Anorgasmia

female sexual health

Say it with me now.

An-or-gaz-mia

 

What is it? It is the inability to reach orgasm. Whether this is vaginally, clitorally, penally or at all. Anorgasmia.

 

Today we will be talking about female Anorgasmia because I have been talking more and more to ciswomen who not only feel the pressure to have an orgasm during intercourse but feel that there is something inherently wrong with them that they can’t or haven’t had an orgasm either at all, or during intercourse with their partner.

 

And it causes them considerable mental stress and significant emotional turmoil.

 

I am not yet an expert but I do have a lot of experience. I am well read in this and I have conversed with many people about this and through research both academic and of my own volition there is nothing wrong with not being able to achieve orgasm.

 

A study in both America and the UK showed that over 70% of women volunteered that they either had very infrequent orgasms or none at all. Out of those 70% many explained that occasionally they could achieve orgasm during penetrative intercourse if they stimulated their clitoras during play. Others reported that they waited and masturbated after penetrative intercourse was finished. Others reported that they “faked” an orgasm to cover up not being able to achieve one.

 

Upon further academic and article research I found that there is quite the stigma around cis women “faking” orgasms because they feel that they are expected to, or that they don’t want to disappoint their partner. As instagram @froeticsexology says “orgasms don’t define good sex” and highlights that we should be aiminf for pleasure instead of orgasms.

 

Anorgasmia can occur because of many factors and can be resolved, if it causes you concern or distress. Anorgasmia can stem from:

  • psychological reasons,

  • PTSD,

  • stress,

  • medication,

  • physicality or

  • barriers to stimulation

  • to name a few.

 

Different methods can be used and explored to resolve Anorgasmia. Your doctor may be able to assist with anorgasmia, other health professionals can also prove to be beneficial, such as a psychologist, or counsellor or even selecting and speaking to a Sexologist or Sex therapist. Sexologists are growin in number and awareness within our community, providing accredited information to our communication and helping in educating, breaking the stigma around sex and assisting us in feeling comfortable in discussing all things sex. Head over to https://societyaustraliansexologists.org.au/practitioner-directory/ to find an accredited sex therapist near you.

 

Another method which is highly effective with Anorgasmia is relaxation and self exploration. Solo.

 

These days there is much pressure on us, sexually and in everyday life. Both of these can sometimes be linked to anorgasmia.  Relaxation and getting in touch with your own body, in your own time, no pressure, no expectations can be a great way to connect and engage with your body and your feelings and your pleasure. Self exploration and masturbation is the next key. Take it slow. Explore your body, your skin, lips, nipples, clitoras, labia and vagina. Slowly. Use toys to help you explore the senses. Try vibrations and heat, rotations and thrusting.

 

Using insertables, try finding your g-spot. Release the notion that the vagina is full of nerves and hold in your mind that the pleasure of the vagina is pressure. The nerves are mainly felt through the clitoral root that wraps around the vagina, lending its sensation to the G spot. Use a g spot vibe or your fingers to curl against this spot half a finger length up into your vgainal entrance.

 

Some cis women may not orgasm from the G pot, remember this isn’t just about orgasm, its about pleasure. But let’s delve a little deeper. Some women need their A spot stimulated to climax.

 

The A spot is so aptly named for the anterior fornix which is located towards the rear of your vaginal cavity just before your cervix. The A spot focuses the most on pressure. So stimulating the spot with a broad head of a toy and rubbing or massaging this spot will focus the greatest amount of pleasure. Utilising a massage wand that  is able to be inserted will provide a large/broad head and powerful and concentrated point of vibration that will stimulate both the A-spot and the G-spot simultaneously.

 

If attempting to explore the A-spot and it is a tad uncomfortable it is very possible that you are not aroused enough and that you’re hitting the cervix or “bottoming out” take a breath. When cis-women are aroused the vaginal canal extends up into the abdomen, tucking the cervix out of harm’s way. The A-spot is on the tummy side of the cervix. The P-spot (aptly named for the Posterior Fornix- did you guess?) is on the opposite side of the cervical opening, towards the spine.

 

Both these spots can feel amazing to most women but they come with patience and exploration. Rubbing up against these spots will increase moisture and slickness within the canal, the blood rushing from arousal heightening these delicate pressure plates. Bending your legs upwards towards your stomach, or supporting your lower back with a pillow will bring this wondrous spot closer to the touch.

 

Again, and I cannot stress this enough, take this slow. If there is discomfort, stop. But don’t give up. This is why self exploration is so much fun, you try again and again, with no agenda, no time sensitivity. relax , breathe deep, add some more lubrication and stimulate your clitoras to bring more blood flow and arousal and try again.

 

Try different gels and oils to assist with arousal. “On Ultra” is a topical ciltoris oil utilising cinnamon, sweet almond and ginger to spur arousal and provide a tingling, vibration on the nerves found there. This assists in arousal, by stimulating blood flow, and inducing the production of a wetter canal. Try some and sit with the feel, become aware with the vibrations you feel and the warmth as it spreads to your Labia and throughout your pelvic area. Now try your insertables again. Being mindful throughout this process also proves in increasing attention, feeling and relaxation within the moment. All of these are essential to that good feeling and good place to help encourage an orgasm.

Using a bullet, a wand or a clitoral specific massager can be used to stimulate the nerves on the clitoral root. When the body is aroused, the clitoras will retract a little underneath the protective hood, to lessen the sensitive nerve endings. With your toy of choice, or your fingers, apply slight pressure and massage for pleasure. As the heat and feelings build, don’t be afraid and pull back, gently lean yourself into the feeling. Try and release the tension that you begin to feel throughout your body and surrender. As the pleasure mounts you may feel it give way. And what a feeling. Different different clitoral toys will depend on how sensitive you are, how steady handed you are, and how much power you would like to assist you. If you find yourself getting frustrated, that’s ok too. Take a break. Remember what we said about the pressure on ourselves? If you’re wondering when it will happen? Or why it’s taking so long? Chances are that you are willing yourself into a mindset where you will be unable to achieve an orgasm, and significantly affect the pleasure you are feeling within the moment.

 

Getting in touch with your own body and your own pleasure is empowering. It helps you to relax, it helps you to learn. And the more you learn overtime, the more you may feel more confident to invite a second player in to share in the secrets that you have found. Practice definitely helps to train your body to relax, surrender and invites a safe space for pleasure.

 

But most importantly, have fun. Delight in the surrender of your body and the touch. Focus on feeling good, and doing things that feel good. Don’t view the orgasm as the finish line. View self pleasuring or masturbating as the goal, and the orgasm, whether you have it or not, as a happy addition.

Anorgasmia is not something to feel shame about. It is a learning curve. And it is more common than we are led to believe. By talking about it, more people will be aware of it, its commonality, the reasons behind it, and how masturbation and self exploration can help.

 

At your service;

Tiffany

Oh Zone Sales assistant, educator and avid explorer.

What is Clitoral Rehab?

woman running in field

The clitoris, like most other body parts, can atrophy, become dry, wrinkled and shrivel up.  The causes of this are many and range from menopause, infections and even from lack of use.  Effective treatment is generally simple and will not require surgery. When a clitoris is dry it has numerous detrimental effects that include causes of negative self-esteem of self-body image from the perception that the clitoris is ugly and any person seeing it will feel the same way, reduction of enjoyment of sex due to the shrinkage of the clitoris and lowering of self-esteem, itchiness, rash and infection due to the vaginal fluid not being able to flush away bacterial and yeast infections.

 

Beautiful clitoris

In more youthful ladies, if you feel torment as the penis is endeavoring to enter the vagina, it is perhaps because of vaginismus (see tight and excruciating vagina). More severe pain might be because of a penis or sex toy touching the wall of the womb, or ovaries, and having intercourse in an alternate position may offer assistance. If pain continues it’s a smart thought to see a gynecologist in case it is an ovarian growth or something similar.

At its worst clitoral and vaginal dryness can cause the sufferer depression, anxiety and sexual psychological problems that would then require counseling to fully recover. The clitoris like any other body part requires blood flow to keep it healthy.  In most cases the simple act of female masturbation or invigorating the clit by way of sexual attention with a partner or sex toy will suffice.  However, in many cases, when females are menopausal or after menopause vaginal fluids do not flow as freely so lubricant should be used assist whilst arousing it.  In most cases this simple and enjoyable act will awaken the clitoris and deter clitoral shrinkage and dryness.

Unfortunately in many cases the reason why women do not masturbate is from an early age either parents or carer’s discouraged it, making it seem like an act that was dirty or taboo.  These pre-conceived prejudiced behaviors are then difficult to overcome. Masturbation in females should be encouraged, is healthy and a natural part of life. Clitoral health should start from an early age.  Parents and carer’s should teach their children from an early age that it is essential to clean the clitoris and vagina with a soap that has essential oils in them to stop dryness.  Liquid soaps are generally of better quality than a soap bar.  After showering or bathing the application of a topical cream such as sorbolene cream will ensure the labia and clitoris remain in good health and will deter many yeast and other infections

In more seasoned ladies, especially the individuals who are post-menopausal, your vagina might be dry and excited because of an absence of estrogen – a hormone that keeps the vagina wet. A decent grease or estrogen cream can offer assistance. But many women were not taught how to look after the vagina and clitoris from an early age or after menopause, through no fault of their own now suffer from labial or clitoral dryness and shrinkage. The effective forms of Clitoral rehabilitation take the forms of vacuum system that promotes blood flow through the affected area causing it to be engorged, invigorated and enlarged, topical creams that will lubricate the clitoris and often with added with ingredients such as l-arginine that will again cause the clitoris to become enlarged with increased blood flow and if clit degeneration is not too severe by the simple act of female masturbation.

Another basic reason for a dry vagina at any age is absence of excitement. As you get more seasoned it can take more time to end up physically excited. Absence of adequate foreplay before entrance, either with your accomplice’s penis, fingers or sex toys, will bring about difficult sex. This occasionally turns out to be uncomfortable to the point that a lady may wind up staying away from sex by and large.

Sex doesn’t generally need to include entrance. There are numerous pleasurable methods for being sexual with or without a partner, and experimentation can be enjoyable. Invigorating your erogenous zones, using either a vibrator, with with your partner or through masturbation, might energize your clitoris. Sex toys are not just for the youthful, and can be purchased on the web if you feel reluctant about heading off to a sex shop.

 

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