2021 Sexual Needs

Living in 2021

2020 has been an absolute mess, this whole year is one to put in the bin, 2021 could not come soon enough for majority of the population. Weddings cancelled, no festivals, a whole pandemic, people missing funerals, births, important milestones that should have been celebrated have been put on the back burner. Well, it’s coming to the end of the year and I think we should all have one date, a date with the most important person in your life… You.

It’s been tough and you need to treat yourself for getting through it like the absolute trooper that you are, self-care has never been more important. Honestly celebrate you however you do it, but this is my step by step guide to taking yourself on a date.

Step One:
Order your favourite take out (or cook your favourite comfort food), I don’t care if you’re on a diet, you have earned this. In a year where a lot of huge things have been taken from us, you deserve this little thing as a congratulations for getting through it. Eat that, eat dessert, have seconds and thirds and fourths, whatever fills the void that 2020 has made in all of us.

Step Two:
Run yourself a bath, get some bubbles going, light some candles, play some music (in my case I usually pop on my favourite show), and just relax. I really cannot recommend Wildfire Black more, it’s such an amazing 4 in 1 oil, but a pump or two in the bath will leave you feeling amazing inside and out! Now what you do in the bath is totally up to you, you can start the big celebrations in here if you like, nothing better than masturbating in the bath sometimes. I like to take the time to wash everything super slow and just take my time taking care of myself. It really is the little things and taking the time to go over every part of your body slowly while cleaning is so relaxing, this is definitely one of the things we skip over with the day to day happening.

Step 3:
Do your skin care! Moisturise everything! All the lotions and serums and whatever!! It doesn’t matter if it’s a 12 step routine or a 2 step, do whatever makes you feel comfortable and nourish from the outside in. COVID has really made some people forget that taking care of yourself and simply existing is so important, especially to help you de-stress from everything going on. Fuck it, put on a facemask and keep watching your shows, or listening to music, just find your zen in this time, use it to really remind yourself that you’re doing great and this year hasn’t gotten the best of you.

Step 4:
Do something you love, have a dance, bake some cookies, read a bit, go on a google deep dive, SIT ON TIKTOK FOR AN HOUR. It doesn’t matter what you do here, as long as it makes you happy you’re doing it right, self care is about making the heart happy and full. I should probably take my own advice and do some reading, I bought Midnight Sun as soon as it came out and I’m still only 15 pages in… Anyway!

Step 5:
My favourite step, of course. Masturbate!! I cannot write about de-stressing from a horrific year without including masturbation, it’s the good vibe hot spot. Again, dim the lights (or don’t 😉), light some candles, or use an oil burner you can go to the Wildfire Black again for this one as it can be used as an aroma and it includes aphrodisiacs so if the bath didn’t get you in the mood that definitely will. Get your favourite sex toy out, dress up if you want. And do you (pun intended). Nothing releases happy hormones quite like a bit of one on one time with yourself! And then tuck yourself into bed, you’ll have the best sleep of your life, trust me!


This is obviously just my advice and how I would do it, but the point is you don’t have to follow this, just be sure to take some time to do the things that you like, that help you feel the best you can.

2020 has been rough for everyone, it really has, and we all deserve a night dedicated to ourselves. Whether that’s from you to you, with a partner, going to a gym class, working on your car, or as I said taking care of yourself and taking care of your sexual needs.

Just be sure to make it so that at least one day this year was all about you, and end it on a good note, let’s go into 2021 taking care of ourselves and existing happily in the world, and let’s hopefully leave COVID in 2020 where it belongs.

Change The World With Kindness!

Survival of the fittest the old Darwinism principal – may the strongest survive.  But are we still roaming on the plains for our survival?  No, our battles range from the boardroom to the dance floor.  Caught up in wanting others to see how successful we are, how beautiful our bodies, how we have this label or that driving in our top of the line car.

But is all this self-interest, competing, self-adoration healthy for a person mentally and when will enough be enough.  The trouble with wanting material things is that you always want more and the appreciation/satisfaction time diminishes every time.  One will never be completely satisfied wanting and striving for more.

The man who works and strives to make it to the top of his chosen career – finally climbs that final set and asks himself and where to now.   Many ‘successful’ people turn to alcohol and drugs to create an artificial high as life provides no satisfaction anymore.  Things are just things and what does it all mean anyway?

It is now thought, and science backs this up, that devoting time, resources or good-will to others brings about lasting well-being and satisfaction.  A bit of kindness goes a long way.  In fact many corporate employers who were in the past only performance driven and focused on those traits in groom potential employee’s have had an entire mind-set change.  Now questions relating community work, kindness and empath are prevalent as those people tend to be more loyal to their employers creating a sense of community and good values to the workplace.

There are many types of kindness the first and most apparent is active.  This type of kindness means a helping hand towards people in need.  Awakening the senses and becoming aware of other peoples needs.  It could be as small a deal as saying hello to someone who is lonely, or opening a door for someone carrying bags, even just saying to someone that you really appreciate them.

Then there is truthful kindness.  When from a loving place you help someone who is going to make a mistake.  It can be as simple as seeing your child going to school with two different coloured socks and letting them know before they get embarrassed by someone not so understanding.  Or letting that lady know that she has the back of her dress tucked in her underpants.

Silent kindness is done by people that want to do good for others without others knowing.  They want to make the lives of other people better and that in itself is enough for them.  Many people who have made it to the ‘top of their game’ realise that it never fulfilled them and end up becoming philanthropists trying to ‘pay back’ for their past deeds and outlook on life.

How about those people that choose to do ‘random acts of kindness’ for others.  It can be as simple as paying for the coffee of the person behind you in a drive through, or buying a homeless person a pair of shoes.  Going out deliberately to offer kindness to a person you have never met before.

Of course the most important kindness one can give is to oneself.  How can you love or give to another if you are not kind to yourself? Forgive yourself for your shortcomings and embrace your strengths.  Both you and the world will feel a better place.  Why not change the world with your acts of kindness?


A Different Type of Gratitude!

It’s going to take a while to get there but today I discovered a new kind of gratitude list.
I was filled with resentment, self-pity the last couple of days (no weeks) and this morning decided I needed to take a break and just chill with a long walk along the Cronulla shore line.  I was in victim mode with the usual why me, how could they, why wouldn’t they, don’t they understand – all about me – my thoughts and actions acting in my selfish ways – defects there for all to see.  I had made recent errors in trying to control things, acting out and more and whilst I admitted these, failed and continue to fail to keep them in check.  I had been given  some wise words that I can only be responsible for my own thoughts and actions as mine is the only journey that with gods will I have any power over.  Wise words – harder to put into action – working it is sometimes easier said than done – so caught up in myself.
As I walked, the beauty of the shore-line, clear blue water with waves tumbling, escaped me, this perfect day was lost and the happiness that I saw in other people inwardly I resented.  A young couple kissing I cringed as I watched and felt like shouting at them stop, you do not know what you are getting yourselves into and bursting their bubble – how selfish of me, how unfair!
Walking a wee bit further I stopped in my tracks!!  A sight before me made me shameful and disgusted with my thoughts and actions.  There a few meters away in a wheelchair sat a man with severe cerebral palsy.  Either his wife or carer was with him as I heard her say to him, ‘Smile so we can take a selfie!’  She did not have to say smile for the pure unadulterated freedom, happiness and joy was plastered across his face.  He could not use his arms or walk or even talk properly but here he was in the sunlight of the day enjoying life to the fullest he possibly could.  There I was still physically fit and able wallowing in resentments and self-pity.
Taking this in and reflecting whilst I walked to what I had just witnessed, silently I thanked god for his generosity and grace.  Only minutes after doing so I saw four young people with downs syndrome crossing the road.  They walked into a supermarket and something – some power made me follow behind them.  There was no reason for me to walk into the supermarket – just some unseen force that guided me there.  Mesmerized I stood and watched these four young people interact with trust, honesty and compassion as together they tried to work out how much their items would cost and how much they needed to go home.  Minutes past and an overwhelming sense of warmth and love shot through me whilst taking in the scene in front of me.  How dare I wallow in self-pity and resentment?   Having my god given mental capacities still intact is a gift that I have not fully appreciated or been thankful for – yet here are these amazing human beings that just by their actions praise their higher power for the abundance they feel has been given…
I am thick and stubborn.  Many times I do not hear what other people say, sometimes I do not invest fully in others that are in my company.  It takes someone to hit me over the head sometimes for me ‘to get it’ and I think this revolves around my self-centredness and trying to control everything.  If I don’t control the show why should I listen?  I am so full of myself how could I ever have enough room to fully accommodate anyone else?  This is one of the character defects I am working very hard on, so as I continued on my morning journey, went to my car, grabbed the book I am reading and sat down to read it on the grassy area of Wanda Beach?
As I was about to open the book titled ‘Make Miracles’ a man about my age stood beside where I was sitting.  His left hand was deformed either from birth defect or a horrible accident – it was crushed and only stubs appeared where his fingers should.  In his other hand he held a mobile phone and was chatting, laughing looking joyous and free.  He stood there for several minutes – there was no reason why he would walk to where I was sitting, there was no reason he would stand beside me, literally within arms distance.   But here he was happy, joyous and free and the fact that he had a deformed hand did not seem to even register to him.  He did not hide it – he did not seem to resent it – it was part of him and was perfectly imperfect.  Yet here I was with no disability questioning why me.
So my morning had been full of ‘god jobs’ but as I opened up the book the the chapter titled ‘How It Works’ it described a gratitude list but in reverse and I read it and absorbed it BUT we will get to that!!!
So after reading this chapter I sat and reflected and realized how much I owe and how little I have given.  However being who I am it was not long before again I started to spiral into to depths of self-pity again.  Without going into it I began thinking of myself, and what about loneliness, how do I meet new people – really meet new people as I have always been great at chatting with them, being the actor, always being the nice guy, but everyone -including me – knowing that I was not giving of my true self.  The one that has doubts, resentments, fears, anger, self loathing and a whole list of character defects.
It was time to get a coffee and think about things as I drove to Southgate.  My epiphany ‘light bulb’ moments – and they were big moments – lost again whilst I was feeling sad, lonely and sorry for myself.  I told you I am stubborn and sometimes need a 4×2 to crack my thick skull to let things in, but thankfully my higher power was nothing but persistent today.  As I made it down from the escalator there was a man whose leg had been amputated surrounded by people that obviously loved him.  He was smiling and happy – oblivious to the limb he had lost – engaging honestly with those around him and I could see that this was being reciprocated.  Double whammy loneliness and outlook on life after physical crisis.   Man, was I getting some lessons today.  And on reflection the man in the wheelchair with his wife or carer, the Downs Syndrome group all having a go!!!
So as I sat at the Pavement Cafe and ordered my coffee I grabbed the newspaper expecting to have some more alone time.  As I started reading it two ladies on the table opposite smiled at me and began to engage me in conversation – it was just chit chat, but it was light and a relief.  After I finished my coffee I went home and onto the beach with my kids and a random couple came up to me and starting chatting with me.  Random stuff but we spoke for 10-15 minutes.  Wow was talking to people this easy?
My whole day was full of ‘messages’ that debunked my resentments into the frail and ugly truths they really are.  There is a lesson to be learned in every situation and when you harbor a resentment look for your part in it and 9 times out of 10 the resentment will be gone.
BUT getting back to the subject of a different kind of gratitude list.  The book I was reading pulls no punches and some of the text is a bit dismissive but it says if you want real change you have to ‘do real work’.  Gratitude lists are great ‘but even a monkey can count his blessings’.  If you are going to learn, grow then you
‘have to practice being grateful for everything you don’t like about yourself or your lives.  That includes people, places and things that are happening now or happened before.  It also includes our feelings, especially those we judge as being bad or wrong’.
It goes on further that being grateful for everything does not mean you have to have gratitude for it – you can feel however you feel but those feeling must be expressed in the list.  That you be thankful that you have or are experiencing things, acknowledging your feelings will allow you to grow and learn.  It is a gratitude list in reverse – the opposite.  This list you keep to yourself or share with only one other person – the same person all the time that you trust implicitly.
Look I do not know if this works – I am just reading the book now – haven’t even finished it.   All I know that after the day I have had, and the messages that have been delivered to me – I had to share it with someone!!!!