Sex Diary: The Ex’s Nickname System Part 3

Fireman Carrying Ladder Photo

…Continued from Part Two….. I’m almost ashamed to go on but alas there are more sex stories and they’re certainly of more interest to be told than left to float around in my head as memories.

Smokey

A broad-shouldered fireman who put up with my drunken antics before I finally shoved him down the hall to the bedroom. Smokey had an irritated cough and as a nursing undergraduate, I immediately identified that it didn’t sound good. “All good” he said as we got down to business. Afterwards as we slept the alcohol off, he coughed regularly and his voice became hoarser throughout the night. As the night went on, it sounded more and more serious.

All hail the morning wood and away we went at it again which was fine enough up until the condom broke. Well, crap! That means a trip to the chemist for emergency contraception and then off to the sexual health clinic. It happens. I dropped him at the train station on the way to the chemist, he promised to be in contact. Needless to say I didn’t expect to hear from him again.

Three days later he rang to ask if I had been okay after the emergency contraception. I noticed he wasn’t coughing so much anymore. It was then he told me that he’d actually had face mask crack whilst he was on duty as a fireman earlier that day and had inhaled enough smoke to cause serious irritation to his lungs. He’d collapsed at the train station and had to be rushed to the hospital. Smokey spent 24 hours in intensive care being helped to breathe. When one inhales enough smoke to require hospitalization and then disappear like a puff of smoke, it’s a certain inevitability you’ll be christened Smokey. Props to him for his performance given that he had serious issues breathing. A true hero fireman.

Linkenbrinkenfingertrickter

He was a lover of my girlfriend. His actual name was Leonard and he had an Austrian heritage with a mildly complicated sounding surname. Over drinks one night I asked if he would pay a visit any time soon. Kissy was confused as to who I referred to and in an attempt to sound his surname out, I hadn’t been able to remember his first name I managed to slur out loud “Linkenbrinkenfingertrickter”. I christened him with a name that gave fits of hysterical laughter, it was guaranteed to stick and it did.

 

Man Using Wii Photo
Photo: Man Using Wii – Sex Diary: The Ex’s Nickname System Part 3

 

Hook Boy

This delightful young gentleman graced my bedroom one night, nudged on by my girlfriend who said “Go on, let loose and enjoy yourself. Give a youngen a try”. You see, I’m not entirely fond to bed partners much younger than myself. Unlike my girlfriends who like to train and mould an enthusiastic younger lover, I’m not so keen after I had less than wonderful experiences previously. Hook Boy did not change my mindset.

He was exuberant and gets a thumbs up for that but it was steadily downhill from there. Hook Boy proved to be quite lacklustre when it came to foreplay and intercourse. He gave me an experience akin to me masturbating out of boredom where I’m just going through the motions. After I brought him to orgasm quickly with intercourse Hook Boy proclaimed “I’ll finish you off!”. “Okay, here goes nothing” I thought as he shoved two fingers inside me. I could not have imagined the horror that was about to go down as he proceeded to finger bang me. Suddenly I felt this claw that scrapped, yanked and pulled at my insides. “Ummm, excuse me, but what the hell do you think you’re doing there?!” I yelped as I tried to pull myself away. With a proud grin Hook Boy replied “Stimulating your G-Spot” as he attempted to continue. No… no… NO! That is no way to stimulate a G-Spot. It was now game over. I thanked him for his time and showed him the door.

Imagine for a moment what it feels like to have your internal organs pulled out of your body via your nether regions with a piece of barbed wire fashioned into a crude hook. You’re about close to what this sensation felt like. And that is how he became known as Hook Boy.

Wii Man

Around the time of the release of the Nintendo Wii when the console was still a novelty a new lover paid a visit to Kissy’s house. After the standard ‘break the ice’ beverage Kissy leaned over with a wink and whispered “So what would you like to get up to now?”. Wii Man pointed over at the Nintendo Wii and told her he’d like to play that for a while as it looked like fun. As Kissy sat there bewildered he asked “Do you have the ten pin bowling game?” Kissy set the console up and booted up the requested game. An hour of play later she lost her patience and told Wii Man in no uncertain terms that if he planned to continue to use his fingers on a remote instead of on her then it was time for him to leave. The penny finally dropped for Wii Man and they proceeded to get down to business. Kissy admitted the next morning that while he may have been good with the angle and power in the game, in real life it was all gutter balls.

 

About the author: Alicia is a consultant from Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Centres

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Adult Vlog Interview With Chaney Cox The Rabbit Company

The Adultsmart Vlog was lucky enough to catch up and have a chat with Chaney Cox Brand Manager for the Rabbit Company a new and exciting sex toy company moving forward in leaps and bounds specializing in rabbit vibrators.  Have a listen to what she has to say –

 

Chaney says the company is taking a new concept and making it better.  From the company press

‘The Rabbit Company is the home of the Classic Rabbit Vibrator, Rotating Rabbit Vibrator, G-Spot Rabbit Vibrator, Beaded Rabbit Vibrator and Vibrating Rabbit Ears. All our Rabbit Vibrators are feature hypoallergenic, non-porous materials, FDA-approved velvety finishes, and incredible power. We include two powerful motors for independent shaft and rabbit vibration, and the USB rechargeable batteries offer up to an amazing 8 hours of run time! Are you ready for a REAL Rabbit?’

Caring For Rabbit Vibrator
Rabbit Vibrator Care

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Review: Shots Toys Hiky

Shots Toys Hiky Photo

Hiky. The sex industry’s version of regifting a poorly thought out present in nicer wrapping paper.

Way back when the technology of clitoral suction was new, we had Womaniser and Satisfyer Pro 2. In all the chaos of the release of those products we overlooked the conquest by Shots Toys (you’ve probably seen it, it’s the little hair dryer looking toy on your tester stand). It was loud, battery operated and it just all round kinda sucked and not the way shots toys really wanted it to. Shots Toys have obviously recognised this and released Hiky which is a much nicer looking unit than Shot Toys The Conquest and the other suction devices out there.

The packaging looks like it’ll be a nice product, it isn’t discrete and I am doubtful anyone would use it for storage because it’s flimsy as. It has a pretty inaccurate blurb on the back, it states this product well overwhelm me with what? That it is compact and travel friendly: I don’t know where they got that idea from as it is rather large for its kind at 8.1 inches in length. The box contains just a charger and the product, there is no satin bag… what a riiiippppppp. I like the silicone coating on Hiky it’s silky and draggy all at once. Being silicone it is a bit of a lint magnet but its water resistance which makes it pretty easy to rinse the insertable end off and the cap can be taken off to wash. I also really hate the colours they come in weird eggplant purple, charcoal and the red is an absolute delight. I have eggplant but red is definitely my favourite. The colours are as sombre and morose, reflective of my feelings towards Hiky.

There’s a tonne of suction devices out on the market but Shots Toy’s Hiky has set itself apart by adding the option of vibrations. It’s dual-ended so you can use the vibrations on the suction end or the tapering handle as an insertable or external vibe.  The whole unit is ABS plastic covered in silicone, it’s really solid toy.

Basically, the pros of this product are:

  • Glorified shots toys conquest
  • Pretty OK vibes
  • Rechargeable
  • Body safe silicone
  • Actually quiet

I found it arduous to find positives with this product although everything I dislike about it is minor. I absolutely think the shape is less than well thought out as when in use it sticks straight up I feel like I am using a teeny tiny Fleshlight for ladies. I did not find it ergonomic or comfortable whatsoever when using the suction end. To get a good seal you need to apply the correct amount of pressure and balance. If Hiky is held in the wrong spot, gets top heavy and tiresome rather quickly.

Shots Toys Hiky Photo
Sex Toy: Shots Toys Hiky – Review

 

Insight into my life:

If I am using a toy it means two things

  1. I’m in a hurry and I’m already late or
  2. I ‘can’t be fucked’ literally I am feeling so lazy I just wanna rest my arm on myself and hold something there until I’m finished.

Hiky made me work rather hard.

Moving on to the next issue, what the hell is with the buttons? They are LITERALLY SO FRUSTRATING! Here I am undies around my knees (because the device is huge and I have to hold it vertically from my body) jamming at these buttons, the lights are flashing but nothing is turning on. I found the fact the on/off button still needed to be held down for 5 + seconds for it to even light up or turn the product off. It was completely idiotic and actually rendered the button useless. There is also an “A” button for suction and two vibration buttons that control each end, you also have to hold these down for 5 + seconds before anything happens. Shots call it intuitive because the functions are controlled independently; in most cases, I would agree this is an amazing feature but on this product, I found it unnecessary and disappointing. For a product that has so many functions at the very least, I would have expected a quick stop on/off button rather than the 5-second hold down.

Congratulations you have now wasted 15 seconds!! But after that you can finally attempt to masturbate. I don’t think I’m anatomically correct for Hiky, It just didn’t fit me well I didn’t appreciate how large the silicone mouth was and how I had to position my body to use it. From using the Satisfyer Pro 2 and Penguin, I had a high standard set and hoped Hiky could become the new clit-overlord with its added intensity of vibes but alas I was wrong. The vibes overpowered the suction sensation and confused my body. The vibration does not provide any stimulation where I need or want it too, it just dances around the boy in the boat and angers him. The suction end is now dubbed the doughnut of disappointment (DOD).  Their website suggests you use Hiky with lube (I went with my all time favourite water based lube Intimate Organics Defense) for me it made zero difference. I think for those looking to build a better seal it would be a great idea to throw a drop of lube into the mix. I tried without the vibration but the suction was too gentle as I couldn’t get it to fit. To the Hikys credit the suction is quite powerful, I used it on my lip for a laugh. This toy would be perfect for those who are into nipple play.

I refuse to do a totally negative review and I refused to let Hiky stand in my way of a good time. I look for the best in people and vibrators, Hiky had its faults but I discovered its secret talent – DUAL MOTORS! I turned Hiky into a makeshift We-Vibe Wish by turning the DOD end to the fourth setting which provides a sort or wavy, pulsey and heartbeaty pattern. Then I turned the insertable end on the highest setting which nailed it. I wouldn’t insert this if you paid me the clean-up of the four shitty buttons alone can go to hell and there’s barely any curve, I couldn’t disappoint any more erogenous zones for this review.

As you can tell I didn’t find Hiky an enjoyable experience but it shouldn’t deter people from buying it, as stated, I feel my body was ill-shaped and I don’t enjoy having my legs on either corner on the bed to fit a product. But what shots has tried to do here is respectable and commendable they have taken a product that is quickly saturating the sex-toy market and tried to give it a bit of extra oomph by making it a product that looks and feels high end with vibration. Hiky has its place with other Satisfyer and Womaniser products, it just doesn’t have a place in my sex toy box.

About the author: Amy is a consultant from Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Centres

 

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Review: Romant Couple

Romant Couple Vibrator Photo

The moment I got home I decided to check out the vibrations on this baby, the Romant Couple. Let me tell you, bug-eyed with a big smile, I got pretty excited once I turned this smooth operator on. I would easily put this and other rechargeable toys from the Romant range up there on the throne of the powerful vibrators with gusto which is in my opinion *Singing Christina Aguilera in my head* what a girl wants, what a girl needs.

 

Twitter Face Photo
Photo: Twitter Face

 

Looking at my partner Josh and telling him we will be reviewing this product not only for anal, vaginal penetration but I think this is a great toy for those like myself that enjoy double penetration too. Well safe to say Josh’s jaw dropped with excitement when I announced that we would be doing all this and then some lol. I think he may love my job more than I do if that’s even possible!

The Couple comes in a pretty hot pink and groovy purple colour, with a little charge which helps us in Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Centres when demonstrating the product to customers, but once fully charged it can last more than 2 hours, depending on the vibration mode you use. Ample time for a lengthy session with yourself or a partner, without dying awkwardly in the act! Being USB rechargeable and 100% waterproof constructed of Medical Grade Silicone and ABS interior, you can use the Couple in the shower, pool, bath or spa for a different scene and experience too! For those interested in the sound of the Couple, it only reaches 49dB (decibels) it also means it’s quiet but the soft noise doesn’t hinder the vibration power in any way.

With the Couple’s ridges and bumps displayed in the most sensitive inner parts of the toy, particularly the cock ring intensifies the vibrations at the base of the shaft and the balls while also being slightly weighted at the base, the whole toy weighs 350 grams though so not ridiculous weight. The dimensions of the Couple are handsomely 188mm (L) x 82.5mm (W) x 78mm (H) which is something to get excited about, if you, like me enjoy a sizeable length and girth! The cock ring base is also great for those guys that like the feel of pressure without having a completed ring being too tight for their overall girth and obstruction during the most intimate moments.

Romant Couple Vibrator Photo
Sex Toy: Romant Couple in Purple – Review

 

This would also appeal to those that enjoy femme domination as the weighted pressure can also act as a beginner’s control weight training feature too!

The shaft of the vibrator has spaced ripples on the underside, creating an awesome sensation on its own but teamed with some added arousal oil or warming/cooling lubricant to heighten overall sensitivity, it made feeling those ripples increasingly intense with every thrust. The rest of the probe is smooth and seamless which makes for incredibly easy insertion particularly for anal.

Touching on anal a little more, this is not a beginner’s toy for back door action, I would class this due to size and length as an intermediate to advanced toy for anal penetration and play, as the tip is akin to some of our more bulbous butt plugs that we stock which for a beginner and may be a little daunting to those just wanting to get started. However not to fear!! Teamed with an excellent anal water-based lube and some extra anal advice from our friendly and intuitive staff on pleasurable and serious anal preparation this can easily sway a beginner to comfortably purchase this toy, I managed to do this so anything is possible!

The functionality of the Couple is quite versatile, I managed to use the couple, shaft facing upward and downward. Think of it this way, using the couple pointed down (function buttons facing upward) would be great for gay users as the bulb tip would point toward the P-spot (prostate) during anal, in this position the cock ring would be attached to the shaft of the other male user with the tapered ends softy tickling the connective tissue between the shaft and scrotum.

Romant Couple Photo
Photo: Romant Couple in Pink – Review

 

Turning this product upside down and if inserted vaginally, the curved underside of the probe acts as a very effective G-spot stimulator teamed with those strong vibes to massage and awaken the areas that will definitely send you into outer space and orbit for a while after. I tried the Couple solo too and well, there was one point I had a tug-of-war with it as my kegel muscles decided to give the Couple a snuggle hug and not to let go! Fear not I managed to get it out! Clearly my vagina says yes to the Couple! I personally loved the cock ring as a ring pull, I found it very easy to control having this at the base. Hell, you could even use the cock ring as a bracelet to have your fingers free to fondle the magical clitoris and get even more “BANG” for your buck… literally!

The vibrations were that good it actually caused me to tighten internally with the kegel muscles. So another plus on the selling point meaning if there is a guy on the other end of this toy, he can choose to wear the cock ring or not while performing double penetration. He is completely free to thrust as hard, soft, fast and slow as he wants without obstruction while it is nestled in vaginally and ‘hands-free’. With DP, this is a massive boost in stimulation for both users. The straight and patterned vibrations to a total of 7 modes, that can be felt through the whole area (anal and vaginal) there would be no problem using the Couple to get to climax at the same time either with the almost effortless overall use of the Couple and it’s vibration intensity is definitely a love gun that you want to mess with.

In missionary position for DP, if the Couple is inserted anally with the power buttons facing the floor the curved probe will be pointing up pushing against the vagina which will make vaginal intercourse much more snug and tighter without resorting to tightening creams and serums, and at the same time getting that extra buzz to push the limits which will make a new experience for both users. Switching the Couple around (still anally) the probe is now facing the spine. The Couple will be tickling all the lower back area which in fact is part contributor to an intense orgasm as the nerves are being stimulated for total lower torso stimulation. If you’ve ever had a true orgasm, you’ll know what I mean! Once the spinal nerves are triggered along with the G-spot you’ll wanna use this toy every… single… time! Your own personal spinal tap!

The tip of the probe could easily be used for clitoral or perineal (gooch) stimulation too, although the most sensitive part of the clitoris is the central most part, it takes massaging and stimulating that whole area as the clitoris is connected to the labia and internally to the Urethra which means the Couples wider surface area at the tip should cover all of this. For the Perineum, stimulating this area with the Couple is really beneficial to first-time pregnant women. Stimulating the Perineum assists with lower chances of Perineal tearing, Episiotomy or perineotomy (surgery for tearing from child birth) so another target audience if you discover the customer is expecting their first child.

I honestly can’t fault this sex toy, since using it and learning much more about it I have sold quite a few now confidently and it really has made me more inclined to recommend the brand Romant to our customers in general as a really great toy. All Romant toys come with standard 1 year warranty, they’re affordable, well made and an excellent all-rounder toy.

 

About the author: Bree is a consultant from Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Centres

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Vlog Interview with Tony Tse – Womanizer

Tony Tse Corva Technology

The Adultsmart Vlog was lucky enough to interview Tony Tse the director of Corva Technology Ltd the manufacturer of the best-selling woman’s sex toy the Womanizer.

If you have not heard about the innovative womanizer why not read some of these reviews –

Review Womanizer

Womanizer Pro Review

The Womanizer Reviewed

Tony Tse talks candidly about this exceptional product, the companies goals and new products that will appear in the marketplace very soon.

 

Check out these womanizer clips  –

How about more information on the Womanizer Pro

or the womanizer

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