Women’s Empowerment Versus Man-hating Feminists

Unless you have been living under a rock somewhere in outer space, you will have noticed the prevalence of “female empowerment” in mainstream media. The revelations against some powerful figures in the entertainment industry followed by the #metoo campaign appeared to be the start of a dramatic shift for women in 2017, with huge stands made against sexual violence, discrimination and assault.

Sexual assaults victims of Harvey Weinstein
Image: Harvey Weinstein Sexual Assaults
#metoo sexual assault and violence awareness march
Image: #metoo Survivors March

I’ve seen many posts and articles flooding social media and news websites with comments from women reminiscent of the man-hating feminist rants from decades ago and felt great sadness that in some ways, this approach to standing up for women’s rights is still being taken.

Before you go thinking that I am anti-feminist and against the uprising of women, I want to state that this could not be further from the truth. I have spent years growing into my own power and learning ways with which I can teach women how to do the same. I am beyond thrilled to see women thrive in the world and believe we all have the right to do so. The one distinction I want to make crystal clear from some notions of feminism is that I absolutely love men just as much as women. I can believe in the absolute necessity of equal rights for all beings, I can stand for women and their right to feel safe in this world, I can fight for my grandmothers, mothers, sisters, friends and future daughters rights to live a life from a free and empowered place and at the same time I can completely and utterly love men. Believe it or not, the two are not exclusive!

Equal rights with Emma Watson
Image: Emma Watson Equality Quote

If there is one thing that really gets me fired up it’s the absolute conviction of one gender based on a minorities actions. I cringe when I see abrasive, man-hating discrimination disguised as female empowerment. I understand that sexual violence and discrimination is rampant with women across the world however I see judging and treating every man on this planet as part of the problem being similar to condemning every white person in this world as being a racist skinhead – it is nonsensical to treat every man as a deviant, predatory and manipulative creature when this behaviour is not representative of the majority.

If women continue to ostracise all men, we will find that men are going to go about life feeling as if they are walking on egg shells around us, afraid of doing or saying the wrong thing. I don’t know about you but I could not think of anything worst!! I want the men in this world to feel confident, empowered and self-assured to speak their truth, just like I want the same for all women.

Stop Expecting Men To Know How To Treat You And Tell Them How

All this discussion around certain men’s behaviour validates the importance of men being shown how to treat women. I believe this needs to be done in a way that empowers them to treat women with respect, love and reverence. Fighting, yelling at and shunning all men does not work. I see that condemnation, as opposed to education, results in a continuing vicious cycle that does not make room for union between men and women.

Men desire to be loved, respected and adored, just as women desire love, adoration and respect. I believe that if women wait around for men to treat them in the way they want to be treated, they will spend their whole lives waiting. What a waste of a life when there is so much potential for beautiful relationships between men and women!

We end up placing so many expectations onto others to know how to treat us without taking the time to communicate how it is we actually want to be treated. All the men in this world are not going to one day wake up and know how it is they “should” be with women, it doesn’t happen that way. What I believe is needed is for women to show men the way. I in no way believe in allowing disrespectful treatment and see that it is vital for both women and men to have healthy boundaries and call out poor treatment if and when it occurs. What I feel is important is that we all have compassion and understanding for the unique yet universal difficulties that each gender faces in life.

Women, I encourage you to show a man how it is you need to be treated, communicate clearly and kindly what it is you desire, tell him when he is out of line and be honest with how it makes you feel. Encourage him to do the same with you. If what he has said or done results in you feeling sad, be sad!! If he said something that led to you feeling fiery rage, feel this!! Don’t conceal, don’t suppress and be honest with your emotions. But don’t outcast him from society for mistakes that he may make from an ignorant and/or conditioned place. Don’t disempower yourself by falling victim and making him the cause of all your problems.

So many times a man does something that triggers something deep within us that runs so much deeper than that single experience. We carry wounds from the past, old traumas and pains that are held in our bodies (not necessarily from this lifetime) and when we are triggered, it often doesn’t make sense why whatever they have done causes us to feel so intensely. Women, I ask that you don’t put all of this on him, he doesn’t deserve it just as you don’t deserve to carry it. Ask for space to feel and express in a healthy way and shift it out of your body.

What’s needed is the power of the feminine. The feminine is not the solution, rather it’s the feminine in a relationship and harmony with the masculine that’s the way forward, allowing both their full brilliance.

There is so much potential for potent and powerful union between men and women that awaits us all. Let’s rise above the idea that we need to blame and shame each other in order to move forward into this new way of being with each other.

*I speak from a heteronormative, gender binary perspective and understand that this may not apply to some people. My intention has not been to exclude but rather simplify and condense this post.

Author: Stephanie Curtis – BA. Nursing., Grad. Dip. Sexology

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Meet the newest member to our team of experts. Stephanie Curtis is a sexologist with a huge capacity to care. Involved in spirituality and tantra her articles are professional, articulate and interesting. Enjoy Steph’s writings at the adultsmart sexual wellness and health blog.

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