What kind of SEXUAL DEVIANT have I become?

It’s been about 6 months since I took the sexual deviancy test and kink personality test on www.bdsmtest.org. I was curious to see if anything had changed with my results, since there is so much else in my life that has.

I think I’ve mentioned in a previous post or two, how surprised I was at the accuracy of the test results in the past.  And so I wasn’t disappointed this time around either.

There were a few surprising differences in some of the categories.

You’ll have to keep reading to find out what they were.  For those who haven’t read of my previous posts, there have been some major shake-ups happening in my life.

Main one being the making of a tiny human from scratch which virtually halted my deeper exploration of the BDSM lifestyle.   Since a considerable amount of the things that I would like to try but are not safe during pregnancy.

I’m not sure if it’s my change in lifestyle from wild experimentalist to mummy to be.

Or f it’s the broadening of my sexual knowledge through reflection on scenes that I have played with various partners.  It maybe blog submissions from my colleagues, researching topics for my own posts.

Or from picking the brains of customers who are already immersed in the lifestyle, that has the greatest influence on the change in my results.

Sexual Deviancy Test

If you’re not familiar with the personality test on BDSM.org, you can choose to gain insight in one of three ways.

Submissive questions only, dominant questions only or the full test (which I recommend taking if you’re a first-timer).  This contains both submissive & dominant related questions.

The results will then give you a percentage based on your answers to the questions.  I have seen everything from 99% vanilla to 100% submissive to 100% sadist.

A results summary will give you a percentage on the following

Submissive, Rope Bunny, Experimentalist, Degradee, Masochist, Slave, Non-monogamist,Boy/Girl, Pet, Primal (Prey), Exhibitionist.

Ageplayer, Voyeur, Daddy/Mommy, Brat, Vanilla, Primal (Hunter), Brat Tamer,Rigger, Dominant, Degrader, Owner, Mistress/Master, Sadist & Switch.

Here are my 5 biggest changes between February when I did my first test and August when I took the test again.

1. Pet +30%

Definition according to bdsmtest.org: “Is the property of their owner in daily life. Sexuality is not necessarily involved.  The role often features some form of animal play (puppy, kitten, etc.), although that is not a strict necessity.”

What’s changed in 6 months?

I’ve come to see this more as another form of being a  ‘kept woman’.  In the beginning of my journey, everything was about not forming emotional attachments and just trying everything with no strings attached.

But the further from my last relationship that I get, the more that I crave being ‘owned’ by someone emotionally.

2. Vanilla -26%

Definition according to bdsmtest.org: “Vanilla people enjoy regular, standard sex and relationship models.  Nothing wrong with that, as long as you’re having fun!”

What’s changed in 6 months?

In all honesty, this is the result that surprised me the most. I thought, if anything, since I have halted kink play while I’m growing my tiny human that I would have continued to have the same stance on vanilla sex.

Apparently I have a new-found distaste instead.  Maybe it has something to do with the conversations that I have with customers in the course of my work day.

And picking their brains about things in kink that I had no idea existed.

3. Ageplayer -20%

Definition according to bdsmtest.org: “Ageplayers like to play with age as part of their kink. They typically take on a much younger or older age than they actually are, or prefer playing with a partner that does so.

Attributes and behaviour changes (such as pacifiers, coloring books, speaking in childlike language, etc.) are paired with this to enrich the context and make it more appropriate for the played age.”

What’s changed in 6 months?

I think that as I get closer to becoming a parent, my tolerance for childish behaviour in myself and other adults has lessened.  And by proxy, so has the appeal of ageplay…

Although I still love colouring books, Disney musicals & cartoons.

4. Slave -19%

Definition according to bdsmtest.org “Slaves completely hand over the control and responsibilities over their life to their Master/Mistress. They go a step further than submissives in the sense that their power exchange is present 24/7 and in all aspects of their life.

Except for negotiated exceptions such as their office jobs.  Serving their Master/Mistress is their primary focus in life and they rarely have limits for them.”

What’s changed in 6 months?

Ok, so I think that most of my changes have been due to my impending motherhood.  I am finding that I am more anal-retentive and needing to be a little more in control of myself these days.  So that I can remain a relatively put-together adult for my son.

5. Primal (Prey) +15%

Definition according to bdsmtest “Primals ae mainly focused on their natural instincts and they enjoy letting their inner animal out during sex. The key part for primals play is that the participants show their raw, emotional sexual feelings during play.

All of the labels, roles, and protocols go out the window, and the prey (you) can become a snarling, growling, clawing animal hell-bent on getting away from its predator.”

What’s changed in 6 months?

Maybe I’m just a little more feral than before…

Seems to me that kink preferences are developed over time and are influenced by life and its experiences.

So, even if you take the test just for fun now, it’s always good to retake it every so often.  You might find that the results surprise you.

Happy testing xxx

My Sordid Dark Past!

Love relationship

As explained by any standard dictionary, love would be the deep, unconditional, passionate and affectionate feeling of solicitude between two persons.

In a relationship, we are supposed to reflect our true selves in the mirror, to our loved one and be loved for our originality.  And in a committed relationship you should be able to tell your lover anything.

Now these are the terms what an “Ideal Love Relationship” has put in front of us.  In reality, where do we stand in being the clear slate in front of the person whom we have chosen to spend our lives with?

There would be rarely any couple that has not run into any bumps of the love road. Disguised complications start where we don’t want to reveal the actual selves.

I wish I could tell my lover about the dark past I have dealt with.

A while back, when I moved to a different city, I found myself doing things that I’m not proud of.

Nowadays, I really wish I could open up to him about all those things without him being judgmental or jeopardizing our relationship, which means the world to me.

To fit in with the new city and its people, I pretended to be someone else.  At that time, I really needed some easy favors and wanted to have a good time.  I got into a relationship with someone, even though I knew deep down that it wouldn’t last.

He had the money I needed to survive and live comfortably.

And he definitely made my days so much easier than before, no more worries about rent, bills, or groceries.  I wouldn’t say I was just using him for my own gain.

He also had his own interests and satisfaction in our arrangement. I thought it was a mature relationship, where we both provided what the other needed at the time.

He struggled with loneliness, and my paid companionship helped him avoid depression and emptiness.

Spending quality time together made us both comfortable with our situation.

Neither of us felt lonely when we were together. It’s fair to say we both entered into it to find happiness and completeness. So, we knew from the start that it wouldn’t last forever.

We always had an honest relationship and were open about our thoughts.  I never hid the fact that I would be there as long as he supported my expenses.

As fate would have it, it came to an end after just over eighteen months.

After my time in the city, I never went back and saw him again.

Getting back together with him wouldn’t bring me true happiness or love, so I decided to return home and embrace my original life.

Here I am now, loved and with the person I truly love!  I have no doubts about this ending or being with my soon-to-be husband. Our relationship is perfect, just like I always dreamed of.

But sometimes, when I’m alone, I wish I could share the deal I made in my past with my lover.

I wish I could start with a clean slate and hope he doesn’t question my integrity, honesty, and dignity.  And hope he can understand the state of my mind and life back then.

But maybe that’s asking too much from him.

My fear is that he won’t see things from my perspective. I can justify my past to myself, but I’m not sure if I can justify it to my lover.

Am I being selfish by not telling him about my tainted past and focusing on our “fairy-tale” future? But I feel like I have no other choice.  I can’t afford to lose him now.

I’ve made peace with my past and I’m ready to leave it behind for a future filled with happiness.