Dominant Nature Of BDSM In Primates

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There are reasons why women like being handcuffed, bound and gagged. It goes back as far as time itself when women were dominated by Alpha Males. Then in more modern times dominant religions, societies and groups raped, pillaged and plundered villages. Let’s have a look into the background as to how people and primates sexual lifestyles relate to each other.

Female Mammals And The Method Of Conception

Female mammals can have a regular period of sexual openness and fertility where they are able to have intercourse with numerous males. In some cases the female monkey is sexually assaulted by the contenders that she does not want. Any one of the sexual partners could have been the father to the subsequent newborn monkey baby. This depends on which sperm reaches and fertilises the ovary first.

Rape was used by people within dominant religions, societies or groups like the Vikings and Mongolians as a conception method. It was hypothesized that monkey’s also used it as a method of conception. Rape as a method of conception is truly outdated and is a crime.

Can Female Monkeys Really Orgasm?

In 1996, a book titled “Human Sexual Response” by William H. Masters and Virginia E. Johnson, it acknowledged that women experienced orgasms. It was speculated that the female orgasm was one of the reasons why women were aroused by having sex with men. In the mid 1970’s it was generally accepted by primatologists, that the non-human female primates did not encounter orgasm. Primatologists later examined the sexual physiology of wild female gorillas and monkeys, who found that orgasms within these female primates happened commonly. M Small wrote in her book Female Choices, Sexual Behaviour of Female Primates:

‘Non-human primate females commonly experience multiple orgasms during sex’

Sex in Macaca Mulatta
Image: Macaca Mulatta

To settle the civil argument lab based researchers placed female monkeys from the Macaca Mulatta species into lower leg cuffs and canine restraints. To force the monkey to orgasm, they stimulated it’s clitoris and used an instrument that mimicked a monkey’s penis into the animal’s vagina. They watched the monkeys experience climax. Three stages were noted, the first stage of clitoral and vaginal incitement. The second stage where the monkey snorts, calls and made surprised facial expressions. The last stage after climax where the female tries to get away. These discoveries are documented in the Burton, F D (1970).  It has been found that when the female reaches orgasm it helps to the male monkey ejaculate.

People And Primates With Sexually Dimorphic Features

People and primates (including lemurs, monkeys and apes) can have sexually dimorphic features that are not attributed to their gender. These features can include different colourings, markings, sizes and behaviours that influence sex drive, arousal and levels of testosterone.

How Testosterone Impacts Sexual Arousal

At the first stage of the menstrual cycle a woman’s testosterone levels increase. When they ovulate their testosterone reaches its highest levels and during the last portion of the cycle their testosterone levels fall. Both men and women with high levels of testosterone are noted to have higher sex drives. Furthermore, it also appears that women who are within their fertile stages have higher sex drives. It is hypothesised that women with higher levels of testosterone are more interested in Alpha Males. In the case that your female lover loves being dominated in the bedroom she may have higher levels of testosterone.

BDSM Play

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With all of this in mind, the female climax originates before speech was ever invented. Our ancient female monkeys demonstrated how they were able to build up orgasms in response to physical stimulation. These days women may enjoy participating in primitive like sex through BDSM play where both participants in the sexual activity are aware of all the risks involved and partake in a safe environment.  They may enjoy using restraints like handcuffs and Japanese bondage rope. Or they may like sensory deprivation by using blindfolds, masks and hoods.

Outside of the bedroom your lover may act as a dominant person in a social setting. But when the tables are turned and you are back in the privacy of your bedroom, he or she may love being a submissive who is bound and controlled by restraints and dominated by their lover.  As it turns out what a person is interested in kinky sex can be completely different to what they are interested in their day to day life.

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Super Charge Your Sex Drive With Anxiety!

The relatiosnhip between sex, kissing, dating and anxiety

Please note: This will not work for everyone, this is advice for ways in which anxiety can be managed this is not a cure. For more information on anxiety please speak to your doctor or contact beyondblue.org.au if any of these are of concern for you.

Anxiety Meme
Image: Anxiety Someecards

Australian Bureau of Statistics has compiled data on anxiety as follows:

Anxiety is the most common mental health condition in Australia. On average, 1 in 4 people – 1 in 3 women and 1 in 5 men – will experience anxiety.

In a 12-month period, over two million Australians experience anxiety

Australian Bureau of Statistics. (2008). National Survey of Mental Health and Wellbeing: Summary of Results, 2007. Cat. no. (4326.0). Canberra: ABS.

Anxiety as defined in the Cambridge English dictionary:

Anxiety noun

An uncomfortable feeling of nervousness or worry about something that is happening or might happen in the future:

Anxiety is a general term for several disorders that cause nervousness, fear, apprehension, and worrying.

Beyond blue defines the sub categories of anxiety as:

Generalised Anxiety Disorder (GAD)

A person feels anxious on most days, worrying about lots of different things, for a period of six months or more.

Social Anxiety Disorder

A person has an intense fear of being criticised, embarrassed or humiliated, even in everyday situations, such as speaking publicly, eating in public, being assertive at work or making small talk.

A Phobia

A person feels very fearful about a particular object or situation and may go to great lengths to avoid it, for example, having an injection or travelling on a plane. There are many different types of phobias.

Panic Disorder

A person has panic attacks, which are intense, overwhelming and often uncontrollable feelings of anxiety combined with a range of physical symptoms. Someone having a panic attack may experience shortness of breath, chest pain, dizziness and excessive perspiration. Sometimes, people experiencing a panic attack think they are having a heart attack or are about to die. If a person has recurrent panic attacks or persistently fears having one for more than a month, they’re said to have panic disorder.

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)

A person has ongoing unwanted/intrusive thoughts and fears that cause anxiety. Although the person may acknowledge these thoughts as silly, they often try to relieve their anxiety by carrying out certain behaviours or rituals. For example, a fear of germs and contamination can lead to constant washing of hands and clothes.

Post-traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

This can happen after a person experiences a traumatic event (e.g. war, assault, accident, disaster). Symptoms can include difficulty relaxing, upsetting dreams or flashbacks of the event, and avoidance of anything related to the event. PTSD is diagnosed when a person has symptoms for at least a month.

My Personal Story

As I sit here writing this I am in the middle of an anxiety attack granted this is a daily occurrence for me, and normally concentrating on my breathing or distracting myself with cleaning duties usually helps manage it. But this time not so much, some turn to coffee, smoking, food or exercise, since I’m at work exercise is not an option, but coffee is! I am up to my 3rd double shot coffee and let me tell you I resemble more closely to an energiser bunny then I do being calm. It did get me thinking since I work at an Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Centre! This whole place is built on sex and intimacy, which then put me on the tangent that when I do have sex or when I am intimate with my partner I never feel anxious only calm and free… why is this?

The basic reason why those who are on anti-anxiety medication have reduced sexual responses including arousal, orgasm and libido is because; these medications hinder the production of nitric oxide. This is the main facilitator for both the male and female sexual arousal responses. Nitric oxide is a neurotransmitter that widens blood vessels to allow more blood flow into the penis and clitoris.

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Anti-Anxiety medication means Less nitric oxide which = less blood flow which means = less sensation.

BUT! Could Sex And Intimacy Help?

Four years ago I quit my anti-depressants/anti-anxiety medication cold turkey – I strongly DO NOT advise this because it can have some serious side effects!

I however am extremely stubborn and when I decide on something there is no changing my mind!  The medication can be extremely addictive not to mention you are going from a level and numbing state chemically to the unknown where anything is possible. I found that I was too numb almost like I was stuck inside my body everything was going as normal but I couldn’t feel anything, I wasn’t happy I wasn’t sad I wasn’t anything. I had little to no libido and was never aroused physically – there are many reasons why lube should be used, so much so it will become your best friend. After I quit cold turkey I had many up and down moments over the years but they have gotten less over time, I found one thing that did calm me was sex. Sex with my partner brought a sense of calmness over my body and it’s almost like all my anxiety disappeared, and my body became weightless.

Isn’t it funny that one of the main things that kill your sex life (anxiety and stress) is also one of the things that can help? Being in an intimate relationship has been connected to healing faster, strengthening your immune system and living longer. A good relationship will relieve tension in daily life, and when anxiety hits which causes a spike in blood pressure, having sex will release feel-good hormones like oxytocin and endorphins. Which after a while you will begin to associate your partner with those positive feelings and they will become someone you trust during those tough times.

Author: Morgan is a consultant from Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Centres

What Affects Levels of Libido

Couple in Bed Low Libido Photo

A spreadsheet released by a Reddit user recorded all the excuses his wife used to reject his sexual advances over a 44 day period. He had made a total of 27 sexual advances and only had sex with her 3 times which is an extremely high failure rate. The excuses his wife came up with provide a hilarious personal look into a couple’s sexual lifestyle. Some of the funnier statements include:

“I’m watching the show” (Friends re-run)

“I’m sweaty and gross, and I’m tired.”

“I’m not feeling good, I ate too much”

“No”

This spreadsheet may fit into a stereotypical view of the reasons why people do not want to have sex. In this case, a women who is too tired to have sex due to a busy lifestyle. However, in reality there is no real stereotype that men and women should fall under when it comes to the reasons why people have different levels of sexual desire. The truth is, some men and women may want sex all the time whilst others may want it sometimes and some not at all. There are many underlying factors that contribute to a low sexual desire that include mental health issues, medical problems, levels of attraction, performance anxiety and age. Listed below are factors linked in with having low levels of libido.

Mental Health Issues

Often depression, high stress levels of stress and anxiety are the main mental health factors that affect sex drive. Beyondblue claims that 1 million Australian adults have depression whilst 2 million have anxiety. Other problems may include relationship problems, family issues, poor body image and low self-esteem.

Medical Problems

Medical issues like diabetes, high blood pressure, chronic pain, hypertension, sleep problems and high cholesterol impacts levels of sexual arousal. A person’s sex drive can also be affected by medications and drugs. The most common medications that affect sex drive include antidepressants, antihistamines and blood pressure medication.

Some people also experience Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder (HSSD). HSSD is when a person has no sexual desire, fantasies or thoughts about sexual activity. It becomes a disorder when the people who have almost no levels of arousal actually want an active sex life. It is said that this disorder impacts under 15% of women who are between 20 and 60. In hopes to help this medical issue, medical professionals are creating a female Viagra named “Lybrido”. Often the people who have this disorder are labelled as being “reserved” but HSSD is not in their control.

Attraction

Women’s sex drive can be influenced by social and cultural factors. A women may naturally be ingrained to be aroused to a person who is able to support and protect her.

 

Reddit Spreadsheet of Sexual Advances Image
Image: What Affects Levels of Libido – Reddit Spreadsheet

 

Performance Anxiety

A man’s performance anxiety is linked with premature ejaculation, how they perform in the bedroom and society pressure. During penetrative sex, men often feel their partner has to always orgasm. This unrealistic view can be a problem especially when only 26% of women experience an orgasm during sex. Whereas 75% of men orgasm during sex.

Age

Men have their highest sex drive between the ages of 15 to 20. As men age they experience drops in levels of testosterone which will give them a lower sexual libido. Testosterone impacts a man’s development of sex organs, body hair, bone mass and muscles. They may require more physical stimulation and higher levels of mental stimulation to get an erection. This means it will also take men longer to reach ejaculation. A man’s testosterone levels are higher in the morning than they are at night.

Women have their highest sex drive between the ages of 35 to 40. Women also experience Menopause where their estrogen levels drop drastically. The average age a woman experiences menopause is 51 years old. It appears that menopause is genetically linked, so around the age the woman’s nearest relatives have experienced it will be around the same age a women experiences it.

It is important to note that the aging process is normal and the changes do not happen all at the one time. The way people reach orgasm and make love can be slightly different to how they did it when they were teenagers. Although reaching orgasm may take more time, they are able to enjoy the process of sex more thoroughly by engaging in physical and emotional connections.

Seek Professional Help

People who experience low levels of libido can seek professional treatment. For mental health issues, you can talk to trained mental health professionals like a counselor, a psychologist or a psychiatrist. People who are experiencing relationship issues can seek help through sex therapy or relationship counseling. Whilst people who experience medical problems should seek help from their general practitioner for more information.

Some lifestyle changes can be made to help improve sexual desire that include:

  • Eating healthy
  • Getting the right levels of sleep
  • Using stress management techniques
  • Exercise

 

 

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