With the rising popularity of Kink and Fetish, people are becoming more comfortable talking about it. Though casual conversation of BDSM helps bring awareness and promotes sexual expression. We tend to throw around the terms ‘kink’ and ‘fetish’ around, thinking they’re the same. And while these two terms are used almost interchangeably, they actually hold their own definitions and differences.
Kink and Fetish
By knowing the differences between the two, next time you’re having a kinky chat with your partner, you’ll know what you’re talking about. So, what are the differences between a ‘kink’ and a ‘fetish’?
What is a fetish?
A fetish is a sexual obsession to a specific body part or object, not inherently sexual in nature. For example, someone may have a foot fetish or shoe fetish, neither being sexual objects. A fetish is essential to an individual’s sexual identity, meaning their fetish must be incorporated into their sex lives.
What is a kink?
A kink is a broader term than a fetish. When an individual has a kink, it means they’re attracted to a variety of sexual interests that go beyond vanilla sex. This includes BDSM, impact play, and roleplaying.
Essentially, kinks are beyond conventional sex acts, and include but aren’t limited to:
- Bondage
- Spanking
- Strap-on sex
- Fisting
- Male Chastity
- Furry
- Voyeurism
- Foot Worship
- FemDom
- Ageplay
So if you thought sex in doggy style was kinky, think again. When it comes to kinky sex, it’s all about adventuring outside “normal” sex.
What are the differences between ‘fetish’ and ‘kink’?
Having a kink and fetish are two different things. You may find that they overlap, and that’s because it can be true. But when it comes to kinks and fetishes, there is a grey area between the two.
No one ever said sex was black and white!
The best way to understand the differences is to think of it like this: all fetishes are kinks, but not all kinks are fetishes. For example, someone’s kink could be seeing their partner in high heels while having sex. This can also be another person’s fetish.
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Fetishes are psychological
The main difference between a kink and fetish is the psychological connection someone has with their fetish. Someone with a kink can have a sexual experience without performing any sexual acts that are outside of mainstream sex. They are able to have sex in the missionary position, for example, and receive sexual pleasure and gratification.
Someone with a fetish is psychologically and sexually dependent on a specific act or object. A fetishist will not be able to become aroused without their fetish. They are psychologically dependent on it for sexual pleasure.
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Most fetishes develop from early life
Like we said above, fetishes are connected to an individual’s psychological state. Now, having a fetish doesn’t mean someone is unhealthy or mentally unstable. It’s believed that fetishism develops from childhood experiences.
If someone has a fetish for a specific object, they had a strong sexual connection with that object during childhood. The desire of a particular object is developed through reinforcement. If they received sexual gratification from leather pants or shoes during childhood, for example, the behavior will continue to develop sexually in their adult years.
An individual’s kinks can develop through sexual experimentation, etc.
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Kinks are not necessary for sexual pleasure
Unlike fetishes, people who have kinks can have them for a variety of reasons. If someone is engaging in spanking, S&M, or role-playing, it doesn’t necessarily mean they become aroused from it. For many people, kinks allow them to release or gain control and experiment with role reversal. That’s what creates the arousal.
The act itself isn’t necessarily providing sexual pleasure; rather it’s the emotional release they experience while performing it.
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Fetishists cannot be aroused without their fetish
If your partner has a foot fetish that you can’t stand, the odds are you two aren’t going to last long.
Fetishes aren’t kinks.
A person with a fetish isn’t able to become aroused unless they incorporate their fetish into sex. Many people assume that a fetish is something that can be “dropped” but unless the person attends therapy to overcome their fetish, they’re not going to change.
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Kinks are subjective
The term fetish is pretty defined, not leaving much room for interpretation. When it comes to ‘kink,’ it’s very broad. In reality, there are no defining factors that make someone kinky.
The mainstream community decided that S&M, bondage, and spanking are kinks; however, what’s considered “normal sex” is a social construct.
Kinks are subjective, as they’re sexual behaviors that don’t fall under a social norm.
Though kinks and fetishes share many similarities, there are also clear differences. If you were wondering which category you fall under, by knowing what each term means, you’ll have a clearer picture of where you stand.
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The Fetish Walls – At An Adult Lifestyle Store Near You
Have fun!
Blindfolds.
Blindfolds compliment all restraints, sensory and general play. By removing your sense of sight, other senses are heightened. the suspense of not knowing what’s happening, what will be coming next to increase
Adrenalin and anticipation. In-store we have a variety of satin, leather, masks and blindfolds to add to your pleasure.
Spanking.
A classic BDSM practice, using your hand or chosen implement to slap, hit or spank a person’s body; their bottom, hands, thighs or feet for example. You can choose to be silly, fun, serious and oh so sexy, intimate and delicious. The bottom is a great place for beginners to try spanking and impact play due to the shape of the surface and padding.
Different implements will have varying impacts, feels and if you consent, marks. Leather, silicone, wooden, plastic or canes will have varying sensations such as a “thuddy” feel, stinging, “full feeling which will meet individual preferences.
Whipping ties into spanking, using implements such as our leather floggers, single tails, whips and riding crops. these can be used for impact, creating a deeper sting. A louder kind of kiss against the skin or a more intense biting feel or with a gentler hand, create sensations up and down the spine and the skin.
Coupled with a blindfold the limit is the sky.
Restraints.
It’s up to your personal preference, your type of play and fun when it comes to restraints and we intend to cater to your tastes. From metal and leather cuffs that can be used to restrain movement from your wrists, your ankles, legs and more. Cuff them together, or attach them to the bed, or using our Under-bed loops to create a variety of new positions.
Restraints heighten pleasure in a number of ways, controlling the movement of a person, for providing support for a person to hold on to, to denying a person their sense of touch. Our fetish wall also boasts bondage tape, silicone cuffs and a variety of rope.
Restraints include items such as spreader bars, fetish swings and poles.
There are a variety of gags to be used during restraints. Used for different preference and also for people who have not been gagged before. Training sets include varying sizes to start experimenting with and training the mouth to be held open at varying sizes. Several gags also include rings that maintain the mouth to be kept open for oral play.
When using gags always remember to utilise a system for the person gagged top communicate. Clickers, bells or hand signals are good to make sure that at any point, the person who is gagged can signal they need the gag removed.
Nipple Play.
For many, nipples are an erogenous zone, are sensitive and a great area for foreplay, or to be incorporated in sexual activities. Squeezing, tweaking, light vibrations, tickling, licking, sucking make this sensual approach worth exploring.
On our walls, we have a variety of adjustable and fixed nipple clamps both decorative and functional. Suckers add an element of stimulation and simulating oral arousal.
Heat Play
ever enjoyed the deep sensation of wax play? Melting candles of various temperatures and burning time and dripping the wax on parts of the body can illicit a new level to sensory play. Candles burn at different temperatures depending on what wax they are made at and any additional chemicals that are used.
Massage candles are the lowest burning temperature and a good place to start if new to temperature play.
Soy candles burn at roughly 45C and cool quickly on the skin.
Paraffin candles burn hotter between 45C and 65C and require more care when used.
Bees Wax candles burn hotter still between 65C and 90C
Wax will feel hotter the closer to the skin it is dripped on. 30cm away from the body is a good starting point.
Electro Stimulation
Electro Stim play is using shocks of electricity through various implements to cause tingling sensations and pleasurable pain. Electricity is conducted through mediums such as perspex and steel and can be placed on erogenous parts of the body or along the skin for sensory stimulation. We have a range of Electro stim toys on our back wall or in our cases.
Hope that helps you!
Fetish Fantasy Material Girl Costume!
I absolutely love lingerie, have to say I liked it a lot more in my late teens, to the point of obsession. All my spare money spent on it. Sometimes didn’t even try it on.
As the years have gone by and my body has made its way slowly outwards and downwards. My lingerie buying is more about disguising things than displaying them.
When I am buying underwear to impress my partner it tends to be more on the costume side of things. For some reason that makes me feel less vulnerable.
They are looking at a character not what is inside.
I have spoken to other women who feel the same. That is why I like the Pipe Dream Fetish Fantasy range. These days seriously saucy and racy underwear can be bought on the high street. You can almost make yourself look like a stripper in Kmart if you want to.
You certainly can’t purchase anything like the Fetish Fantasy range there though.
I have chosen to review the Fetish Fantasy Material Girl Costume. For no other reason than a lady of my age and body type wanted to purchase one and asked my opinion.
The lady on the box looked lovely in it, but they always do. I thought maybe I should try it for myself. Should I mention for what I would purchase an ordinary bra and panties on the high street, I am getting a dress, panties stockings and gloves, so this really is value for money.
I am a size 12 and in my forties.The outfit has a fair bit of coverage and some straps that look like they could be maneuvered to flatter your shape. Yet at the same time it is shamelessly slutty.
Fetish Fantasy package their range brilliantly. Each item is individually wrapped in a bag around a cardboard insert and comes in a sturdy black velvet embossed box. It has a picture of a woman with attitude looking great in it.
Loving the fact they use plus-size models for the plus sizes.
Although the outfits go from tiny all the way up to size 24. My first look at what I think will be a size 12 is clearly ambitious. Definitely going to need a queen size in this range. They say queen is 16- 24, but there is no way it is that big.
As you can see in the Fetish Fantasy Material Girl Costume picture her stockings are holey, They do not come like that though. You have to do it yourself.
The fishnet stockings are like a cheap version of what you normally buy and will easily rip, I am not sure about the holey tights anyway, they look a bit more ‘crack whore’ than ‘fetish chic’.
The stockings in the queen set are easily big enough for a size 12-14. Finger-less fishnet gloves are just like the box shows and practical for wearing during sex.
But…and it is a big but.. the dress! my god!
It is impossible to put on! It is a stretchy mesh nylon and the straps, although sewn on in places, stretch too. Should have been easy but the straps all bunch together. I looked like a fat man in a magic show, suspended, trying to get out of a straight jacket!.
You can wave goodbye to your relationship if you even attempt to slip into this in front of your partner. When I finally managed to get into it. I was in a huge angry rage anyway, and sex was the last thing on my mind. Thinking more about killing someone.
Wish I could tell you that once I calmed down I looked like the girl on the box. but that would be a lie. Looked more like the trussed up joint of ham I cooked for Christmas dinner 2 days ago.
The other thing about the dress was that there was no way it was covering my bum, like it did the models. Could barely pull it down over my waist. I mean I know my bums probably traveled a little south in the last 10 years. But I think Pipe Dream may be designing for Hobbits.
Do you know what though?
Even though this outfit wasn’t for me. It is definitely for somebody.
I usually hate it when reviews say that as it sounds like you are being made to say something nice. This bondage costume could easily look like it does on the box on the right body. The quality is just as good in reality.
It is for someone in their twenties though.
About the Author: By Emily a consultant from Adult Lifestyle Centres.
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