BDSM Dating 101: What to Look for in a Master

Masterful bdsm

A successful BDSM relationship truly depends on the people involved. Though your attention is focused on sexual activities, you should focus on finding the right partner and also being a good partner. And that’s easier said than done. If you’re interested in exploring master online dating, then you should know what to look for in a master. That way, you’ll choose a partner who will provide you with a safe and fun S&M experience. Here are eight qualities to look for when finding a master.


They focus on aftercare

Many people make the mistake of assuming the most important part of an S&M relationship are the sessions themselves. That’s not true. The most important part of an S&M relationship, aside from communication, is aftercare. These sessions take a physical and emotional toll on both master and slave; aftercare is crucial to process the experience and wind down. A good master is someone who values aftercare and sees the importance in it. If a master doesn’t appreciate or invest in aftercare, they’re not concerned about the emotional and mental health of either person.



Without honesty, your S&M relationship won’t last. In any relationship, honesty is a must. Your master needs to be completely honest and open with you and vice versa. Nothing should be hidden from you; you both need to be open books. He should be able to discuss his previous relationships and answer any questions you have. If he’s hiding information or blaming the failings of his past relationships on his exes, that’s a huge red flag. Before anything, honesty needs to be a foundation in your relationship.


They have experience with S&M

Of course, you may meet a master that’s relatively new in the community, and that doesn’t mean they’re going to be bad. But this does mean they lack experience. And if you’re new in the community, it’s always a good idea to start off with someone who has some experience under their belt and a positive reputation. With an experienced master, you’ll be able to learn the rules and techniques that new masters may not know.


There’s vanilla chemistry

If you want to have a good S&M relationship, there needs to be basic chemistry between you two. If you’re not attracted to them as a person, then how can you allow them to be your master? He also needs to like you as well. You don’t need to be in love with each other, but you need to like each other. You’re entering a very intense dynamic, and if you’re not interested in them as a person, it will be a problem.


They have limits

If a master tells you they don’t have a safeword or they don’t have any personal boundaries, run. Everyone in BDSM needs to have personal boundaries and limitations. BDSM isn’t the wild west where you can do whatever you want to someone else. This doesn’t mean the boundaries are static; with time they can change. However, everyone has their limits. A good master understands this and respects their slaves physical and emotional boundaries.


They’re interested in self-development

In BDSM relationships, both people need to be interested in self-development. That’s the only way you can progress and become a better slave/master. A good master is interested in self-development and is constantly working on themselves. He wants to learn from his mistakes and be the best master possible for his slave. That is the type of master you want, someone who wants to be the best they can be for the relationship.


You share the same life pattern

Having chemistry is essential, but you need more than that for a successful S&M relationship. You and your master also need to have the same lifestyle. If he’s working nights and you’re working days, there’s a conflicting schedule. If he’s very social, but you’re more of a homebody, that could become a problem. Finding a master with a similar lifestyle will make things easier to manage. Considering how everyone’s schedule is very busy today, this is more important than you think.


They have empathy

Your master needs to be good at reading and understanding you. With time, your master should be able to predict your responses to specific acts. Of course, communication is an essential element of empathy. They not only should understand and sense how you feel, but they need to communicate these thoughts with you. If you’re sensing a master lacks empathy, run. If they lack empathy, they could cause physical and emotional harm to you.


Finding a master isn’t hard, but you want to find the right master for you. Take your time and find a master who has these qualities. It may take some time, but patience pays off.


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