Edging 101: What To Do and How To Get Started

Man kissing his girlfriend

“When you are pulling against the restraints… when your back is arched and your hips are writhing… when your mouth is open in a silent scream of tortured rapture… you will know that my work has begun”. – Pleasure Torture

Edging or orgasm control can be achieved through masturbation or help from a partner. We have partnered up with Bait’D Designs BDSM, Sex, and Jewelry Blog to teach you how to get started edging for your first time.

What is Edging?

During sex, BDSM, and kinks, achieving orgasms is not the only thing that can bring you or your partner pleasure. Edging is a popular method that involves controlling orgasms by bringing you or your partner to the brink of orgasm, and then right before it happens, you back away. Then you repeat this process over and over again, building up your sexual energy until you or your partner finally allow you to achieve an orgasm. The sexual energy building up to an orgasm can be similar to the sexual energy you build from celibacy. You can repeat the edging process multiple times to intensify you or your partner’s orgasm. For men, this exercise can increase the volume of ejaculation and force of ejaculation. This can be effective especially for men who suffer from premature ejaculation. Other popular terms that can describe the act of edging are peaking, surfing, or riding the edge.

Edging For Women

Edging for women is a difficult process to master. You want to focus on getting her to approach an orgasm, but don’t let it actually happen. Some people find it beneficial for the women to alert their partner when they are getting close to an orgasm so that their partner knows when to back off. When men typically hear that their women is about to ‘cum’, their usual instinct is to go harder, but in the case of edging, this requires some discipline from both participants. It is important to remember that as you are edging a woman, the smallest change can make a huge impact. Sometimes change will make a women lose the build up to an orgasm, or it may bring her over the edge. Losing an orgasm will send her into the refractory period, and then you will have to start over to build up that orgasm again. Staying consistent is key and the lighter touch, the better. In fact, 70% of women who like edging say lighter touches help to reduce the pressure when climax is near. Everyone is different so what works for one women may not work for another.

If you are going in solo you will also need to have some discipline as well. Our natural instinct is to keep going when something feels good, so you will need to be able to slow down and prevent yourself from orgasm, especially since you know your body best.

There are a variety of methods you can use to perform edging on a woman, but the easiest would be with the external clit (or clitoris). You can perform edging on your lady partner by rubbing, licking, and other movements. For a more advanced way to edge a women, you can try G-spot stimulation. The G-spot orgasm is harder to control because you are dealing with the sensitivity of the vagina walls, as well as vulva stimulation. It is recommended that you start out with a vibrator or dildo instead to stay more consistent in this area if you are just starting to learn how to edge.

Dom overpowering woman
Image: Dom

Edging For Men

Benefits for edging men include increased testosterone levels, lasting longer during sex, and self-discipline. Edging for men also helps to minimize or overcome premature ejaculation when done properly and consistently. During the edging process you are training the brain to be comfortable achieving a high level of sexual pleasure without ejaculating. Much like edging for a women, edging a man also follows the same principles. The giver and receiver must be disciplined and not get over excited during this process.

Edging for a man can occur with a hand job, blow job, vibrating cock ring, or whatever tickles your fancy. Let your imagination explore the possibilities. It is recommended that edging is done without the use of porn for a more controlled environment.

For men, there is also a popular ballooning technique that is similar to the edging, but a lot of men who have done it feel it is better than edging. Ballooning begins by masturbating and gently rubbing the sensitive part of the penis until full erection is achieved. Continue to stimulate and then just before ejaculation, you slow down the stimulation. At this time, you should incorporate medium Kegels exercises as you inhale, and then release the Kegels as you exhale. You should increase the intensity of the Kegels upon every inhale, and repeat this process just like you are doing reps in the gym. During intercourse, this technique can also provide a stimulating effect for the women.

Edging As A Dominant

Edging is often used as a way for a dominant to take control of their submissive by using erotic denial as control. Some masters allow their slave to masturbate without orgasm. Masters will usually give their slaves tasks and will tell a slave how many times during the day they should take themselves to the edge of orgasm and stop. The slave learns that their orgasms are owned by their master and practices control and discipline. The master can also incorporate punishments when they orgasm. Beyond edging, orgasm control for a dominant or master can also mean not allowing your slave/submissive to stop cumming until they beg you to stop.

It’s always beneficial to spice up your sexual routine. Now you know the basics, so get out there and experience edging for yourself! Whether you are going in solo, edging your partner, or receiving, the benefits from edging will help enhance you and your partner’s sex life for the better.

Dr. Stacy, I Have Sexual Fantasies About My Wife Cheating!

Cuckold cheating fetish

This week Dr. Stacy Friedman a clinical sexologist and certified sex coach has partnered up with Adultsmart to answer two anonymous questions which were emailed in to askasexologist@gmail.com.


I’m a married man and married my first love.  We broke up 7 months ago when I went away. We have grown children now and a great life but during our time apart she was with others. I found out years ago but she won’t talk about it at all.  I’ve masturbated about it for years and went from jealousy to anger to now one of the only ways I get erect.  She doesn’t know that I feel this way but knows some and says she doesn’t remember any of the details from years ago and doesn’t trust that I won’t be mad if she says more now.  I know I was to blame for my reaction years ago but how do I get her to open up more and incorporate it into our lives now?

Dr. Stacy Friedman’s Answer

It is very common for men to get turned on thinking of their wife having sex with another man.  Not all men want to explore it in real life but if it is something that turns you on, then you may want to find out why and what about that thought is hot for you. You need to ask yourself some questions such as, what about her being with others is a turn on? What do you hope to get out of incorporating it into your life? Also, how much do you want her to open up about the experience?  Do you want her to be involved with other men while you watch, while you join, or just talk dirty about it?

Maybe she doesn’t want to be with others now that your marriage is at the stage it’s at so she prefers to not discuss it. Bringing someone into the relationship, especially into a long-term marriage can be tricky.  It isn’t something to take lightly and there needs to be a lot of trust, communication and boundaries set.  You need to know that you are always taking a risk. It can be done successfully if there is open communication but the fact that she doesn’t want to discuss it now may mean that it isn’t something that she is interested in.

At the end, if she doesn’t want to incorporate more into your relationship then you need to use your own personal thoughts and keep fantasizing about it.  If you want to try and get erect in other ways, spice up your current situation by having sex in different positions, different places, roleplaying, adding toys, discussing your fantasies together or anything that brings something new to your relationship.  This will hopefully allow you to express your desires and find other ways to be stimulated and erect so it isn’t all about you fantasizing about her with other men. Good luck!


My partner and I have been together for about 15 years now.  After we had hit the 10 year mark our bedroom antics started to get a little dull and I wasn’t really enjoying sex with him as much and would often not orgasm.  We started experimenting with sex toys and that livened things up however it has got to the stage that I do not orgasm having sex with him unless I use a toy to stimulate my clitoris at the same time.  He has asked me a couple of times to have straight sex without any aids but it just doesn’t do it for me and he seems to get that.  I still love him and have not entertained the thought of going elsewhere.  Is there something wrong with me? Why do I not get off on just straight sex anymore?

Womens orgasm difficulty
Image: Couple Kissing

Dr. Stacy Friedman’s Answer

First of all, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you!  Statistics show that at least 75% of women can NOT have an orgasm through intercourse without some form of clitoral stimulation so the fact that you are able to achieve an orgasm with toys on your clitoris is a very common way for women to enjoy.

As you get older, your body changes, desires change as does the way you feel towards your partner.  You may not get stimulated the same ways you did earlier in the relationship and you may need to try different things in order to keep your desire up.   The fact that you started experimenting when you realized things were getting dull is a testament to your ability to communicate about sex and how you are feeling with your partner so it is very important to continue to do so in order to keep things working for you and your husband.

I don’t know if you have had children over the last 5-10 years but if so, that can also change the position of your uterus and potentially the G-spot inside which can affect how you orgasm while having intercourse.  Just because someone needs extra stimulation with a toy in order to have an orgasm doesn’t mean their partner is doing something wrong, if anything, it can take the pressure off of him to not have to worry about performance and focus on the pleasure of his wife enjoying sex even if toys are involved.  As long as you are spending time having foreplay and not just going right to intercourse with your toys, your husband can still feel like he is connecting with you on an emotional and physical level to be able to enjoy each other.

13 Reasons To Masturbate at Work

Business Man in Suit Photo

A masturbation survey by Time Out New York found that 39% of male and female employees were masturbating in their company’s toilets. It has been admitted that no matter a person’s sexual orientation whether they are Straight, Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer or Questioning or Intersex they have burped the banana or flicked the bean in their spare bathroom time in the office. A survey in 2012 by Glamour Magazine found that 31% of males had masturbated at work.

The humiliation linked to cranking the shank has been slowly becoming destigmatised and masturbation has been added to a healthy person’s lifestyle. Some people, have been noted to say “Masturbation makes me feel restored and makes me feel happier during the day. It fuels me with more incentive to work”. Another person said “Masturbation makes me feel relieved and is the climax of my day”. A woman stated “I’m just sexually frustrated with a higher sex drive than most people, I just need to release my built up tension.”. Masturbation means something different to everybody. Everyone feels a different benefit from masturbation.


Photo: Business Women


There are many reason why masturbating at work is beneficial. Masturbation benefits include:

  1. Boosts endorphins which allows the release of a stress hormone into the body activating the body’s reward circuits. In turn, people who masturbate tend to be happier with an improved personality disposition. People also experience higher levels of satisfaction.
  2. When people engage in self-pleasure they can learn to feel good about their body image, self-confidence and self-awareness.
  3. Masturbation also produces natural pain killer named “oxytocin” to relieve general pain like headaches, muscle pain or body pain.
  4. Masturbation relieves sexual tension making you feel more relaxed.
  5. People who are in a relationship or who are not can relieve their sexual tensions by themselves without the potential risk of sexual transmitted infections.
  6. Due to the type of exercise you partake in while you masturbate, it can help improve your muscular tone in your genitals and pelvic floor muscles. For men this can help them maintain an erection, and assist with erectile dysfunction or incontinence. Men will also be able to gain more control over their erect penis during intercourse.
  7. Mutual masturbation can improve relationships.
  8. Masturbation can help aid in sleeping problems.
  9. Masturbation is known to help your immune system due to the increased levels of cortisol production. Minor amounts of cortisol can regulate your immunity.
  10. Through daily masturbation, people can train their bodies into when they would like to orgasm.
  11. When men masturbate and then ejaculate, it releases built up toxins which lowers their risk of prostate cancer.
  12. Masturbation helps you figure out what you love in bed. Once you understand what pleasures you, you can let your sexual partner know the best methods on how to please you.
  13. Masturbation can get your blood moving throughout your body

Mark Sergeant a psychologist from Nottingham Trent University proposes the workforce employees can have a “Masturbation Break” as a workplace incentive for completing their daily tasks or job outcomes. Mark Sergeant said:

“It would be very effective at work and a great way to relieve tension and stress”

Dr Cliff Arnall a life coach stated:

“I would expect a masturbation policy to result in more focus, less aggression, higher productivity, and more smiling. Certainly taking a masturbation break for boredom or an escape would increase work focus.”

Dr Arnall said that if people were to take masturbation breaks, they should be motivated by desire and not to contemplate about the people they work with. Thinking about work colleagues could potentially make their brain function slow down when they are working. He suggested that the Masturbation breaks be inspired by releasing the day’s stresses. Mark Sergeant added:

“Introducing any form of sexual behaviour to a workplace could be seen as a slippery slope that makes people think that other forms of sexual behaviour, such as those linked to harassment, are more acceptable”.

In New York Hot Octopuss a sex toy company placed out some “Masturbation Booths” for the public to have unrestricted access to release their sexual frustrations to be more productive during the day. People reacted without stigma and questioned why the Masturbation Booths were there. The booths advertised Hot Octopuss Pulse II Solo and Pulse II Duo a hands free male masturbators that are made with medical grade technology. Sex toy technology has made masturbation easier to accomplish.

Adult Smart recommends buying a smaller sized sex toy like a We-Vibe Tango or Nu Sensuelle Bullet for clitoral pinpoint stimulation. If the sex toy is smaller sized you can take it into the bathroom in your pocket or bag without anyone seeing.


About the Author: Article Idea from Belinda a manager of the Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Centres




Mutual Masturbation

Woman Piggy Back Man

By the time you realise things are starting to go dull in your sex life it can start to spiral downhill really fast. You tend to freak out and think that you’re doing something wrong, or worse, your partner is doing something wrong and could possibly be starting to lose interest. Though, one of the easiest things to incorporate into your bedroom antics is mutual masturbation, and it’s funnily enough the thing I find couples don’t tend to think of when trying to change things up in the bedroom. We’ve all had fantasies about it. Thinking about our partner whilst we’re masturbating and possibly even envisioning them masturbating in front of you whilst you are…. so why not actually do it?

Mutual Masturbation is a sexual activity that does not include sexual penetration and can also be referred to as outercourse. Outercourse means different things to different people but usually excludes all penetration including vaginal, anal and oral. Outercourse includes things like frottage, mutual masturbation, fingering (oneself) and kissing. Not only is mutual masturbation or outercourse extremely hot, it’s also a preferred sexual act for a lot of people for a number of different reasons. Hetero couples may choose to engage in outercourse for reasons such as preserving virginity, an alternative to PIV sex or even as a form of birth control. Mutual masturbation may be done in situations where the participants do not feel ready, physically able, socially at liberty, or willing to engage in any penetrative sex act, or a particular penetrative sex act, but still wish to engage in a mutual sexual activity to ultimately achieve orgasm. Queer couples may also partake in outercourse also for preserving virginity, with some gay males using it as a substitute for anal  sex. Folks with STI’s/STD’s may also choose to exclusively partake in outercourse or mutual masturbation so as to completely reduce the risk of exchanging bodily fluids.

Mutual Masturbation sometimes get’s overlooked, its such a simple technique which can help to enhance couple’s sexual skill sets. Mutual Masturbation can help couple’s get to understand their partner’s bodies, their turn on’s and get to know all the correct buttons that need to be pressed. It allows your partner to look and explore your body, after all they are attracted to you so I couldn’t think of anything more enticing to them to actually have the power to play with the part’s that they love the most. They can use Mutual Masturbation as away to visually get turned on and see how your body reacts to their touch.


Johann Nepomunk Geiger Painting
Artwork: Johann Nepomunk Geiger


Mutual Masturbation was even shown in artwork dating all the way back to the 1840’s, famously by an artist called Johann Nepomunk Geiger (an Austrian Artist) who was a Court Painter by trade, erotic oil painter by night. His picture, shown above, depicts a heterosexual couple who are stimulating one another at the same time – this still falls under the category of mutual masturbation and outercourse.

In 2016, however, almost every adult couple has their sex toys – whether gay, straight, queer, trans or somewhere inbetween. Couples will often use a vibrator or any other form of sex toy on the other before penetrative sex, but not many think to use their toys on each other simultaneously while the other watches. This one simple act, fantasy, desire, whatever you want to call it, could be the key to charging up your sex life.

Not only is Mutual Masturbation super sexy, it’s also a great way to find out what your partner enjoys. We all know what gets us off, where our sweet spots are and exactly where to place your WeVibe Tango to get you going – so sometimes the simple act of your partner watching you can act as not only a MASSIVE turn on, but a disguised tutorial! Mutual masturbation can form a connection that will take your sex life to new heights and I can guarantee you will feel closer than ever before.
So grab your Tango and your Lelo Mona 2, or stay traditional and use your hands to show your partner exactly how you like it.


About the author:  Chloe is a consultant at the Adult Lifestyle Centre, Kogarah.