When we struggle to answer our daily lifestyle questions:
“Should I eat some ice-cream for breakfast?”
“Should I wear a jumper out during spring?”
other topic’s can be quite hard to talk about. The topic of sex is not spoken in conversation as often as it should be. For example, a foot fetish which is one of the most prominent fetishes in society may be difficult to talk about with your friends or acquaintances. How often do you talk about foot fetishes or see feet being sexually objectified or portrayed through your favourite dramatic TV show like Home and Away or The Bold and the Beautiful? This is surprising when you compare it to the first prominent fetish which is “breasts”. Another double standard we have in society is that women can use a vibrator without a second thought but when a man buys a life size, expertly molded, high-end, hand painted, waterproof, heated, vibrating, 6 speed, fully customisable, phatalette free, CyberSkin, Reality Doll that has full breasts, ribbed vagina, butt and mouth, he can be labeled numerous negative thing’s even though both sexes use sexual toys to relieve built up sexual tension.
The very first question you have to ask yourself is:
“Why is it important to know someone’s fetish?”.
A fetish is something which arouses you but it deviates from normal sexual expectations, it is a personal eccentricity that I personally believe a lot of people have or may develop over time. But why is it important to understand your partner’s fetish? It is important to understand your partner’s deepest secrets and desires so you both will build a stronger relationship together. By taking your time to understand someone’s interests, views, emotions, and intentions it will bring them feelings of empathy, acceptance, love and trustworthiness. These feelings will help build their self-acceptance by giving them a place to belong to. Even if we take the time to understand different views we can accept multiple beliefs which can build stronger relationships. For example, someone can have a loving relationship and watch tentacle porn in their spare time.
Finding out someone else’s sexual desires or fetishes is very difficult task indeed. People can take years to divulge their secret passions because people are scared of being the butt of a joke or being humiliated by other people’s thoughts of their interests. If people respond negatively in this situation, it can alienate and polarize the person’s feelings. Especially when the person you have told is important to you and is not meant to hurt you. Feeling humiliation from that person can end up feeling quite painful. Due to this pain people would rather keep these fetishes to themselves.
When watching someone’s face we tend to mimic her or his facial expression, smiling when they does, frowning in agreement. Such mimicry may not be obvious to the casual observer, but minute muscle activation can be detected very shortly after being exposed to an emotional expression. Even our eyes dilate in tune to the ones we’re looking at.
To find out someone most private personal details or sexual desires, you really need to establish trust. The trust has to be ethically honest and not forged or misguided by any other motives. After all, trust in a long term relationship is founded by commitment, love and understanding. A loving environment is what people need to feel like they can talk to you but that’s how the environment should be anyway especially if your in a long term relationship.
The very first step is gaining their interest by introducing what a sexual desire is. You can begin by talking about different fetish topics, some fetishes that everyone talks about commonly include foot fetish, bondage and hentai. Everyone begins looking at these fetishes first so they will probably have some basic information they can talk to you about. Talking about other people’s fetishes will make the person naturally think about their own interests.
The next step is to be honest without expecting anything in return. I personally believe it is important that you are honest with yourself, as how can you expect someone else to be honest you with, if you can’t be honest to them. Maybe tell them what your interested in if you have a fetish. Maybe it is introducing them to the world of BDSM or showing them how you like it when they are in control. Sometimes you might be doing something during sex and it correlates with your interest. For example, your partner might enjoy being spanked. So let them know that spanking can be a lot more sexual with the use of leather whips, costumes or role playing.
If you are totally honest with your partner it will only improve the bond that is in your relationship and there are no ‘dark hidden secrets’ that can rear their ugly head and cause problems.