Mutual Masturbation

Masturbation has long been proven to be an effective tool in our arsenal for self care, self exploration and all things considered.  Mutual Masturbation is very safe sex alternative.

 

Recently with social media, gaining trends and more positive discussion and open sexuality; masturbation is rising above the stigma that has unfairly surrounded it in the past decades. And so it should be, Masturbation is amazing.

 

A very under-rated facet of masturbation that does not get anywhere near enough of the spotlight is Mutual Masturbation.

 

When we think of mutual masturbation what first pops to head is long distance relationships, sharing that erotic phone call or scandalous skype/Facetime video call in nothing but your very intimate of wears. Or at least that is what most people thought of when I asked them as I went to write this article.

 

True.

 

These forms of mutual masturbation are very mutual and very sexy, hot and heedy. I love them, I love the ability that it brings to long distance relationships, or even not to long distance ones. Out for the night? Send something sexy and masturbate together. The principle of finding each other simultaneously arousing enough to bring you pleasure and climax even though you’re apart- bellissimo.

 

There are even more and more toys that are tailored to making the most of long distance masturbation like Lovense, Kiroo and We Vibe.

 

But that was not the type of Mutual Masturbation I am referring to. The type that definitely should be explored more, talked about more and definitely used more. Mutual Masturbation in real life involves more than one person enjoying themselves, together in the same room. It may sound like an oxymoron, but trust me, it isn’t. If anything, it may be one of the most intimate things you can do with your partner(s). It is watching your play partner giving themselves pleasure, while you give yourself pleasure, and they watch you.

Let’s start by looking at why this is such an intimate mode of sexual exploration. Yes, sexual intercourse is very intimate, it is the joining of your bodies, it is creating connection. When we masturbate however, we masturbate usually with thoughts or stimuli that turn us on. These can be various such as porn, videos, stories, memories, fantasies, dreams. How often can you say though, that the object of your arousal is in front of you, a breath away, watching you pleasure yourself, watching you get aroused by their presence?

Intimate right?

Mutual Masturbation also brings out that tiny little piece of us that some may be curious about Voyeurism and exhibitionism but without the crowded audience or public. Voyeurism is the act of watching others participating in sexual exploits, Exhibitionism is enjoying being watched.

Mutual masturbation is a brilliant avenue to learn about your play partner and for them to learn about you too. What better way to learn what a person likes, how they get off, what their spots are, how they like being caressed, then to actually see them doing so. To make matters even sexier, you can hear it too. No need to hold back, using your words to help tell the story, can only enhance your experience. Expressing gratitude at the sight, the sound, the enjoyment of the moment or the sight of certain things either of you are doing may be enough to tip you over the edge.

 

This can also be a wonderful foray into using toys. Have you been nervous about using toys during sex? Using toys during mutual masturbation may be the key. This is your time to showcase your tips and tricks, heck, if you wanted to, you could even request your play partner to use something. The reason this is a good and neutral ground to try out incorporating toys can be numerous. Some partners may feel intimidated by the use of toys in their usual repertoire, using toys during mutual masturbation will highlight the pleasure but also highlight that that pleasure is not taking away from the connection and the intimacy with your play partner. It is an extension. If you have been worried about the logistics, this is also a trial run in how you can figure out how to best incorporate the toys into your routine.

 

And just think, how sexy is it to say or hear “Oh I wish I could taste you while using this toy.” or “I want to feel you inside me while using this”. I can definitely see how a person would feel aroused at these prospects. Again, it is a beautiful and exciting notion that toys are an extension of our sexual intimacy, they are not replacements.

Mutual Masturbation doesn’t need to end here though, it can be part one, the first course. You don’t simply need to strictly never touch each other, that is the beauty of this. It may evolve organically into sharing the touch, sharing an orgasm, together, helping each other orgasm. Who says you can’t kiss while you share this intimate experience? There are no rules, you make them yourself. This is a type of exploration that demands more positive discussion.

 

This being said, it can be very daunting to expose yourself during your most private pleasures, even to your closest person. If you would like to try mutual masturbation but your play partner is hesitant, do not be disheartened. Take it slow, try broaching the subject such as would you like to watch me masturbate (or cum). You could try watching porn/videos together, reading salacious stories together and inviting them to show you what they like. Like all acts, consent is important, but it can also take time. Remember, we are coming out of an era where masturbation was still taught as bad, so for many people, masturbation was a private act and when they masturbated, they kept it private so that they would not be reprimanded or judged. Being public about masturbation, even in your relationship may be a big step for some people. Be kind. Be open. Be understanding. Show them this article, and let’s start the conversation and bring masturbation and mutual masturbation out of the darkness.

 

At your Service,

Tiffany

OhZone Sales Consultant, Educator and Promoter of Masturbation

How Stress impacts our sex life.

more sex less stress

It comes as no surprise that Australians and our world in general are experiencing an increase in stress which as a symptom can lead to many health and wellness issues.

 

Prior to COVID-19 a survey performed by the Australian Psychological Service recorded that approximately 85% of Australians reported to be affected or had felt the effects of Stress.

 

With so much uncertainty in our current world it only makes sense that our stress levels are growing even further. Stress can impact our health in many ways, physically, mentally, it can affect our concentration, our focus, our ability to produce certain neurochemicals and the list goes on.

 

But did you know that it can affect the libido and sex?

 

During COVID-19 it has been recorded through online surveys that several groups of people have noticed in either themselves or their partners that a) they have a decreased libido  or enjoyment of sex or b) have noted an increase.

 

Neurochemicals

Stress releases a hormone known as Cortisol and Epinephrine. Cortisol and epinephrine are best known for their fight and flight response, pumping adrenalin through the body and using up the neurochemicals usually for sex, to fuel this stress response. This will lead to being in a state of “on edge” and not in the good way.

 

Mind Racing

With many things happening in our minds, it can often be hard to remain present and in the moment during sex. Being present during sex assists in reaching orgasm but also with connecting with your partner. While sex has been known to relieve stress and frustration, it may not be the most intimate of experiences for all partners involved. If using sex as a way to diffuse and release frustration or pent up tension, your partner may begin to feel used, or a lack of connection.

 

Stress in men, or the stress-sex connection is common in a something you may have heard as erectile dysfunction. When a man is aroused, nerve impulses send signals that cause the blood vessels to dilate and allow a healthy and steady stream of blood to pump into the penis, causing the organ to become erect and maintain erect throughout interourse. However when the body is stressed, those nerve impulses are disrupted and the signals aren’t communicated as well causing the blood vessels to only partially dilate or sometimes not dilate at all which results in a lack of blood supply. A lack of blood supply sadly will mean either a shorter lasting erection, an erection that cannot be sustained, or a lack of an erection. This can then put pressure on the person known as performance anxiety “last time I was unable to _____” “what if this time is the same” and it becomes a vicious cycle which leads to more stress.

 

Similarly women also suffer the stress sex connection. Without the necessary arousal it will come as no surprise that most women are unable to reach orgasm when in a space of extreme stress. Without the necessary arousal, certain neurotransmitters and signals will not be activated and without those the “pleasure” centres will not be stimulated and there can be no sense of release. Without proper arousal, a cis woman’s vaginal canal will not properly elongate will could also mean that sex could be quite uncomfortable which I’m sure you could only imagine would provide yet another stress source rather than a stress release.

 

SO WHAT CAN YOU DO?

During these high stress times there a few things that you can do if you are in a sex oriented relationship and you have found that your libido is suffering due to stress. (note: I am not strictly referring to whether or not you are married or in a romantic relationship, you may be open, be friends with benefits, release friends- any relationship where your libido is affecting communication or mindset)

 

Talk about it: it seems simple enough, but also super scary but talking about your stress and saying that it’s really affecting you sexually can go a long way to taking some of the pressure off you and getting your partner on the same page. When they are aware that you are feeling stressed and what are some of the triggers that are causing you stress you can work towards maintaining better boundaries and being respectful around those for eg if one of your stressors is work and you explain this to your partner, then in a week when you have a big meeting, your partner may instinctively know that you will be stressed and give you some more space. Understanding and compassion and very important when it comes to dealing with stress and sex and will make a big difference .

 

Focus on other intimacies: This will mean different things for different people. Some partnerships may enjoy touch, so kiss for 20 seconds longer, hug for just that little bit extra. Acts of service may include doing the dishes, or getting them a cup of tea of coffee when they look more stressed than normal. Focusing your compassion in other ways will bring your bond closer in other ways that may ignite that spark in ways that might not start off sexual but don’t necessarily mean they won’t lead there.

 

Self love: a broad broad umbrella term for looking after yourself, make sure that you are getting some form of exercise, eating well, drinking more water and less alcohol, getting enough sunshine and taking time out for yourself. These are all extremely important in regulating stress and bringing yourself back to the present to be able to function well sexually.

 

Try masturbating: it can seem all too easy when we are stressed or depressed to get into habits of not doing things such as not cooking dinner or stopping by that fast food place on the way home. Sometimes it is important to remember that not having sex, or not masturbating can also become a habit. I am not suggesting scheduling in sexy time, just keep it on the radar. You don’t even need to masturbate until you reach orgasm, view it as a self exploration exercise, touch, explore, caress and stimulate to keep in mind that yes, my body is beautiful and hell yes, this feels good to be touched, even if just for a moment.

 

At your Service

Tiffany

Oh Zone Adult Stores Sales assistant, educator and fellow stress head.

Anorgasmia

female sexual health

Say it with me now.

An-or-gaz-mia

 

What is it? It is the inability to reach orgasm. Whether this is vaginally, clitorally, penally or at all. Anorgasmia.

 

Today we will be talking about female Anorgasmia because I have been talking more and more to ciswomen who not only feel the pressure to have an orgasm during intercourse but feel that there is something inherently wrong with them that they can’t or haven’t had an orgasm either at all, or during intercourse with their partner.

 

And it causes them considerable mental stress and significant emotional turmoil.

 

I am not yet an expert but I do have a lot of experience. I am well read in this and I have conversed with many people about this and through research both academic and of my own volition there is nothing wrong with not being able to achieve orgasm.

 

A study in both America and the UK showed that over 70% of women volunteered that they either had very infrequent orgasms or none at all. Out of those 70% many explained that occasionally they could achieve orgasm during penetrative intercourse if they stimulated their clitoras during play. Others reported that they waited and masturbated after penetrative intercourse was finished. Others reported that they “faked” an orgasm to cover up not being able to achieve one.

 

Upon further academic and article research I found that there is quite the stigma around cis women “faking” orgasms because they feel that they are expected to, or that they don’t want to disappoint their partner. As instagram @froeticsexology says “orgasms don’t define good sex” and highlights that we should be aiminf for pleasure instead of orgasms.

 

Anorgasmia can occur because of many factors and can be resolved, if it causes you concern or distress. Anorgasmia can stem from:

  • psychological reasons,

  • PTSD,

  • stress,

  • medication,

  • physicality or

  • barriers to stimulation

  • to name a few.

 

Different methods can be used and explored to resolve Anorgasmia. Your doctor may be able to assist with anorgasmia, other health professionals can also prove to be beneficial, such as a psychologist, or counsellor or even selecting and speaking to a Sexologist or Sex therapist. Sexologists are growin in number and awareness within our community, providing accredited information to our communication and helping in educating, breaking the stigma around sex and assisting us in feeling comfortable in discussing all things sex. Head over to https://societyaustraliansexologists.org.au/practitioner-directory/ to find an accredited sex therapist near you.

 

Another method which is highly effective with Anorgasmia is relaxation and self exploration. Solo.

 

These days there is much pressure on us, sexually and in everyday life. Both of these can sometimes be linked to anorgasmia.  Relaxation and getting in touch with your own body, in your own time, no pressure, no expectations can be a great way to connect and engage with your body and your feelings and your pleasure. Self exploration and masturbation is the next key. Take it slow. Explore your body, your skin, lips, nipples, clitoras, labia and vagina. Slowly. Use toys to help you explore the senses. Try vibrations and heat, rotations and thrusting.

 

Using insertables, try finding your g-spot. Release the notion that the vagina is full of nerves and hold in your mind that the pleasure of the vagina is pressure. The nerves are mainly felt through the clitoral root that wraps around the vagina, lending its sensation to the G spot. Use a g spot vibe or your fingers to curl against this spot half a finger length up into your vgainal entrance.

 

Some cis women may not orgasm from the G pot, remember this isn’t just about orgasm, its about pleasure. But let’s delve a little deeper. Some women need their A spot stimulated to climax.

 

The A spot is so aptly named for the anterior fornix which is located towards the rear of your vaginal cavity just before your cervix. The A spot focuses the most on pressure. So stimulating the spot with a broad head of a toy and rubbing or massaging this spot will focus the greatest amount of pleasure. Utilising a massage wand that  is able to be inserted will provide a large/broad head and powerful and concentrated point of vibration that will stimulate both the A-spot and the G-spot simultaneously.

 

If attempting to explore the A-spot and it is a tad uncomfortable it is very possible that you are not aroused enough and that you’re hitting the cervix or “bottoming out” take a breath. When cis-women are aroused the vaginal canal extends up into the abdomen, tucking the cervix out of harm’s way. The A-spot is on the tummy side of the cervix. The P-spot (aptly named for the Posterior Fornix- did you guess?) is on the opposite side of the cervical opening, towards the spine.

 

Both these spots can feel amazing to most women but they come with patience and exploration. Rubbing up against these spots will increase moisture and slickness within the canal, the blood rushing from arousal heightening these delicate pressure plates. Bending your legs upwards towards your stomach, or supporting your lower back with a pillow will bring this wondrous spot closer to the touch.

 

Again, and I cannot stress this enough, take this slow. If there is discomfort, stop. But don’t give up. This is why self exploration is so much fun, you try again and again, with no agenda, no time sensitivity. relax , breathe deep, add some more lubrication and stimulate your clitoras to bring more blood flow and arousal and try again.

 

Try different gels and oils to assist with arousal. “On Ultra” is a topical ciltoris oil utilising cinnamon, sweet almond and ginger to spur arousal and provide a tingling, vibration on the nerves found there. This assists in arousal, by stimulating blood flow, and inducing the production of a wetter canal. Try some and sit with the feel, become aware with the vibrations you feel and the warmth as it spreads to your Labia and throughout your pelvic area. Now try your insertables again. Being mindful throughout this process also proves in increasing attention, feeling and relaxation within the moment. All of these are essential to that good feeling and good place to help encourage an orgasm.

Using a bullet, a wand or a clitoral specific massager can be used to stimulate the nerves on the clitoral root. When the body is aroused, the clitoras will retract a little underneath the protective hood, to lessen the sensitive nerve endings. With your toy of choice, or your fingers, apply slight pressure and massage for pleasure. As the heat and feelings build, don’t be afraid and pull back, gently lean yourself into the feeling. Try and release the tension that you begin to feel throughout your body and surrender. As the pleasure mounts you may feel it give way. And what a feeling. Different different clitoral toys will depend on how sensitive you are, how steady handed you are, and how much power you would like to assist you. If you find yourself getting frustrated, that’s ok too. Take a break. Remember what we said about the pressure on ourselves? If you’re wondering when it will happen? Or why it’s taking so long? Chances are that you are willing yourself into a mindset where you will be unable to achieve an orgasm, and significantly affect the pleasure you are feeling within the moment.

 

Getting in touch with your own body and your own pleasure is empowering. It helps you to relax, it helps you to learn. And the more you learn overtime, the more you may feel more confident to invite a second player in to share in the secrets that you have found. Practice definitely helps to train your body to relax, surrender and invites a safe space for pleasure.

 

But most importantly, have fun. Delight in the surrender of your body and the touch. Focus on feeling good, and doing things that feel good. Don’t view the orgasm as the finish line. View self pleasuring or masturbating as the goal, and the orgasm, whether you have it or not, as a happy addition.

Anorgasmia is not something to feel shame about. It is a learning curve. And it is more common than we are led to believe. By talking about it, more people will be aware of it, its commonality, the reasons behind it, and how masturbation and self exploration can help.

 

At your service;

Tiffany

Oh Zone Sales assistant, educator and avid explorer.