Mindful Sex

Woman Practicing Yoga

I was recently discussing the fact that nowadays while we all have our heads permanently fixated on our phones, we spend less time than ever before actually enjoying life as it is. We are obsessed with what others are doing, what just happened or what is about to happen. We can’t be without our phones for more than a short time without feeling like we are missing something, when the real truth is, while we are on them, we are missing absolutely everything. We even choose to view visual extravaganzas that we are actually present for via the the device we film it on. We are becoming far less able to enjoy life on life’s terms than ever before. We want to edit it and filter it. It got me thinking about how that holds true with a lot of people’s sex lives. It seems to me the happiest people are those that really experience life in the moment without nostalgia or regret of the past or fears for the future. I would argue that truly great sex is experienced in the moment too,without the filters of our unrelated thoughts such as how we are looking or performing.

In today’s busy world ‘mindfulness’ is something I practice in my life daily. it is a practice that is becoming ever more popular and personally speaking it is a skill that has become a necessary and truly rewarding part of my life. Mindfulness, in case you don’t know is the exact opposite of what I described in the first paragraph. Almost every week I meet women who are having problems with arousal in their sex lives, and some who have lost the ability to orgasm all together. I always give the same advice that sex for women is a very cerebral business and it is usually the woman’s feelings about herself and her life that preclude her from cumming, not her age or body malfunctions. It was only when I was thinking about people on their phones missing out on life that I had an epiphany. Perhaps if women and men had mindful sex, there would be no room for the ‘head stuff” that is the root cause of a lot of people’s problems.

 

Mindful Meditation

I googled it and unsurprisingly I am not the only person who has come to this conclusion. What was surprising though were the successes some studies were reporting. Recently research has begun into mindfulness and it’s effects on sexual healing. Mindfulness has been shown to improve the sexual responses of cancer patients. Women who have been training in mindfulness were shown to have improved awareness of their own arousal signs and reduced anxiety and self judgement. They were all much faster at recognising their own body responses to being sexually stimulated than the women who had had no training.

Mindfulness is a skill. It can’t just be turned on and off at will until you have practiced it for quite a while. It is the psychological process of bringing your attention to the internal and external experiences occurring in the present moment, this can be developed through the practice of meditation or other mindful exercises. Don’t mistake a meditative state for zoning out and relaxing, it is more a state of ultra awareness. I am not offering a training course on mindfulness. as Buddha will tell you, you could practice all your life and never even scratch the surface. I will however attempt to explain how you could introduce its principals in your sex lives.

The aim of the game is for you both to focus entirely on each other and what is happening in regard to your five senses. only thinking about what you are experiencing, the smells, the sounds, the touch and taste, focusing on the sensations in the minutest detail. You have to focus on these details without creating a judgement on the senses. Mindful sex is a communication from the innermost parts of us and we can literally connect with the deepest parts of our partner. As we become aware of our own emotional state and express this physically through sex, we become more attuned to the emotional and physical changes in our partner. We start responding to their moans, changes in breathing, subtle physical changes or eye contact, even momentarily losing any sense of where we end and they begin. The sense of being ‘as one’.

It is silly to even attempt this if you haven’t cleared away the days clutter . Practically It is really important to create a relaxing comfortable space . Mentally it can help to write down all the things that are on your mind and locking them away in a drawer for the time being. The hardest part about all of this, once you begin to make love, is trying not to be distracted by other thoughts. This becomes a lot easier once you begin to practice mindfulness in your everyday life. Trying not to think never works, and usually just intensifies the distraction. You’ve got to figure out a way to let the thoughts just be. You need to acknowledge the things that pop into your brain and let them go, like a passing cloud. If you cant let a thought go, try naming it. Naming the thought will take the emotion out of it. It is common during sex to tune out, dissociate a bit and even wander off into thoughts. These thoughts might be about the way you look, sexual performance, thinking about work or playing out pornographic fantasy scenes in our heads. We disassociate because of life stresses or relationship stresses, all of which make it harder to stay with our bodies and ignore our heads.

The next step is a bit harder. It is about accepting the emotions that come up during sex. Knowing it is normal to feel human emotions like fear and joy but accepting the feelings, almost as the chemical process that they are rather than letting them consume you and distract. Ideally you need to cultivate a loving acceptance of the things you feel. This makes you much less judgemental of yourself and your partner. Slow your sex down, especially when you are starting. Any time during mindful sex you notice that you are reacting, closing down or tuning out, slow down (or even stop) just bring all your attention back to your body. Tune in to the physical sensations, let go of your thoughts and focus on your breath. Then, once you feel better, connect back into your partner again by feeling their body touching yours, look at them don’t forget smelling, tasting and hearing them. In time you maybe able to maintain eye contact but that is really hard to do with out feeling vulnerable. This way the sex is really in the moment.

If you are suffering from arousal or performance issues then you don’t have to make orgasm the goal, make the practicing of the skill the sole purpose instead. Why not commit to having sex everyday for a month. It might be a fun experiment to intentionally manage your priorities during your sexual connection in your daily life for a short time.. It won’t be long before you start to reap the benefits in and out of bed. Don’t forget It is also important to realise that you don’t need to have a partner to enjoy mindful sexuality. Single people can practice mindful masturbation too, Just try it.

Article written by Emily a Consultant from Oh Zone Caringbah

6 Ways To Wear Costumes

Elle Liberachi in Stocking Red Gloves

Dressing up in costumes or lingerie can enhance the way you look to make you feel foxy, alluring and luscious. This article will outline 6 ways wearing lingerie and costumes can effect ourselves to enhance peoples lifestyles.

Use The Science Of Attraction: There have been researches that have found that people with symmetrical features to be more attractive and to have good genes in our bodies. Even though people like symmetry, most people aren’t perfectly symmetrical. For example, If you take the left half of your face, and mirror it on the right side, it will make an image of a completely different person then to who you are now. To make your body appear more symmetrical, you can buy structured lingerie which is made already symmetrical. Structured lingerie is made to provide more support to your body, it won’t cling to your body and make you feel uncomfortable. Structured lingerie is normally made from slightly thicker material. Inside the bra or corset you’ll find an underwire which will support your breasts to elevate them to the same level. Clothes that are made like this tend to last longer to!

Enhance Your Natural Attraction: Peacocking is a verb that means

“to draw attention”.

An example of this is in the animal kingdom when a male peacock utilises his beautiful, long, blue and green feather display to sexually attract a mate. Peacocking will fulfill your personal need to stand out to enhance your beautiful body in away that reflects your personality, this will definitely grab their attention from anything else that is distracting. Find luxurious lingerie or costumes that will work with your body. Find something made with your favourite colour, material and texture. You can also be adventurous and have some fun with it.

Change Your Psychology: As William Shakespeare once said

“All the world’s a stage and all the men and women, merely players”.

When people dress-up in different costumes or lingerie it can change can make them feel freer. It can also change their mind frame to behave in away that suits what they wear.  Being in costume or lingerie will help you act slightly differently to how you would in day to day life, you can end up being more open and intimate. Start by asking yourself the question

“Who would you like to envision yourself as?” or “How would you like the character make you or your partner feel?” or “What is something that your partner is interested in?”.

Red Lingerie at Adult Smart
Lingerie: Baci

 

For example, If we dress up like a seductive nurse, it will put as in the mind frame to act as if we can sexily take care of someone or if we dress up like a authoritative police officer, it will put as in the mind frame to act as if we can handcuff someone and be in control. Some more costumes ideas include:

  • A chaotic mafia boss
  • A romantic captain
  • A chivalrous masked Spanish hero
  • A hardworking sailor
  • A bewitching wizard

Use Our Subconscious Attraction: There is a theory called the “red dress effect”. It appears our brains subconsciously appear to be hard-wired to find red clothing sexually appealing, whilst other coloured clothes are less appealing. In a study made by the Psychologists at the University of Rochester in New York found that men find women wearing red more attractive because they send out subtle messages about how receptive they might be. So if your stuck for colour choices, try wearing a red lingerie set.

Reduce Your Problems: If you naturally feel self conscious about what you wear, you will probably find intimate moments with someone scary or frightening because you are already thinking about other things to worry about! You can wear lingerie or costumes that will make you feel attractive or comfortable and decrease your reasons to anxiously think about what can go wrong. You can take “self conscious” off your worry list and now focus on doing your best with thing’s like intimacy.

Wear Lingerie For Yourself: There really isn’t a better reason to wear lingerie but to wear it for yourself. No one else has to know you are wearing the sexiest, daring and provocative lingerie underneath your clothing attire, it can be your own secret.

About the Author: Elaine is a consultant from Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Centres

Sexuality Acceptance Stages

Sexual Identity Acceptance
As far as I remember, I was 6 when I first realised that I like men; I was traveling to another city with my mother and there was a man on the bus. He was way too charming and I couldn’t take my eyes off him. A year later, I remember taking notes in my diary; in my opinion, there was nothing better for a 7-year-old boy than writing in his diary about the new episode of Power Rangers in 90s, especially about the man performing the Blue Ranger. It wasn’t until later, I put myself off thinking in that way by saying to myself
“You should stop looking at boys, there are girls to love!”
which was pretty normal for a boy who was born and raised in a hetero-normative culture; especially in one of those Middle Eastern countries where the pain is blessed and the love is despised. Of course, I had no idea what hetero-normative means back then and that was not the only thing that I didn’t know for sure. I will be learning in the next 15 years from then, I was in such a state of mind called “Denial” which is the first of 5 consecutive stages.

Denial: Denial is the first step of v also known as The Five Stages of Grief. Swiss psychiatrist Elisabeth Kubler-Ross introduced this model in her book named On Death and Dying (1969). Simply, the model states that “there is a series of emotions experienced by survivors of an intimate’s death, where in the five stages are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance”. Then, she expanded the model to any form of personal loss such as the end of a relationship, drug addiction, incarceration so on. She indicated that the stages do not necessarily come in order and also all of the stages may not be experienced by all patients

Grieving Model
Graph: Kubler-Ross Model

 

Shock & Denial: It all started with a simple question asked by my mother five years ago:

“Are you homosexual?”.
I was in a relationship with a guy for nearly one and a half years and life was beautiful then; it didn’t take too much though to become a nightmare. I bet she had no idea about what homosexual is, somehow she learnt that this is the best way to ask whether I like men or not. I was shocked, I, absolutely, wasn’t expecting such question. I mean yes, I started making things a little bit obvious to get my parents ready for this kind of information about my sexuality, but I wasn’t planning to say anything before graduation and there was 4 years to graduate from university. So, it was a bit early for me to come out to my family, I didn’t lie though. After giving her some general information about LGBTQI community, I finished my talk saying-
“Yes, I like men” She replied me back with “Are you kidding me?! Go to bed now and pull yourself together. You had a girlfriend, you can’t like men” I could only say “No mom, I am serious.”
Anger:  I realised that my mom’s denial period lasted only for 6 hours when I was awoken by the noise of shattered glasses and vases in our house. She kept screaming
“My Lord, please save my son! You are a sinner; you are going to hell!”
She said to me. That seemed to me like pure anger & hate. I understood that this is the beginning of a long journey and decided to fight for my life, for my existence and, most importantly, for my mother. She thought she lost her one and only child, she thought her son is not going to be the same as he used to be. I saw the fear in her eyes that makes her angry and the anger period was longer than denial for her. She talked to my father about my sexuality immediately, expecting him to do something to “fix” me. Luckily, he said only one sentence:
“I cannot accept this.”
He has never said any other thing about that topic. I wasn’t surprised since I knew my father; he was always cold as ice. Then, she tried to punish me in her way of thinking by sharing my privacy with my whole family; uncles, aunts, cousins. To be honest, although I got angry with her for what she did, she actually helped me a lot. I was planning to come out to whole family anyway. Shortly, she did everything she could do to me to “fix” me, to hurt me, to suppress me just as anybody else feeling angry & frustrated would do.
I felt myself capable of understanding my mother’s thoughts and feelings, I lived through those steps, after all. The concept was the same: homosexuality. I denied homosexuality, she denied me being homosexual. She was angry with me; I was angry with all the boys around me. I was only 8 years old and decided to pal up with girls only. I was blaming on the boys for making me feel in that way.  How could I possibly know that this will lead other boys to bully me saying
“Faggot!”?
I stayed angry for a few years more, time has passed, I became an adolescent and I saw that I should have been in a relationship with a girl just like my peers did.
Bargaining: I think this step is the worst of all steps. You think you get over the anger period and you feel yourself a bit relaxed, you are now ready to bargain. However, as you can see in the graph above, a big depression is on the way. My bargain with life was like this:
“OK, I will be with girls, I will lust after only girls but you will make me forget about what I felt about boys”
I tried to achieve my part; I wanted to kiss girls, touch them then I had sex with them too. I was in a relationship with a girl between the ages of 17-20 for three years and I am pretty sure that that wasn’t an experimental game. Just like I said to her when she asked me whether I loved her or not after she found out my sexual orientation, I really loved her. However, life wasn’t honest with me and I was still lusting after boys.
She bargained with both life and me at the same time. After she got calm down, she started blaming herself and my father for not raising me “properly”. At this point, she was taking care of me very well as if she wants to compensate the years that she didn’t care about me in her opinion. I think that was the way of her saying to life that “I am with my son but you are going to “fix” it!” On the other hand, her bargain with me was too brutal. She was pretty nice to me but she wanted me to do whatever she asks me to do. She took me to doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists; some of them diagnosed me with some illnesses and claimed that they could “fix” me. And what is worse, she was very religious and took me to some kind of reverends to perform some silly rituals to “fix” me. I don’t remember how long it lasted like this but I said OK to everything. I just wanted her to see that nothing is going to change in me. Then, she realised one day after a very long time and it ended suddenly.
Depression: Life is a bitch. It didn’t give what is promised to me nor my mom. Disappointment, sadness, hopelessness, desperation; all of them lead to a great depression. She wasn’t happy at all, her social interactions were almost none. All she did was cry, pray, sleep. A gay son, unhappy marriage, loneliness and who knows what else she felt in that period. I knew that she was strong and she would get over it. We started not to talk about homosexuality at home. I think she thought that there was no point in talking about it since she admitted that she was beaten and it was OK for me as well.
My depression was a few years earlier than my mom’s. I wasn’t happy with my girlfriend anymore, I was dreaming about boys. I was also seeing the life of a few gay friends of mine, they were living their life freely with their boyfriends. I was jealous, I wasn’t be able to concentrate on anything but thinking about my helplessness. It took me two years or maybe even more to recover, meanwhile, I didn’t go to school at all, I was always drunk, spent a fortune for nothing in those years, most importantly, I lost my most valuable years.
Acceptance: “As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from uneasy dreams he found himself transformed in his bed into his true self.” If Franz Kafka was alive, I believe he wouldn’t mind this little change in the first line of his “The Metamorphosis” done by me since he knows how much I love him. On the contrary, he would be glad to hear that I was liberated; I was an insect and transformed into a human-being. Of course, this metamorphosis didn’t happen in a day, it felt so though. I was in London in that February and I was pretty determined to experience “a new thing”. I went to Heaven that night, the most popular gay club in London. I was excited, happy, nervous, curious… I spent some time there, then left the bar with a guy, British, in his mid-thirties, named Paul. We walked along the Thames and as soon as we came just under the London Eye, he kissed me gently. That was happening, I was kissing a guy; beyond kissing a guy, I was kissing a person that I really want to kiss without any hesitation. I felt relaxed. I found my true self just there, under the London Eye in a snowy, cold but warm night in February 2010.
It is hard for me to say certain statements about my mother’s acceptance stage though. I am not sure if she accepted it, but I feel like she did. I know she felt terrible when I decided to come to Australia just after graduation one year ago. She wanted to stop me, change my mind but then she gave it up and I think we can call it “learned helplessness”. It has been five years since I came out and for the last one year of it; she hasn’t said anything about homosexuality, she hasn’t asked any single question about my homosexuality to my friends. She seems happy as she sees me happy. Moreover, we had a little conversation on Facetime the other day about a discussion between my dad and her and she asked me to give a clue to convince my dad on that specific topic and I said “Are you asking my advice on how to deal with men?” We laughed at my sentence together. That was a precious moment. That’s why I’m saying that she accepted.
I didn’t write all these paragraphs just to tell what has been going on between me and my mother, it is just a tool to show one of the possibilities. Coming out is a hard process and it consists of some stages for both parties. It wouldn’t be right to say anything on which party experiences the case more dramatically but there is no doubt that there is a lot to do for the one coming out in this process. Still, there are always different options; I mean, you may not want to deal with all the problems about coming out process and you can go away. Or, you can stay with them and live the process together. I admit that it is too hard to live in that environment everyday, but seeing it as a step of your existence; thinking that you are doing something good for yourself, for your people, for the next generations – coming-out to your people is a contribution to LGBTQI movement as well, in my opinion- will make you stronger, believe me. We can change the world together, starting with changing our world. All we need is patience and resilience; since, “…when there is no pain, the way for the baby cannot be opened and the mother cannot give birth. Likewise, for a new self to be born, hardship is necessary…”

About the Author: Goki is a consultant at the best adult shops

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Lazy Sex & Orgasm Guide

Tired Sex
Disclaimer: This one is a little bit silly and came about after drawing inappropriate stick figures out of boredom (don’t ask) – enjoy!
There’s no denying that our days are getting busier. Our personal time for ourselves and our partners are getting shortened by the minute but that doesn’t mean you have to miss out on having sex or having a wonderful orgasm. Lazy Sex & Orgasms are best used when you can’t be bother to do anything but you still want to relieve yourself. Your probably thinking, how can you orgasm when your restless.  Whether you’re tired and want to go to sleep or you only have 5 minutes before work, there’s always a way to squeeze in that orgasm.  You can relax, have sex or masturbate without much effort at all. Lazy Sex & Orgasms could be exactly what the doctor ordered and they can also help you have a wonderful nights sleep. Below are my 5 laziest ways to have an orgasm:
1.The “Netflix N Chill” orgasm
The Netflix N Chill involves beginning a movie or TV show on Netflix and not being able to make it through without having sex.  It is important that you stay with the theme of the movie so that you can have an interactive experience and when you are finished, if you can stay awake, finish the movie too!!! Bonus.
Types of Orgasms
Cartoon: The “Netflix N Chill” orgasm

2. The “Spooning always leads to forking” Orgasm.

Every couple knows how to assume the spoon: Lie on your side with your guy behind you. Keep both of your torsos in this doze pose and lift your top leg. Have him shift his lower body into a half-kneeling position, entering you from behind.
Types of Orgasms
Cartoon: “Spooning always leads to forking” Orgasm

3. The “fully clothed” orgasm.

My personal favourite. Get yourself a body wand that’s strong enough that you don’t even have to take off your clothes!  Absolutely sensational but if you are a gusher can be a bit messy and would require a change of clothes it you are going out afterwards.
Types of Orgasms
Cartoon: The “fully clothed” orgasm

4. The “public” orgasm.

This one is on the rise – get yourself a WeVibe that your partner can control from anywhere and go about your day to day tasks!  Brings a whole new meaning to bringing home the bacon or if you are so inclined and being a bit adventurous take it to a them park and have an orgasm controlled by your partner on the scariest ride.
Types of Orgasms
Cartoon: The “public” orgasm
5. The “When you can’t be fucked to fuck” orgasm.
Get yourself a Fun Factory BiStronic Fusion and let the toy do all the work for you!  There are so many great sex toys out there that these days you do not need a partner or to put any effort in yourself you just need to get the right speed and mode and let your toy do the working.
Types of Orgasms
Cartoon: “When you can’t be fucked to fuck” orgasm
Lazy Sex & Orgasms can be just as fun as putting a lot of energy into sex. They can be more intimate as you may find yourself closer to your partner as they may be tired to. Having something in the side of your drawer when you need that extra bit of help can make your masturbation session more interesting a sexually enticing. If you are struggling and need a bit of a kick up, women can use arousal gels to get their clitoris fired up with warm or cold sensations. Men can also spice up their lazy orgasm with a vibrating cock ring which will massage their balls or they can buy a male pulsator like the Hot Ocotpus to do all the work for them. Either way, lazy orgasms are just as relieving and can be even more fun than a “wide awake” orgasm.
I hope everyone is having a fabulous day and getting their stores ready for the Halloween celebrations!  We have a competition in our Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Centres as to who decorates the best store and the most appropriately dressed consultant.  Come visit our stores and see our amazing Halloween displays.

About the Author and Illustrator: Chloe is a consultant at the Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Centres

Have a Perfect One-Night Stand

Lynx Angel on Bed

I have had a few one nightstands in my time and I can’t say they have all left me feeling that great. Yes, the walk of shame is not a stranger to me.  When you have a good one though it can be just what the doctor ordered, whether that be just a primal need to have sex or a boost to the confidence. If you do it right, the whole process of seeking out a one off sex encounter with someone can be as intoxicating as champagne. If you don’t do it right, it can simply leave you feeling like an awful hangover. Here are a few things I think that may help you avoid the most common pitfalls of one night stand. If you follow these tips, you will be more likely to have top notch one night stands. The majority of these things become irrelevant if the reason you are having one off sex is because you are absolutely wasted and barely know what you’re doing. In such circumstances, even if it is a successful one night stand, you won’t remember it anyway.

So what do we need to take into account before we even think about having a one night stand? Well, quite apart from not being drunk, the main thing is to make sure you have the right temperament in the first place, sex is inextricably linked to emotions. It is a certain kind of person that can simply enjoy the physical pleasures of sex without making other emotional connections with the other person. Men are much better at compartmentalising emotions and consequently are more likely to have a good time.

 

I had this one night stand. The next morning I felt so guilt that I went out and bought another one for the other side of the bed.
Quote: One Night Stand

 

Women often come off worse, with only 54% having a good time as opposed to 85% of men. Women and much less often men can end up feeling empty, lonely, dirty or embarrassed.  An interesting thing to consider if you are a women, is that women tend to raise their standards when it comes to one off sex, actively seeking someone better looking than perhaps their usual boyfriends are. Men it seems, do the exact opposite and tend to drop their standards. This goes some way to understanding why they are often ultimately more satisfied and have a more positive experience generally.

Even if you are confident in your abilities to put away unhelpful emotions, you should still think about why you want one in the first place. We should examine our motives as to why we want one and there are plenty of very good reasons why we might. Some people, it turns out, are wired to have one night stands. There is a gene called DRD4 that is often present in people who have a lot of them. The same gene also makes a person prone to cheating and getting high. You might also just simply be in the mood for a good fuck! It can be a lot less draining sleeping with a stranger than having serial casual sex with someone.

What if you are fresh out of a relationship or you haven’t had any for ages? One night stands are great tonic for getting you back in the game. You don’t even have to be yourself either, you can pretend to be anyone and that is exciting. You can live out kinky fantasies with people you aren’t going to be involved with again. It is an opportunity to let loose and find out stuff about yourself. They are also great for revenge! It is very easy to find a one night, there are loads of options. Try to avoid having one with a person you might see around in circumstances that could be embarrassing in the future. Co-workers are never a good idea and even friends of friends can turn out to be a massive nightmare.

If you want zero chance of the other person ending up wanting anything slightly more than sex, like say, a cup of tea afterwards, or something equally outrageous, then pay for it. There are plenty of places to find lovely girls and guys who will gladly take your money and give you exactly what you want. There are also the adult classifieds in places like Craigslist and Back Door Personals. There you will find all sorts of people wanting no strings attached one off sex. But most of those will be escorts. And you need to be doubly safety conscious in those situations.  You can always go the old fashioned route if you like, and pick someone up in a bar but like most things now, it is probably more efficient to do it online.

Why narrow down your choices when there are so many sites out there dedicated to casual sex with thousands of people wanting the same.  There are dating sites like Tinder and Grinder, where it is easy to find someone who would love a one night stand, but with it being  a relationship site, there is always the chance you might , well, get just that…a relationship. Even if it is only annoying follow up messages.

You may as well use a website fit for purpose. Which one though? It is probably best to use a paid one. Friend finder X seems like one of the better ones. These will be the safest, by ‘safest’, I mean have the most bone -fide profiles on and the quality will probably be higher. You won’t be spending money on drinks and dinners anyway so you may as well pay for the site.

 

Shirtless Man on Bed
Male Model on Bed

 

When it comes to writing your profile on those sites, you don’t have to beat around the bush either (unless that’s what you are into) the more honest and specific you are about what you want and who you want, the less likelihood for disappointment. As well as being specific in your profile, both you and the recipient should be putting safety first, so try and make yourself look “normal”   It is a bit scary to go and meet a torso with a 9 inch dick….. What if that is all there actually is?!  Make sure at least one photo is one of you doing a hobby or out with mates. And preferably one clothed and RECENT!

Look for profiles of others that also look “normal”. You might want a girl with her pussy pierced and love the picture of it. But it is probably safest for you to see what it is attached to. Once you have your date, whether it was arranged in advance or you only just met outside the club on the taxi rank, here is a bit of one night stand etiquette that is worth at least attempting. Let someone else know where you are going and who with. And make sure you have your phone and money.  Don’t get too pissed and don’t go with anyone pissed. It is so important to have your wits about you. This person could be anybody.

Consent is everything at all stages of proceedings and both parties need to take equal responsibility. If one of you is too drunk to be able to make informed consent then it is up to the other to say no thanks. Both need to gauge whether each other is in the right frame of mind to be consenting, whatever you end up doing.  No means no. The fact that you don’t know the person and may never see them again doesn’t give you free reign to behave like an idiot.  This is not a green light opportunity to push things a bit further than is comfortable for one of you.

If the sex is going to take place at someone’s home, then try to make it yours. It makes you feel more comfortable, you are in charge and if anything did happen to you then everyone would know where you were. For god sake use protection! Have fun, experiment, use sex toys, bondage kits, penis plugs, make the most of it, be brave and ask for what you fantasies about. Don’t do anything too freaky though, without warning!  Just because it is a one night stand, you don’t have to leave out the foreplay and compliments. They make both of you feel flattered and comfortable, and that makes for better sex.

You don’t need to entertain, you are not on a date. A drink maybe for nerves. You don’t have to cook a breakfast the next day. If it is late and the girl can’t get home offer her the bed, just like you would a mate. When it comes to leaving, be nice and split the cab fare.  Take everything with you…. if you ‘accidentally’ (on purpose) leave something behind, you are probably not the type to have one night stands.

Be as respectful and as polite as you would be in your everyday life. This is a ‘person’ you are with, with family and friends just like you. Don’t expect sex the next day. Last night was last night. By all means show an interest if you like but just because it happened the previous night, repeat sex is never a given, it is a privilege.  Lastly, whatever you do, don’t be a moron in the morning, or worse immediately afterwards, armed with a bunch of lame excuses about why you have to go. You were only there for sex. It is easy just to tell someone it is time for them to go, or that it is time for you to leave. Just make sure you do it confidently and nicely, preferably squeeze in a bit of a compliment.

Something like “Hey, I’m absolutely knackered, thanks so much for that sex, it was really hot! See Ya!”

About the Author: By Emily a Consultant from Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Centre

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