Today we’d like to continue our exploration of kink and fetish, and we’re proud to present Sir James from Fetish House in Melbourne. Without giving too much away he has been describes as massive, strong and rugged with piercing brown eyes. Sir James speciality interests include dominance, bondage, manhandling, heavy impact play and BDSM couples coaching.
Hi Sir James, thanks for looking at this interview – I have to start at the beginning.
How did your kink journey start for you?
Well Stephen, for me I don’t know exactly what was my first kinky thought, or even that I consider myself kinky. I just love exploring sex and giving catharsis to those who also enjoy trying new sexual or intimate pleasures. If I had to pick a moment that kicked it all off I would say it was reading erotic literature as a teen, imagining what could be done with rope and handcuffs. Luckily for me the stories I read were quite inspired and included healthy consensual BDSM which lead me here.
You work at Fetish House in Melbourne (Australia). Melbourne is one of the few places around with several Kink and Fetish establishments – With Fetish House being on the Melbourne scene for a while now – what makes it different?
Fetish House has a ‘Learning First’ mentality, which I think comes through in the quality of our Service Providers. We have many years of experience to draw on, and many house slaves willing to be used as consenting teaching tools. That sort of atmosphere can only create excellence. I love knowing that if I want to improve my knowledge of needle play or extreme suspension I will be able to watch some masters at work, and if anyone wants to learn from my years of wrestling experience to improve their physical confidence and manhandling I will gladly take them under my wing.
Working at Fetish House – what goes into the preparation for a clients scene?
More often than not there is a short email exchange, to allow us to get a broad understanding of our clients desires and mentally prepare for what is to come. Often if a client wants ball busting, or extreme bondage there is a process of mental preparation where we have to find the right mind set to engage.
After that of course the rooms are cleaned and prepared, stocked with all the gear and more so there is no hesitation. Lastly comes an in person interview before the session, obviously we like to ensure everyone knows their safe words, the expected protocol, safety practices and hard limits and this talk is best done in person.
One of the things that you specialise in is couples coaching – in your experience what’s some of the common things that couples are most interested in when they come to you?
Often couples need to learn how to balance making a scene last so that a bottom can reach a heightened sexual, physical or mental arousal. This means the question couples really end up asking is “how do I take these few tools and sculpt a scene that lasts two hours but felt like ten minutes?” What I end up teaching them is how to build up anticipation, how to correctly bind someone so they can be in place for extended lengths of time, how to edge (delay orgasm), how to spank/paddle/cane for longer. Secretly that’s what every one wants to know.
As a fetish couples coach – what do people frequently get wrong when it comes to kink and fetish play, and how can they correct it?
Most Tops go to quickly for the end goal, they go too hard too early or they don’t tease enough. Inversely most Bottoms have preconceived ideas about what should happen, rather than enjoying themselves. Both of these can be fixed the same way which is to slow down, always taking an extra moment before speaking or acting. All BDSM practitioners either Tops or Bottoms should take their time and think twice before acting.
What’s your go to comfort food?
I personally love a good protein shake with berries at the end of the day. I engage very physically with my visitors and that coupled with my regular training can leave me very drained.
Fetish House is a place where you’ll sometimes work with other staff to create a session such as Cuckolding and Sissy Play Tag Team Scenes. For those that don’t know, what are these two styles of play and what do they mean to you?
These are very different sessions from my perspective. Cuckolding is more intimate, which makes it more thrilling for the client. That savage eye contact which a Mistress can make directed towards a cuckold as I’m entering her is what often will make their fantasy real. It’s important that when we as Bull and Mistress are talking to (or ignoring) the client it is with the express purpose of making sure they feel a certain way. For some it is happy that the Mistress is getting what she wants in the form of greater sexual pleasure, for others it’s the feeling of betrayal (in a controlled setting) which brings out a primal urge which can be very potent.
Sissy Play is more an emasculation. The taboo of being proven to be a lesser man, especially in front of a larger and stronger male, is a massive turn on for many men. Similar to how many clients enjoy being bound because it frees them, I feel ‘sissy boy’ play is similar because you can revel in being controlled by a personification of what you are leaving behind. This means when we talk or act around those clients it is more expressly about taking away pride and forcing them to do what they wont, or can’t, do by themselves.
These types of play often leave clients in a near hypnotic and hyper-sensual state, and the smiles I see on these types of people afterwards is wonderful.
What’s some of the elements of cuckolding that you enjoy?
Well obviously I enjoy being able to use my strength and power to bring pleasure to people. I enjoy being a person who you do not need to pretend or roleplay with, since often (at a clients request before a session) I will wrestle them into a submissive position and then bind them with rope or chains. This aspect of using my gifts of strength and size to make people feel even more engaged in their fantasy makes me feel very satisfied as a service provider.
On top of this I love seeing people happy. Being involved as a fetish provider is not about your own specific Fetish desires, but instead you have to be able to enjoy seeing others happy enjoying their specific taboo. Luckily for me that is my pleasure, and getting happy emails after every session talking about how much they love what I did to them just makes it all worthwhile.
What’s the most difficult thing when it comes to doing cuckholding scenes?
Watching everything is the hardest part. When you are a Dominant or a Top you must always be keenly aware of the entire room. The safety and the mental state of your bottom is your responsibility and obviously if you are engaged in sex with another provider you must keep yourself pleasuring them and keeping your bottom under observation. Luckily this is no problem for me with my experience, but for those at home I suggest always making sure you are cognisant of everything, which becomes easier over time.
For those interested in exploring cuckoldry – what are three tips they need to know?
1:Go slow, there is always time for going further in the future, and it never hurts to have more places to explore. This applies to all BDSM; from the size of your new buttplug to the difficulty of the rope binds you are using.
2:Talk about expectations and limits before and after. Unless your kink is being cruel and your partner is ok with that, then you should know what your partner finds arousing and what your mutual goals are. Do they want to watch? do they want to listen? do they want to be involved? If you don’t know you are missing out on opportunities.
3: Be safe. Always use protection, find a neutral place to play like a hotel, use fake names. Things rarely go wrong but it does not hurt to be safe, and it can make it more fun and exciting.
What’s the best bit about the work that you do that you just couldn’t give up?
The people and their reactions. I am the luckiest guy in the world because people who come to me want something, and I can give them exactly what they want. That is rare, and the grateful nature people have after we are done is perfect.
That said, I can’t lie, when people come to see me I tell them what I expect them to wear and how I expect them to act. This expectation means they put on a show for you. Seeing people in their best make up and clothes, then getting the strip them down and see them naked and aroused as they wait for your touch is the best feeling in the world.
Thanks Sir James, i’d like to thank you so much for your time and patience in helping us navigate through this.
Meet Stephen, a bold and opinionated cis-gendered gay advocate for gender equality and sexual education. Join him on the Adultsmart blog for fearless insights.