A Real Story Of Same Sex Adoption


When I first came out, my mother was confused. Not because I liked men, but because I had always spoken of children and eventually raising my own. The idea of liking men and having children confused her, and to this day that is still on her mind more than ten years later. The thing is, that the world is full of different types of families and it has been this way for decades. With divorce on the increase globally, it has resulted in a wide variety of different functioning families outside the traditional nuclear family of mother and father and two kids. We need to update with the times.

The arguments surrounding same sex marriage, for the most part, ignore the different types of families in place. It ignores that some families only have a sole parent, and it ignores the gender of that sole parent. It ignores the families with which the child is in a dangerous environment, and it ignores children whom are suffering due to family disputes, violence, and are within emotionally devoid environments. The arguments against same sex families focus on the very same arguments for same sex families, that being, the focus is on the child and raising the child in a loving environment surrounded by people whom want to raise it and bring it into this world.

However, the arguments concerning the child are different. There are studies which indicate that a child needs both a mother and a father, there are studies which indicate that homosexual parents will increase the likelihood of a homosexual child, and there are further arguments which dictate the end of the world if homosexuals change history and are allowed to raise children. These arguments forget the child, and they forget the myriad of different family types across the globe. They forget the children in need of adoption due to war, family breakdowns, tragic events, poverty. A recent study using data from the National Survey of Children’s Health discovered that one of the only differences between a same sex family and a different-sex family was that the same sex family had more stress. Little wonder when the laws favour different sex families and the struggles that same sex families face in order to get the legal recognition as parents that they deserve. There have been stories where one of the child’s mothers was refused to see her in hospital due to her not being ‘related’ to the child. It is within this sense that a common conservative argument against same sex parenting exists and that is being that same sex parents are ultimately selfish for ignoring the natural needs of the child.

Modern Family
Photo: A Real Story of Same Sex Adoption

What is clear though is that there is no single parenting style and that all the research spent on child rearing is conflicting, that certain ways are psychologically damaging and other ways are just plain bad parenting. Both celebrities and average mums and dads are scrutinised with every photo. From the two gay dads braiding their daughters hair, to radio presenter Jackie O being criticised for the way she crossed the road with her child no one is immune to the onslaught of keyboard warriors prepared to jump down the throats of anyone that they perceive is a bad parent. And it’s getting worse.

Last year there was an article examining the reasoning behind helicopter parenting and it mentioned that one couple had child services called on them for allowing their children to walk on the street, alone. The article points out that it may not even be the child’s own parents that have become over zealous and over protective but also ‘do-gooder’ strangers who perceive that their parenting style is superior. Personally, I think that’s crazy. I think of my childhood as I write this, I think of Christmas and the myriad of children that would be playing in the streets, that would be riding their first bikes, parents chatting over coffee with the neighbours. Then I think of this Christmas, where I was smiling over my coffee looked out onto the street and saw. . . nothing.

Average statistics indicate that there are around 10,000 human generations. Humans, as they are today, have existed for around two hundred thousand years. The modern form of human psychology has been around for 200 years, and it is this school of thought which commonly attempts to dictate how we rear our children and how we must perform as parents. It is generally within this school of thought whereby the arguments against same sex parenting stem from, through the ‘research’ of children and same sex parents. The way we have viewed children has changed dramatically since the industrial age.

We live in an age where the innocence of the child must be protected, where children are seen as weak, naïve, vulnerable and impressionable. We cotton-wool them to the point of being helicopter and litigious parents ready to rain down legal hell on whomever upsets our little angels. Has the world gone mad? What makes the past two hundred thousand years different to the past 200 hundred years? Are we merely victims of our own crazed agenda’s or is it a combination of media, advertising and slogans being slammed down our throats. You could argue that. You could argue that same-sex parents who adopt are damaging to children. Or you could accept that there are different families and you could understand that your own upbringing was different to others and that you still turned out okay.

Author: Stephen Smith – BA Of Social Sciences, M.Ed