There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that many of us hold on to the common relationship myths we are told, whether we are new to relationships or seasoned veterans! Breaking down relationship myths can be tough! Expectations that we gain from these myths are what drive relationships beautifully into the distance while the sunsets perfectly over the hills or straight into a wall as it pouring down with rain.
It is easy to put your sole focus on only the wonderful side of being with someone, you may look back and think meeting that person was the best thing to ever happen to you! Truth is we are not mind readers for each other, arguments are a fact of life, babies do not fix problems and people don’t change!
It is these misconceptions that make us look at our relationship with a fine tooth comb and cause us to question our partnerships. We forget that every couple is unique and you can put a “blanket” set of rules on every single relationship expecting them to be all the same.
A quick flick through your Facebook news feed reveals articles like:
“Quizzes for your perfect man!”
“What it means when he…”
“Men are secretly looking for these 9 things in their ideal woman!”
And guess what? We read these!! We hang on to the knowledge, we criticize and critique our relationships because THIS is what we are being told are the traits to a perfect relationship or perfect partner!
The truths behind these common myths that we hear and read in everyday life may help to look at your relationship in a different light.
Myth 1
“He/she just needs to change (fill in the blank) and then I will be happy.”
In relationships there is give and take but ultimately you can’t change someone or make them change, making compromises on the other hand are healthy and normal. Forcing someone to change is never a good thing and typically never works. A person has to want to change and put effort into self-improvement.
Myth 2
“Couples in good relationships don’t argue.”
Anyone can tell you it’s not about if couples argue, it is about how they argue! Arguments that avoid escalation are productive and result in resolutions through problem solving. Couples should learn to argue productively, they should not let it get out of hand and practice the relevant skills if they want to change how they deal with conflict; there should always be a resolution and different ways to overcome a certain situation.
Myth 3
“I am only jealous because I love her/him.”
Yes and no! Obviously jealously means you care about that person, but more than usual it stems from deeper issues within the relationship or within yourself. Not trusting your partner and having self-confidence issues are harmful to the relationship. You need to take a step back and evaluate the reasons why you are jealous. It could be because of your own self-confidence issues, it could be because your partner is baiting the jealously. You need to assess each situation and work out the exact reasons behind them and if you can, you might need to make some changes.
Myth 4
“Couples should have sex X amount of times a day, week or month.”
This is one of the most common myths EVERYONE has an opinion about! If you are told that having sex ATLEAST three times a week means you have a healthy and thriving relationship and you are NOT can cause you to have faulty expectations of your relationship. You might also be convinced something is wrong!
The frequency of sex will always depend on the sex drive of both partners and more so the situation of each individual couple. Everyone is different and everyone’s situations are different, some might work night shift, some might have kids and some might have stressful jobs. You never know someone else’s circumstances and asking friends is just pointless and misleading! This is something you most definitely need to discuss with your partner!
Myth 5
“Having a child will strengthen your relationship or marriage.”
The fact is this never works! Children bring challenges and complications. Bringing a child into the world doesn’t just magically fix a broken relationship.
Myth 6
“If you are truly in love, passion will never fade.”
This lovely myth is popular thanks to all the movies and romantic novels that we read. We then assume that there are always constant never ending passion and sparks in a relationship! If the passion and sparks disappear in a relationship people assume the relationship is doomed, in trouble and failing. Truth is passion naturally diminishes in all relationships; daily routines and life are the basic culprits. Playfulness can boost passion, intimacy, adventure and exploration. All these things shouldn’t cease in a relationship, love is a constant journey!
Myth 7
“You should be able to read your partners mind and vice versa.”
Spending time with your partner does help to sometimes anticipate his or her wants and needs but being in a relationship doesn’t make you a mind reader. The more time you spend with your loved one you will eventually get to know what they like, what they don’t like and even their preferences. But I’m sorry sciences have not yet proven the existence of telepathy in relationship, reading their mind will never happen! Regularly expressing what you’re feeling and thinking will encourage the same treatment back, this is a type of healthy communication that is needed in a relationship which helps to avoid disappointment, anger and sadness.
Myth 8
“Never go to bed angry.”
It is always a better to resolve conflicts before going to bed but it’s not always realistic. There are always circumstances that prevent this from always being an option. What you should do if you can’t resolve an argument before you go to bed is to decide mutually to resolve it at another time. This does not always work as some people do need time to get over the issue and settle down. You need to give them some space, calm down and work it out when you both have a clear head.
Myth 9
“Relationships must be 50/50.”
It is tough to split a relationship down the middle and keep it 50/50. Keeping score of efforts made in the relationship is also dangerous. When you feel yourself tally up who wins, who loses and who’s done what, you need to remember that you are a team! You need to acknowledge your partners contributions and remain open to his or her needs.
Myth 10
“No one will love you just as you are.”
Unworthiness is a feeling that stems from unresolved experiences in the past, this can lead you to believe that the only way to form a relationship is to change. The total opposite is actually true; the strongest, truest bonds come with transparency and honesty. There is no doubt that you will feel most comfortable when you know the other person is seeing the real you, knowing they are accepting the true you and who you really are. This brings the intimacy and unconditional love we all crave.
After reading these do you have a different view on relationship myths?
Morgan x
Author: Morgan is a consultant from Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Centres
Meet Morgan, a young designer advocating equality and speaking out against violence. Her journey in the adult industry has been transformative.