If you’re like me, you may have noticed in recent times a growing prevalence of rope tying and bondage in the media, with classes, shows and exhibits occurring all around the world. It wasn’t so long ago that I discovered the beautiful art of Shibari – otherwise known as Kinbaku or Japanese Rope bondage – and already I have experienced some beautiful moments of connection, pleasure and healing in my explorations.
There exist multiple ways to approach rope bondage, with some people using it for sexual play, others in performance art and even as a tool for healing (Check out the incredible video below). My desire to be tied up and bound confuses some so I thought I would share what it is about rope bondage that has me so hooked.
Why I Am Hooked To Rope Bondage
During an experience of being tied and bound, I feel a deep sense of surrender which allows me to let go of the stressors in my mind and be completely present in my body. We live in a world that encourages us to be in our minds thinking constantly, so much so that we forget to feel (Read more on this at Revolutionize Sex With Your Primal Instinct). Getting out of our heads and into our bodies is important for our wellbeing and rope allows me to enter this space of embodied presence. The sensations of the rope tickling and pulling at my skin, my partners’ breath on my neck as he wraps the rope tightly around my chest and the incredible relief once it has been taken off all makes for an exquisite sensory experience. Also combining rope bondage with impact play from whips, spankers and ticklers is an added delight for your senses.
Shibari is a beautiful way to connect with my partner. Choosing to take time to be completely present with each other is particularly important to remain passionately in love, with a session of rope tying more than enough to bring us back to a place of deep connectedness. Being tied up and bound for me is all about surrender and trust. If I do not trust my partner, I remain in a hypervigilant & anxious state which is not enjoyable and prevents me from gaining pleasure out of the experience. As my partner ties me making me physically powerless, I am consciously trusting that he will take care of me throughout the experience which allows me to feel a sense of freedom like nothing else.
Rope bondage can be an amazing outlet for exploring dominant and submissive roles within a partnership. The person tying is often referred to as a top, dom or rigger and embodies a very important role throughout the experience. Presence, safety and solidity are important qualities for the top to possess in order for the person being tied (known as the bottom, sub or rope bunny) to feel well supported throughout the experience. It is wonderful to play in this power dynamic and can make for some very juicy fun!
A combination of being held and connected with my partner and feeling present in my body often means intense emotions arise during a rope tying experience. I can go from being in a relaxed, meditative state to bursting into tears in a split second, never knowing what is going to arise throughout the experience. Despite what we may have been conditioned to believe, feeling and expressing emotions is a beautiful part of what it is to be a human being and should be encouraged. Suppressed emotions can cause a host of physical and mental health issues so better out than in I say! Shibari can allow us to access feelings we may have pushed down in the past, freeing us from our own s**t and making way for more pleasure, love and joy in our lives!!
Last but certainly not least, being tied up is so much fun!! I have recently begun suspension classes which involve rope harnesses tied around my chest & legs or hips and hung up on the ceiling. I see it as the next best thing to flying! As children, we are so good at playing yet when we grow into adulthood, we tend to neglect our innate desire to have fun in life. As well as been an intense and connected experience, being tied up makes me feel so much joy and excitement.
What I Recommend To Get Into Shibari
Now if you are thinking that Shibari is something that you would like to try, I would strongly recommend attending classes taught by experts in the field or visiting an experienced practitioner for a session. There are many safety precautions to take into consideration when tying or being tied. It can be a risky thing for all involved to be tying without professional instruction so I discourage you from picking up some rope from Bunnings and trying it on your own.
Happy tying everyone!!
Author: Stephanie Curtis- BA Nursing
Explore Stephanie Curtis’s profound insights! A caring sexologist, she delves into spirituality, tantra with professional, articulate, interesting articles.
I wrote about why people do shibari: