My Sordid Dark Past!

Love relationship

, as explained by any standard dictionary, would be the deep, unconditional, passionate and affectionate feeling of solicitude between two persons. In a relationship, we are supposed to reflect our true selves in the mirror, to our loved one and be loved for our originality. In a committed relationship you should be able to tell your lover anything. Now these are the terms what an

“Ideal Love Relationship”

has put in front of us. In reality, where do we stand in being the clear slate in front of the person whom we have chosen to spend our lives with? There would be rarely any couple that has not run into any bumps of the love road. The disguised complications start where we don’t want to reveal the actual selves. I wish i could tell my lover about the dark past I have dealt with.

BDSM Brunette Woman

Some years back, when I moved to a new city, I ended up doing things I have never been proud of. I now wish I could tell him about all those without arousing his judgmental side or losing my relationship with the person I ultimately care about the most. In order to blend the pace of new city and with the behavior of new people, I had faked to be another identity. At the time, I really need to get some easy favors and have a good time. I got into a relationship with a person despite always knowing that I could never end up with him . He had the money I needed to survive and leave a comfortable lifestyle. He surely made my days much more comfortable than before and I wasn’t worried about paying the rent, my bills or paying for the groceries. I would never say that I used that person wholly for my selfish motives as he was in it for his interests and satisfaction too. I thought it was a proper mature relationship but we did give each other the things we need at the time. Being lonely all the time was his Achilles heel and my paid company used to keep him out of his depression and emptiness to.

Spending quality time together, had made us both feel comfortable in the arrangement. Neither of us felt lonely when we were together. It would not be wrong to say that we both ended up in it for our mutual completeness and happiness. From the very beginning, we both knew that it would eventually end. We always kept a very honest relationship and were always open with our thoughts. I never kept him in the dark that I would be there as long as he paid for my rent and living expenses. As was destined, after just over eighteen months it ended.

After my time in the city, I never went back and saw him again. Going back to him meant my life would never been complete as it wasn’t true happiness or love. Coming back home, resuming the way of my original life made me happy. Here I am, loved, with the person of my life, my lover! I am not having any doubts about this ending or being with my soon to be husband. It is the perfect relationship that i could have ever dreamed of. But sometimes, in solitude, i wish i could tell my lover about the deal i had made in my past. I wish i could come so as to have  a clean slate with him. I hope he does not doubt my integrity, honesty and dignity. I wish he could understand the state of my mind and life then.  But would not this be asking too much from him?

My fear is that he would not understand from his perspective. I can always justify the right of my past to myself, but probably, I can never truly believe I can justify the wrongs of that, to my lover. Am I again acting selfishly in designing my “fairy-tale” future and Not Tell My Lover my tainted past?  But I feel I am not left with any other option either. I just cant afford to lose him anyhow, finally, I have made peace with and will forget the sins of my past in order to welcome my future happiness.


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Anna has been writing original erotic works for quite some time and specializes in Asian fantasies. When you have a few minutes and want to relax by reading some FREE original hard core adult stories you are welcome at the adultsmart blog.

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