Sexual Perversion or Satisfaction?

I recently read an article about a young lad who was most confused. He had discovered that his slightly older and more experienced girlfriend enjoyed tying him up to a chair, and using various tools and toys to either torture him, tease or tantalise. He was confused because he enjoyed it, but also because he wasn’t sure if it counted as sex. He was also confused because he was conflicted, he enjoyed the play, but he felt that it was perverted, dirty, weird and that in some way it was going to change him and how he experienced pleasure.

The idea of sex is something that confuses a lot of people. If you cross-interview sections of the population and ask them what they consider to be sex, you’ll get a myriad of different answers and opinions. These could range from penetrative sex, PiV sex, oral stimulation, Over the Sweater action, Bondage play and scenes and everything in between. Some people rationalize their sex life by insisting that anal intercourse is not sex, likewise there are many people that don’t necessarily view a BDSM scene as a form of sex. This article is not necessarily designed to settle that debate, to do so would be limiting, and would be detrimental to how some people view the idea of sex.

Regardless of whether you view the lads question as sex or sexual play, It is concerning to hear him suggest that he was worried that the enjoyment of this type of play was going to change him and that he saw it as perverted. We could assume that he has had a sheltered upbringing, and since his girlfriend was slightly older than him that she was trying to broaden his horizons, and introduce forms of play that she enjoyed. Firstly, let’s consider the idea of perversion; which a quick google search reveals that the definition is;

‘A sexual behaviour that is considered abnormal and unacceptable.

Woma and Man in BDSM
Photo: BDSM Mistress

It is therefore safe to assume that perversion is an individual opinion. Why? Because people, as demonstrated above, have varying degrees of sexual practices, experiences, likes and dislikes. An individual who thinks that anything other than Penis In Vagina play is abnormal is certainly going to have a mini heart attack if they were to witness a BDSM Tit torture scene with no sexual penetration. The thing is that sexual behaviour is so broad and whilst I personally believe that sexual behaviour should not be considered abnormal unless it deliberately and without thought places someone in danger, involves animals or children, or does not involve consent as in rape, many others will not see it as that. In other words, perversion is generally going to be considered when the sexual play is deemed as outside the personal comfort boundaries of the person considering it. The reason why our young lad is confused is because it is clear that it is outside his normal boundaries, however, he enjoys it.

It could be argued that he enjoys the relinquishing of control, that he enjoys the focus being on him and that his girlfriend enjoys that shift in focus, or it could be that he enjoys the challenge. Regardless of what specifically it is about this type of play that he enjoys, it is his journey and whilst he seems conflicted now. I can guarantee that his sexual pleasure will diminish his conflict and he will chase what he enjoys. It is a pivotal moment in his sexual development.  

So what’s the point? My point is that it is can be potentially dangerous and limiting to consider forms of sexual play as perverse. It is limiting in the way that if you view perverse as anything outside your normal boundaries then you in all probability won’t challenge them. Engaging in play that pushes your boundaries is not perverse, it’s not damaging, and the only thing it’ll change is your sexual play as you seek new forms of pleasure. In a way it’s broadening, you’ll find greater satisfaction both within sexual pleasure but also within life as it will balance things out. It’ll help you gain an understanding of what makes you, you, and it will exemplify both your individuality and cause you to be more in tune with yourself and your desires. Sexual play is an outlet of ourselves, and denying what gives you pleasure out of fear of having others think it is perverse will cause more disruption to your individuality than you think.


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