HORROR Sex Toy Stories!

These days almost everyone above the age of 18 years either owns, has played with or had someone play with themselves with a sex toy.  Adult toys have become so much a part of individual and couples intimate play and are available easily online or at your local adult store.  Billions of people across the world have experience joyful bliss with the use of these sex aids…

But what about when it all goes wrong?

FLANGE-LESS BUTT PLUGS

Both men and women alike love butt toys.  The puckering sphincter is hungry for something to tease and tantalize those delicious nerve endings.  However butt plugs generally are a missile shape with a flanged ending.  The flanged ending is important as it ensures that this amazing sex toy will not be swallowed up into your rectum.

Many novices and even experienced sex toy users have played with that erogenous zone with a bullet or small vibe which is all well and good.  However, caution should be exercised.  So what happens if my butt devours it?

There are really only two options.  The first is to leave it there until you have your next bowel movement.  This can be annoying especially if you have some long-life batteries and your little pocket rocket vibrates through the night.  Some laxatives may help the process along the way.

The second is an embarrassing go to the local ER.  These doctors have seen all kinds of things shoved up that exit hole from gerbils to mobile phones.  So as embarrassing as this may seem, those Emergency doctors have seen it all and sometimes more.

WHAT IS THIS?

Sometimes after the heat of passion, cleaning up is the furthest thing from the mind of a couple.  Sex toy and lube left by the bedside or next to the lounge to be discovered by innocent eyes and hands with the question ‘What is this’?

It happened to me recently when my 9-year-old came up to me and said ‘I found this next to the couch.  What is it daddy?’  as he handed me a clit massager.  As I quickly took it from him and said, ‘Not sure mate that’s mummies’ and hastily handed it to his mother.

But what happens when an innocent grabs it and takes it to show and tell at school or delivers it in front of you with a roomful of guests.  When they discover that it vibrates and when put on the table will spin and wiggle, becoming their ‘new favourite toy’?

HAVE YOU ANYTHING IN YOUR BAG MAA’M?

Ahhh, our friendly customs.  There are many times that a vibrator without travel lock has begun to vibrate when going through customs causing a reaction that the owner certainly does not desire.    Or going through a bag produces a 12-inch realistic dong.  But what about when the find is broadcast in front of customs as well as passengers.

Many years ago when in LA my ex-wife bought a case (12) of anal eaze bottles.  We had been experimenting with anal sex and there was not much available in Australia at that time for desensitizing the sphincter.  So being who she was rather than buying one bottle had to buy a case which was put in our luggage.  At that time customs x-rayed your bags – with you in attendance before it was allowed to enter onto the baggage carousel.

The moment I dreaded came as her bag came to the x-ray machine and stopped.  The one customs officer that was checking it turned into 2, then 3 then half a dozen as they asked, ‘Who does this bag belong to?” To which my then-wife replied, ‘Mine.’  By this stage the bag had been singled out, the box opened, all the officers were giggling and the first bottle lifted out.  As the customs officer showed this to my wife with the 40+ passengers behind us all having clear view he asked, ‘What is this maa’m?’  She replied without hesitation, ‘What does it look like – have you seen the size of him? ‘ (pointing at me).  If I had a hole to crawl into I would have and all eyes were on me as the offices said, ‘No problems maa’m’,  and packed the anal eaze back into her bag for our return trip to Sydney.

PLEASE KNOCK ON THE DOOR

If you have children of any age, or you are a teenager with over anxious parents you know that there is no privacy. It does not matter if you are on the toilet or in your bedroom someone can walk in on you at any times.  Especially when there is a ‘we don’t have locked doors in this house’ rule.

So whether you are a male wanting to experience a bit of added sensation with a male masturbator,  a woman wanting a bit of relief with her vibrator or a couple adding a sex toy to their bedroom action it is good to have the ‘Please knock on the door if it is closed’ rule.  However, how many of us have been caught out mid-action?  And it is funny how those easy to use controls become oh so hard to handle when trying to switch off your sex toy.  Anyone above the age of 12 or 13 will know what that buzzing sound is?

Hope you enjoyed some of these horror sex stories.  There are so many more.

 

 

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