You Put What In Your Vagina?

I love modern technology. More specifically, I love the technology that allows me to search the strange, dark depths of humanity (AKA Google). Human beings manage to do some incredibly bizarre things to their bodies, with their posting about it online giving me an opportunity to amuse myself for hours on end.  Recently, I came across a forum detailing the strangest things women have put in their vaginas! It may seem like an odd subject to research however my curiosity was great and found me on some interesting websites where I read some freaky and crazy stories. I felt this information was too shocking not to share so below is a list of some of the things women have either placed or had placed in their womanly parts:

Popsicles and ice blocks

These people must not be aware that their vaginas are not equipped with taste buds. Sugary sweets like this can seriously mess up the pH balance of the vagina. If you’re ever seeking that cool sensation, I suggest you put a glass dildo in the fridge instead!

Bike reflector

I don’t know what kind of hazards they were seeking to avoid but this is just confusing.

Phone and money

A man put these objects in his girlfriend’s vagina after they had sex. Don’t even get me started on how dirty money is let alone the ridiculousness of placing a phone in such a precious body part.

Pork Loin wrapped in condoms

I felt strange reading that one. She really needs to invest in a real feel dildo instead of using a piece of dead pig to get off!! All I can say is, at least she covered it with a condom.

Clay

I think this woman needs to get herself a Clone-A-Pussy kit if she really wants to replicate her pussy.

Bottle cap

Now, I’m not sure if this woman was successful at opening a bottle with her vagina or if she just felt she had nowhere else to throw it out. Nonetheless, this is not recommended.

Glow stick

There’s certainly a party in this woman’s pants…

A piece of rusty metal

Has this woman not heard of tetanus?! I really think she needs to come into the Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Centres to pick herself a clean, polished surgical steel dildo if she’s really into this.

What is perfectly health to place in your vagina?

Ok so now you know what isn’t a great idea to put in your vagina, I thought I’d make it crystal clear what is perfectly healthy to place in your precious body part.

Fingers

Self-pleasuring with your hands or having a lover do it for you is one of the greatest gifts a woman can bestow upon her vagina. Ensuring whoever’s hands come near your genitals are squeaky clean will ensure the experience is memorable for all the right reasons.

Fruits and vegetables

Phallic shaped fruits and veggies are a hit among many women. Bananas, cucumbers, carrots, zucchinis-these are perfectly healthy to have in your vagina, just be sure to place a condom over them before use (Oh and keep the banana skin on).

Penis

This one is probably way too obvious as of course this is how children are conceived. Sexual intercourse makes many women’s vaginas feel ecstatic and blissful so feel free to keep this one on the to do list. Just be sure when having penile/vaginal intercourse with someone, it is important to be aware of both parties’ sexual health statuses. Using condoms is great however it does not protect against all sexually transmitted infections.

Sex toys, dildos, dongs, vibrators and more

The variety of different sex toys on the market is ginormous. Ensuring you use high quality sex toys made from materials such as silicone, ABS, glass and steel will ensure your vagina stays healthy and happy. I certainly recommend brands such as The Rabbit Company, Fun Factory, We-Vibe and LELO if you’re after a toy that your vagina will love and appreciate.

Kegel exercisers

To ensure your vagina stays toned and terrific, completing Kegel exercises regularly is highly recommended. Like with sex toys, I certainly recommend only using Kegel balls and exercisers made from high quality silicone or ABS plastic. Kegel exercisers such as Elvie, LELO Luna Beads, Je Joue Ami and We-Vibe Bloom are some amazing products worth investing in.

Ok so this next one is still on the drawing table, with more research needed to ascertain whether it’s a healthy thing to put in one’s vagina.

Metal chain

This is one I’ve only just recently become aware of and I am yet to find out the appeal but it is certainly featuring in my fantasies as of late. A length of ¼ inch link metal chain about 2 feet is placed slowly into the vagina. Think putting it in to create a feeling of fullness and heaviness then pulling it out link by link, almost like you would with anal beads. Some recounts of this make it sound like a mind-blowing experience but like I said, I am yet to know for sure as to whether it is a good idea. So if you’re reading this thinking it sounds like a good idea, best to keep it as a fantasy and do your own research on mastering the art of fingering.