What is LGBTQ Foreplay

How broadening your vocabulary can make you more aware and ‘sex positive’.
Wikepedia defines foreplay as:
noun: sexual activity that precedes intercourse – “he enjoyed flirting and foreplay”
Urban Dictionary defines foreplay as:
touching/kissing/licking each other in a stimulating manner, in order to become “turned on” before having actual sex.
 Dictionary.com defines foreplay as:
noun: sexual stimulation of one’s partner, usually as a prelude to sexual intercourse.
Foreplay is a word I learnt in my first year of high school. A word one uses to describe the fun that happens before the ‘act’, the ‘real deal’ the ‘finale’, the ‘actual’ sex; as quoted from Urban Dictionary. I hear it thrown around in conversation daily – “this would be great for a foreplay toy!” On one particular day at Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Centre, after overhearing a particular conversation between a female and her male partner (presumably) I was rather offended to hear her say that the clitoral vibrator they were buying would be the perfect foreplay toy before the real fun started.  Admittedly, the word that bugged me most was ‘real’.   Somewhat the same as Urban Dictionary referring to foreplay as something that happens before having actual sex, or alternatively known as, Penis In Vagina (PIV) sex.
This brings me to the questions, What is LGBTQ Foreplay? As someone who is in a relationship with a female, I realised that what was bugging me is that the term foreplay is no longer a term that is relevant to my life. “Touching/kissing/licking each other in a stimulating manner, in order to become “turned on” before having actual sex” was rather horrifying and degrading to my sexuality, in all honesty. I mean, my girlfriend doesn’t have a penis, but I’ve never once thought that what we do doesn’t count as sex. That what we do is merely a fraction of what other couples get to experience. If there isn’t a penis going into a vagina at some point, then what is and what isn’t foreplay? What is and what isn’t “actual sex”? Oral sex: foreplay or not? Fingering? Mutual masturbation?  Trusting someone to not laugh at you when you put on a strap on for the first time and feel absolutely ridiculous? What is LGBTQ Foreplay?

 

Woman on Couch
Photo: What is LGBTQ Foreplay
The truth is a penis is not involved in mine, nor many other queer couples relationships… but what we apparently lack in body parts, we more then make up for in other sexual activities. Queer sex breaks the standard cycle or progression of sexual activities. We (I), don’t casually partake in some act(s) of foreplay before finishing with the grand finale of a penis in vagina scenario for 10-15 minutes (speaking from previous experience’s only hahaha) before ‘finishing’. This isn’t an accurate depiction of queer sex, or my sex life. Queer sex may last for hours, with all different kinds of sexual play which may involve toys or it may not. Multiple orgasms may be involved, or maybe you won’t orgasm. Nor is orgasm necessarily the end of sex. We obviously still take time to turn eachother on and to become aroused, but the key is – sometimes it’s intimate, sometimes it’s rough, sometimes it goes for 10 minutes and sometimes you decide to stop 5 orgasms later… it’s all sex. Not foreplay. So essentially, the term ‘foreplay’ is utterly heterocentric.
I then began to broaden my thought process and thought that if this is offensive to someone who HAS been with male partners before, then how toxic must other people in the LGTBQ community. The teen who is just coming to terms with her trueself and beginning her first phases of changing. Or the teen just coming to grips with her sexuality and being told what she desires isn’t real sex or worthy of the title ‘sex’. Broadening the definitions of sex is beneficial to everyone. It’s more inclusive for people of different genders and sexual orientations, where sex involving a penis entering an orifice isn’t applicable or desired. For people with different ability levels or bodies, people living with STIs, physical health issues, or any other situation where PIV sex might not be in the picture. Or even people who DO engage in PIV sex. What about the girl who can only orgasm from getting fingered while holding a tango on her clit? We all know that over 70% of women can’t orgasm without clitoral stimulation – are they technically not having ‘sex’?
So let’s take the word “foreplay” out of our collective vocabulary. We can define our own standards of What is LGBTQ Foreplay. Where we can pay attention to the language we use and broaden our definition of sex. Appreciate the variety of wonderful ways people enjoy each other’s bodies. It’s beneficial to everyone, no matter what gender or sexual orientation, because it’s another step toward a more inclusive, sex-positive world.
About The Author:  Chloe is a Consultant at the Adult Lifestyle Centres.

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