6 Sure Fire Tantra Methods!

Half Naked Couple In Bed Photo

My 25 years on this earth have led me to many conclusions and realisations, the most relevant right now being that sex is one of the most exciting topics of conversation. I don’t know if it’s the people I seem to attract into my life or my own willingness to turn any conversation into one about sex but I end up talking about it all the time (Working in an Adult Store and studying Sexology, it’s expected with the territory too I guess!!).

I notice how so many men and women light up when given the space to discuss one of the most intimate areas of their lives. It fills me with so much joy when I have people come into an Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Centres shy and nervous initially and then leave talking explicitly about sex and not wanting to stop.

Sex and the overt representation of sexuality is everywhere in our lives, from advertising and social media to pornography and films. Despite this, there is a lack of frank conversation about sexuality meaning many people have a warped perception of what healthy sexuality looks and feels like. One of the concerns with society’s widespread unwillingness to discuss sexuality is that when it comes to developing healthy sexual relationships, many people are unsure of how to speak of sex with the people they’re actually having it with.

I know of many people who struggle to talk openly with their intimate partners about sex sometimes resulting in unhealthy consequences. The repercussions of leaving things unspoken with our intimate partners can result in unnecessary conflicts, physical and emotional trauma and general unfulfilling sex lives.

We miss out on accessing the potential of our capacity to feel exquisite pleasure because we struggle to ask for what we like and we remain silent when something doesn’t feel good.

I recall a time a couple of years ago when I was being intimate with a new lover and he asked what it was I wanted. I remember freezing in fear and had no idea how to put what felt good for my body in words. I think I ended up saying something along the lines of “what you’re doing” just because I was so mortified that I didn’t know how to ask for what I desired.

Couple Having Breakfast In Bed Photo
Photo: Romantic Couple Having Breakfast In Bed

Throwing myself in the deep end shortly after this experience, I discovered the world of Tantra and Conscious Sexuality which provided me with some tools I needed to communicate clearly with my intimate partners. I’ve including the following tips that if applied, have the potential to lead to greater levels of intimacy, connection and pleasure in your sexual relationships:

1. Be Open To Talk About Sex

Speaking of any discomforts you may have around talking about sex is an excellent first step. Let your partner know that you would like to be more open discussing sex and acknowledge the fact that it may be a difficult conversation to begin for the both of you. Express the importance of opening this conversation and speak with honesty.

2. Use Explicit Words

If the thought of even speaking words associated with sex makes you cringe, I recommend trying this exercise with your partner. Jump in the deep end and throw explicit words at one another. It may go something like this “Cock, pussy, lick, anal, orgasm, cum, wet, squirt.” Think of this as the ultimate “ice-breaker.” Come up with as many words as you can that you identify as sexual and get used to saying them to each other. In little to no time, it will be a breeze to say what you need without shame or embarrassment. Make it fun and playful because sex is supposed to be!

3. Take Ownership Of Your Feelings

Stay away from blame and take ownership of how you feel. Instead of “You’re really bad in bed and you need to change” turn it into “I am feeling like there is so much more I want to experience sexually and I would love to try this with you next time.”

4. Try The Palm Exercise

Take in turns tickling each other’s palms with your fingers and make adjustments that will lead to a more pleasurable experience. “May I have a softer touch?” “Can you move your finger faster/slower?” “Can you give the top right hand corner more attention?” Becoming used to asking for what you need in a non-sexual activity will translate to greater comfort and ease asking for what we desire sexually.

5. Invest In Adult Lifestyle Products

Invest in sex toys for couples to make your lifestyle easier.

6. Get To Know Your Body

Last but certainly not least, get to know your own body and what feels pleasurable to you. I cannot express the importance of this enough!! If you don’t know what feels good to your body, how can you expect that you can communicate clearly to your partner? Sex can be a hit or miss and expecting your partner to know everything that turns you on is a lot of pressure.

When talking about sex with your partner/s becomes easeful, the possibilities to explore sexuality and sexual expression are endless. You can try different things, express fantasies and desires and get to know your partner more deeply…in more ways than one!! You can also talk about what is Tantra Sex and how to incorporate into your lifestyle.

Author: Stephanie Curtis- BA NursingSave

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Building Rapport in Gay Relationships

Men Discussing

There is a widespread but erroneous belief that people in gay relationships have an easier time with their relationships compared to those in heterosexual relationships. And while that notion stretches the truth a bit too far, it is not surprising to see why people would think so. For centuries, it has been believed that the only reason why men and women have trouble with communication in relationships is because their thought processes are different and they are biologically wired to effectively communicate and respond to situations differently. Women tend to use nonverbal cues and their actions are often led by emotional responses. Men on the other hand, are natural problem solvers who like to face problems logically, and so approach issues with less emotion. And while it is true that the fact that people in same sex relationships have an easier time agreeing on certain things in their relationships, they might also experience greater hurdles in their relationship, especially if communication is poor.

One of the most difficult aspects of this kind of relationship is deciding when to go public with your relationship. If you are in a committed one, there will always be some trouble between partners if one of them is reluctant to go public or worse yet, if they still haven’t come out of the closet. Being in a relationship such as the latter can be very challenging, but not completely if there is effective communication. To begin with, if you are the partner in the relationship who chooses to stay mum about his/her sexual orientation, it is imperative to discuss your fears with your partner openly; whether that be fear of becoming ostracized, a religious family or the fact that you haven’t completely accepted or realized where you want to be. By sharing your most intimate thoughts and feelings, you’re able to help your partner understand that it’s not about you not caring about them but that you need more time to get acquainted to your new-found status or find the right time to come out.

Gay Couple Kissing

On the other hand, caring about someone who is still afraid of being who they are can be very challenging. By understanding that they are not at the same level as you and may be having trouble with themselves, you are able to sympathize and offer your support where necessary. You should always put yourself in their shoes and remember what it was like for you before you got to where you are. If you had immediate support from friends and family, don’t think of the matter as trivial. Not everyone has the opportunity to get accepted as easily as you did. Don’t push your partner to come out or worse still; try to manipulate them into doing so. Doing this will only damage their trust in you and you may end up losing them entirely. People like to be comfortable when trying to commit to a relationship and to effectively communicate is a must. Most importantly, don’t enter into a relationship with someone who is still in the closet if you are not able to handle it. Also, make sure that you define the relationship and your expectations before getting emotionally involved.

For those people who have already come out and are enjoying their relationship, communication has to be a two way street. Both partners should be involved in making decisions which affect the relationship. You cannot expect to have it easy just because you are in a same sex relationship. For starters, make sure you have your own personal interests and hobbies in a Gay Exchange. This way, you have something interesting to discus with your partner at the end of every day. No matter how much you love your partner, it is never a good idea to make them the center of your whole world. Surround yourself with people who care about you and love you and do things that are interesting. Just like in heterosexual relationships, every person needs to have some time to themselves.

Another aspect of communication that people in both gay and retro relationships fail in is listening. Being able to listen to your partner is probably the only thing that is more important than actually expressing yourself. Whether they are calling you out on behavior from you that they don’t like, complaining about their boss or job or whatever else, they should always feel like they can talk to you. The only reason why people fail in listening is because they confuse “listening” with “help me”.

Sometimes, he/she just wants to let out steam and know that someone is on their side, no matter how ridiculous or whiny they sound. So, just sit there and actively listen. Remember, your partner isn’t stupid, so just sitting there, newspaper in hand and nodding your head isn’t going to cut it. It may actually hurt their feelings. Instead, pay attention, show your support and give your unbiased opinion. If you feel like they are asking for your help but are unsure, always ask if there is anything you can do to help. Half the time, they don’t really want any help; they just want you to be there to talk to.

Last, if you’re in an argument, don’t always be in it to win it. Your partner might let you win some arguments, but they are not always going to want to. In time, they might get fed up with it. Apologize when you are wrong and be willing to find middle ground in cases where neither one of you is willing to back down.  Additionally, keep in mind that communication transcends word of mouth. Sometimes, that long hug will make your partner feel much better about a bad situation than a conversation. When you’re lost for words, non-verbal cues will do the trick just as easily. Always remind your partner how much you love them with little gestures and a whisper about your feelings now and then. We’re not saying that you should be sappy, but don’t be afraid to let your emotions show.

A gay relationship like all relationships needs to be fueled by trust and understanding; both of which can only be achieved by open communication.

 

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Talk With Your Partner About Sex!

Elderly Couple Holding Hands at Dinner

Men, unlike women rarely discuss sexual experiences with other men, especially about those they love as it is a deeply personal matter. They are fast to share details about random hook ups,  their friends know about but are rarely open about the women in their lives. On the other hand, women are open and rarely keep secrets-in fact, they can discuss how they do it and what really turns them on. Groups of men will rarely go into Adult Stores together, whereas the opposite is true for women. Perhaps this is partly the aftermath of Sex and The City.

The challenge is, most people who think they know a lot about sex, still have a lot to learn about the same subject. There’s always new things to explore.  You can ask yourself some questions like are you confident in bed? Do you think your partner is entirely satisfied with you? Do you by any chance think your partner might find the girl or man next door better in bed? Most importantly, are you still willing to learn? Well, then you are a perfect candidate for sex education, and often the best sex education is found in adult shops.

elderly relationship talking thoughtfully

Unlike common belief, sex is learnt and not acquired. No one wakes up perfect in bed; it is a combination of theoretical understanding of human anatomy and practical experiences that brews satisfying sex. Imagine having a good time with your partner, enjoying sensual sex for long and none of you is ready to stop. Imagine rolling from the bed to the floor, intact and romping it off? It is time you improved your sex life with sex education products.

Learn different sex styles by either reading magazines or erotic books. There are so many uncut DVDs that expose the secrets that everyone makes in bed and offer the best remedy for better sex life. It’s important to note though that it’s kind of like a cook book, whatever you do, however you make it it is not going to turn out exactly the same. So long as you keep your expectations grounded and realistic, you’ll be fine. Find out what is likely to turn your partner on and go for it. Sex is about understanding each other, and while kissing alone can be sufficient foreplay, to some there is more to great foreplay than just touching and kissing. It is about truly understanding each others body, and for that the best remedy is to pick up new techniques, try them and refine them and keep on practicing!

Most of the publications, tutorials and DVDs are works of great sex experts who understand what men and women really want. Cultivate a culture of reading and learning how to do it right. Even though some partners are bold enough to express their dissatisfaction in bed, some are likely to keep it to themselves. If you’re struggling to find out what your partner is thinking, consider having the post sex shower debrief. Subtly train them by commending them on what you liked. I.E

‘I loved it when you did XYZ’

– this is about positive reinforcement.  Actually, some partners will not say a word, but do they really have to say anything for you to understand that there is a missing button in the equation. Come on, use your eyes and body well. The problem is that most people concentrate on attaining an orgasm as opposed to really letting it naturally with proper sensual sexual experience as well as focusing on their own sexual needs and desires.

The choice between erotic books and DVDs is tricky, but the answer lies in understanding what you really want. Visual images created when watching adult DVDs are implanted in the brain and you can even do it practically while watching. On the other hand, you can read anytime you are free, say when travelling or over coffee in the evening – think about what you feel would work best for you and your relationship. Before buying any tutorial or DVD on sex, you must really understand what you believe is missing and how you would like to improve it. Shop online and sift through a wide collection of adult education material and rejuvenate your sex life today!