Everything About Your Homemade Dildo

So, what’s the safest sex out there? Masturbation, of course!

Think about it. You cannot get pregnant. What STIs? No esteem issues either. And the best part- since you’re in control, an orgasm is almost always guaranteed.

We’re also living in a glorious new age, where we not only accept it but highly advocate for masturbation and its numerous health benefits.

Having a stressful day? Rub one out! Feeling sexually starved? Not a problem. For the ladies, we also know that a little self-love can relieve menstrual cramps, strengthen your vaginal muscles and dramatically improve your sleep quality.

Some people can get off by simply rubbing their genitals. But, there’s also a lot of people who prefer penetration- both anal and vaginal.

Which begs the question, to dildo, or not to dildo?

I personally prefer the dildo route. And with the variety in the market, you’re truly spoilt for choice!

Today, you can order yourself a dildo in any shape, size, color, or design with just the click of a button. But it wasn’t always like this.

Call me crazy, but being a horny teenager isn’t a dream many want to re-live. You probably blush at the thought of dildo improvisations you’ve had in your life. But, we can’t also assume that those days are gone.

Some people are too shy to walk into a sex shop and pick out a decent helper, and that’s fine. Maybe you’re still saving up for a decent dildo, hang in there. You also probably own one, but took a random trip and forgot to pack yours. 

These shouldn’t be reasons for you not to enjoy some penetrative fun as you indulge in some self-pleasure or experiment with your partner.

We’re done with the why; now, let’s dig into the what.

So, What Can I Use as a Homemade Dildo?

A friend pointed out that many companies have adopted phallic-shaped packaging to gain a marketing edge with female consumers. 

True? Who’s to say. 

But there’s certainly an increase in the number of hygiene products and cosmetic bottles that are long and nicely rounded. Done with that shampoo? Keep the bottle; it might come in handy. 

Your regular wine and beer bottles also come with thin elongated necks that are ideal for your venture.

Tube packaging has been a fan favorite, and toothpaste as a household staple leads the pack. Fresh out of the box, it is sturdy, has enough length and girth for a deeply satisfying session. Next time, grab the family size pack, but maybe keep it out of the bathroom.

How about a hairbrush, cosmetic brush, and electric toothbrush handle? Easy to clean, reusable, and readily available! Also, get a 2-in-1 deal from the vibrations on the electric toothbrush.

You’ve not even stepped into the supplies closet and taken your favorite candle out for a different kind of spin. Or, wandered into the toolbox and picked out one of those rubber gripped screwdrivers. 

Please note that the screwdriver might need a more thorough cleanse due to the nature of its daytime job- the other kind of screwing, if you get my drift.

Finally, mother nature is your most gracious provider. Raid the refrigerator, and if you do your grocery shopping right, you will never run out of homemade dildo options. 

Who are we to question why there are so many phallic-shaped foods: cucumbers, eggplants, carrots, bananas, zucchini, and nature’s own ribbed ‘corn on a cob,’ for his and her pleasure. 

Pro-Tip

If the penetrating tip feels rough and unnatural (or the whole length does), cover it in cotton from your makeup remover kit or stuffing from your pillow. Proceed to tie that up with rubber bands or strips of tape. Then, neatly slip on your condom. This trick will help you turn anything from your marker pen to your cooking sticks into firm, yet gentle homemade dildos.

Any Tips Before I Grab Myself a Homemade Dildo?

Well, glad you asked.

There are three key things you need to consider. 

Your homemade dildo needs to be hygienic, it needs to be sturdy, and it should have enough length for grip.

Let’s Deal with Hygiene First.

Sex toys are regarded as novelty items by most certification bodies; hence, they are not standardized. However, there are materials considered medically safe for dildo manufacture, including stainless steel, borosilicate glass, medical-grade silicone, and lucite.

Each of these materials is easy to clean, non-porous, hence will not harbor bacteria, and is non-toxic. 

Your homemade dildo will be a little more difficult to ascertain that it’s clean enough for intrabody contact. BUT… it is not impossible to stay within the realm of hygiene. And we have Condoms to thank for this.

You can slip a new, unused condom over any of your homemade dildo choices and create a sheath that prevents bacteria from crossing into your vagina or anus. 

Follow the same level of care you would when slipping it onto a real penis to avoid tears. Ensure it rolls all the way down the insertable length of the makeshift dildo, and make sure it is firmly secured to prevent it from slipping off. 

Remember to buy the right fit. 

Grab some lube; lube is a friend.

Also, use a mild soap and warm water to clean the object of choice- facial and vaginal cleansers are better choices.

Is it Sturdy Enough?

You need a sturdy dildo improvisation. 

Why?

Have you heard of the tale of the girl who improvised with an ordinary laboratory test tube, only for the fragile glass to crumble at the pressure of her orgasming pelvic muscles?

Whether you’re going with a cucumber, hairbrush, cosmetic brush handle, or any of the other popular choices, you need it in firm condition.

Should the cucumber, for instance, break mid-thrust, you are looking at potential bruising of the tender vaginal lining, which is not only painful but could introduce bacteria and a host of infections. 

Plastics and wooden objects pose worse consequences since the cuts from shards and splinters would be more severe. So, be gentle- don’t get too carried away.

Go for more solid choices for anal penetration as the muscles grip tighter than the vaginal counterparts.

Oops, Did it Just get Swallowed?

Simply reading that gave me quite the shiver.

You need length, and you need a firm hand grip. 

Ladies, you know the panic that accompanies losing track of a tampon thread. Now, an eggplant, that’s a whole different story.

Store purchased dildos are good for many things, but most importantly is the broad base that keeps the whole thing from getting eaten up by your cavities.

Therefore, you need to be smart about how you use your homemade dildo. It might seem a little overkill, but why not tie a thread? The alternative is to get objects with more length than you need for pleasure. 

Again, use the lube sparingly since condoms come pre-lubricated. Ensure your hands aren’t too slippery either.

Are my Homemade Dildos Reusable?

It depends on what you choose.

If you went with a dildo from the produce section- that has been exposed to the warmth of your body, which hastens the withering process. Therefore, toss that out immediately.

Most of your other options are home essentials. Slip off the condom, fill a bowl with some warm water, grab some soap, and get to cleaning.

Dry your homemade dildo and place it back in its cage. If you’ll be needing it regularly, wrap it in a microfiber towel or a clean cloth and stash it in your drawer.

Also, it might be a little unfair to other members of your homestead to put back the toothpaste, so discard it or keep it for the next round.

Final Words

Sex should not be boring. Whether you’re playing alone or with a partner, you need to spruce things up a little bit every now and then. Browsing for stuffing to pad your homemade dildo could be the fun activity that reignites the youthful cheer in your relationship. And, what a reason to get excited about grocery shopping! It also saves you coins if you’re not after a long-term investment with a real one. So, go ahead and give it a try. There’s no reason why you shouldn’t be enjoying some penetrative cheer with these brief but insightful tips.

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