Mutual Masturbation – Twice The Fun!

By the time you realise things are starting to go dull in your sex life it can start to spiral downhill really fast. You tend to freak out and think that you’re doing something wrong.  Worse your partner is doing something wrong and could possibly be starting to lose interest. One of the easiest things to incorporate into your bedroom antics is mutual masturbation.

Funnily enough the thing I find couples don’t tend to think of when trying to change things up in the bedroom.

We’ve all had fantasies about it.

Thinking about our partner whilst we’re masturbating and possibly even envisioning them masturbating in front of you whilst you are. So why not actually do it?

What is Mutual Masturbation?

Mutual Masturbation is a sexual activity that does not include sexual penetration and can also be referred to as outercourse.

Outercourse means different things to different people.  But usually excludes all penetration including vaginal, anal and oral. Outercourse includes things like frottage, mutual masturbation, fingering (oneself) and kissing. Not only is mutual masturbation or outercourse extremely hot.  It’s also a preferred sexual act for a lot of people.

Reasons for Mutal Masturbation

There a number of reasons for when masturbation beats sex.  Hetero couples may choose to engage in outercourse for reasons such as preserving virginity, an alternative to PIV sex rr even as a form of birth control.

It may be done in situations where the participants do not feel ready, physically able, socially at liberty, or willing to engage in any penetrative sex act.  Or a particular penetrative sex act, but still wish to engage in a mutual sexual activity to ultimately achieve orgasm.

Queer couples may also partake in outercourse also for preserving virginity.  Some gay males using it as a substitute for anal sex.  Folks with STI’s/STD’s may also choose to exclusively partake in outercourse or mutual masturbation so as to completely reduce the risk of exchanging bodily fluids.

Mutual Masturbation sometimes get’s overlooked

It’s such a simple technique which can help to enhance couple’s sexual skill sets.  Mutual Masturbation can help couple’s get to understand their partner’s bodies.  Their turn on’s and get to know all the correct buttons that need to be pressed.

It allows your partner to look and explore your body.  After all they are attracted to you so I couldn’t think of anything more enticing to them to actually have the power to play with the part’s that they love the most.  They can use Mutual Masturbation as away to visually get turned on and see how your body reacts to their touch.

Johann Nepomunk Geiger Painting mutual masturbation
Artwork: Johann Nepomunk Geiger

Mutual Masturbation was even shown in artwork

Dating all the way back to the 1840’s, famously by an artist called Johann Nepomunk Geiger (an Austrian Artist) who was a Court Painter by trade, erotic oil painter by night.

His picture, shown above, depicts a heterosexual couple who are stimulating one another at the same time. This still falls under the category of mutual masturbation and outercourse.

mutual masturbation with sex toys
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In 2023, almost every adult couple has their sex toys

Whether gay, straight, queer, trans or somewhere inbetween.  Couples will often use a vibrator or any other form of sex toy on the other before penetrative sex. But not many think to use their toys on each other simultaneously while the other watches.

This one simple act, fantasy, desire, whatever you want to call it, could be the key to charging up your sex life.

Mutual Masturbation is Super Sexy

It’s also a great way to find out what your partner enjoys.

We all know what gets us off, where our sweet spots are and exactly where to place your WeVibe Tango to get you going.  So sometimes the simple act of your partner watching you can act as not only a MASSIVE turn on, but a disguised tutorial!

Mutual masturbation can form a connection that will take your sex life to new heights and I can guarantee you will feel closer than ever before. So grab your Tango and your Lelo Mona 2.  Or stay traditional and use your hands to show your partner exactly how you like it.


mutual masturbation
Women Kissing on Couch

What is LGBTQ Foreplay? 

How broadening your vocabulary can make you more aware and ‘mast’.

Wikepedia defines foreplay as a sexual activity that precedes intercourse – “he enjoyed flirting and foreplay.  Urban Dictionary defines foreplay as touching/kissing/licking each other in a stimulating manner, in order to become “turned on” before having actual sex. defines foreplay as sexual stimulation of one’s partner, usually as a prelude to sexual intercourse.

Foreplay is a word I learnt in my first year of high school.

A word one uses to describe the fun that happens before the ‘act’, the ‘real deal’ the ‘finale’, the ‘actual’ sex; as quoted from Urban Dictionary.

I hear it thrown around in conversation daily.  This would be great for a foreplay toy!  On one particular day at Adultsmart, after overhearing a particular conversation between a female and her male partner (presumably). I was rather offended to hear her say that the clitoral vibrators they were buying would be the perfect foreplay toy before the REAL fun started.

Admittedly, the word that bugged me most was ‘real’.  

Somewhat the same as Urban Dictionary referring to foreplay as something that happens before having actual sex, or alternatively known as, Penis In Vagina (PIV) sex.

This brings me to the question, What is LGBTQ Foreplay?

As someone who is in a relationship with a female, I realised that what was bugging me is that the term foreplay is no longer a term that is relevant to my life.

“Touching/kissing/licking each other in a stimulating manner, in order to become “turned on” before having actual sex” was rather horrifying and degrading to my sexuality.  In all honesty. I mean, my girlfriend doesn’t have a penis, but I’ve never once thought that what we do doesn’t count as sex.

That what we do is merely a fraction of what other couples get to experience.  If there isn’t a penis going into a vagina at some point, then what is and what isn’t foreplay?

What is and what isn’t “actual sex”?  Oral sex: foreplay or not? Fingering? Mutual masturbation?  Trusting someone to not laugh at you when you put on a strap on for the first time and feel absolutely ridiculous?

mutual masturbation in foreplay
Two women sitting on couch

What is LGBTQ Foreplay?

The truth is a penis is not involved in mine, nor many other queer couples relationships.  But what we apparently lack in body parts, we more then make up for in other sexual activities.

Queer sex breaks the standard cycle or progression of sexual activities.

We (I), don’t casually partake in some act(s) of foreplay before finishing with the grand finale of a penis in vagina scenario for 10-15 minutes (speaking from previous experience’s only hahaha) before ‘finishing’.

This isn’t an accurate depiction of queer sex, or my sex life.

Queer sex may last for hours, with all different kinds of sexual play which may involve toys or it may not.  Multiple orgasms may be involved, or maybe you won’t orgasm.

Nor is orgasm necessarily the end of sex.

We obviously still take time to turn each other on and to become aroused.  But the key is – sometimes it’s intimate, sometimes it’s rough, sometimes it goes for 10 minutes and sometimes you decide to stop 5 orgasms later.

It’s all sex. Not foreplay.

So essentially, the term ‘foreplay’ is utterly heterocentric. I then began to broaden my thought process.  I thought that if this is offensive to someone who HAS been with male partners before, then how toxic must other people in the LGTBQ community.

A teen who is just coming to terms with her trueself and beginning her first phases of changing.  Or the teen just coming to grips with her sexuality and being told what she desires isn’t real sex or worthy of the title ‘sex’.

Broadening the definitions of sex is beneficial to everyone.

It’s more inclusive for people of different genders and sexual orientations, where sex involving a penis entering an orifice isn’t applicable or desired.

For people with different ability levels or bodies, people living with STIs, physical health issues, or any other situation where PIV sex might not be in the picture.  Or even people who DO engage in PIV sex.  What about the girl who can only orgasm from getting fingered while holding a tango on her clit?

We all know that over 70% of women can’t orgasm without clitoral stimulation – are they technically not having ‘sex’?

So let’s take the word “foreplay” out of our collective vocabulary.

We can define our own standards of what is LGBTQ Foreplay.  Where we can pay attention to the language we use and broaden our definition of sex. Appreciate the variety of wonderful ways people enjoy each other’s bodies.

It’s beneficial to everyone, no matter what gender or sexual orientation, because it’s another step toward a more inclusive, sex-positive world.

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