I was hanging out with my friend and she suddenly turned to me and asked how we ended up with the same guy since we clearly have completely different ‘types’ of men that we are attracted to. It was a good question and left me thinking about it again this morning.
It seems to be strange but true. I only have a few close friends that I have seen in multiple relationships or been with while drunk Tindering, but they all seem to select the same ‘type’ of partner, whether emotionally, physically or a combination of both.
Ms. M
‘Slightly older immature man-child type with scruffy, hippy looks.’
Image: Immature Man Child
Although this guy is fun loving and easy to take on a date is he really an ideal type? Oh, my sister from another mister definitely has a certain relationship ideal that she doesn’t want to let go of. I love her dearly, but once she has something set in her mind, she pursues it relentlessly. Not that that’s always a bad thing.
There seems to be a definite theme that runs through her long term choices. I remember having a pretty in-depth conversation with her over numerous cups of tea one afternoon where she painted the picture of her ‘perfect man’ and what their life would look like together.
I have seen her over the past 10 years, struggle to fulfil that vision, but ending up stressed and frustrated after not being able to turn her toad into a prince. This dating scene can quickly turn into a tragic relationship with a man child!
Ms. K
‘Same age emotionally unavailable type with rock musician looks.’
Image: Emotionally Unavailable Man
This girl is like the other, wilder half of me. Sometimes we laugh and debate about how we ever came to be in a relationship with our shared ex since we have such vastly different ‘types’. Her excuse is that she was young and drunk… and that I have no excuse because I was sober.
I always have a giggle when we drunk compare Tinder matches. All of her matches look the same. That aloof, arrogant, slim, tattooed, long haired, slightly scruffy look about them. Personality wise, they all seem to want to dive in to the deep end straight away. No long dates and loving notes, but straight in to a relationship, but as quickly as they jump in they’re just as quick to become ‘emotionally unavailable’ and/or controlling and manipulative.
Mr. A
‘Younger emotionally in need of rescuing, petite brunettes’
Image: Brunette woman
I’m going to start by saying that Mr. A doesn’t do casual very well. I love this guy like a brother and I have seen him at every stage of his various past relationships. This boy is the definition of an emotional white knight, swooping in to rescue the damsel in distress.
His 20-something love interests who all seem to look strikingly similar, carry the same personality traits as well. An innate inability to move on from their ‘type’ of abusive and destructive past relationships.
Me
‘Older refined men with beards and glasses’
Image: Refined Man
In my youth, I didn’t really have a type beyond anyone showing interest in me. I have since discovered that self-esteem is key and that the whole of my Tinder and my IRL choices in men are the same since my self-awakening last year.
Prior to that moment in my life, I settled for almost any man who showed an interest and I settled for second best because I was under the impression that it was all I was going to get. Men who were emotionally immature and selfish, but also insecure to the point that they took advantage of my mothering nature. Looking back at my life choices makes me cringe.
Now it seems that I have fallen in love with men who know what they want from life. Men who are dominant, but secure enough to not be controlling. Not arrogant, instead they are self-assured. It also helps their cause that they are attractive too.
What do you think? Is there any truth to people having ‘types’ or is it just that our personality attracts certain people to us?
Author: Mia is a consultant from Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Centres
