2021 Sexual Needs

Living in 2021

2020 has been an absolute mess, this whole year is one to put in the bin, 2021 could not come soon enough for majority of the population. Weddings cancelled, no festivals, a whole pandemic, people missing funerals, births, important milestones that should have been celebrated have been put on the back burner. Well, it’s coming to the end of the year and I think we should all have one date, a date with the most important person in your life… You.

It’s been tough and you need to treat yourself for getting through it like the absolute trooper that you are, self-care has never been more important. Honestly celebrate you however you do it, but this is my step by step guide to taking yourself on a date.

Step One:
Order your favourite take out (or cook your favourite comfort food), I don’t care if you’re on a diet, you have earned this. In a year where a lot of huge things have been taken from us, you deserve this little thing as a congratulations for getting through it. Eat that, eat dessert, have seconds and thirds and fourths, whatever fills the void that 2020 has made in all of us.

Step Two:
Run yourself a bath, get some bubbles going, light some candles, play some music (in my case I usually pop on my favourite show), and just relax. I really cannot recommend Wildfire Black more, it’s such an amazing 4 in 1 oil, but a pump or two in the bath will leave you feeling amazing inside and out! Now what you do in the bath is totally up to you, you can start the big celebrations in here if you like, nothing better than masturbating in the bath sometimes. I like to take the time to wash everything super slow and just take my time taking care of myself. It really is the little things and taking the time to go over every part of your body slowly while cleaning is so relaxing, this is definitely one of the things we skip over with the day to day happening.

Step 3:
Do your skin care! Moisturise everything! All the lotions and serums and whatever!! It doesn’t matter if it’s a 12 step routine or a 2 step, do whatever makes you feel comfortable and nourish from the outside in. COVID has really made some people forget that taking care of yourself and simply existing is so important, especially to help you de-stress from everything going on. Fuck it, put on a facemask and keep watching your shows, or listening to music, just find your zen in this time, use it to really remind yourself that you’re doing great and this year hasn’t gotten the best of you.

Step 4:
Do something you love, have a dance, bake some cookies, read a bit, go on a google deep dive, SIT ON TIKTOK FOR AN HOUR. It doesn’t matter what you do here, as long as it makes you happy you’re doing it right, self care is about making the heart happy and full. I should probably take my own advice and do some reading, I bought Midnight Sun as soon as it came out and I’m still only 15 pages in… Anyway!

Step 5:
My favourite step, of course. Masturbate!! I cannot write about de-stressing from a horrific year without including masturbation, it’s the good vibe hot spot. Again, dim the lights (or don’t 😉), light some candles, or use an oil burner you can go to the Wildfire Black again for this one as it can be used as an aroma and it includes aphrodisiacs so if the bath didn’t get you in the mood that definitely will. Get your favourite sex toy out, dress up if you want. And do you (pun intended). Nothing releases happy hormones quite like a bit of one on one time with yourself! And then tuck yourself into bed, you’ll have the best sleep of your life, trust me!

 

This is obviously just my advice and how I would do it, but the point is you don’t have to follow this, just be sure to take some time to do the things that you like, that help you feel the best you can.

2020 has been rough for everyone, it really has, and we all deserve a night dedicated to ourselves. Whether that’s from you to you, with a partner, going to a gym class, working on your car, or as I said taking care of yourself and taking care of your sexual needs.

Just be sure to make it so that at least one day this year was all about you, and end it on a good note, let’s go into 2021 taking care of ourselves and existing happily in the world, and let’s hopefully leave COVID in 2020 where it belongs.

Why Won’t Adult Movies Scenarios Work for You in Real Life?

sexy film

Have you ever seen one of these adult films where the woman, for apparently no reason, goes to bed with a stranger or vice versa? Of course that you have — we all have seen them. After all, there are over 28,000 people watching porn every second.

 

However, it is good to keep in mind that this kind of movie is only the cinema projection of the author’s mind. Every new relationship takes time, sometimes years, to come to full fruition. Even the most believable story based on facts is not precise in some way or another.

 

However, there is one vital question we have to ask ourselves: why this movie scenario will not work for me? After all, some people wrote it. As human beings, they had to base it on something they previously experienced, witnessed, or fantasized about, have they not?

 

This article was written to deal with this sort of uncertainty! Here you will find three reasons why adult movies may not be the best source of inspiration when it comes to a healthy sex life and relationships.

They Are Too Fast-Paced

Sure, seeing professional porn actors and actresses using squirting dildos can look like a fun experience. However, how many couples do you think would decide to use them on the first date?

 

If you are in a long-term relationship, using sex toys can improve your experiences in bed. But, if you just met the other person, do not think they will want to make out with you or go even further. The progress of the story in the porn movie you watched is not really a reflection of reality.

 

Our social life does not function like this. We can approach the case of two people instantly falling in love with each other very rarely.

 

Next time you see a young man or woman sleeping with someone they’ve known for a few minutes, take it with a grain of salt. New relationships take time to mature and develop. Some would even say that to call other people ‘friends,’ they need to know them for years.

They Are Too Perfect

Everything that finally lands on the film tape is precisely prepared to be visually attractive. The stories that we are being told are designed to make us feel a certain way – like we could be one day in the place of the actors. However, our expectations are way too high.

 

Filmmakers put much time and effort to create the best experience for the viewer. What is more, actors and actresses also devote much time and often money, to improve their appearance. Not everyone could inherit such good genes or afford the help of plastic surgeons.

 

Additionally, not all of our friends look beautiful. We might also not be a high, muscular man or an attractive woman that looks like a 20-year-old. It is the thing that can get overlooked because it is perfectly normal.

 

The possibility to watch porn online via various porn sites made a significant impact on our lives. Having a media that presents only the pretty side of the story within our fingertips can be tempting. However, keep in mind that we should want less from our life than perfection.

They Omit the Consequences

Have you ever seen an adult movie that ended with a wedding or with a couple raising a pair of kids? Excluding some very niche scenarios, it has probably never happened. Can you say why? The answer is simple: in our world, consequences matter.

 

Being close to someone is burdened with consequences. As Emmanuel Levinas once said: “The very relationship with the other is the relationship with the future.” This statement perfectly captures what every adult film is not telling its spectator.

 

We change, we grow old, every year we become a little different. Hopefully, we change for the better. Nevertheless, it is inevitable that as the days go by, we have to make choices. And these choices always come with their consequences.

 

How we handle our sex life is one of these choices. And when the consequences can last for a long time in the form of kids and providing for a family, the case becomes quite complicated.

The Bottom Line

Fyodor Dostoevsky wrote in his famous book ‘The Brothers Karamazov’: “Above all, don’t lie to yourself. The man who lies to himself and listens to his own lie comes to the point that he cannot distinguish the truth within him, or around him, and so loses all respect for himself and for others. And having no respect, he ceases to love.”

 

Our lives without works of fiction would not be complete. However, it would often help our family life if we get rid of our unnecessary high expectations.

 

Many things can still be interesting without being a clear-cut representation of what we saw on our phone screen or read in some book. Live free of illusions, and everything will be fine. Good luck!