Penis Envy In A Nutshell

Man with big penis

I have recently come to notice a pattern of mine that surfaces whenever male masturbators such as the Tenga Flip Zero with vibrations come into the Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Centres. A rush of excitement followed by envy overcomes me as I remember the fact that I will never know what it is like to use one of these adult toys. I love being a woman and I would not change it for the world yet I do imagine (probably, way too often) what it would be like to have a penis. I have spoken to countless women who agree that they are envious of men due to the fact that they have what seems to be such amazing genitalia.

From talking and working with countless men, I have discovered that in some circumstances being a man in this day and age with a penis is not all it’s cracked up to be. Here are some of the difficulties that many men encounter when it comes to their bodies, sexuality and gender identities:

Penis size

I have never met a man who hasn’t at least one time in his life felt insecurities around the size of his penis. Pornography, which happens to be many young men’s initiation into sex, portrays an unrealistic expectation of the size of an average man’s penis. This, along with the constant influence in the media saying that to have a small penis means you cannot properly please a woman means that many men feel that they are not good enough in the size department. Penises come in such unique shapes and sizes that to compare any penis to the ones you see in porn really is quite wrong.

Erection cupcakes
Image: Penis cupcakes

Performance anxiety

Many men are taught to please women. They must kiss, lick and f**k their woman right or there is something wrong with them. Being a great lover is so much more than performance and by getting caught up in the idea that they have all these things they need to do to make a woman happy in the bedroom means they can actually miss out on the experience. Connection, presence and respect just some of the qualities of great love making happens when a man is embodied. It doesn’t happen when he is in his mind, worrying about his performance and in his mind thinking about what he needs to do to give her multiple orgasms. Besides, thinking that you’re the only reason for your woman’s pleasure is disempowering to her and big headed of you… just saying!

Inability to disguise their turn on

As a woman, I take great pride in the fact that I can walk around turned on with no evidence except for a cheeky smile and glowing face. Men on the other hand have to deal with the fact that they have something reminiscent of a tent pole reaching out of their pants when they are very aroused. This, along with the fact that it can “strike out” at any given moment means they have something to worry about that us women could never comprehend. I’m not saying that there is anything to be ashamed of if this was to happen to you gentlemen, I just mean that having a penis with sometimes a mind of his own can be extremely vulnerable and exposing.

I know I’ve mentioned a few points that may seem like having a penis is a burden however plenty of men appear to get so much pleasure and enjoyment out of their genitals so it would seem that the benefits certainly out way the difficulties!! You should definitely have a read of amazing facts about the penis that’ll blow your mind to get to know your body more!

Huge erection
Image: Big erection

So how does a woman get to experience the totality of what it feels like to have a penis?

The answer is you could never experience it fully but there are some ways you can come to understand what it’s like to have your genitals so exposed…enter the strap on!!

Woman inserting a dildo in a man's anus
Image: Man being pegged

I have recommended women try on a strap on sex toy at least once in their lives to feel what it’s like to have a cock bobbing out between their legs. It is such a bizarre feeling to have it all hanging out compared to female genitals which are neatly tucked away. When you wear a strap on, you can gain an understanding of why many men are so driven by sex… they have a constant reminder of it all day every day!

It may sound silly but I really feel women can gain a great deal of insight into what it is like to be a man by the simple act of wearing a strap on. To take it one step further, perhaps the special someone in your life would be happy for you to try it out for real… I’m sure you’ll come to agree that men make hip thrusting seem so much easier than it actually is!!! And feeling the power to penetrate that comes with having a “penis” truly is not something to take lightly. I believe more compassion for men can come when we really get what it feels like to have a penis even if it is made from silicone.

Men love being pegged
Image: Pegging a man

Author: Stephanie Curtis, Sexologist

Dr. Stacy, Help Me! I’m A Sexless Cuckold Wanting Sex

Man in a chastity device

This month Adultsmart’s clinical sexologist and certified sex coach Dr. Stacy Friedman has answered three questions which were anonymously sent in to Be sure to read them, who knows she may have answered on of yours!


So for the last few years, my wife and I have been in a cuckold relationship that started with my chastity fetish and she escalated it.  A year and a half ago, she decided that I would be sex free besides using my tongue.  I was upset at first but she convinced me it was for the best.  My problem now is that I don’t think I can handle never having sex with her again as I ache for it constantly.  My question is after all this time of being pussy free and her fucking whoever she wants, how can I talk her into letting me have sex again?

Dr. Stacy Friedman’s Answer

For those not aware, a cuckold relationship is one where a man encourages his wife to have sex with other men because it brings him pleasure. The husband’s “victim” role is definitely a major element of the kink. Communication is very important in any relationship, so if something bothers you about your sexual practice it would benefit you to bring it up in a conversation about your needs with your partner.  If she isn’t willing to listen or respect your concerns then you aren’t in a balanced relationship and someone will be settling or continue to feel unsatisfied. When in a cuckold relationship, the person who is the cuckold (meaning you) can feel pleasure by being humiliated and submissive but only if both parties consent to this agreement.  This fetish fantasy doesn’t work when the cuckold is being humiliated against their will and their own needs are not being met.  If your marriage will continue to work without resentment or frustration, your concerns need to be discussed and a compromise found.  If you still want to be in a cuckold relationship then discussing some changes that can help both of you be satisfied can be imperative or unfortunately your marriage may not end well.


I cannot satisfy my wife, as my penis is too small.  I have tried penis pumps but the result did not last.  I tried stretcher too but it was painful and nothing was different after a month.  Is there a way to get a bigger penis?

Dr. Stacy Friedman’s Answer

Unfortunately, you have the size that you were born with unless you try a few things such as what you have mentioned.  The penis pump is not meant to have a lasting effect, it just offers enough help for the time you are being intimate.  If the stretcher is painful then obviously you shouldn’t continue to use it but even if you do use it, you probably won’t get much larger than another inch or so.  Most women appreciate the girth more than the length so it is more filling in their vaginal canal.  You can use a cock ring on your penis which can help keep the blood blow in which can help with some thickness.  Make sure to use lube prior to putting the ring on so you don’t pull your skin.  Also, it isn’t all about the size that makes a woman happy or pleased.  You can learn different techniques that will help increase her satisfaction such as working on oral, using your fingers more by touching in a soft and slow way.  While you are having intercourse you can also help with pleasure by using a toy to stimulate the clit at the same time so it isn’t as focused on the penis size.  There are some adult products such as penis sleeves that are made with silicone or jelly material that can increase some length or girth during intercourse so maybe try some of those.  Make sure to try and communicate with your partner as to what they like and need to feel satisfied and you may be surprised that it doesn’t have as much to do with a larger penis but the way you take your time and focus on foreplay and allowing your partner to enjoy the connection and touch between the two of you.

Cock ring with a remote control
Image: NU Sensuelle Remote Control Rechargeable Cock Ring


During oral sex, can sperm be swallowed?

Dr. Stacy Friedman’s Answer

Yes, it is safe to swallow sperm (also called semen). The choice to spit or swallow is a very personal one and there is nothing wrong with either answer. Before you do decide to swallow semen, you should make sure your partner is safe from any sexually transmitted infections so you aren’t taking the chance to transmit any infection to yourself. Semen is mostly water and also contains some amino acids, protein, zinc, calcium, sugars such as glucose and fructose as well as Vitamin C and a few other nutrients. The different diet that someone has will determine the taste or lack of taste that it can have.  The more fruits and vegetables you have, the better or more mild the semen will taste, such as pineapple or fruit juices. Some studies have even shown that semen, when entered through the vagina into the bloodstream is actually considered an anti-depressant so swallow away if you want to feel happier! I don’t know how true that really is but it doesn’t hurt to try.

If you would like to ask Dr. Stacy Friedman anything about sexual lifestyle, health and wellness, be sure to send in your question to and she may answer one of your questions in a full length article that will be published anonymously on Adultsmart’s blog.

Explosive Orgasms With Perfectly Sized Cock Rings

Measuring For A Cock Ring

It is important not only to be safe but also to feel safe when using a cock ring. Here are tips that you will need to know to find the best fitting cock ring for you to have explosive orgasms!

Why And When Do People Use Cock Rings?

There are cock rings that are purely used to help maintain, prolong and strengthen an erection. Since cock rings have the benefit of strengthening an erection, they help to make your penis naturally appear the biggest it possibly can be. Cock rings are also known for their ability to make an an orgasm feel more intense and make ejaculation last longer! Although cock rings were originally made to help men during solo masturbation, mutual masturbation, foreplay or penetrative sex, some men may even wear a cock ring under their clothes to give an impression that they have a larger penis. Some designer underwear can also come with a built-in cock ring! To top that off, cock rings can also be used alongside men’s sex toys like masturbators, strokers and penis sleeves!

Did you know that a cock ring can be used as a sexual health aid for erectile dysfunction? Probably not, now you do know! If you have erectile dysfunction you should talk to your doctor about using a cock ring to help maintain an erection. It can also be used alongside erectile dysfunction medication that a medical practitioner may have prescribed to you.

How Beginners Can Try On A Cock Ring

Size is a very important feature when it comes to choosing a cock ring. Since people have different penis sizes it is very critical for you to choose a size that fits you well. This is to ensure that the blood in your penis flows efficiently during use so that you are able to maintain a healthy functioning penis. Sometimes people use a cock ring that is too tight or too big which prevents the cock ring from working properly.

Finding the best fit of a cock ring is generally done when your penis is flaccid.  When you place a cock ring around the base of a flaccid penis and you notice any type of constriction then do not use it. Look for a bigger one since this particular one is too tight. You will need to keep in mind that since your penis is currently flaccid, the penis will expand in size when it becomes fully erect. To make this process easier, it is recommended to use some water based lubrication so that you can easily put on and remove the cock ring.

When using a cock ring you should not wear it for longer than 30 minutes. After you have ejaculated during masturbation or penetrative sex, you should remove it immediately. You should allow for one or more hours before wearing it again. If it stays on for too long or used too much then you risk losing blood flow to the penis and this may be bad for your personal health. Never sleep with a cock ring on, it is very dangerous so do not even think of trying it. Always stay safe by avoiding unnecessary risks.

Silicone Cock Ring Sets

If you a beginner who is unsure of what size to get and have not used a cock ring before, it is recommended that you invest in a cock ring made from silicone. This is the best material to select due to its natural abilities to stretch and expand. Silicone cock rings are more flexible when compared to solid cock rings which makes them easier to wear and remove. You can also buy silicone cock rings in a set at an affordable price, they can come in a set of two or three. Cock ring sets allow you to try out the different sizes so you can get a feel of what will work best for you. After you have found the correct cock ring size and have become an experienced cock ring user, you are then able to move on to try on different types of cock rings that are made with other built in features which add to your personal experience.

Cock Rings With A Quick-Release

If you are planning on using a solid cock ring, it is best to purchase one with a quick-release. This ensures that if an emergency were to happen at an unexpected time, you will have the ability to quickly remove it. You can never be fully prepared for an emergency however it pays to be prepared. Solid cock rings are not recommended for beginners to use especially if they do not yet know there cock ring size.

Cock ring with quick release handles
Image: Fantasy C-Ringz 3-Ring Quick Release Trainer

Vibrating Cock Rings

There are cock rings that vibrate which provides pleasurable stimulation to a lover or the person wearing it.

Vibrating Cock Rings With Removable Bullets

Some vibrating cock rings come with removable bullet vibrators that can be removed so that you are able to use it as a regular cock ring.

Textured Cock Rings

You can also find cock rings with textured ribbing that provide pleasurable stimulation when it is moved.

Vibrating cock ring
Image: Nu Sensuelle Rechargeable Bullet Ring

For more information, be sure to check out our cock ring buyers guide which will go into more detail about how to choose and use your new product.

Is The Fetishisation Of Race, Racist?

Race fetish kissing

Recently, I sat down to watch the critically acclaimed horror film, Get Out. Now whilst I thought that it was a pretty decent film, I wasn’t quite sure as to whether the film was as great of a psychological thriller as the critics claimed it to be. I was ultimately left feeling a little confused and wondering if this was it, I felt like I had missed an integral part of the film at some stage. Well, in a way, it turns out that I had. Upon speaking about the film afterwards with friends, it quickly became apparent that I had been looking at the film with white privileged eyes, and that, despite my education, studies and my understanding of race, racism and gender, that I was never going to be in a position where I would intimately be able to understand the racial undertones, and social commentary, of the film.

Horror movie Get Out
Image: Get Out

The film, in many ways, can be seen as a discussion of race and racism. It highlights the perception of the subservient stereotype of African Americans. Such a discussion is relevant, as it comes at a time where the Black Lives Matter campaign is still on everyone’s lips, and the social and political divide across America is fraught with difficulties and challenges.

Campaign to raise awareness for police who kill black people
Image: Black Lives Matter

The film left me thinking about our interaction with race and racism which ultimately led to thinking about how these topics impact sex. A comment was made in the discussion of the film, bringing forth a whole new layer and depth which had me reconsidering the idea of sex and racism. We already have an understanding, through previous articles that I have written, about the prevalence and overtness of racism through dating apps such as Grindr, Tinder and Scruff etc, however I have to note that such discussions have always centred around the idea of what people are not interested in. Such discussions rarely focus on backhanded racism or the valuing of attributes which are stereotypically assigned to race. This, ultimately leads to the question:

Is the fetishisation of race, and the preferential views towards individuals of a specific race, considered to be racist?

It needs to be argued, that for whatever reason, we do have sexual preferences – and these preferences shouldn’t necessarily be ignored. For the same reason we prefer Pepsi over Coke, and vice versa, we as individuals cannot escape the idea of choice and preferences. However, the discussion that we need to consider is, especially when it comes to dating, is the exclusionary practices that we employ when it comes to ‘preferences’ simply a form racism?

Sexy man who is black
Image: Sexy Man

When looking at this idea – let’s first discuss African American men and the idea of the big black cock (BBC). A person with these traits is known as a Mandingo. Through the proliferation of porn there is a prevailing idea among many communities that African American Men possess larger than average cocks. The thing that is slightly different with the fetishisation of African American men – is that there are several ideas running concurrently.

African American history, the Cuckold and power play

There are many arguments that link this back to colonial periods of a young America where African American men were made to be subservient due to their physical traits – the rapid expansion of the Early America’s meant that there were large amount of labouring work to be done from farming, to building, and the continuation of the American Empire. Slaves, for the most part, combated expensive labourers and they were considered to be stronger, more active, possess greater strength, yet did not possess a greater intelligence, thus making them perfect servants and hard labourers. This ultimately gave birth to the taboo nature of interracial couplings whereby they were seen as both inferior (Intellect) and superior (Physicality) to white men. Cuckolding, a popular heterosexual practice which sees one partner willingly sleeping with other men, often involves interracial ‘third wheels’ due to the idea that they have the ability to reinforce the inferiority of the cuckolded male. In this regard, the taboo nature of interracial couplings actually work towards the fetishisation of interracial sex and relationships.

This results in interesting dynamics of a constant power play. Colonial thinking makes the idea to be penetrated by what was once considered to be an inferior male, who has the possession of a larger cock, to be hot. The taboo nature of the act, combined with the idea that an individual can simultaneously be inferior and superior, is arousing. To be fucked in such a way, is the dream of many a white male who dares to imagine the idea of being split in half by a massive black dildo like phallus – where the white male wants to be conquered. The power play is the interesting dynamic here, because to bottom is to be seen as passive, with the top assuming the active role. Simultaneously, there are many white men that wish to switch this dynamic through the topping of an African American male – to conquer and dominate as a toy. In this regard, and with specific concern to the phallus’s and orifices in these examples, does the fetishisation extend to the individual, or is it reductive in the idea that such a fetish exists solely around the genitals?

Defining a person’s qualities based upon their cock size

For the big black cock – it can certainly be seen as reductive. You are reducing the sexuality, and presence, of an individual to the size of the phallus. In an article published FS: The Gay Health and Life Magazine – Peter, an individual interviewed for the study, was continually asked variants of the question ‘how hung are you?’, long before a potential date was asking questions about him and his personality. In this regard, Peter was continually being reduced to nothing more than his phallus – a tool of pleasure as opposed to an individual with thoughts and feelings. On the flip side, it could be argued that a white male looking to dominate, and ultimately pin down, a male of colour – is reinforcing an ingrained idea of white dominance.

So is it racist?

When you are reducing an individual to the size of their cock, based on a stereotype – then you are absolutely reinforcing racism, regardless of whether or not it is considered to be ‘positive’ or ‘negative’ racism, where people assume that positive comments based on race, are not racist. By this token – actively seeking an individual of race might not be considered to be racist. Actively seeking a specific race on the basis that they possess a quality or attribute which you find arousing – is reductive and ultimately racist.

From this discussion we acknowledge the idea of preferences, we also acknowledge the idea of reduction. So is it racist? It’s a difficult question to answer – in some regards when you’re reducing an individual with thoughts and feelings, to the size and colour of their cock, in the quest for a quick fuck – then yes, it’s certainly racist. But if you have a preference for a certain race, but don’t actively exclude the possibility of others – then it becomes blurry. Where the justification of the preferences become the identifier for the racism – in saying that though, anyone that’s been on Grindr or a dating app knows that there’s just about a justification for everything.

Author: Stephen Smith – BA Of Social Sciences, M.Ed

Penis Enlargement Methods That Truly Work!

Couple Having Sex Photo

After having a customer come into our sex toy store and inquire about penis enlarging sprays, I thought I would research some penis enlargement methods undertaken by many men across the globe in an attempt to increase their attached member. There are a variety of ways to increase penis size.

List Of Penis Enlargement Methods

Some of our most favorite methods include:

  • Penis Stretching
  • Penis Extenders
  • Penis Pumps
  • Jelqing
  • Hanging
  • Cock Rings
  • Pills, Patches and Creams
  • Clamping
  • Penis Extenders and Pumps
  • Hypnosis
  • Penis Weights
  • Penis Exercises
  • Hypnosis

Penis Extenders and Pumps

Of course, there are penis stretchers and extenders. To use the device, you put it on the penis, adjusting the side bars, and leaving it for at least 6 hours a day. The device applies a constant pressure on the penis. This pressure causes the penis to enlarge while it tries to stretch to counter the pressure. Results, aren’t instant, so true dedication for a period of around 6 months is necessary.

Pumps are also simple devices that have been in use for a long time for penis enlargement. The principle behind a penis pump is to create a vacuum around the penis to bring blood towards the penis tissues. This is very useful for people who have bad blood flow, as it assists them in having an erection. Obviously, when blood rushes towards the penis, it becomes bigger and erect.

These methods are supposed to be the most effective in achieving their aim. Most notably, penis stretchers, where they are claimed to increase penises by 7cm. It must be stated though, that these 7cm were not achieved over night. Rather, it was through sheer dedication to their penis for a period of at least 6 months which lead to these changes.

Bathmate Hydromax Xtreme X50 Image
Buy Now | Penis pump and enlargement devices

Pills, Patches and Creams

Many professionals refute the effectiveness of these penis enlargement methods, often claiming that they are useless, and can be, at times, dangerous. However, in the last decades, these options have become increasingly popular, with more and more entering into the market. If using a pill, then the time it takes to see results, if any, could be two to six months. The patch is a relatively new system for penis enlargement. The penis enlargement patch is applied on the skin, with the supplements being released into the blood flow through the skin. Gels and creams are yet another choice for penis enlargement. The gel or cream is typically applied topically. However, most companies that sell this type of product guarantee the results after a very long time.

Penis Weights

The suspension of weight can be dated to millions of years. It is simply the stretching of the penis by the application of weights that are hooked on the edge of the penis. Please note: this is not a good idea. Weights may help to make those biceps huge, but when it comes to your penis, you run the risk of suffering irreparable damage.

Penis Exercises

Now these might be some exercises you’d be more willing to do, plus you don’t need a gym membership. Penis exercises are apparently one of the best and safest methods of penis enlargement. There’s also a few exercise programs available online!

Cock Rings

Cock Rings are one of the easiest ways to enlarge your erection whilst having sexual intercourse at the same time. Cock rings are stretchy pieces of material that wrap themselves around the base of the shaft. The blood flow gets trapped within the penis causing it to remain enlarged to it’s fullest and natural capacity. Cock rings help you have sex for longer periods of times as well as make your penis that much harder. They can include a vibrating bullet which will massage her clitoris during sexual intercourse or if you turn it around it will massage your balls causing you to have a bigger orgasm. You can buy cock rings that have two bullets to massage your balls and her clitoris at the same time. You can buy them within an affordable price range or you can also buy high end quality.


Yes, it’s true. Some men have even delved into the world of hypnosis in their journeys to a bigger penis. It is said that through positive thought, you may get positive results. I further researched this, and it’s not a joke. There are millions of free videos on YouTube that say to deliver the desired results. I have found a Hypnosis video on YouTube by the lovely Jacqueline Power. Don’t worry though; it only works on men who want a larger penis. So don’t freak out. You’re going to have some 10 foot long tentacle thing sticking out of your trousers as a result of the video. And ladies, you’re not going to sprout a penis either so don’t fret!

Author: Ebony is a consultant from Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle CentresSave

%d bloggers like this: