Power Play Fucking – following on from my previous article regarding the fetishisation of race. There was considerable feedback about the notion of power within relationships. For the most part – power in relationships and sex, is a concept that we routinely forget or engage in unconsciously. Yet, it’s an inescapable part of relationships, and it needs to be acknowledged.
Power Play Fucking
The thing about power and power exchange is that it’s an incredibly fluid concept. Like most things when it comes to our bodies, our performance of gender, sex and sexuality, power play is something that’s not often thought about and discussed openly. With the exception of abuse, domestic violence and associated situations. These situations however, highlight the abuse of power and fail to acknowledge the benefits of power play whether those benefits be in the relationship, the balance of an individual, or even mental health.
What Are The Power Plays Of BDDSM?
In BDSM, power play falls under the second acronym of DS – dominance and submission. Power play can simply involve a partner subtly assuming more of a dominant/submissive role in sexual play and/or activity. Or it can involve more direct involvement such as active decision making, chastity devices, or the use of restraints.
In this way dominance can be achieved through emotional ‘power’ and physical ‘power’ and even both at the same time. Often catering towards an individual’s personality as well as the relationship that they have with their partner. In this regard, every power play relationship is different as it accounts for the myriad of variables that are present in every relationship.
What are the benefits of engaging in power play?
We forget about the benefits of consensual and negotiated forms of power play. This is one of the reasons why power play can be so much fun. It opens up unique possibilities by exposing us to the very things that we take for granted in our subconscious.
For the most part – power is often, stereotypically, tied into gender and the roles of our gender.
Males are routinely thought to hold the power within relationships. This often falls back to the perceived activeness of the phallus in comparison to the passiveness/receptiveness of the vagina/anus. The thing is, that power changes, as individuals grow throughout their lives. The balance of power shifts and fluctuates continually both within relationships, and within a person’s life as a whole.
Sometimes We Rely More On Our Partners & Vica Versa
There might be circumstances within our lives that cause us to rely more on our partners.This ultimately affects the idea of power. A partner might be naturally dominant in all aspects of life, but requires the balance of submission when it comes to sex – and vice versa. There’s no standard when it comes to the idea of power. But it’s certainly something that can be played with for the purpose of enjoyment and pleasure.
By choosing to submit, one can take the stress and pressure of life and sex. Power play can involve anything from taking orders. To being subjected to pain and humiliation. To wearing a chastity device and even engaging in animal play such as puppy, pony and kitten play.
The thing is, it’s often difficult for a partner to come up and say:
‘Hey, I need to be dominated in the bedroom because it provides me with a balance in other facets of my life’.
Such an admission by a male, can be seen as emasculating. An admission of such by a woman can be seen as anti-feminist. Here’s the secret though – what happens in the bedroom isn’t necessarily a reflection of the rest of your life.
In fact, a study by researchers Ogi Ogas and Sai Gaddam titled “A billion Wicked Thoughts: What the World’s Largest Experiment Reveals about Human Desire” (2011) demonstrates that humans have the capacity to be in possession of subcortical circuits. For both sexual dominance and submission – humans, and other mammals, have the capacity to be both dominant and submissive interchangeably.
With the social expectation that men need to be dominant both sexually. Socially, is it little wonder then that some men require the balance of surrendering that power in order to maintain content and happiness. Similarly, when you’re continually being told that you’re caring and nurturing, wouldn’t you want to buck that stereotype every now and then?
Whilst there are examples of TPE’s (Total Power Exchanges) where a partner assumes control of all decision making processes in their lover’s life, these are relatively rare. As such, power play and the exchange of power relies on communication, understanding, and negotiation. Three things which at the end of the day, have the capability to strengthen any loving relationship.
So how do you negotiate power exchange in a relationship?
Power exchange fundamentally relies on trust. You cannot surrender power when you’re not trusting. Consider such a relationship like the trust fall. You’re not going to willingly fall if you believe that your partner isn’t going to catch you on the way down.
Who is in control of the power exchange in a BDSM relationship?
One of the more interesting dynamics regarding power play, which is what the majority forget, is that the dominant isn’t actually directly in charge. It is the submissive’s choice to submit. The sub can choose to end any form of play at any time of their choosing if such a play violates the negotiations and protocols agreed on. Or in the event that an event triggers a psychological backlash or memory.
Subs have the power of the stop button, with the agreement being that a dominant will respect that button. They also engage in a play that pushes the limits of the submissive, but never break those limits. In this sense, the complexity of power play are vast and interesting. They are something that should be more actively considered in every sexual relationship.
Author: Stephen Smith – BA Of Social Sciences, M.Ed
Everything You Wanted To Know About Kink and BDSM
Lets explore Kink and BDSM and how their relationship between each other is the same, but different.
What Are The top 10 things you want to know about kink?
- Refers to any non-traditional sexual behavior or desire that deviates from the mainstream.
- Can include a wide range of activities, including BDSM (Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Sadism and Masochism), role-playing, fetishes, and more.
- Is consensual, meaning all parties involved agree to participate in the activity and respect each other’s boundaries.
- Communication and consent are essential in kink. It is important to discuss limits, boundaries, and expectations before engaging in any activity.
- Enjoyed by people of all genders, sexual orientations, and relationship styles.
- A way for people to explore their sexuality, express themselves, and build intimacy and trust with their partners.
- Is not the same as abuse. In kink, all activities are consensual and negotiated beforehand.
- There are many different kinks, and what is considered “normal” or “mainstream” varies by culture and individual.
- It’snot a mental illness or a pathology. It is a normal and healthy expression of human sexuality.
- Is not for everyone, and that’s okay. It is important to respect other people’s boundaries and preferences.
The top 10 things you may want to know about bdsm?
- Stands for Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, and Sadism and Masochism.
- Is a type of kink that involves consensual power exchange between partners.
- Involves a wide range of activities, including but not limited to, bondage, spanking, whipping, role-playing, and sensory deprivation.
- Communication and consent are crucial in BDSM. It is important to discuss limits, boundaries, and expectations beforehand.
- It’s not the same as abuse. In BDSM, all activities are consensual and negotiated beforehand.
- Can be enjoyed by people of all genders, sexual orientations, and relationship styles.
- Is a way for people to explore their sexuality, express themselves, and build intimacy and trust with their partners.
- There are many different BDSM practices, and what is considered “normal” or “mainstream” varies by culture and individual.
- Safe words are an important part of BDSM play. They are pre-agreed upon words or phrases that signal when an activity should stop immediately.
- Requires knowledge, skill, and experience. It is important to educate yourself and your partner(s) on safe and responsible practices before engaging in any BDSM activity.
What is the relationship between Kink and BDSM?
When it comes to sex, kink is a fancy way of saying you’re into something a little different than the norm. Think of it as a broad umbrella term that covers all sorts of non-traditional desires. BDSM, on the other hand, is a specific type of kink that involves power play between partners. It includes things like bondage, discipline, dominance, submission, sadism, and masochism. So, to sum it up, BDSM is like a kink within a kink.
B IS FOR BONDAGE
People use Bondage/BDSM for a bunch of reasons, like getting turned on or giving up control. The most popular way to do it is by using ropes, cuffs, or chains to keep the submissive partner still. It’s totally up to the dominant partner to decide how long they’re restrained for and in what way. There are loads of ways to practice bondage, from playful to intense, depending on what you’re into. You can try rope bondage, leather bondage, or even Shibari if you’re feeling adventurous.
D IS FOR DOMINANCE
BDSM involves dominance, which is all about power exchange between people. In this dynamic, the dominant one, or Dom, takes control over the submissive partner, or sub. The dominant partner usually directs the activity and gives instructions or commands to the submissive partner. They may use physical or verbal cues to show their dominance.
The dominant partner may also set rules and boundaries for the submissive partner to follow, and may reward or punish them based on their behavior. Figure out safe words before engaging in any dominant or submissive play.
S IS FOR SUBMISSION
In BDSM, submission plays a crucial role. It’s when a person willingly surrenders control to their partner, who is known as the dominant or Dom. As the submissive, they give up their power and follow the direction of their partner. They might do things that please their partner or follow their rules. During these activities, the submissive partner might feel pleasure, pain, or vulnerability.
M IS FOR MASOCHISM
In BDSM, masochism means getting turned on by pain or humiliation. If you’re into this, you’re called a masochist. Often, people who are into this also like to inflict pain or humiliation on others, which is called sadism. There are a bunch of different things that can be involved in masochism, like spanking, bondage, and sensory deprivation.
Before getting into anything, people usually talk about what they’re comfortable with and make sure everyone is on the same page.
Meet Stephen, a bold and opinionated cis-gendered gay advocate for gender equality and sexual education. Join him on the Adultsmart blog for fearless insights.