Why It’s OK To Be A Bad Bitch

I find myself questioning this notion a lot lately for various reasons, why or if I should change my wicked ways.

Having recently entered a new relationship there are so many bad bitch traits I am yet to break, and almost like a rebellious teenager when relationship rules are imposed on me I push, kick and fight back. I forget that there are two people, two sets of feelings, two hearts. I’m too independent, self-reliant and a whole year prior of singledom has well set me back and completely impaired me as far as having the skills to be in a relationship.

Woman smoking
Image: I am a bad girl

You see in twenty eighteen your modern day women are no longer solely dependent on our male counterpart for survival, sexual gratification, or really even general validation. In fact, over the last decade, we have seen the rise of a more self-sufficient, equipped and unapologetically bad ass women who have decided to take life by the proverbial balls and not only do everything a man can do (aside from pee standing up) but also to a degree excel above our fellow man in many areas at the same time.

Bad girl with a gun
Image: Bad girl

WHEN IT’S DEEP WITHIN YOU

Now putting all of that aside for some of us being bad is inevitable. For example, I was always a smart student at school, excelled academically and for the most part had a fairly normal well-rounded childhood. My mother was a solo parent, she was and still continues to be a prime example of the middle class working superhero who did everything in her power to provide the most stable and sound upbringing for myself and my sibling. She is my best friend, confidant, and someone I’m proud to say I can truly depend on, however as unbreakable as our bond and love for one another is our differences in personality and overall preferences are undeniable.

In fact, the chosen path I have taken is a gigantic contrast from her life at the very same age.

Not to say that either of us is right or wrong, but I myself have always been drawn to an element of danger, while my mother thrived on routine and a certain amount of predictability.

To say I suffered from the curse of being impulsive would be an understatement.

When faced with the wrong side of the tracks, particularly with men you could almost describe me as a moth to a flame. What makes it all the more fascinating is the fact that I didn’t grow up with a rough upbringing, nor did I have a parent who wasn’t diligent or caring.

Nevertheless, I could still never successfully curb my bad bitch ways.

Mae West bad bitch quote
Image: Bad bitch

REFLECTION

Let me take you to my teenagehood. Yes, those wonderful profound years of ”innocence” being tainted and boundaries being tested.

My teenage years were what could only be described as the first chapter of a remarkably colorful broken down novel filled with dark and sometimes beautiful pages. The not so desirable moments were for the most part self-inflicted, but at the time they also set a precedent for the person I am today.

You see I never blended with kids my own age, nor did I connect mentally or feel like I belonged with a white picket fence society. To say I made a conscious choice to be bad would be in my opinion wrong, I truly believe no matter the circumstance or situation there is a part of my core that would go against conforming to normality. Yes, I made my share of bad decisions and plenty of them don’t get me wrong. Sure, they helped shape me to the women I am today. But at some point I also decided to stop fighting who I am too.

Albeit I had a pretty incredible childhood/teenagehood you could at the same time call it unconventional or perhaps dysfunctional. Being a straight A student could never prevent me from dropping out at 15, and having a perfect role model mother couldn’t stop me from choosing the total wrong side of the tracks. At high school and the tender age of 14 I watched my peers talk about boys and bottles with no experience on both subjects but a hell of a lot of curiosity to try. Meanwhile I was already well on my way to being a seasoned binge drinker and surrounded myself with boys (I say boys because even though they were considerably older than me they still had a childlike mentality.) In life I’m a firm believer you design your happiness or even the latter.

With that I became the pioneer of my own destruction in many ways. I took teenage angst to a whole other level, and despite having a wonderful family dynamic I completely pushed back.

At age fifteen my mommy, my role model, my rock decided she had enough and kicked me out of home. Now you may think fifteen is too young to fend for one’s self. Bare in mind at that age I had already dropped out of high school and was fulltime doing a hairdressing apprenticeship at a local salon (I wasn’t exaggerating when I said I was not your average teen).

By sixteen I was running my own household, living alone and working fulltime still hairdressing. I had adopted a whole host of other bad girl ways, and at the same time began to harbour a resentment for men which helped lead me to the art of not only manipulating the opposite sex but using my beauty as a weapon. Your probably wondering how on earth a 16 year old can know how to wield there appearance as a weapon and looking back I cannot pin point a particular moment I realised the power of the female form but I do know that when I found it I held onto it for dear life and have struggled with relinquishing it ever since.

Devil woman with horns
Image: Devil woman

THE CORE OF IT ALL

Now we’ve got to the root of all my wicked ways (no pun intended guys). At the risk of sounding like an ultra-feminist I can honestly say I detest double standards. Yes, this world is riddled with them especially as a women. I’ve always had the attitude that if a man can do it why can’t a women.

As naive as this may sound vie sat at the end of many heated discussions (Lets just call them that) with the opposite sex including my partner, And there is not a single person on this planet that could ever persuade me that women don’t have the right to the same rights as men in every single way. I’ve sat at tables where it was frowned upon to have a female in the same room let alone in the same presence of certain people. I stood up to then helped shed light on equality with some of the most chauvinistic sexist men on this planet. You see when it comes to gender inequality I almost revel in showing a man how much I can show him up. Whether it be in a game of chess of just a general game of wit. I think this has served as a fuel for my badness in all reality.

Throughout my life I’ve most definitely had moments of self-doubt. Am I a bad person for being bad? Am I wrong for not suppressing my general urges and attempting a life of wholesomeness? Why can’t I just switch off the games I’ve become so good at and leave behind the fuck girl tendencies? But even if I could would I really want to? They may have cost me some casualties along the way, at the same time being true to myself is more precious than putting on a front and lord knows I’ve never been the type of person to fake happy very well.

BE YOU

Now I’m not promoting promiscuity nor am I saying I condone manipulating or extorting men for self-pleasure, what I will say is: Anybody with integrity and a good heart has the right to wear their true colours on their sleeve for the world to see and experience without shame that they will be judged or that there doing the immoral thing, whether you’re a bad bitch or marsha brady with a picket fence. We are all equals. All one. I’ve attempted the road of purity and flopped big time. Tried to be the super happy over-optimistic human being who ended up all but butchering everyone around me from suppressing natural feelings of anger when actually feeling them.

Pretending to be what someone else deems as good or correct will not change your character or truly make you any better than them or yourself.

After years of fighting myself on and off, using metaphoric band-aids and having mental anguish because I just can’t put on a good front so believable that others believe it, or trick myself into believing it too. I’ve finally realized it’s okay to be me, flaws and all. It’s okay to fuck up and sometimes be what others perceive as selfish. It’s okay to choose aspirations and dreams over people who are short-term, it’s okay to have a fight or flight view on life and hurt when you’re hurt.

None of this makes me any less than you, or you any less than me.

As long as I have integrity behind my actions and no ill feelings behind my words it doesn’t make me a bad human If anything you could say I’m just a bad bitch with good intentions.  It is important to take into consideration that some of these traits can sabotage a relationship.

Channelle xo

Author: Channelle is a consultant from Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Centres

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Jennifer works marketing at Adultsmart an online sex toy shop. She has a non-judgemental approach to sex, sex toys and sexuality. Her favorite saying is if it feels good and right and is not illegal then why not!

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