Unsurprisingly we get a lot of very open-minded people coming into our sex toy stores and we are lucky enough to get chatting about the most interesting things. Everyone who works here will have been asked the same old questions, Why do you work here? what’s it like working in a sex shop. Do you get many weirdos? I always say the same thing. “I love it, it is so much more than a sales job, because you are dealing with a subject which is so much a personal part of us all.” It immediately gives us a connection. There is a barrier between us and our customers that is brought down just because of the subject matter. It wouldn’t happen if we were selling washing machines. We are privileged to get to know people in a far less superficial way than we probably lots the other people we meet on a day-to-day basis.
I have got into many conversations about sex parties and holidays with people who are in store buying costumes, sex toys and lingerie for events. If I think boundaries are down in our shop then going to one of these events takes that to a whole other level. I have actually been to a couple of parties a long time ago in LA. not really intentional, a friend and I just ended up there. It was a wild end to a wild night. It wasn’t something I would personally get into but it was a lifestyle choice for some of the people I was friends with. Ever since then I have found it fascinating. I am intrigued as to the type of people go and whether the fantasy is the reality.
It goes without saying that you have to be pretty open-minded and non judgmental. The friend I was with was neither of these and she found the whole experience quite awful, she felt her boundaries had been crossed just being there. We just happened upon ours but if you were going to a planned one with a partner, then boundaries are the most important thing to think about. Most of the sex parties out there will have rules to follow and you should have some of your own set too. Most of the people I have met in store have had rules about how far they can go with other people and with whom, they have codes and safe words if one is unhappy with anything. The most important rule you should have is that what ever happens once you are there and passions are running high is stick to the rules. If you are a couple then going solo to parties is probably not a good idea even if you were both in the lifestyle before you met.
It can be pretty intimidating for obvious reasons and I doubt many people go to their first one with no reservations. Women can go alone and are welcome encouraged and prized. In most parties the women call the shots. Even so, I would think it wise for a first timer to go with someone else or make sure in advance that there is a person known there to chat to, even if it is just the holder of the party. Try to get chatting to someone online before hand if its possible. Go armed with a sense of humour, with your own lubrication, some sex toys, underwear and protection. You should never rely on a third party for the most important things you need. Don’t buy black G-strings as by the end of the night you won’t know which pair are yours.
The most important thing is respect, I have never heard of any event where you had to take part in anything . No means no and It is OK to watch. One of my customers loves to just watch, as you can imagine you see some pretty out there stuff. Just don’t ogle like you are at the zoo. Don’t get offended when people you don’t fancy chat you up. Treat the people at a party with the same respect you would anywhere else. Drugs and drunkenness probably wont be tolerated and you will no doubt be removed.
Just like some people still think sex shops are populated with men in raincoats. It is common to think of sex parties as either high-end or retro. Playboy, ‘Eyes wide shut” orgies, verses middle-aged suburbanites in terraced houses with bowls of keys. There are those parties, and everything in between. Mostly everyone will be nice and normal and no different from you.
The fact that it is usual to take some clothes off means there may well be a larger proportion of the crowd that take care of themselves. So if you are lacking in the self-esteem department I wouldn’t go. Many couples and singles I speak to seem to cite the element of competition as one of the virtues of the lifestyle. It prevents couples particularly from becoming lazy and letting them selves go. It can motivate them to win each others affection. They all love the fantasy element too and getting dressed up in lingerie and costumes is part of that.
It has never been easier to go to a sex party. They are all over the internet and cater to all tastes. Becoming part of the ‘lifestyle” involves a bit more effort, but if you are a good respectful guest, and you make an effort to dress up and follow the rules you will get to know people and eventually get to go to invite only parties. If you are unsure, you can go on-line on swingers websites like ‘Kasidie’, or if you have a Fetish then ‘Fetlife’, and just get chatting to people. If you can, dip your toes in, and go to an event like ‘Hell fire”, where it is by no means an orgy, but it is a little more sex focused than your average night at a night club. If you want to aim high and go glam, then try to get your self into a Killing Kittens party, sponsored by our bestselling sex toy company Lelo. If you have money and want a week of it then why not try ‘Hedonism’. They have holiday resorts all around the world where you can live out your sex party fantasies 24/7 in dream surroundings.
By Emily a consultant from Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Centre