Men, are you desiring more sex and intimacy with your partner? Are you perplexed by how best to pleasure women? Are you confused by a woman’s emotions, wondering what you’re doing “wrong”? I speak to so many men, single and in relationships, who feel at a loss when it comes to being with women.
This is completely understandable because, let’s face it, very few of us are taught how to develop and sustain healthy relationships with the opposite sex. We either mimic what our parents and peers do, hoping what works for them works for us or we look up to examples in the media to show us how to relate to others. Taking this approach, we could end up with a functional relationship if we’re lucky. However, more often than not, it spells disaster in our love lives.
Just like men, women are complex creatures whose behaviour may seem irrational or confusing at times. Even being a woman myself, I am often dumbfounded by the mystery and complexities of the feminine. Hot one moment, cold the next, on top of the world in the morning, ready to rip your head off in the evening. Like the weather, the feminine is unpredictable and ever changing.
The feminine exists in every one of us regardless of gender, with this aspect present to certain extents in every individual. Some women live more in their feminine, while others live more in their masculine. The two exist simultaneously, dancing together in a back and forth play throughout our everyday lives.
I believe understanding what women desire comes down to is understanding the nature of the feminine and what it needs in order to feel safe and supported. There are several points below that, from my own experience are important for men to bring to their relationships in order to feel more connected to the women in their lives.
Get to know your own inner-feminine
The idea that a man embracing his feminine is emasculating could not be further from the truth. The men who have learnt to nurture and embody their inner feminine are some of the most powerful men I know. When we can embody both the masculine and feminine, we go about our lives knowing that we are whole and complete as we are. This eradicates a great deal of projection onto our partners to provide something for us that we believe we cannot give ourselves. Men can have greater understanding of women when they understand their own inner woman.
Bring presence to your interactions with women
As a woman, there is nothing I appreciate and desire more than a man in full power and presence. Being present simply means when you’re with a woman, actually be with her. Maintaining eye contact, acknowledging what she’s saying, and allowing her to feel you there are just some of the ways to make it known that you are present. Presence makes the feminine feel safe and supported. It is also sexy AF!!
Don’t try to change a woman
Don’t shame her emotions and feelings. Show compassion and understanding for her and what she’s experiencing. When a man shames a woman’s emotions, he’s ultimately denying himself permission to feel those same emotions too.
Encourage your women to be there for herself so that she’s not dependant on you to be her “knight in shining armour”
This is a tricky one to master as you’re not wanting to disconnect from her or make her feel like you do not care about her. However, by encouraging her to support herself (which may mean her reaching out for support when it’s needed) you’re empowering her to be a sovereign being who has got her own back. Nothing compares to being with a woman who is empowered within herself. She is self-assured, self-loving and feels great to be around. Having trust in her that she can take care of herself will be the best thing for her. It is important to empower women.
Men, I encourage you to give yourself permission to be in a place of not knowing. Trying to keep it all together and pretend like you have it all figured out is exhausting to sustain for the long run. When you allow yourself to be in a place of not knowing, you welcome in the possibility of great changes. When you can come to terms with the fact that you don’t know how the hell to please a woman, you open up to learning how. You open yourself to a path of learning how to be a more embodied and loving partner, lover and man.
Any men out there looking to explore what it is to be a greater lover, partner and man should come along to The Masterful Lover workshop in Sydney, Australia in July.
*For simplicities sake, in this article I speak from a heteronormative perspective about women who have a dominant feminine nature and men who have a dominant masculine nature. These concepts can be adapted to any kind of relationship, whether same sex or opposite sex with a masculine woman and feminine man.
Author: Stephanie Curtis. BA Nursing. Grad Dip Sexology
Explore Stephanie Curtis’s profound insights! A caring sexologist, she delves into spirituality, tantra with professional, articulate, interesting articles.