In many ways, gay male relationships face the same issues and obstacles as all other intimate relationships including relationships of straight couples. However, there are some issues that are specific to gay men relationships or that need to be overcome in different ways. Whatever type of gay relationship you are involved in, it is important to discuss emotional issues on a frequent basis. One or both men in a relationship may not have come out of the closet. Some gay men are not disclosed at all.
Other gay men may not express their sexuality in particular parts of their life such as at work or to certain family members or friends. In situations like these, a discussion of how this will impact both partners in the relationship is a must. When discussing this, it is important to come from a point of respect and understanding because a person who is not out of the closet may have chosen to do so for various reasons so the other partner must be understandable. If you or your partner is involved in the gay community, a discussion around your involvement should be discussed from time to time.
The following points listed below are some tips to help you communicate better in a gay relationship:
- Relating to others can easily be with a variety of emotions such as excitement, fear, anticipation, closeness, intimacy and loneliness in one. Relationships are dynamic and can change from time to time. In a positive relationship though, both partners feel valued, loved and nurtured. It is important to develop a sense of trust and a feeling that you can both be understood and accepted and not criticized.
- Recognize that physical relationship is only one part of the intimacy in your relationship. Intimacy can take many forms. It can be verbal and it can also be expressed by doing special things for your partner.
- Understand each others need to be autonomous and to make your own individual decisions sometimes.
- Create a safe place, where you can both express your problems, doubts, fears and weaknesses without the fear of rejection or punishment.
- Be willing to communicate with each other. Communicate feelings, needs and wants. Listen to your partners problems and understand them. To communicate you must also take your time to listen to what the other person says. When your trying to have a profound and genuine talk with your life partner, it’s sometimes difficult to listen to their point of view when all we want to do is communicate what we are thinking. We’re frequently so anxious of not being listened, we race to continue talking. Unexpectedly, such conduct makes it all the more probable we won’t be listened.
- Be willing to negotiate around your differences with respect and generosity with your partner. You are not going to get your own things all the time in a relationship.
- Try to become aware of personal issues you or your partner brings to the relationship and take responsibility for these. Also be aware of the expectations you may project on others and assess how realistic they are.
- Take time alone frequently, to recharge and re-balance as this will help you to give more energy in your relationship in the long-run.
- Maintain and build a supportive network of friends and family members outside the relationship.
- Try to develop the skill to not take yourself, your partner and everything else too seriously. Life is nice, enjoy it.
- Some individuals have never been extremely open to others in their life. Hell, a few people won’t not know themselves, or know much about their own particular genuine needs and yearnings. Be that as it may, to be seeing someone to step toward opening up your life and opening up yourself. Concealing your feelings behind a shroud of power may work for you, yet won’t work for others. Imagining everything is okay isn’t okay. What’s more, giving your partner the quiet treatment isn’t helpful. These things may have “worked” for you before, however they are all hindrances to having a genuine conversation.
- Being open means discussing things you may have never discussed with another person before in your life. It means being helpless and genuine with your partner, totally and shamelessly. It implies opening yourself up to conceivable hurt and disillusionment. In any case, it additionally implies opening yourself up to the maximum capacity of each of the a relationship can be.

PJ Weir was employed at the Gay Exchange for over a decade and was a regular contributor to the blog. He is a gay activist and an advocate for same sex marriage. PJ is proud of his aboriginal descent and has remained in a long term relationship with his partner Darren.
PJ left work in late 2014 as his mother fell ill. He has moved to Queensland where he has become her full time carer.
Unfortunately the iconic Gay Exchange, Sydney’s first all gay adult store closed down in June of 2017 as the building was taken over by the State Transit Authority to build the new rail.