and thought) for which there is no place in a supposedly-civilized democracy.

Whilst it is graphically illustrated in my novels, the personality types who enforce it are demonized with a wide variety of negative traits (hypocrisy, neurosis, sociopathy, and psychopathy.) The femdom enthusiast will lap up the scenes with eager passion, but between the lines, I am also having my say. One can’t destroy a monster without first showing it.

The following books of a series were written by you – The Paramount Rule – Book 1 The Gaol: The Paramount Rule – Book II Reformation: The Paramount Rule – Book III, Under the Paramount Rule: Tales of Oakpark Grange ending with the book ‘The Penitentiary’ Which was your favorite and why?

‘The Penitentiary’ is most definitely my favorite of the five novels. It was originally written and published in 2012, toward the end of my journey into BDSM literature. The first two, ‘The Paramount Rule – Book 1’ and ‘The Gaol: The Paramount Rule – Book II’ were very much ‘fan-driven’. By the time I got to ‘Reformation: The Paramount Rule – Book III’, I felt ready to put my own stamp on the series. Nothing like ‘Paramount Rule III’ exists anywhere else. The creativity is taken to the next level, along with numerous shock twists, and an array of diverse personality types that leads to the most controversial ending in femdom history.

With ‘The Penitentiary’, I was closer to writing the type of book I truly wanted to write than ever before. It’s very story-based, with elements you wouldn’t expect to find in a femdom novel. Set in the modern era, I used a more contemporary writing style than in the Paramount Rule series, and wrote it as an-almost mainstream novel. In addition to some extremely graphic sex scenes, it also includes strong character development, unremitting drama, action sequences, cliffhangers, and ends with two of the most jaw-dropping twists I ever wrote. It’s what I would describe as a ‘femdom thriller’, and plays out somewhat like a movie-of-the-week.

In many of your novels there is an integration of fact and fiction that has been twisted to fit the fictional femdom tyranny. Things like the penis guillotine, the nullifier, and incarcerated ban on masturbation. Did you do much research on these things?

Yes, I did, and it still horrifies me. Whilst I don’t know of any such thing as ‘penis guillotine’ to have actually existed, I did discover a few terrors that seemed to be heading in that direction. During the Victorian era, inner-spiked penis rings were fitted upon young boys to prevent night time erections. In places like Somalia today, young girls are routinely clitoradectomized by their own family members as a means of preventing sexual pleasure and ensuring chastity. Religious dogmas about sexual desire and masturbation continue to traumatize the young and impressionable in some sections of society. It has also led to documented teenage suicides. Fed on a diet of hellfire myths that make them terrified of their own sexuality, over which they have absolutely no control; it’s really not difficult to see how such tragedies can occur. And all in the name of totalitarian control.

The US penal system employs an anti-masturbation rule in most prisons today. The idea underpinning it is to prevent prisoners from ‘getting it out’ and masturbating in front of female officers as a means of intimidation. That’s fair enough. The problem is in the wording of the rule itself. It simply stipulates ‘masturbation’ and makes no reference to specific circumstance. A vindictive corrections officer can report an inmate if she catches him masturbating discreetly under the sheets with the lights out as a result of this lack of specification. This usually sends the inmate to solitary confinement for up to two months. When young, virile men are incarcerated with no access to any sexual outlet whatsoever, testosterone is going to be rife. This, in turn, will increase aggression and endanger the very lives of the officers who seek to enforce the regulation. In the UK and Europe, such a rule would be considered a serious human rights violation – as is solitary confinement. Both fall under directives which prohibit cruel and unusual punishment.

The paperback book business has taken a knock over the years with online and a couple of your publishers went bust. How has that impacted upon your career? It has been said recently that ‘The Penitentiary’ is going to be your last novel. Why?

After I wrote The Paramount Rule Trilogy, it was taken on by a publisher in the UK. Soon afterwards, they went bankrupt. It was then picked up by a publisher in the US, but they wanted me to re-edit the Trilogy into a series of stand-alones with no plot connection to one another. I reluctantly agreed, and after the release of the first one, I was head-hunted by several other publishers of erotica. These titles (The Paramount Rule, Prisoners of the Governess, Reformation, Reformation: Stronghold, Under the Paramount Rule, and The Penitentiary) were ultimately released through four publishers between the US and the UK. But, alas, it was not to last. The last publisher folded in early 2016, and the publishing rights returned to me.

In 2017, I decided to polish up my original, unpublished series, The Paramount Rule Trilogy, and release them myself. By November, 2017, I had self-published all five titles on Amazon and initiated a marketing campaign. That’s when I saw my publisher’s problems for myself. Virtually no book promotion companies will touch these titles. All of them stipulate ‘NO EROTICA’. In addition, Amazon suppresses them from public visibility so they are very difficult to discover by chance. Amazon have also recently started banning books of this nature outright. It’s only a matter of time before I receive an email from them, telling me my books have been removed from sale.

I have a plot in mind for ‘Penitentiary 2’ and I’ve had a few requests for it. But what could I possibly do with it? It would be an enormous amount of work, not to mention the expense of cover design and initial promotion (albeit with only four promotion companies that will touch them.) With so much against me, I cannot conceive of where I could go with it now.

What is next for Tanya Simmonds?

Other than being at a loose end, I do enjoy life. I travel a lot, so it’s a lot like a living vacation. Emoji

For anyone who might be interested, ‘The Paramount Rule – Book I’ is currently FREE on Amazon Kindle:

Paramount Rule Free

Rick is the owner of the Adultsmart, an online sex toy shop that stocks over 13,000 products. He has been involved in the adult lifestyle industry for more than 25 years. Rick is an active sex blogger who provides a wealth of information and experience. He is an advocate of equality for gender and sexuality.

What’s Love Got To Do With It?

When was the last time you laid eyes on a person who made the butterflies in your stomach throw an impromptu party by jumping up and down like their lives depended on it? If you can’t remember, and yet you’re not single and consider yourself to be happily married or in a long-term relationship, the answer is probably – the last century. It was so long ago that even if you found yourself single and ready to mingle, you wouldn’t even know where to begin because back in the day no one in their right mind tried to find love online!

Sustaining a marriage or any sort of committed relationship takes plenty of patience, excellent communication skills, and an incredible amount of understanding.  So, what’s love got to do with it? Well, it’s a foundation, and it better be a solid one otherwise all the other ‘stories’ you build on it will come crashing down sooner or later. Today, we’re not here to discuss the foundation but would like to take a look at what it takes to maintain a relationship in this day and age when even the people have become disposable.

#1: The Art of Patience

Every relationship has its ups and downs, and it’s easy to enjoy the good times knowing a difficult period is behind you. But what do you do when you find yourself in the midst of challenging times where the future of your marriage is uncertain, and you definitely can’t predict what tomorrow will bring? Couples who stay together for decades have a common goal – to stay together for as long as they both shall live. This common goal is one of the key factors that helps each partner get through a tough period that threatens to break them up. This is anything but easy, and in most cases, time is the biggest ally because it heels wounds and eventually opens new doors, and it is patience that each partner must have for time to do its job, and bring their relationship back to normal.

#2:  Communication is Key

Getting your message across so that your partner can understand your point exactly is crucial for maintaining any kind of relationship, even long-term friendships. At the same time, listening intently and paying attention to your partner’s body language even when he or she is not talking goes a long way, especially if you take the opportunity to show them you’ve been paying attention when they least expect it. When you run into problems, talk to your partner when the emotions settle down instead of poking each other’s eyes out when you’re each at your wit’s end. Being prepared to compromise on your wishes and desires to include some of your partner’s as well ultimately leads to a happy and healthy life together.

#3: Putting Yourself in Someone Else’s Shoes

Having sympathy for someone is nice, but it won’t get you far. Having empathy and understanding someone else’s point of view means that two people are mature enough to be with each other. Children have extremely narrow points of view and aren’t capable of seeing the world through anyone else’s eyes but their own. As we grow older, we begin to understand that we don’t live on a remote island, are social creatures, and as such must take another person’s feelings, desires and beliefs into serious consideration. Otherwise, a very lonely existence awaits. Couples who are happy in their relationships for years and even decades have no problem putting their partner’s needs ahead of their own, and their partners are more than willing to reciprocate.

This article is written by –

Stefan Guest Post

Adultsmart welcomes Guest Bloggers to submit 800 word articles with original content about topics relating to sexual lifestyle, health and wellness. If you would like to participate, send an email to rick.xsales@gmail.com with your ideas or an article that you wish to submit. If you publish multiple articles on Adultsmart’s Blog you will become an Adultsmart Expert.